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Chad Vs. The Hecolopters: Today in Tweets 4/21/18 edition

The Incel Air Force launches its assault on Chad

By David Futrelle

It’s Saturday, and I’m feeling lazy, so I’m going to ignore all the frantic, sloppy tweets coming from Donald Trump’s bedroom at Mar-al-Lago and focus on the important non-Trump news of the day.

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Oh the Sean Hannity! Today in Tweets

D’oh!

By David Futrelle

So the big mystery in the court hearing today over the raid on Michael Cohen’s offices and residences was: who was Cohen’s mysterious Client #3, alongside Trump and Republican National Committee fundraiser Elliott Broidy.

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4channers embrace YouTube shooter Nasim Aghdam as “goddess of retribution,” dream girlfriend

Nasim Aghdam: 4chan’s “girl” (Meme from 4chan)

By David Futrelle

When rumors began to spread yesterday afternoon that the YouTube shooter was “a woman wearing a head scarf,” many on the right assumed that their gut instinct was right: the attack on YouTube, although it took no lives other than the shooter herself, was an act of Islamist terrorism. When the name of the shooter was released, and it turned out to be Nasim Aghdam, this was all the confirmation the Islamophobic right needed.

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Can’t Drive, Can’t Shoot: Idiots respond to news that the YouTube shooter was female

Modified screenshot of news coverage earlier today

By David Futrelle

More than a few observers were surprised, as was I, by the news that the “active shooter” on the YouTube campus today was not another young man angry at the world, but a female YouTuber who blamed company policies for a drop in her channels’ views who shot and wounded three others before taking her own life. [Note: This paragraph has been corrected; see bottom of post for more details.]

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“Honesty is merely a decoy in women’s arsenal of weapons,” explains MGTOW who’s not very good at metaphors

A woman almost entirely free of the curse of honesty

By David Futrelle

Here’s today’s tidbit of wisdom on the mysterious creatures known as “women” from one of Twitter’s many Men Going Their Own Way.

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Nazis and deplorables have a new crush: mass murderer Dylann Roof’s kid sister

Morgan Roof: A new Aryan Goddess for the alt-right?

By David Futrelle

Andrew Anglin, professional Nazi troll and founder of The Daily Stormer, generally does not have a lot of nice things to say about women, not even white ones. This is a guy who once described women as “disgusting sex perverts” whose “entire existence … revolves around sexual derangement.” This is a guy who hailed Vladimir Putin’s move to decriminalize “slapping hoes [and] bitches,” declaring that “[j]ust as it is axiomatic that Jews belong in the oven, so is it that women deserve to be slapped.”

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What about the men (who are not polar bears)?

Cold.

By David Futrelle

Here, courtesy of Australian funny lady writer Bec Shaw’s Twitter, is what may well be “the most amazing ‘what about men’ of all time.”

The pic above I mean.

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Slutty oranges and tuna vaginas: The sexy sex insights of Reno Omokri

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was an orange like me?

By David Futrelle

If you regularly partake in the Twitter, you may have seen this lovely tweet making the rounds in recent days:

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Fake Melania, meet Donald Trump’s fake charitable contributions: Today in Tweets

There’s definitely something a bit … off about her eyes

By David Futrelle

When is Melania Trump not Melania Trump? When internet conspiracy theorists decide that the Melania Trump-looking lady standing next to our illegitimate president is a secret imposter. Never mind that this women is OBVIOUSLY MELANIA WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT.

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“Dudes too macho to wipe their asses” is apparently a thing

Cats are also absurdly hostile to toilet paper (but at least they do clean their butts on a regular basis)

By David Futrelle

I thought I’d take a moment this Friday evening to signal-boost a very important tweet from film producer Keith Calder on the subject of dudes so wrapped up in their own supposed machoness that they can’t “poop properly” or, even worse, clean up afterwards.