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Bad (Anatomy) Romance: Creepy dudes woo the ladies with some of the most anatomically incorrect DMs of all time

Note: Diagram might not be 100% correct

By David Futrelle

Now, I don’t consider myself an expert on dating, but after spending a couple of hours looking through an assortment of messages that weird and confused would-be-suitors have sent to women online, and which have subsequently been posted to Reddit’s CreepyPMs and BadWomensAnatomy subreddits, it’s become clear that at the very least I am more of an expert than these guys.

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CreepyPM Time: Let Me 'Splain That For You Edition



Let’s take another visit to the CreepyPM subreddit, where innocent souls post screenshots of the perfectly horrendous private messages they’ve gotten, sometimes on dating sites, sometimes not.

In this case, the recipient is a young black woman on OkCupid, the sender a white man more than twenty years her senior and 13 years out of her specified age range. He decides that the best way to overcome this age gap is to … mansplain and whitesplain to her about the history of Planned Parenthood.

And then there is perhaps the most awkward segue in the history of internet dating.

In the screenshot below, he’s red, she’s blue.


Oh dear.

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan!

According to the recipient — no screenshot, alas — he followed this up with a classic bit of passive-aggressive sex nagging:

Take a chance, Ms. Free Love.

SPOILER ALERT: She didn’t.

You can read the original thread in CreepyPMs here.

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Slit Ass Birch Ho: The sad tale of a nice guy thwarted


And that is just the beginning of a wondrous little exchange between a self-described “nice guy” trying out some bad boy charm on a not-very receptive woman on OkCupid who nonetheless deals with his ridiculous assholery with aplomb.

Note to “nice guy.” You might want to reconsider some of your assumptions. And work on your typing.

I found this on the endlessly fascinating, if often deeply disturbing, CreepyPMs subreddit, one of Reddit’s few redeeming features. You can read the rest of the conversation here, and the CreepyPM post here.

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Dating by the Numbers: Why “hacking” OkCupid is a waste of everyone’s time

This data point is an outlier.
This data point is an outlier.

Is there no problem out there that can’t be solved by SCIENCE? Apparently not. Indeed, it has recently come to my attention that one heroic nerdy dude actually used MATH to get a girlfriend. No really, an actual girlfriend. As in, a living human female that he’s seen naked. (We can only presume.)

Wired magazine found the story so astonishing that they devoted an entire 3000 word feature to it.

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How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid


So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.

This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.

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“Nice Guys” on parade


So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.

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