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“I hope this advice doesn’t sound rapey … ” A visit to Reddit’s “seduction” community.

If you wonder why some dudes get so worked up about “false rape accusations,” it may be because their notion of “seduction” is pretty much indistinguishable from what most of us would call “date rape.” And chances are good that they sort of know this.

Check out this discussion in Reddit’s Seduction subreddit, recently highlighted in ShitRedditSays.

The original poster writes in with a heartrending tale: it seems he can’t get the ladies to touch his penis. Throw5891away writes:

So I have little problem getting numbers, little trouble turning those numbers into dates, I can keep her interested during dates, but i can’t make the move to anything physical beyond a kiss or some light making out.

Let’s have the deets!

A lot of my problem, I think, comes from the fear of possibly making it awkward. I’ve been in a few situations where i’ve tried to slide a hand down the pants of a girl and she turns timid. This is after some over-clothes touching, or pressure with my thigh. Warming them up, i think, is not the major problem. Obviously if a girl says no, i’m not going to push through with it because that’s when it gets awkward.

Yes, trying to stick your fingers in a woman’s vagina when she doesn’t want you to does tend to get a  little … awkward.

Beyond me failing at making a first move, it’s nearly impossible for me to get a girl to notice I have an erection and attempt to do something about it.

Maybe you need to wear a t-shirt that says “erection” on it with a big arrow pointing to your crotch? Otherwise how on earth are the ladies you’re making out with ever going to realize you have a boner?

I’m average in size there, so them not noticing is not an issue. I feel like I almost have to physically take their hand and place it on my junk in order to make it happen. And after a while of them paying no attention to my erection (mind you, they’re still gropey elsewhere/into making out), it really starts to make wonder if they’re really into having sex with me at all.

It seems you might just be onto something here. And how on earth can you possibly tell if a woman actually, for real, wants to have sex with you? It’s not like you can ask her directly, because she has the power of speech, or anything like that.

Instead, you’d better ask the dudes on r/seduction. So let’s just see what they have to say.

PuaCurveBall suggests that the best way to avoid the “awkwardness” spoken of earlier is just to ignore it:

I hope this advice doesn’t sounds rapey, but you need to keep going until they seriously tell you no.

Pro-tip: Any bit of advice that starts off with “I hope this advice doesn’t sound rapey” is advice you SHOULD NOT FOLLOW.

Them not telling you firmly to stop (more than just “we shouldn’t be doing this” or “it is too soon”) is the signal. Escalate until they tell you to stop.

Yes, because “we shouldn’t be doing this” is such an ambiguous statement. It could mean anything! It probably is just girl-code for “we should be doing this, so please grab my hand and put it on your dick.”

Either you should get a firm “no, seriously get your hands off me, I’m not ready yet” or you should be having sex with these girls. Everything in the middle is working against you.

So long as she doesn’t literally mace you, you can assume she actually wants you to keep going.

Naturally, the suave Lotherios of the r/seduction community rewarded this sensible advice with upvotes.

Others offered similar advice. Productionx was insistent: “No” means “keep going!”

Women want a man to be dominate. Other women lead you to believe you have to ask for permission, don’t listen to these stupid feminists. Go be a man, if she says no, you say ok, and keep doing exactly what you were doing. You get an erection, make it freaking known!!!

Fangs78 added:

Don’t give up before like the 9-10th time they stop you. Of course, if they are stern and REALLY mean it.

Everyone knows that the first 9 or 10 “no’s” really mean “maybe.”

It’s all part of the art of “seduction.”

This post contains:

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The False Rape Society is shocked — shocked! — by a fraternity’s “who would you rape?” survey.

The False Rape Society is shocked and stunned that frat boys would joke about rape.

So you may have seen the story yesterday about the University of Vermont fraternity that was suspended for sending out a charming little survey that allegedly asked, among other things, “If you could rape someone, who would it be?” (FWIW, the frat now says it was the work of an individual frat member, not the chapter.)

Reading about this incident, I’m guessing that you probably didn’t ask yourself: “I wonder how the guys at the False Rape Society will use this news to push their own agenda?” Heck, I didn’t even think to ask myself that question. But while doing the rounds of the MRA blogs I’ve discovered the answer to that question, and here it is: FRS head honcho Pierce Harlan described the survey as “perhaps a poke at feminism’s fascination with rape,” then denounced it as “indefensible,” then ranted about the evils of false rape accusations. I guess that isn’t really shocking at all.

First, Harlan offered this take on the “who would you rape” question:

I assume the survey was sick humor, a crude satire of the fratboy culture, and perhaps a poke at feminism’s fascination with rape.

Yes, because any time men make rape jokes it’s probably because, you know, feminism, and its wacky obsession with rape.

Then Harlan went on to suggest that rape was no laughing matter – especially when it comes to rape that doesn’t happen:

Whatever it was intended to be, ultimately it is indefensible, because trivializing the word “rape” is no laughing matter, whether it’s a joke about the rape of male prisoners, or the fantasy “rape” of women, or a false rape claim intended to get a guy in, or a woman out of, trouble.

Well, that was quick. Let’s not talk about the trivialization of real rape. Let’s talk about the epidemic of “false rape accusations” that Harlan has convinced himself is the real problem here.

With nary a pause, Harlan moved on to complain about hypothetical feminists making a big deal out of this survey instead of joining him on his crusade:

There most certainly will be an outcry in the feminist blogosphere over this isolated incident

This what incident?

and it will be cited as proof positive to support the myth that ours is a  “rape culture.”

Yeah, I wonder why casual jokes about rape would possibly be considered as part of “rape culture.”

A “rape culture,” of course, not only would tolerate but would condone such a puerile survey.  Our society does neither. The only “rape” jokes our society condones concerns prison rape — and that’s because society actually encourages prison rape as a sort of “added bonus” punishment for any hapless male who lands in prison.  It is ironic that actual prison rape does not garner the outrage that this this sick fratboy humor is generating. Go figure.

This from a guy who doesn’t seem to have ever even bothered to mention the leading anti-prison rape organization, Just Detention, on his web site. (See here for more on the issue on Man Boobz.) Though he does offer three links on his main page to information about the statute of limitation for rape charges, in case anyone reading is worried about getting caught being falsely accused for something they did didn’t do a long time ago.

Meanwhile,rape jokes — and not just prison rape jokes — are everywhere. Harlan, I assume you are at least somewhat familiar with a little site called Reddit, where people not only laugh at rape jokes – they laugh at actual rape!

Meanwhile, in the comments on Harlan’s article, some False Rape Society readers don’t even bother to pretend that the “rape survey” bothers them. According to the commenter called “bad,”

We should be celebrating young men who stand up against misandry. We should be celebrating the frat that said “no means yes” and we should be celebrating the frat that created this survey, if it’s a real story.

An anonymous commenter takes it a step further:

I do not condemn this action,

in fact, I wish I’d thought of it.

It is a brilliant and very appropriate response to the way young men are being treated by college campuses.

When the answer to “who would you like to treat like a rapist” is “all college men”, I think that asking them who they’d like to rape is more than fair.

But it is Harlan’s response to these comments that is the most revealing:

By the way, I read the reaction of Bad and others as a natural backlash … against the unconscionable PC culture of misandry on campus. I happen to disagree with those who suggest this was acceptable, but their remarks should not be construed as evidence that we live in a “rape culture.” Like Steve, I read their comments more as an affirmation that we live in a false rape culture–a culture that more and more men are finding intolerable.

I, on the other hand, doubt that these young men have the first clue about misandry, feminism, or how colleges run roughshod over the rights of young men. I am always amazed when we hear from falsely accused people who “had not idea this goes on.” My guess is they were just being being “funny.” I would, frankly, love to find out I am wrong, and that not only would they never call for a woman to be actually raped, but that this was a protest against the pendulum swinging too far. In that case, I am still not sure I could find it acceptable but it would initiate an entirely different dialogue.

So the survey is “indefensible,” yet a totally understandable reaction to, and protest against, an “unconscionable PC culture of misandry.”

Got it.

EDITED TO ADD: Harlan has written a response, of sorts, to this post. It is a bit — what’s the word I’m looking for here? — zany.

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MRA: Women hate engineering because it’s too hard and they’d rather mooch off their husbands.

Computer Engineer Barbie is sick of this bullshit.

Ever wonder why there are so few women engineers? Well, wonder no more, because carchamp1 over on the Men’s Rights subreddit has the answer! It’s apparently his wife’s fault, or something. In a comment with two dozen upvotes at last count, he explains:

I put my wife through four years of college to be an engineer. That’s four years worth of college tuition and expenses, plus not having any income from her. She got a great job and worked for a couple years. She decided she didn’t want to work anymore so she could be a “stay-at-home-mom”. When I urged her to work she said if I didn’t like it she would take our kid and I could leave.

Women don’t want to be engineers that’s why there are so few. It’s too hard. It’s a lot easier doing the “hardest job in the world”, you know, be a mom and living off your husband.

End of story.

Yeah, it’s not like there might be any other reasons beyond laziness and ingratitude, or anything.

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Rapists, lad mags, and the Men’s Rights subreddit

Lad mags: Always covering the most important stories

What’s the difference between a lad mag and a rapist? Aside from one being a magazine and the other a person, albeit an reprehensible one, apparently not very much.

In a study soon to be published in the British Journal of Psychology, researchers at Middlesex University and the University of Surrey showed people quotes about women from British lad mags (FHM, Loaded, Nuts and Zoo) and from convicted rapists. Most survey respondents – men and women both – could not tell the difference between the quotes from the magazines and the quotes from the rapists. And most of the male respondents identified more with the quotes from the rapists than from the lad mags.

Here are some of the quotes the survey respondents were asked to react to. (You can find more at Jezebel.) Can you tell which of these are from rapists or lad mags?

Mascara running down the cheeks means they’ve just been crying, and it was probably your fault . . . but you can cheer up the miserable beauty with a bit of the old in and out.

You’ll find most girls will be reluctant about going to bed with somebody or crawling in the back seat of a car . . . But you can usually seduce them, and they’ll do it willingly.

Some girls walk around in short-shorts . . . showing their body off . . . It just starts a man thinking that if he gets something like that, what can he do with it?

I think girls are like plasticine, if you warm them up you can do anything you want with them.

In case you’re wondering, the correct answers are: Lad mag, Rapist, Rapist, Lad Mag.

Creepy, eh?

Lead researcher Miranda Horvath of Middlesex University explains why she feels this is so troubling:

Rapists try to justify their actions, suggesting that women lead men on, or want sex even when they say no, and there is clearly something wrong when people feel the sort of language used in a lads’ mag could have come from a convicted rapist.

I would say so.

And so, you might wonder, how did the regulars on the Men’s Rights subreddit react this this research? Take a look.

The comment with the most upvotes offered some nice juicy denial:

The comment with the second-highest number of upvotes completely missed the point:

And then there was this hot mess:

In case anyone is wondering, that quote from French is actually a quote from a character in one of her novels. And it’s pretty easy to distinguish it from things posted on Jezebel, because none of the writers on Jezebel ever say anything even remotely like that.

The Men’s Rights subreddit, responding to evidence of rape culture by going “la la la I can’t hear you” since March 2008.

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Vaginas are icky because … SCIENCE! (779 upvotes on Reddit)

How to get 800 upvotes on Reddit: Offer an evo-psych explanation of why vaginas are icky, preferably including the phrase “wet hole.” Here, watch a master at work:

 

Well, that proves it. It’s SCIENCE!

 

 

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Rape, mansplained at last. Thanks, anonymous dude on Reddit!

On Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit, Detective_Mills cuts through the complexities of the rape debate with this bit of wisdom, putting all those rape complaints from women in their proper perspective.

 

 

Sorry, did I say “women?” I meant “cuntbags.”

NOTE:

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New form of anti-male oppression discovered: Women’s magazines in checkout lines!

Yeah, I know you've all seen this one before, but, come on! It's funny!

Over on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit, cheester warns all of us dudes about an especially insidious form of anti-male oppression: the racks of women’s magazines that lurk near the checkout counters of grocery stores everywhere!

can I get some feedback on womens magazines at the grocery checkout? Every issue states “new tricks he doesn’t know in bed” and shite like that. It’s obvious porn for the gals but why is it so accepted by everyone that it has carte blanche to be within a two foot reach as I pay for my food? If a magazine for men had on the cover: “20 Ways To Make Her Squirm Like A Fish”….there would be a national outrage.

Yeah, it’s not like Men’s magazines ever run anything like that.

Church groups and womens rights would say it demoralizes women and have the publication banned or put behind censored racks in seedy smoke shops.

Yeah. It’s not like this ever happens to women’s magazines.

But the womens mags are right there as a last shop item in the flourescent lit, sterilized, family atmosphere where every mother parades her toddlers and kids right past the 3 letter word in big black block letters;SEX on the cover of every flashy colored womens mag that comes out each month.  

Not only is this oppression of men, it’s oppression of all toddlers who can read and know what the word “sex” means.

Also, feminists have never criticized women’s magazines in any way. “Ten Ways to Make Him Squirm” articles are the distilled essence of feminism! And most of them are written by the ghost of Andrea Dworkin.

NOTE:  Does this even need a “sarcasm” tag?

 

 

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And the Redditor of the Day Award goes to … AnnArchist! No, really. It actually did, yesterday.

AnnArchist is also in the running for this prestigious award

Good news, everyone! The good folks on the RedditorOfTheDay subreddit picked our friend AnnArchist to be Redditor of the Day yesterday. He filled out a little questionnaire for the RedditorOfTheDay folks listing all sorts of fun facts about himself.

In addition to moderating the Men’s Rights subreddit and posting hilarious videos of women getting beaten up to the beatingwomen subreddit, AnnArchist (who is a dude, despite the name) also enjoys: Skyrim, bass fishing, sports talk radio, chicken tacos, and football!

His biggest pet peeve:

People who want to interfere with other people’s happiness.

His biggest worry about Reddit?

I just hope the community doesn’t grow so quickly that we lose the quality debate and discussion that has kept many of the users around reddit for a long time.

Over on ShitRedditSays, fxexular has helpfully catalogued some of AnnArchist’s contribution to the “quality debate and discussion.” Like his considered opinion on one female judge:

I hope someone kills her.

And his opinion of an alleged false rape accuser:

I hope she was harassed. Fuck I hope her house was firebombed. Lets be clear, I really will applaud anyone who does anything to her, be it slash her tires or slash her throat.

You can find even more of these charming nuggets in my post about him here.

In his answers to the RedditorOfTheDay questionnaire, AnnArchist reveals himself to be a truly sensitive soul. Here, he shares a painful moment from his past:

When I was a senior in HS and when my friend and I saw … the plane fly into the twin towers our first reaction was laughter rather than OMG thats a tragedy. Yea, we’re fucked up. I TPed my High School that night. I’m a horrible person.

Oh, and did I mention that he’s the creator, sole moderator, and basically the only contributor to the NSFW4 subreddit, devoted to posting pictures and videos too horrific and offensive to post anywhere else on Reddit?

Godspeed, AnnArchist! Thank you for making the world a better place!

NOTE: This post is almost entirely made up of sarcasm.

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douchebaggery misogyny rapey reddit that's not funny!

“Men run faster than women.” “Hence rape.” Or, Reddit in a nutshell.

Here’s a little exchange from Reddit that I found on ShitRedditSays that basically sums up everything that’s less-than-charming about the site.  We start off with a blanket statement of male superiority, followed by an enthusiastically upvoted rape joke, and then we get massive downvoting and a “fuck you” to someone who’s challenging the blanket statement. (If you follow the link you’ll see that Butch_Magnus isn’t the only one jumping on piv0t.)

 

The context: This is from the Pics subreddit; they’re discussing a “sexist treadmill” with a control panel that looks like this:

 

 

 

 

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Why “F*cking Their Sh*t Up” is f*cked up.

Here’s a picture someone posted to Reddit about a day ago:

Found on Reddit.

The general consensus amongst Redditors who saw the post was that it was hilarious. At last count, the post had gotten 1,157 up votes and 318 down votes, giving it 830 net upvotes. That’s a shitload, even for Reddit; it’s gotten more net upvotes than all but one of the posts currently on the front page of the subreddit (r/vertical) it was posted in.

It’s also pretty fucking offensive — a rape joke, a murder-of-women joke, and a necrophilia joke all rolled into one. Sure, it’s a “joke,” but it wouldn’t be hard to make the argument that pictures like this one, which make violence against women into a joke, can actually serve to encourage such violence.

If you did believe this, what would be the appropriate reaction to such a picture? You could post critical remarks about it in the comments section for the post on Reddit. You could post about it in ShitRedditSays, a subreddit devoted to ferreting out misogyny and racism and other bigotries on Reddit. You could post about it on your blog.

Or you could declare the picture an “unambiguous call for murder” and the person responsible for it to be a ” depraved and murderous male supremacist.” You could offer a reward for information on that person’s real identity, and post that person’s personal information — including their phone number, their place of employment, their home address — online. And if someone points out that posting such information might lead to this person being physically harmed or even killed, you could say: I don’t give a shit.

But that would be wrong.

It would also be terribly time-consuming, because crap like this gets posted to Reddit all the fucking time.

The proper response to speech you don’t like, however vile you think it is,  isn’t violence or harassment, but more speech.

If what someone says goes beyond the bounds of free speech, you have other options. If someone threatens you personally, in a posting on the internet or by letter or email or phone call, you have the right to (and you should) report them to the proper authorities. If someone threatens you physically, you have the right to defend yourself.

But a misogynistic picture on the internet is not a threat to you. Nor is a misandrist video. These things are challenges — and in many ways opportunities — for you to make your case against hate. Responding to shit you don’t like on the internet with harassment and threats — implicit or explicit — of violence? That is hate.