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Ex-incel demands compensation for the years society “conspired” to keep him a virgin

Note to male incels: Women don’t necessarily enjoy being virgins either

By David Futrelle

You might not think there would be much of an ideological overlap between dateless incels (so-called “involuntary celibates”) and swashbuckling pickup artists who claim to bed hot babes with alacrity. But they’re really two sides of the same shitty coin.

Both are suffused with an overblown sense of sexual entitlement — a feeling that they not only deserve sex but deserve it with virginal or near-virginal hotties who will have few former partners to compare them to, if any at all. (Many of even the most self-pitying and sexually pessimistic incels will turn up their noses at the thought of having sex with fat girls and/or “sluts.”)

But they’re also convinced that they won’t be able to score the women they see as their due without, well, a bit of trickery or force.

That’s why pickup guides like Roosh Valizadeh’s Bang books so often read like date rape manuals, with Roosh himself cheerfully admitting not only to deception but also to using “muscle” to get what he wants from women.

And that’s why incels so often appeal to a sort of deus ex machina solution to their ongoing celibacy, fantasizing about a world in which some unfortunate women would be more or less forced to have sex with them. (You remember the Government Get Girlfriends guy, right?)

This is all a somewhat long-winded preface to a discussion of a truly frightening post  (archived here) that I was recently alerted to on Roosh V’s forum. It’s by a regular commenter there who calls himself Mercenary — a (de facto) incel turned pickup artist who still feels not only bitterness but rage over the years he spent as a virgin.

In a lengthy comment in a thread on the sadness of sexual “dry spells,” he makes clear he’s still hanging on to the central tenets of incel ideology. It’s scary stuff:

[T]he many years I spent as a virgin seem like a real and true CRIME against my happiness and sexuality. I say the word CRIME in the most literal sense. I feel like the whole system or society or way of life needs to be put on trial for making me frustrated and angry and miserable for so many years, and I should be paid compensation for all the years I missed on sexual experiences because I intentionally kept a clueless beta by everyone and everything.

That is not how the world works, dude. This is the sort of thing you go to therapy to process, not the sort of thing the government sends you a check for.

Everyone and everything was conspiring against me getting any sex or female affection, and only teaching me things that were always leading me to failure over and over. I’m talking about movies, television, books, my elders, my parents, teachers, school, university, work colleagues, government legislation, law courts, the police, male friends, and especially girls all giving misleading, totally false and downright dangerous information on interacting with women.

This is essentially a conspirified reworking of the standard pickup artist pitch: Society tells guys that the way to a woman’s heart is to be a “nice guy,” but being nice doesn’t work; you can only “get laid” by projecting a flawless, aloof “alpha” vibe.

The pickup artists are right that “nice guys” finish last, but only because the “niceness” in question is fundamentally manipulative and off-putting to most women. (See here for my numerous previous takes on the notorious “nice guy,” or start with one or two of these posts. Or this Nice Guy primer from Dr. Nerdlove ) The real solution for straight guys isn’t to learn to act like an alpha — and to turn your whole life into a performance — but to, you know, develop some genuine confidence in yourself that’s not dependent on manipulative PUA garbage.

But, alas, Mercenary’s rant gets darker.

I’m not just thinking of myself, but of all you guys here and I’m also thinking of every frustrated virgin who has never been laid, every man who has spent years as an incel, every man who has been cheated on, and every man whose wife left him, destroyed all he built, and took his money and children. If you really think about it, how many male suicides worldwide, or murders across the globe could have been prevented just from teaching men game and getting them laid with some female affection ? Contemplated this way what we have had for the last 50 to 80 years is a crime of epic proportions.

To Mercenary, what’s happening is a virtual Virgin-ocaust. And he believes this quite sincerely. In his mind, the people who criticize pickup artistry are basically guilty of mass murder. (Unfortunately, he’s hardly the first guy to compare his lack of sex to literal genocide.)

And now we come to the Very Bad History portion of Mercenary’s rant.

In my grandfathers time every man was guaranteed at least 1 virgin woman in his life and some sex and affection from her provided he got married to her. Back then, even if your if your wife eventually became a total cold bitch or got fat, you still had a family, a home and affection from your children. The men who didn’t get married became monks or priests…this is how old society dealt with the MGTOWS and few gays back in the day. Sluts who had children out of wedlock usually were reformed by … putting them into convents and making them nuns.

Literally none of this is true.

Yes, in midcentury America, people tended to get married earlier than they do today, when more people wait to get married or don’t get married at all. And yes, given the youth of many of those getting married and the endless strictures against premarital sex in those days, men were more likely to marry virgins than they are now (and more likely to be virgins themselves). But no man was “guaranteed at least 1 virgin woman in his life.”

Also: WHO FUCKING CARES IF YOUR WIFE IS A VIRGIN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE NOT ONE YOURSELF? Why are supposed PICKUP ARTISTS so obsessed with MARRYING VIRGINS I mean don’t they usually get mad at women who don’t want to have sex with them, do they even know what virgins are? 

But here’s the thing: when people get married very young, their marriages tend to be shitty. A lot of those who married young in the 1950s got divorced in the 1960s and 1970s, Not that Mercenary cares: he seems to think a shitty marriage isn’t a big deal so long as your wife started her life with you as a virgin bride.

Also, though I hardly need to say this, the stuff about monks and nuns is just plain delusional, and not just because only about a fifth of Americans at midcentury were Catholic. It’s true that “sluts who had children out of wedlock” were often sent away against their will to live in “maternity homes” until they gave birth and surrendered their babies for adoption, but they weren’t forced to become nuns.

Even more appalling than Mercenary’s historical ignorance on this issue, of course, is his belief that forcing “sluts” to become nuns would be a good thing for them.

Society was stable, families were strong, children were plentiful, divorce was rare. Being single and living alone was really frowned upon. The old system ensured that in one way or another, both men and women had some form of company and satisfaction in their lives.

But society wasn’t stable. The 50s were a historical aberration, and led directly to the cultural explosion of the 1960s as those who chafed at the restrictiveness of 50s roles and 50s rules tried to figure out more authentic ways of living their lives.

Nowadays the only thing keeping men “sane” is endless online porn.

Speak for yourself, buddy.

Except that it isn’t really….it’s just keeping them weak and demotivated. In those countries where porn is still banned men act very, very differently.

Probably because they live in theocracies and totalitarian regimes?

I wish I could pin the blame on all my sexless years on one group of people or one thing….but the endless cockblocking information was coming from so many different angles and sources that all I can call it is “the system” or “modern society”.

I think this is the reason so many of us get deeply political once we start to master game. We see that the way the world around us has been structured since we got our first boners has been always been totally against our happiness and satisfaction, and also taking most of our money in the process.

Yes, he thinks the world is a vast conspiracy against his boner.

This is the real reason we have the system we have now….it simply produces more much money at the expense of everything else, while keeping most men physically and mentally weak and frustrated & unhappy at the same time.

This is also the reason why today we are considered politically subversive and dangerous by those who want to keep the current system in place at all costs.

No, it’s because you’re raging misogynists who think women exist only for your pleasure.

Game makes men feel and act like real men.
Game keeps your body and mind satisfied, healthy and strong

Game saves lives.
Game is power.

Literally none of this is true. Incel is poison. “Game” is poison too.

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Bacon
Bacon
4 years ago

Steph- They really can’t logic, can they?

All straight men must have sex all of the time because a dry spell is a CRIME.

But no women must ever have sex because VIRGINS.

And apparently never mind that Virgins are usually pretty bad at sex, because it’s not about pleasure at all…

brian
brian
4 years ago

why VIRGINS? that’s easy: when you have sex with someone you’re having sex with everyone else they’ve ever had sex with (or so the half-remembered STI PSAs of my youth informed me… i think) and, you know, most of the people those SLUTS had sex with were probably dudes… so that’s… *shudder*… GAY.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
4 years ago

These right wingers are always looking for a handout from big daddy government.

misophistry
misophistry
4 years ago

Such entitlement…

Going back to seagulls I think its safe so long as during seagull visitation hours the incel/pua is restrained in cuffs just loose enough to allow chip feeding, and chips will be provided to prevent poisoning.

Then again perhaps this is overly complicated, perhaps we just tell them they have imaginary pets.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
4 years ago

I DEMAND COMPENSATION!

And what about those of us with crushes on fictional characters? At least the people he‘s interested actually exist! MISNERDRY!

Unrelatedly, my cat is snoring and it sounds like a calf mooing.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

Mish:

That line made me laugh, too – although I was thinking of Mercenary keeping a slightly dim beta guy locked in his closet, and this somehow prevented Mercenary from getting sex. Ruined the atmosphere, maybe?

The Ones Who Walk Away from Incelas.

Wetherby
Wetherby
4 years ago

And what is the obsession with virgins anyway?

A mixture of two things. It’s partly their obsession with the notion that a woman who’s had sex before is “used” and therefore all wrinkly and hideous and bleagh, and partly their realisation (subconsciously or otherwise) that they’ll most likely be truly terrible when it comes to actual performance – not least because someone who basically despises their partner or who regards them as merely a moist orifice to ejaculate into is unlikely to top the charts when it comes to the “conscientious and sensitive lover” stakes. Hence the desire for someone who has nothing to compare them with.

Although it’s hardly a recipe for long-term bliss.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ misophstry

pet seagull

My neighbours went to war with the seagulls on Sunday. They’d got a bit fed up with them swooping down and attacking them in their garden. So they ended up trying to chase them away with broom handles.

If you abuse them they fly off and crap on you messily as they go.

These gulls were well up for the fight. They weren’t going anywhere. It was like the seagull defence of Stalingrad!

(They did crap everywhere though)

misophistry
misophistry
4 years ago

Yes it is dangerous to mess with seagulls. Our most belligerent bird. One stole my pasty and another crapped on my sand-wedge, yet I sort of love them still.

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
4 years ago

This is the sort of thing you go to therapy to process, not the sort of thing the government sends you a check for.

No joke. I get being sexually frustrated, but these guys really need to find a healthier way of dealing with it.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

@ Alan

Nope, never saw the BBC adaptation of the Tripods, either. Alas.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ vicky p

This is worth a watch if you get the time.

Aulma Frendzar Dèdd
Aulma Frendzar Dèdd
4 years ago

@SFHC

Unrelatedly, my cat is snoring and it sounds like a calf mooing.

Lmao, that’s so weird, cute and funny at the same time. ?

My cat Mimi is sleeping in my neighbours’ garden, laying down among the flowers. They are on vacation and she’s enjoying having the whole garden for herself.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@guest

Am surprised no one has yet mentioned the war ? The gravitational lens that was WWII warped social structures and peronal relationships all around it; the closer you get to it the less ‘typical’ any kind of social structure or behaviour is.

This is indeed true, of course (and very elegantly put). And it reminds me of when I asked a class of sociology/crim students: “So, what were some of the social changes we saw as a result of WWII?”
After a lengthy silence, one young woman said, very politely, “It’s a bit harder for us, see, ’cause we weren’t actually there?”
After I’d died laughing, I explained gently that my own mother wasn’t even born until after WWII. Good times!

Vanir85
Vanir85
4 years ago

“the way the world around us has been structured […] has been always been totally against our happiness and satisfaction”

– Mercenary

If you or someone who thinks like you, read this:

Yes. It’s totally a conspiracy to keep people you miserable for “the lolz”. It has nothing to do with the fact that the “happiness and satisfaction” of men like you is dependent on subjugating others, taking their rights, and forcing them into a role that serves your needs.

Something your little rant makes absolutely clear.

That is “the system” the “modern society” you loathe: Legal (and one day, hopefully social) equality and rights for all people. Absolutely horrid… for horrible men who need privilege – more rights and freedom than – others to be happy.

I hope men like you never again live in a world where you can have your “happiness and satisfaction” – you overly entitled pathetic wretch.

(and if you do, note that another cultural revolution is GUARANTEED in the unjust abomination of a society you want – and this one will be UGLY – because we’ll remember that men like you are inherently evil and unable to live without oppressing others)

reimalebario
reimalebario
4 years ago

Game can be pretty fun, though. I met my girlfriend over a game of Ticket to Ride and we’ve been together a bit over two years now and we really enjoy meeting friends for a bit of game: Pandemic, Arkham Horror, Merchant of Venus, Race for the Galaxy, Bohnanza, Love Letter, what-have-you.

RosieLa
RosieLa
4 years ago

What’s especially weird about this post is that if you flip his desire on its head you get people who have been raped… and how much they need therapy and getting a government (or anyone’s, really) cheque would really help.

He’s mad about no sex, and I’m mad about childhood sex. But it’s the same anger, in a way. It feels like the flip side of the same coin even while it’s a whole different currency.

Michael Lindsay
4 years ago

Wait I conspired to stop this bloke gettjng laid and I was’t aware of it? We all did, so did all the sketchy dudes in his online incel club?

How does a conspiracy like this work, is there a chair? Note takers? Refreshments?

Nanny Ogg's Bosom (Formerly LostInLindsey)
Nanny Ogg's Bosom (Formerly LostInLindsey)
4 years ago

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ RosieLa

I’m really sorry to hear about your experiences. I do think though you have a right to be mad, I don’t think there’s even the slightest equivalence with the incel situation. But that’s by the by.

Your post did prompt me though that there is a resource that English Mammotheers should possibly be aware of.

Under the criminal injuries compensation scheme, victims of sexual abuse and assaults can claim some payments from the government. It’s not a huge amount but it may still be handy to know about.

I wish no-one ever needed this information; but here’s a link to apply:

https://www.gov.uk/claim-compensation-criminal-injury

Generally claims must be brought within two years of the assault. Although it’s slightly different where it occurs to children.

There are base payments based on the nature of the assault itself, plus uplifts for additional consequences like mental trauma, STIs, pregnancy and the like.

Like I say, wish no-one ever needed this, but thought I should stick this here in case it’s any use to Mammotheers or people they know.

Ellesar
Ellesar
4 years ago

This man is just about everything that man like him accuse women of: self obsessed, entitled, unrealistic, poorly educated/ ignorant, hyperbolic and shallow.

And wtaf is this?

especially girls all giving misleading, totally false and downright dangerous information on interacting with women.

downright dangerous? You mean more dangerous than Roosh et al promoting penetration at any cost (to the woman)? I literally have nothing as to what he is alluding to here.

Ellesar
Ellesar
4 years ago

society didn’t want him to have sex because he refused to educate his pet fish

Thanks for pointing that one out Ross – best laugh I have had all day.

Zebedee
Zebedee
4 years ago

Today I had to walk an entire MILE AND A HALF to the post office only to find it was shut for a whole hour. I was Forced to wait in the blistering 22C heat with nothing but an ice cream for nutrition. After the agonising wait they said they didn’t do the service I required at this Post Office!!1

So I phoned up the Government to ask them for compensation and they assured me I would get an increase in my single being-a-woman privilege payment which is what every woman gets given because our lives are all so easy. 😀

/s

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
4 years ago

@Mercenary

“…every man whose wife left him, destroyed all he built, and took his money and children.”. Huh? I read this sort of thing all the time from MRAs and their ilk. It was never solely THEIR money and children, if they were married.

My father said the same thing when he and my mother got divorced. Only, he had the gall to say she STOLE “his” money, house, and children. OK, it was said in anger, so I try to be understanding about it, but still…

Also – damn, in childhood I never got those cool roller-disco roller skates that looked like sneakers! Society owes me bigly!

epitome of incomprehensilibility

Mercenary wrote:

I’m not just thinking of myself,

Oh really.

but of all you guys here and I’m also thinking of every frustrated virgin who has never been laid, every man who has spent years as an incel, every man who has been cheated on,

Yes, yes, go on (says one “frustrated” “virgin,” albeit one more frustrated with her lack of organizational skills than lack of sex)…

and every man whose wife left him, destroyed all he built, and took his money and children.

“His” money and children? Wouldn’t they usually be her children too? (ETA: ninja’d by Dormousing_it!) And even in a trad-housewife scenario, you think unpaid work is nothing?? Methinks this is part of your problem.

If you really think about it, how many male suicides worldwide, or murders across the globe could have been prevented just from teaching men game and getting them laid with some female affection ?

Good goopy gravy, people have other things to worry about than lack of sex. It’s not sexual frustration that’s causing most of the things you list. Respectfully, sir, get your head out of your own behind.

OT: update from doctor visit. Good news: I am NOT gluten intolerant and nothing serious seems to be wrong. Bad news: I can’t be referred to the specialist I want right away. (But seeing the mess You Know Who is making of the already-fragile US health care system, I am very very glad to live where things are affordable.)

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