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Ex-incel demands compensation for the years society “conspired” to keep him a virgin

Note to male incels: Women don’t necessarily enjoy being virgins either

By David Futrelle

You might not think there would be much of an ideological overlap between dateless incels (so-called “involuntary celibates”) and swashbuckling pickup artists who claim to bed hot babes with alacrity. But they’re really two sides of the same shitty coin.

Both are suffused with an overblown sense of sexual entitlement — a feeling that they not only deserve sex but deserve it with virginal or near-virginal hotties who will have few former partners to compare them to, if any at all. (Many of even the most self-pitying and sexually pessimistic incels will turn up their noses at the thought of having sex with fat girls and/or “sluts.”)

But they’re also convinced that they won’t be able to score the women they see as their due without, well, a bit of trickery or force.

That’s why pickup guides like Roosh Valizadeh’s Bang books so often read like date rape manuals, with Roosh himself cheerfully admitting not only to deception but also to using “muscle” to get what he wants from women.

And that’s why incels so often appeal to a sort of deus ex machina solution to their ongoing celibacy, fantasizing about a world in which some unfortunate women would be more or less forced to have sex with them. (You remember the Government Get Girlfriends guy, right?)

This is all a somewhat long-winded preface to a discussion of a truly frightening post  (archived here) that I was recently alerted to on Roosh V’s forum. It’s by a regular commenter there who calls himself Mercenary — a (de facto) incel turned pickup artist who still feels not only bitterness but rage over the years he spent as a virgin.

In a lengthy comment in a thread on the sadness of sexual “dry spells,” he makes clear he’s still hanging on to the central tenets of incel ideology. It’s scary stuff:

[T]he many years I spent as a virgin seem like a real and true CRIME against my happiness and sexuality. I say the word CRIME in the most literal sense. I feel like the whole system or society or way of life needs to be put on trial for making me frustrated and angry and miserable for so many years, and I should be paid compensation for all the years I missed on sexual experiences because I intentionally kept a clueless beta by everyone and everything.

That is not how the world works, dude. This is the sort of thing you go to therapy to process, not the sort of thing the government sends you a check for.

Everyone and everything was conspiring against me getting any sex or female affection, and only teaching me things that were always leading me to failure over and over. I’m talking about movies, television, books, my elders, my parents, teachers, school, university, work colleagues, government legislation, law courts, the police, male friends, and especially girls all giving misleading, totally false and downright dangerous information on interacting with women.

This is essentially a conspirified reworking of the standard pickup artist pitch: Society tells guys that the way to a woman’s heart is to be a “nice guy,” but being nice doesn’t work; you can only “get laid” by projecting a flawless, aloof “alpha” vibe.

The pickup artists are right that “nice guys” finish last, but only because the “niceness” in question is fundamentally manipulative and off-putting to most women. (See here for my numerous previous takes on the notorious “nice guy,” or start with one or two of these posts. Or this Nice Guy primer from Dr. Nerdlove ) The real solution for straight guys isn’t to learn to act like an alpha — and to turn your whole life into a performance — but to, you know, develop some genuine confidence in yourself that’s not dependent on manipulative PUA garbage.

But, alas, Mercenary’s rant gets darker.

I’m not just thinking of myself, but of all you guys here and I’m also thinking of every frustrated virgin who has never been laid, every man who has spent years as an incel, every man who has been cheated on, and every man whose wife left him, destroyed all he built, and took his money and children. If you really think about it, how many male suicides worldwide, or murders across the globe could have been prevented just from teaching men game and getting them laid with some female affection ? Contemplated this way what we have had for the last 50 to 80 years is a crime of epic proportions.

To Mercenary, what’s happening is a virtual Virgin-ocaust. And he believes this quite sincerely. In his mind, the people who criticize pickup artistry are basically guilty of mass murder. (Unfortunately, he’s hardly the first guy to compare his lack of sex to literal genocide.)

And now we come to the Very Bad History portion of Mercenary’s rant.

In my grandfathers time every man was guaranteed at least 1 virgin woman in his life and some sex and affection from her provided he got married to her. Back then, even if your if your wife eventually became a total cold bitch or got fat, you still had a family, a home and affection from your children. The men who didn’t get married became monks or priests…this is how old society dealt with the MGTOWS and few gays back in the day. Sluts who had children out of wedlock usually were reformed by … putting them into convents and making them nuns.

Literally none of this is true.

Yes, in midcentury America, people tended to get married earlier than they do today, when more people wait to get married or don’t get married at all. And yes, given the youth of many of those getting married and the endless strictures against premarital sex in those days, men were more likely to marry virgins than they are now (and more likely to be virgins themselves). But no man was “guaranteed at least 1 virgin woman in his life.”

Also: WHO FUCKING CARES IF YOUR WIFE IS A VIRGIN, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE NOT ONE YOURSELF? Why are supposed PICKUP ARTISTS so obsessed with MARRYING VIRGINS I mean don’t they usually get mad at women who don’t want to have sex with them, do they even know what virgins are? 

But here’s the thing: when people get married very young, their marriages tend to be shitty. A lot of those who married young in the 1950s got divorced in the 1960s and 1970s, Not that Mercenary cares: he seems to think a shitty marriage isn’t a big deal so long as your wife started her life with you as a virgin bride.

Also, though I hardly need to say this, the stuff about monks and nuns is just plain delusional, and not just because only about a fifth of Americans at midcentury were Catholic. It’s true that “sluts who had children out of wedlock” were often sent away against their will to live in “maternity homes” until they gave birth and surrendered their babies for adoption, but they weren’t forced to become nuns.

Even more appalling than Mercenary’s historical ignorance on this issue, of course, is his belief that forcing “sluts” to become nuns would be a good thing for them.

Society was stable, families were strong, children were plentiful, divorce was rare. Being single and living alone was really frowned upon. The old system ensured that in one way or another, both men and women had some form of company and satisfaction in their lives.

But society wasn’t stable. The 50s were a historical aberration, and led directly to the cultural explosion of the 1960s as those who chafed at the restrictiveness of 50s roles and 50s rules tried to figure out more authentic ways of living their lives.

Nowadays the only thing keeping men “sane” is endless online porn.

Speak for yourself, buddy.

Except that it isn’t really….it’s just keeping them weak and demotivated. In those countries where porn is still banned men act very, very differently.

Probably because they live in theocracies and totalitarian regimes?

I wish I could pin the blame on all my sexless years on one group of people or one thing….but the endless cockblocking information was coming from so many different angles and sources that all I can call it is “the system” or “modern society”.

I think this is the reason so many of us get deeply political once we start to master game. We see that the way the world around us has been structured since we got our first boners has been always been totally against our happiness and satisfaction, and also taking most of our money in the process.

Yes, he thinks the world is a vast conspiracy against his boner.

This is the real reason we have the system we have now….it simply produces more much money at the expense of everything else, while keeping most men physically and mentally weak and frustrated & unhappy at the same time.

This is also the reason why today we are considered politically subversive and dangerous by those who want to keep the current system in place at all costs.

No, it’s because you’re raging misogynists who think women exist only for your pleasure.

Game makes men feel and act like real men.
Game keeps your body and mind satisfied, healthy and strong

Game saves lives.
Game is power.

Literally none of this is true. Incel is poison. “Game” is poison too.

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Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

Boo-effin’-hoo.

Cry me a river, rapey boy.

Sofia van de Linde
Sofia van de Linde
4 years ago

Society should apologise for the fact he got laid after all.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

What a load of self-aggrandizing bullshit.

He doesn’t sound happy and satisfied at all for having ended his “dry spell”.

He sounds the opposite of that, actually.

Sylvia Daniella Foxglove
Sylvia Daniella Foxglove
4 years ago

Poor guy just keeps on getting dumped by his socks. They never figure out the real deal. They aren’t getting any because they are full blown assholes. They radiate contempt and hatred for woman. Every interaction with them is negative. I suffered from loneliness for a long time. Trans Goth Princess in Los Angeles, then shuffled off to Montana. I’ve been in a relationship for ten years. They really just don’t get it. They are the only one standing in their way. And they won’t figure it out. Hence every stupid “hypothesis” conspiracy they make up. They need to want to change. And that will never happen.

personalpest
personalpest
4 years ago

I wonder what would happen if any of the women Mercenary has slept with read his rancid rant? Their comments would be… interesting.

I also wonder if he thinks women should be “guaranteed” men to sleep with? No, wait, I know the answer to that one.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

I’m not just thinking of myself

Sure thing, pal…

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

Society was stable, families were strong, children were plentiful, divorce was rare. Being single and living alone was really frowned upon. The old system ensured that in one way or another, both men and women had some form of company and satisfaction in their lives.

Game makes men feel and act like real men.
Game keeps your body and mind satisfied, healthy and strong

Game saves lives.
Game is power.

So . . . you’re married now?

And your wife is down with you still playing game? I guess she has to be because otherwise you’d die, right?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
4 years ago

There’s only one reason I can think of that someone might think that the police and government legislation are keeping them from getting laid. And that’s anger that rape is illegal.

Shudder.

And LOL at the idea that society has ever been stable.

The title of the post made me think the subject of it was Government Gets Girlfriends. It’s super fucking depressing that it’s a separate person.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

He gets so close to some kind of epiphany when he notes that societal forces are a thing that exist and that have strong influence on people … and then whiffs it by thinking that those forces were just giving him bad advice on how to get laid. I mean, they were, but that’s hardly the worst sin here.

So close, rapey dude. So far away.

MrsObedMarsh
MrsObedMarsh
4 years ago

Ah, the Good Old Days, when everybody acted as they should and everyone was happy. Then they (you know, them) ruined everything. Why would they do such a thing? Could it be because at least some people were unhappy in the Good Old Days? Maybe the Good Old Days were, in fact, bad old days for a lot of people?

Nah, can’t be!

Valentine
Valentine
4 years ago

When I know Roosh V went in my country and used ‘muscle’ on women to basically rape them makes me fucking sick. And also that american men see my country as only for that – picking up ””hotties”’ – and it disgusting when they speak like they know all when they know nothing. And it really is a problem – have one friend little bit older than me who owns one additional apartment that she makes rent for tourists, usually they american or maybe other coutnries, who come only for one thing – to pick up ‘traditional’ ukranian girls. Most of these girls I think are smart and know what they doing – they enjoy this guys, have fun in discos and in restaraunts for summer, then move on and marry someone good. But others get taken advantage – they see american guy with lots of money and it not important to them that he will not treat them respectful – they become dazzle by him. This american men know this and use to control them. Lots of normal Ukrainians come to Odesa to go on the nice beaches and find nice man or woman – but this is different. Amecian men see this environment where young ukranians enjoy themself, and use it badly to manipulate because they think Ukranian men just drunks and stupid and has no money.

dreemr
dreemr
4 years ago

@wwth

There’s only one reason I can think of that someone might think that the police and government legislation are keeping them from getting laid. And that’s anger that rape is illegal.

My first thought after reading David’s post was that these so-called incels don’t want a relationship with a woman that includes sex, they want their preference for rape to be legal.

In no way, shape, or form do they ever recognize women as human beings, ever. They go so far as to consider women a separate species.

They don’t want relationships, they want exactly what you’ve said: for rape to be legal. Maybe not even only legal; they want rape to be applauded.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Oh the way that Roosh V played
On the fears of those not laid
Wrote rape books and then got paid
Those were the days.

And you knew when you were then
Virgin girls and manly men
Mister we can use a man like Mercenary again.

Didn’t have an incel state
Rape was destined to be fate
Patriarchy just ran great
Those were the days

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
4 years ago

Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it ex-incel.

MrsObedMarsh
MrsObedMarsh
4 years ago

Oh yeah, I’d like to address this:

Everyone and everything was conspiring against me getting any sex or female affection, and only teaching me things that were always leading me to failure over and over. I’m talking about movies, television, books…

You mean the movies where a man or boy saves the day or wins the big contest and is rewarded with the woman or girl of his choice?

I can sympathize, man. I mean, as a child I was presented all these stories where a kid finds out magic and/or aliens are real, and then they go on cool adventures and make amazing friends and triumph against scary monsters and evil villains. But nothing like that never happened to me! The media promised me wonders and adventure, and it broke that promise! I, a reasonable, rational adult, am still angry and disappointed that I’m not secretly the Chosen One! I don’t believe in nuthin’ no more!

Ross
Ross
4 years ago

I should be paid compensation for all the years I missed on sexual experiences because I intentionally kept a clueless beta

I think he’s missing the word “was” in there somewhere. Either that, or society didn’t want him to have sex because he refused to educate his pet fish. Look, dude, there are consequences for failing to educate your betas. Society has determined that all fish deserve an education. You have no one to blame but yourself.

My first post. Woot.

dreemr
dreemr
4 years ago

@MrsObedMarsh

I, too, feel that I am entitled to some reparations for growing up only to find out that I am NOT the secret heir to a faraway kingdom, nor am I secretly imbued with magical powers that are soon to manifest!!

Fabe
Fabe
4 years ago

I, too, feel that I am entitled to some reparations for growing up only to find out that I am NOT the secret heir to a faraway kingdom, nor am I secretly imbued with magical powers that are soon to manifest!!

yeah, and where is the spaceship I wanted as a child?

Gijoel
Gijoel
4 years ago

Rape boy probably hasn’t heard of the horror that was the magdeline lines. For the good of humanity he should be forced to watch philomena till his eyes bled.

Bina
4 years ago

I was promised flying cars and lipstick that changes color with your moods when I was a young’un. Where ARE they??? Oh yeah…they were fictions. Just like Mercenary’s Golden Age of McCarthyism.

No, wait…we actually stand a good chance of maybe getting flying cars and mood lipsticks someday. But the Golden Age? Never was and never will be, because IMPOSSIBLE.

Oh, and Mercenary? Siddown and shuddup. You’re not getting a dime for your long-unused boner, because nobody owes you a nickel. You’re a shitty dude with shitty ideas and shitty expectations. You’re lucky that you get anything at all. You deserve NOTHING.

PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Timber-Rattling Booger Slut, But Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

yeah, and where is the spaceship I wanted as a child?

I still haven’t gotten over my disappointment over The Pony Incident.

I believe I’ll write a misanthropic-filled post how Life, the Universe, and Everything has failed me.

Haise, the husky puppy
Haise, the husky puppy
4 years ago

comment image

Whenever these incels/now exincels complain about their shitty lives based on their actions and perceptions that denounce women as people with agency and anatomy, I just don’t care.. It’s clear that this guy is still an entitled misogynist.

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

I grew up on 1970s dystopian fiction; so, for me, things are actually working out pretty much as promised.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

Hi, Ross!

Ugh. So this guy is unhappy that the 1950s happened before he was born? Or rather, his idea of the 1950s. Funny how he’s angry at the media that conspired to keep him a virgin, but he’s not angry about his idea of history … which I’m assuming he learned about via media? No, no, that can’t be in. It must have been received wisdom from the manosphere. Only explanation.

ETA:
@Alan – Tripods trilogy?

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
4 years ago

@Ross,

Yay for first posts!

I should be paid compensation for all the years I missed on sexual experiences because I intentionally kept a clueless beta

That line made me laugh, too – although I was thinking of Mercenary keeping a slightly dim beta guy locked in his closet, and this somehow prevented Mercenary from getting sex. Ruined the atmosphere, maybe? 😛

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