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Gucci Little Piggy: Sandra Fluke is a lesbian pirate because one of her fingers is longer than the other

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Leave it to the manosphere to further elevate the national discourse about Sandra Fluke. On Gucci Little Piggy, a blog loosely aligned with the alt-right/racist/PUA wing of the manosphere, blogger Chuck Rudd suggests that Rush Limbaugh might have been wrong to call Fluke a slut. Sounds good,eh? Not when you hear the, er, reasoning behind it:

I think the term “slut” is too arbitrary to have much meaning in a political context, especially when we don’t actually know anything about the so-called slut’s sexual history.  It doesn’t fit Sandra Fluke anyway as we don’t know for sure that she’s heterosexual.

Go on.

Fluke is not a “slut”, nor is she a “good citizen” which is what President Obama called her in a press conference held today.  Based upon readily observable behavior and on her beliefs about what she and her favorite groups have a right to grab from tax payers and employers, it’s best to call her what she is:  a pirate

Uh, what?

Apparently, in Chuck’s world, putative lesbians who suggest that insurance should pay for birth control that they personally don’t need to prevent babies, though they or people they know might need it to treat other medical conditions, are pirates.

Later in the post, Chuck links to a review of a book that suggests many pirates engaged in sodomy. Which is evidently proof in his mind that lesbians are pirates, or at least that it is hilarious to call them pirates.

Anyway, the best part of the piece is how Chuck, using the magic of SCIENCE, proves that Fluke is gay:

[P]eople who have a longer ring finger (4d) than index finger (2d) have more testosterone and, some argue, a higher sex drive.

Pointing to a news photograph that appears to show that Ms. Fluke does indeed have a long ring finger, Chuck concludes:

her ring finger is quite a bit longer than her index.  It’s almost as long as her middle finger.  In general, a low 2d:4d ratio in women indicates a greater proclivity towards homosexuality or bisexuality and greater tendency towards aggressiveness and assertiveness.  So, yeah, pirate fits.

Thanks, Chuck.

Most of the commenters to his article seem to agree with his basic thesis.

Stickman writes:

forget the fingers… shes got strait up MAN HANDS. But look on the bright side, if she survives the up coming second dark ages, I’m sure she will do a fine job of pulling a plow.

Note: The “coming second dark ages” is a familiar trope among manospherians; the idea is that men will get so fed up with the gynofascist matriarchy we evidently all live in today that they will stop working, civilization will crumble, and the ladies will be put in their proper place, behind pulling plows.

SOBL1 adds:

As a fellow Cornellian, my guess is lesbian. Cornell has a decent les population.It also speaks more to a les to demand free birth control as a hand out from the government speaking on behalf of all women when she has no shot of getting pregnant. That’s just the thing lesbians like to do: consider their opinions the worldview of all “womyn”. At a minimum, she was a LUG [Lesbian Until Graduation]. Her face and hair are so masculine, she could pass for a male supporting character in “All the President’s Men”.

Did he mention he went to CORNELL?

One free-thinking fellow actually challenges Chuck’s analysis. Nick digger writes:

This finger length analysis from candid photos is nonsense. There are too many knuckle-bends in all directions, combined with skewed camera position, to get an accurate measurement. There has to be some standard for this, such as hands pressed flat against a flat surface, with all fingers together, or each finger extending in a straight line from its source carpal (or metacarpal, whatever it is).

Having said that, she looks like a fat, ugly cunt — which is what Rush should have called her, as it does not imply sluttiness. He’s entitled, because libs call him a fat ugly cunt all the time.

Such is the nature of the discussion amongst some of the internet’s most steadfast advocates for the rights of men.

Chuck himself adds a few parting thoughts in a comment suggesting that Fluke’s biggest crime was that she didn’t ask for birth control coverage nicely enough:

When you ask for something from someone you don’t demand it and then demonize someone who doesn’t cave in to your demands. You ask and the other person chooses whether to reciprocate. All of this is akin to someone asking a stranger for a hitch across town and then screaming and yelling when rebuffed

It’s true. In the past, activists have always been extremely polite about their demands requests. You may recall the famous anti-war slogan: “Heck no, we would prefer not to go.”  The “Excuse us, fellas, but we would also like to be able to walk around at night” marches. And of course, Martin Luther King’s famous, “Guys, would any of you like to hear about this dream I had” speech.

All Chuck and his friends are asking is that fat ugly dyke cunts stop being so darn rude when they call on insurance companies to provide certain kinds of medical coverage. Is that really too much to ask?

I’d better put that blinking

gif here, just in case.

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Pecunium
10 years ago

Our founders thought the militia was the paragon of military organization. To be fair, if you’re going to be isolationist hermits, it works.

It works, so long as everyone else is willing to let you be an isolationist hermit. Britain won the land battles in the US during the War of 1812. The militia wasn’t able to stand up to regular troops.

There’s the theory Hamilton raised the excise taxes TO incite rebellion, and draw Washington out to act and increase federal power, but that’s probably too conspiracy theory even for Hamilton.

I don’t know, Hamilton was a deep cove.

captainbathrobe
10 years ago

Not a very good shot, though, more’s the pity.

velveteenhoodrat
velveteenhoodrat
10 years ago

Ugh.

These guys couldn’t get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if they smeared their bodies with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

Pecunium
10 years ago

CB: He was a good shot. He didn’t believe in duelling*, and he didn’t realise Burr really wanted to kill him.

*Social customs caused a lot of men who didn’t believe in it to engage in duels. It was a stupid time, in a lot of ways.

belledame222
10 years ago

Upchuck, I hope you get a rare disease that makes you slowly shit out your own intestines, and you have no way to pay for it and end up penniless, in mountains of debt and agonizing pain, and with absolutely no one to help you out except your fellow MRAs.

That okay with you? I mean I didn’t say “I disagree with your ideology,” after all.

Owllizard
Owllizard
10 years ago

Boggiworms, I am stealing this… will credit you if you insist. thanks.

That’s because America is a soft fascist, capitalist, imperialist, materialistic theocracy. That’s why we can’t have nice things

Jackie Yoshi
10 years ago

It should say, “SOBL1adds, “I WENT TO COLLEGE!” Like what Plankton yelled during the early Spongebob episodes.

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