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Gucci Little Piggy: Sandra Fluke is a lesbian pirate because one of her fingers is longer than the other

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Leave it to the manosphere to further elevate the national discourse about Sandra Fluke. On Gucci Little Piggy, a blog loosely aligned with the alt-right/racist/PUA wing of the manosphere, blogger Chuck Rudd suggests that Rush Limbaugh might have been wrong to call Fluke a slut. Sounds good,eh? Not when you hear the, er, reasoning behind it:

I think the term “slut” is too arbitrary to have much meaning in a political context, especially when we don’t actually know anything about the so-called slut’s sexual history.  It doesn’t fit Sandra Fluke anyway as we don’t know for sure that she’s heterosexual.

Go on.

Fluke is not a “slut”, nor is she a “good citizen” which is what President Obama called her in a press conference held today.  Based upon readily observable behavior and on her beliefs about what she and her favorite groups have a right to grab from tax payers and employers, it’s best to call her what she is:  a pirate

Uh, what?

Apparently, in Chuck’s world, putative lesbians who suggest that insurance should pay for birth control that they personally don’t need to prevent babies, though they or people they know might need it to treat other medical conditions, are pirates.

Later in the post, Chuck links to a review of a book that suggests many pirates engaged in sodomy. Which is evidently proof in his mind that lesbians are pirates, or at least that it is hilarious to call them pirates.

Anyway, the best part of the piece is how Chuck, using the magic of SCIENCE, proves that Fluke is gay:

[P]eople who have a longer ring finger (4d) than index finger (2d) have more testosterone and, some argue, a higher sex drive.

Pointing to a news photograph that appears to show that Ms. Fluke does indeed have a long ring finger, Chuck concludes:

her ring finger is quite a bit longer than her index.  It’s almost as long as her middle finger.  In general, a low 2d:4d ratio in women indicates a greater proclivity towards homosexuality or bisexuality and greater tendency towards aggressiveness and assertiveness.  So, yeah, pirate fits.

Thanks, Chuck.

Most of the commenters to his article seem to agree with his basic thesis.

Stickman writes:

forget the fingers… shes got strait up MAN HANDS. But look on the bright side, if she survives the up coming second dark ages, I’m sure she will do a fine job of pulling a plow.

Note: The “coming second dark ages” is a familiar trope among manospherians; the idea is that men will get so fed up with the gynofascist matriarchy we evidently all live in today that they will stop working, civilization will crumble, and the ladies will be put in their proper place, behind pulling plows.

SOBL1 adds:

As a fellow Cornellian, my guess is lesbian. Cornell has a decent les population.It also speaks more to a les to demand free birth control as a hand out from the government speaking on behalf of all women when she has no shot of getting pregnant. That’s just the thing lesbians like to do: consider their opinions the worldview of all “womyn”. At a minimum, she was a LUG [Lesbian Until Graduation]. Her face and hair are so masculine, she could pass for a male supporting character in “All the President’s Men”.

Did he mention he went to CORNELL?

One free-thinking fellow actually challenges Chuck’s analysis. Nick digger writes:

This finger length analysis from candid photos is nonsense. There are too many knuckle-bends in all directions, combined with skewed camera position, to get an accurate measurement. There has to be some standard for this, such as hands pressed flat against a flat surface, with all fingers together, or each finger extending in a straight line from its source carpal (or metacarpal, whatever it is).

Having said that, she looks like a fat, ugly cunt — which is what Rush should have called her, as it does not imply sluttiness. He’s entitled, because libs call him a fat ugly cunt all the time.

Such is the nature of the discussion amongst some of the internet’s most steadfast advocates for the rights of men.

Chuck himself adds a few parting thoughts in a comment suggesting that Fluke’s biggest crime was that she didn’t ask for birth control coverage nicely enough:

When you ask for something from someone you don’t demand it and then demonize someone who doesn’t cave in to your demands. You ask and the other person chooses whether to reciprocate. All of this is akin to someone asking a stranger for a hitch across town and then screaming and yelling when rebuffed

It’s true. In the past, activists have always been extremely polite about their demands requests. You may recall the famous anti-war slogan: “Heck no, we would prefer not to go.”  The “Excuse us, fellas, but we would also like to be able to walk around at night” marches. And of course, Martin Luther King’s famous, “Guys, would any of you like to hear about this dream I had” speech.

All Chuck and his friends are asking is that fat ugly dyke cunts stop being so darn rude when they call on insurance companies to provide certain kinds of medical coverage. Is that really too much to ask?

I’d better put that blinking

gif here, just in case.

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Joanna
10 years ago

Ad hominems, an MRA’s best friend.

Quackers
Quackers
10 years ago

I’ve seen Roissy use the finger test before too. It sounds like the most ridiculous piece of pseudo-science out there.

Cyberbird
Cyberbird
10 years ago

He does realize calling her a lesbian pirate only makes her more awesome in my eyes, yes?

darksidecat
10 years ago

Why are “lesbian” and “slut” treated as mutually exclusive?

Moving on, that finger nonsense is nothing more than pseudoscientific pathologizing of queer bodies. Also, there’s no fucking evidence that women with higher testosterone are more likely to be queer than women with lower testosterone.

Xanthe
Xanthe
10 years ago

Having said that, she looks like a fat, ugly cunt — which is what Rush should have called her, as it does not imply sluttiness. He’s entitled, because libs call him a fat ugly cunt all the time.

Cue Steerstroll to defend “Nickdigger” having actually meant that Fluke is a “rude and obnoxious person” or that Limbaugh is not denigrated by being referred to with a female-gendered epithet in three… two… one…

red_locker
10 years ago

My hands are kinda small…

OH FUCK, WHAT DO I DO?!

Chuck Rudd
Chuck Rudd
10 years ago

She’s pretty manly looking, no? And on what grounds can Fluke demand birth control?

johnnykaje
10 years ago

My index is a good deal shorter than my middle. I’ve also banged a few women, and have course facial hair.

EXPLAIN THIS, SCIENCE.

Lauralot
Lauralot
10 years ago

I have clubbed thumbs.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

Joanna
10 years ago

Also, it looks like the lady pirate in the picture is threatening to flash that man. Is he afraid of boobs?

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Pirates took without regard to the people they were taking from? And were bloodthirsty and would kill?

Not sure how it applies exactly as I have never run into a marauding band of lesbians.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

I have gigantic hands, both my middle and ring fingers are longer than my index finger, and I’m MARRIED TO A MAN!!!

Joanna
10 years ago

@KathleenB: That just means you’re closet. =P You can’t defy science!

captainbathrobe
10 years ago

Lesbian Pirates. Someone’s been watching too much bad porn.

red_locker
10 years ago

MY HANDS ARE SMALL FOR A MAN, FOLKS! I’M A LESSER BEING!

*cries while listening to Phil Collins*

Also, is Chuck Rudd serious?

Seraph
Seraph
10 years ago

Also, it looks like the lady pirate in the picture is threatening to flash that man. Is he afraid of boobs?

Hmm. I remember reading that Anne Bonny or Mary Read seduced a fellow crewmember by flashing him, and Read fighting a duel with another pirate to protect her lover. Maybe somebody conflated the two stories? Or maybe she’s just doing a show-and-tell version of “Neener neener you got beat by a girl”.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

My ring finger is longer than my index finger, and I’m cis and straight. I’m not a pirate either, although I have seen all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I do, however, have a high libido, so his pseudoscience was right about that.

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
10 years ago
Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

It also speaks more to a les to demand free birth control as a hand out from the government speaking on behalf of all women when she has no shot of getting pregnant. That’s just the thing lesbians like to do: consider their opinions the worldview of all “womyn”.

So much unpacking to do.

1) I know this seems hard to believe, but we can’t actually confirm that Fluke is a lesbian based on her… finger-length, (seriously, what?) so taking it as a given doesn’t make much sense.

2) Again with the “free handout from the government” nonsense. No. That is not how insurance works. Clues are nifty, you should get one.

3) Cis lesbians can get pregnant. I mean, I know we’re talking in the context of unintended pregnancy, something that bi and straight women are at higher risk of, but seriously, like, it is a thing that happens.

4) Fluke’s actual words happened to be about a lesbian who was using the Pill for something other than birth control, so if SOBL1 had paid the slightest amount of attention to her statements, he would see that there is a reason for a lesbian to have a stake in this fight other than “consider[ing] their opinions the worldview of all ‘womyn'”

5) Nobody is suggesting that all women be forced to take hormonal BC, so I’m not sure how anyone is forcing their worldview on women who don’t want to take it.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

On what grounds is she disqualified from speaking on the subject?

She is female and therefore only has a hamster in her hive mind and therefore has ability to think/reason or dress herself in the morning.

*rolls eyes*

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

Joanna:P Well, I’m bi, but haven’t exactly been in the closet about it.

Kyrie
Kyrie
10 years ago

Now I want to be a lesbian pirate. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because every thing pirate related sound cool in my head? Probably because it make me think of pirate-Amy Pond.

Anyway, I think Fluke’s hair is pretty, I don’t see the problem with it. That might be my inner lesbian pirate talking, though.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Well, I am a FAAB nonbinary with a ring finger longer than my middle finger. SCIIIIIIENCE

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