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Skanks, Spongebob, and the Maso-kabbalist videodrome complex

Jenna Jameson on a Harley. (Chuck E. Cheese not pictured.)

Sure, Man Boobz 2011 Troll of the Year NWOslave may live in an alternate reality — but he at least seems well-grounded in that reality. What might happen if he were to suddenly ingest a tab or ten of LSD?

I think I have an answer to that question. Meet blogger and conspiracy theorist Jay Dyer, a self-described “controversialist, writer, comedian, debater, and philosopher/theologian.”

That’s a mouthful, and Jay more or less lives up to it, delivering stream of consciousness rants that range from Aleister Crowley (he’s not a fan) to the evils of women dressing like Hannah Montana. Plus he quotes the Bible from time to time.

Actually, that description doesn’t even begin to capture Jay’s peculiar charms. So, without further ado, I present to you some highlights from an essay titled The United Skanks of Amerika that Jay wrote with the assistance of someone identified only as M.B.

Amerika has become one, big, nasty, black metal mosh pit. Satan said to Adam and Eve “do what thou wilt,” Satanist Aleister Crowley said, “do what thou wilt” and the gospel of Amerika is “do what thou wilt.” …  Churches are dominated by fat matriarchal women and homosexuals. Women open their purses and the priests of Ashtoreth bow and tell them whatever they want to hear. …  Amerika is a play land – a bigger, gayer Disney world. It’s middle-aged moms on facebook, donning Montana garb. The nation is frozen in perpetual adolescence and arrested development.

After this dramatic opening, Jay offers up the strangest capsule version of American history I’ve ever seen:

Started by a bunch of tee-totaler puritan gnostics, this nation has jumped to the opposite extreme and become a cess pool of flesh. In fact, in the East Coast punk scene, kids are now eating chunks of each others’ flesh. Let that sink in. In the West Coast gay scene, it is now an honor to receive AIDS from trendy gays.

Then Jay gets around to the “skanks” of the essay’s title:

Women of this country, especially young women, are perpetual princesses stuck in a perpetual mirror glance, coated in chemicals and striving for the most unnatural goals – to be a manwoman. For a sensible male to get with one of these creatures is in serious danger. But watch out – before long, they’ve left you for another woman and taken your fake Federal Reserve notes. They get half of your all-seeing eyes. Whores with your Horus. Dressed like complete whores, will they soon be completely naked?

But young men don’t get off any easier in Jay’s critique:

The average twenty-something male is now a fat, gamer, feminized, emo freak, who spits every time he lisps, because he can’t form sentences.

Neither do middle-aged men:

Grown men – baby-boomer dads – collect comics and play Dungeons & Dragons. And if they don’t, they stare at pixelated football and the Maso-kabbalist videodrome complex.

Yes, he really did just say “Maso-kabbalist videodrome complex.”

Jay also has some issues with higher education:

The “wise men” of this culture are the Marxist, gay, feminist, druid college professors, who, if they have children, drive them to white horror core rap concerts. Just like the sociology professor mom involved with Pyscho Sam whom her daughter met over Myspace.

And lower education:

That any parent would put their children in public school is a sign of apparent hatred of their kids. Why would anyone put their kids in a government re-education camp? Public schools are prisons where the teachers screw students and students get doped up on pills become homosexual.

When they’re not shooting each other, that is:

[P]arents can’t understand why their children shoot each other at school. The[y] shoot one another at school because they are possessed by the demonic culture. And while you stupidly play golf and make scrapbooks, your kids are worshipping Lucifer, who, according to you, doesn’t exist.

Women working! Men raising kids! It’s all one big air-conditioned nightmare for Jay:

The family is now become stay-at-home dads that care for the 1.3 kids, while moms climb the skyscraper and has sex with the CEO for more fake fed notes. If it’s not this, it’s “my two dads.”

Preach it, Jay!

Amerika is just this – Chuck E. Cheese speeding at you on a Harley, holding Crowley’s Magick in Theory and Practice,with Jenna Jameson mounted on the back. …

Amerika is krunk. Amerika is funk. Amerika is junk. Amerika is Lil’ Jon having sex with Lady Liberty. …

Rationalism is what birthed this country, but it morphed into utter irrationality. Thomas Paine became Spongebob and Spongebob is Thomas Paine.

I think I’ll just leave it at that. Oh, there’s more — much, much more —  in Jay’s little manifesto, but my poor brain can only take in so much in one sitting without exploding.

NOTE: I discovered Jay’s essay through a link on MGTOWforums.com; the dude posting the link described it as “one of the best essays about feminism and life in the US … By far one of the most accurate essays I have ever had the pleasure of reading.” It got a mixed reaction; the consensus seemed to be that while he made some good points, Jay might just be a little too obsessed with Aleister Crowley and the Masons.

EDITED TO ADD: Also, if middle-aged women want to wear some sort of “Montana garb,” I’d suggest they go with Patsy, not Hannah. Patsy Montana was awesome!

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pillowinhell
10 years ago

Totally agree on vaccinations. When they first came out and were unstable, people couldn’t wait to get their kids vaccinated because child mortality was so high. We have some graveyards around here from when the city was first founded. There are a lot of grave markers with childrens names on them. Entire families were wiped out, and its not uncommon to see a mothers name next to them, and the date showing that she died shortly after her other children died. I asked around about it. Some people say the women died of heartbreak, others that she died of exhaustion after trying to pull her family through. Tragic.

Ever go on the preppers sites? Some of them show extreme paranoia, to the point where their homes are built like fortresses (covert ones) and they lay in enough ammo to fend off civil warfare in a small nation.

Personally, I developed the skills and knowledge to live through a major catastrophe in the city, using materials that are pretty much ubiquitous. Water is pretty easy to find around here, so its just a matter of purifying it. Techniques used in under developed countries are easy and work well.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

One of the suspected causes of the Flynn effect is vaccination– when your kid’s body doesn’t have to devote all its energy to fighting off diseases, it can develop its brain more fully. So anti-vaxxing literally makes you stupid.

BlackBloc: I don’t want to sexytime with them! I just want to give them hugs and go ‘dawwwwwww’! My dawwwwww reflex is miscalibrated– I can look at a bunny and go ‘meh,’ but then regard crustie punks or cuttlefish as the CUTEST THINGS EVER.

danieldebtmonster7
danieldebtmonster7
10 years ago

this is funny. this guy just ranting on why the world isnt like him as if he is something special. allister crowley wasnt cool but this guy is even more narcissistic and invents his own religion to. he hates marxist feminist gay and druids and that means he probably is gay like all gay haters. LOOK AT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH THEY ARE ALL GAY BUT HATE GAY PEOPLE! this gay guy is jay

Dracula
Dracula
10 years ago

Well, cuttlefish are pretty adorable.

katz
10 years ago

That’s why they’re cuddlefish.

jay008
10 years ago

Like I said, the essay was tongue in cheek, and was purposefully over the top, but no one got that, even though the language should have made it clear it was a work of absurdism. There are all kinds of comedy videos posted, so taking it seriously makes it all the more hilarious. You all got Andy Kaufmaned (one of my idols)! Use “gnostic” because I thought it sounded cool? No, as you can see from my blog’s theological article on Thomism and patristics, I’ve read extensively on the topic, as well as several literary reviews on the matter:

http://jaysanalysis.com/2011/12/09/blood-meridian-as-gnostic-tirade-a-response-to-harold-bloom-and-leo-daugherty/

http://jaysanalysis.com/2010/10/25/1191/

Also, I’m not worried about the new world order. But you all should be.

katz
10 years ago

“I don’t really believe all that stuff I said. Except you should still be worried about it. Except I’m not going to tell you which parts I believe and which parts I don’t. I know what I’m talking about!”

Bo-ring. Let’s talk more about punks. Is it automatically lame to be punk/into punk music if you’re middle class? I always felt like a poser in high school (but maybe that’s just because I didn’t have any real punks to hang out with).

pillowinhell
10 years ago

*chuckles to herself*

Jay, nothing says impotent rage like waiting for some improbable event to occur that kills off all those people you hate. Do you stamp your little feet too?

Also, I’d stay far away from any woman if I were you. Your overweening ego coupled with your enormous insecurities would see you mercilessly and shamefully led by the nose by even the most traditionally raised women. We do learn how to manage our husbands. Which means that in the end we get exactly what we want.

You seem utterly oblivious to the oldest trick in the book, the part where we play stupid to mock you for our own amusement.

Kate
Kate
10 years ago

??

Kaufman-esque – I do not think that term means what you think it does… I mean the genius of Kaufman is that he inspired people to be totally themselves as entertainers, trying to mimic one of his stunts just comes off as stilted and unoriginal. It’s like when people repeat Monty Python thinking that they’re being avant guard. Monty Python was avant guard, someone repeating them is the same as someone reciting who’s on first… it might be a really well done rendition, but it ain’t original.

(also research Poe’s Law… ’cause you’ve come way closer to that than to anything else)

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

jay008, how much of the stuff you write do you actually believe? Is all of your blog a Kaufma like joke or just some of it? I just read your newest post, “Media Foci Irrelevant”. Do you really believe the US govt. manipulates the weather or is that also tongue in cheek? Please tell me you’re not one of those conspiracy theorists that likes to tell people in Joplin that the government made a tornado destroy a third of our city just for the hell of it.

Naira
Naira
10 years ago

Absurdism…which one? The philosophy of Absurdism says that given the sheer amount of information and enormity of what is unknown, all human efforts to find meaning will fail and are therefore absurd. There’s also Absurdist fiction, like “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead.”

But, I’ll assume you mean Absurdist humor (also called Surreal humor). Even then, your claim to absurdism here is just silly.

Surreal humor requires the inversion or subversion of expectations. For example, an Emo Philips line:

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them.

Setting up the expectation of no luck with the women at the singles’ bar, but then turns it into something completely unexpected.

So…in your post…what expectations were you setting up and then twisting? It’s a rant, not surrealism or absurdism. Even Andy Kaufman had a means by which to eventual let everyone know that what he did was a joke. You can’t pull a prank without letting people know, eventually, that it is a prank. It isn’t funny if they don’t know that they’re the punch line.

katz
10 years ago

I didn’t even know there were weather conspiracy theorists.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

oops, I meant Kaufman

Naira
Naira
10 years ago

Also: Us reading it and then you mocking us for taking it seriously does not count for “showing that it is a prank.”

A good prank needs a lot more finesse than that. Hell, good humor needs a lot more skill than that. Humor is one of the most difficult things in the world to pull off properly, in terms of entertainment. Humorous writing is even harder.

pillowinhell
10 years ago

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the punk subculture if you’re middleclass, so long as you understand that your appreciation of that culture only goes so deep. So long as you aren’t going around thinking that you TOTALLY understand the cultural viewpoint without having any actual lived experience in common with it and knowing that for you, its a choice. You get to go home and be middle class, the class that punk originated from don’t.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

I didn’t even know there were weather conspiracy theorists.

I know. It’s so absurd, it’s almost funny. There was an episode of Sliders that had an alternate universe where most of humanity died from tornadoes created by government scientists in the Cold War. It was a so-so episode, before the series jumped the shark. I didn’t know real people believed that kind of thing until weirdos started telling people here in Joplin that the government made the tornado. WTF? Why would they do something like that? If the government could control the weather, they would try to prevent disasters that cost billions of dollars. If you want to waste ten minutes of your life, just look up “Joplin storm manipulation”. They’re taking stupid to a whole new level.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

katz: I’m not a punk (I like Agent Orange, NOFX, and the Misfits, but I’m hardly what you would call a member of the scene) and I say it’s somewhat ridiculous if you try to pretend to be something you’re not (like, claiming to be OMG STREET KID MEMBER OF THE PROLETARIAT when actually you go home after shows to your mother who loves you) but not if you just happen to like the music.

Jay: Um… generally comedy is supposed to be (a) funny and (b) subvert expectations. You fail at both,

QuantumSparkle
QuantumSparkle
10 years ago

I didn’t know there were weather conspiracy theorists around either! BUT, interestingly enough, the US government has used weather manipulation as tool of war- during the Vietnam War, Operation Popeye was a program of cloud seeding, with the goal of washing out the Ho Chi Minh trail in Vietnam and Cambodia. It wasn’t very effective!

I read the US Senate hearingsdiscussing weather modification a number of years ago. If I remember correctly, although they talk largely about how awful it would be to attack another nation with a hurricane or a volcano, they also discuss Operation Popeye, a real live case of weather warfare!

But, the US did ratify the UN’s Environmental Modification Convention, so technically, the US government is prohibited from using weather for destructive purposes. Not that the government can do anything more than increase local rain output by 10%.

red_locker
10 years ago

I have heard stuff from Weather Conpsiracy Theorists before, along with stuff about “Chem Trails”, Vaccines being “deadly” (and as a bullshit answer for my health problems as a child. No joke, to this day family members still tell that I’m autistic because of the vaccines. UGH), 9/11 “Truth” and so on.

The people that surround me, man…

(On another note, I find the “Chem Trail” stuff to be FUNNY AS HELL. Oh noes, a bunch of tiny-ass planes are manipulating nature with their little lines of cloud. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.)

Molly Ren
10 years ago

Like I said, the essay was tongue in cheek, and was purposefully over the top, but no one got that, even though the language should have made it clear it was a work of absurdism.

Dude, I just spent the last 3 days reading the Illuminatus! trilogy. You are not nearly as good at this style as you think you are.

red_locker
10 years ago

With all that said, QuantumSparkle’s post is interesting…yet, people are still afraid of “Chem Trails” and the Gov’t controlling the weather. lol

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
10 years ago

“Lizz is such a supposed liberal, why does she support Planned Parenthood, which was founded to weed out blacks, as the video below shows”

Was this lovely bit tongue in cheeck as well? Is your whole website tongue in cheeck?

pillowinhell
10 years ago

Next Jay will be telling us how we don’t understand him, he’s high or its just a passing petulance.

Quackers
Quackers
10 years ago

@Boggi

Not surprisingly the jackass has declared the study to be scientifically flawed lol.

“any study that disproves my world view is WRONG!!!! *stamps feet* what do you mean its not smart to hate people based on their race or sex? BETAMANGINAFUCK!!!11”

Meanwhile I’ve seen this guy link to studies in the Daily Fail (hell his latest post is about an article from there) and yes, even a study done by OkCupid.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

I never knew about Operation Popeye. That was fascinating. Maybe that’s where the weather conspiracy theorists got some of their ideas from. All I knew was that after the tornado, some people started saying a secret government group in Alaska intentionally fed the storm that produced the Joplin tornado. The only motive they gave is that the government was testing it out here in order to have a special weapon in the future. Thankfully, some skeptics have already debunked it.

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