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antifeminism antifeminist women evil overpriced women evil sexy ladies evil SJWs MGTOW misogyny MRA

Men Going Their Own Way celebrate “I Hate Valentine’s Day”

Women, so demanding on Valentine's Day
Women, so demanding on Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! Or, as it’s known by a small and bitter segment of male humans who base their very identity on hatred of women, International MGTOW Day.

On Twitter, some of these lovely fellows are celebrating their freedom from having to possibly buy some evil succubus a box of candy.

https://twitter.com/JohnnyFoxRox/status/698888957115785217

Oh, and fantasizing about putting feminists and “Social Justice Warriors” in concentration camps.

https://twitter.com/JohnnyFoxRox/status/698895149586231297

Sorry, I should have specified that these concentration camps would be very nice concentration camps.

Speaking of which, our old friend Andrea Hardie/Janet Bloomfield/JudgyBitch popped into the #MGTOW hashtag today to make a joke about how Hitler killed himself because Eva Braun nagged him too much, or something.

https://twitter.com/AndreaHardie/status/698978316372545536

In general, though, it seems like the annual MRA/MGTOW freakout over Valentine’s Day is a bit more subdued this year than it has been in the past. Over on A Voice for Men they’ve gotten so lazy that all they did was to repost a couple of rants about the holiday they ran in previous years. (See here for my many dissections of Anti-V-Day rants from years past.)

Are these guys actually getting tired of their own stupid schtick?

Anyway, here’s a reminder that even beta orbiters can enjoy V-Day.

Happy Beta Orbiter Day!
Happy Beta Orbiter Day!

 

 

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Chiomara
Chiomara
6 years ago

@Alan oh, I completely agree with you. But relax, though I do prefer to have a partner, I personally always saw myself ending up alone with 5 cats and 8 adopted children, and I really don’t have a huge problem with this. Yes, I am young. I hope I do meet good people more often than I had lately, in all circles of relationship.

@Kupo WOW, KUPO!what the hell?!? I am so so sorry. I hope you healed well. It never came anywhere close to this degree around here. Hope it never does.

@Delphi YOU CUTIE! Thank you for saying this *hug*

I love this freaking website, you guys are the bestest!

guest
guest
6 years ago

Hi Chiomara–oh man, I’ve been there–with my guy it was the word ‘bitch’ and he was all about the rules-lawyering (‘can I use it as a verb? can I say it if I’m reporting what someone else said? can I say it to describe a dog?’) Seriously, if he thinks it’s not that important how can it be worth all this effort and emotion on his part?

If I’d thought it appropriate for me to give you advice I’d have suggested you do exactly what you did. I hope it works out for the best, either way.

I’m actually posting this in order to share an essay with you:

http://www.shakesville.com/2009/08/terrible-bargain-we-have-regretfully.html

Delphi_ote
Delphi_ote
6 years ago

With all that sweet sincerity, I bet you’re damn good at flirting, Chiomara. I’m swooning over here!

EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Thank you, anonymous commenter. I am very glad you said that. I’m sorry that I’ve made this thread an unpleasant place for you to read and I’ll do my best to keep such content to myself from now on.

I appreciate that you don’t want me to censor myself, but (to me at least) it isn’t about censorship, but about being respectful to others within a shared space.

Valentine
Valentine
6 years ago

For me every day is valentines day XD

Orion
Orion
6 years ago

Chiomara,

If you want to read up more on giftedness, I would start here for some general observation on gifted behaviors and struggles (you can skip the table in the middle if you like): http://www.riage.org/articles/social-and-emotional-development-of-gifted-children/

then you could look at this article for thoughts on social development particularly: http://talentdevelop.com/articles/EATIC.html

I understand what you mean, but women don’t need to learn how to flirt.

You say this, but from the rest of your comments I think you know better. When you’re a woman it’s likely that at least some people will approach you, but there’s no guarantee that it will be anyone you would want. It’s usually still necessary to identify people you like and actively signal your interest, even if culture dictates you pursue in slightly different ways.

Your therapist may be right to say that your body language deflects attention, but I would also like to suggest that it’s quite possible that some people are showing interest and you’re failing to notice it. If you were very different from your teenage peers, it may very well be that you weren’t approached in school (by anyone who had your best interests at heart) and you didn’t learn how to recognize it.. Once you start to believe that you’re undesirable, that belief shapes your perception like any other. You’ll tend to ignore or misinterpret evidence that doesn’t fit your narrative. Also, if you’re gifted many of the appropriate partners for you will also be gifted. They may also be lacking confidence and social grace, and unable to show their interest in clear and direct ways.

Plus, being in an open relationship is really not like being single. Many good people won’t be interested, and you’ll spend a lot of time and energy on your partner.

All that aside, choosing to focus on studying and not worry about it too much for now may be a very good choice for you. (Or it may not — I’m in no position to say)

Valentine
Valentine
6 years ago

Whcih I spent far from home in the North Atlantic but at least cheif cook made coconut sponge cake. For all you singles feeling bad about valentines alone I suggest merchant navy life. I don’t even know what day of the week it is cos it doesn’t matter. Forget what holiday it is! 😉

Onionknight
Onionknight
6 years ago

@ kupo

Thanks for replying, but I do see there’s a misunderstanding. Far more likely the disagreement lies in relating topics as a whole than anything specific I’ve said. I could have clarified that more lucidly though.

It would seem that MGTOW works out for everyone well pertaining to emotions. As I said, this is one of the few conglomerations that encourages men to deal with their emotions productively. Yes, it can get a bit vitriolic, but these men know they’re not alone in their struggles. The boon for the feminist is that toxic masculinity is not prevailing (ie. progress is coming along), and these men, unless they’re undercover PUAs, are going to be weeding themselves out of the dating or marriage pool of candidates. I can only speak for myself, but it is far better that I work on self improvement and growth before getting myself involved in any relationship.

Unfortunately, the misogynist element, in at least to the extent of the mistrust of women, will continue to be heavily involved in the community due to the nature of the discussions. I would rather hate never be in the topics as I don’t feel it’s ever justified, but I recognize that that expectation is more or less a pipe dream. Regardless, thanks for the response.

Orion
Orion
6 years ago

Onionknight,

Why call yourself an MGTOW? People have been choosing not to date since before the internet. Plus, I thought the MGTOW philosophy involved swearing off dating for life, not temporarily while you work on yourself.

Noadi
6 years ago

Thanks everyone. The last few weeks have been hell emotionally and being sick on top of that hasn’t helped (apparently I’m one of the lucky percentage that the whooping cough vaccine wasn’t effective for). My brain knows I’m better off without him, I don’t need someone who so disregards my feelings and well being, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t still really hurt.

mechazawa
mechazawa
6 years ago

@valentine; i hope this isn’t too off-topic, but i really like reading about the day-to-day life of people in careers like that. do you have any recommendations of blogs or stuff that’s related?

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

@Onionknight
The misogyny actually harms us women, so of course we are going to call them out on it. It’s not just a thought experiment for us. It causes us physical, financial, and emotional harm.

I’ve personally left feminist spaces where they got too hateful of men and fat acceptance spaces where they got too hateful of thin people. While it’s understandable for people to be angry with their oppressors (or perceived oppressors in the case of MGTOW), it’s still toxic and not a healthy space to be in. If you make a choice to stay there and not to contradict that hatred, you’re going to take in some of that anger and hatred yourself. At the very least, you’re implicitly condoning it.

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

I’m an animal rights activist but I don’t hang out with creeps from PETA. If you support a group, you support their values. I find “yeah, there’s hatred but…” very morally questionable, even though Onionknight clearly went out of his way to sound ‘moderate’.

Chiomara
Chiomara
6 years ago

@Orion
My. Thank you for those articles. I think I finally found out what happens (happened?) with me. The list of characteristics and problems in the first article, there’s not one thing I don’t identify with. Thank you very very much, really.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
6 years ago

Husbeast and I went for lunch yesterday since dinner is impossible on V. day unless you want to wait an hour or more to be seated in a restaurant or have made reservations weeks in advance! For us, it’s more of an excuse to go out somewhere nice than a mandatory celebration, though.

My best wishes and thoughts for Dreamer and those who have sick dads. I really wanted to extend this more personally and in the right thread, but since losing my dad last Fall, these things get me right in the feels and frequently make me cry. Then I have to go do something else for a while. Today is a different day and Dreamer’s post made me smile instead of cry. Grief is weird!

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
6 years ago

But misogyny is a feature of MGTOW, not a bug. Their spaces aren’t just vitriolic, they’re filled with outright hate speech. Nothing wrong with preferring to be single, but there is something wrong with hanging out in a space that literally regards half the population as subhuman. Tolerating it, even if you don’t personally feel that enables violence against women. Something Davos Seaworth would never tolerate!

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

@Chiomara

I don’t have a lot of time, but I wanted to leave you this summary from the book “Why does he do that?” , detailing different profiles of abusers.

See especially “Mr. Right”, but it’s worth reading whole.

Love and hugs if you want them!

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
6 years ago

Nah, I’m gonna stick my head in the studying.

I’d recommend just waiting for a while until you feel like it’s time. Don’t worry about it until you’re ready.

Many of the best marriages I know didn’t start until the couple met in their 40s or 50s. At least one, in their 70s. The social pressure is “rush rush rush” but it’s really better to take your time, because having no partner is infinitely better than having the wrong partner.

Zatar
Zatar
6 years ago

Yes Janet some people might make the mistake of thinking that Hitler committed suicide because all of his ambitions had come crashing down around him and his enemy’s were coming for him but really it was probably because he was married. Especially when you consider the fact that he only married the woman after he had already decided to commit suicide. Truly you have discovered one of the missing links of history.

Ktoryx
Ktoryx
6 years ago

Wait, you guys. We might be passing up an opportunity.

Just how nice are these camps?

anonymous commenter
anonymous commenter
6 years ago

@ Dr. NicolaLuna

None of it was offensive. It’s all normal and acceptable. Normal and acceptable speech sometimes hurts weird people. I’m one such weird person. I tried to explain why it makes me feel bad in my earlier post. It’s not just what is being said, but who says it. Looking at this thread alone it’s not much, but this has been a recurring pattern for months now, maybe a year.

In case it’s still unclear: privileged person talks about all the nice things that he gets because he’s a “woke” privileged person and this gives him an advantage with members of the disprivileged group who then share said nice things with him, within earshot of disprivileged person, who can’t have nice things because most privileged persons are not “woke” and thus not safe to share said nice things with. This is made worse by the fact that privileged person reminds disprivileged person of unsafe privileged persons they’ve interacted with in the past, and could easily have been one such unsafe privileged person. The disprivileged person then sits thinking about how an unsafe privileged person who hurt her in the past may just decide to stop being unsafe and get as many nice things as he wants, but she doesn’t have that choice, and can’t have nice things, because it’s not safe for her.

It upsets me that the choice to reject patriarchal relationships, yet being able to have a relationship with any degree of certainty, is another way in which men are privileged over women.

@ EJ

Eh, I don’t think it’s censorship either, it’s just what I call that thing I do when I avoid certain topics out of kindness to those present. Self-censorship. I think you’re going beyond respect and well into kindness, too. Thank you.

Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago

Hugs to everyone who needs or wants them, esp @Chiomara and @Noadi and everyone for whom Vday (or any day) is tough.

@Orion – they weren’t for me, but thank you for posting those links. I’ve been reading quite a bit lately about issues that ‘gifted’ children tend to have (I was one) and working through some stuff.

@EJ I am with the other commenter who is genuinely confused about what in your posts is bothersome. I hope they return and explain.

This was a long weekend in Ontario as yesterday was Family Day, so we had a big family party. My fella and I don’t celebrate Vday. Though we did book our honeymoon – we’re getting married on our 20th anniversary in Sept. 🙂

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

I don’t want to put any pressure on the anonymous commentor to tell me what was wrong, since I understand that telling someone to go and read through some triggering stuff is a dick move, and that the “go and find me specific evidence of what I said” is often used as a silencing tactic. Whether or not I thought I said something hurtful, it ended up being hurtful, and that’s what matters.

Thank you for pointing out my privilege and I’ll do my best to do better in future.

ETA: I think the “anonymous commenter” account is a great idea, for when someone (a regular or not) wants to say something but needs the courage of anonymity to do so. Kudos for doing that.

weakling
6 years ago

I actually haven’t had my Valentine’s celebrations yet! I was in some pretty significant psychiatric distress (hypo/mania? mixed episode? something??? whatever it was it was rough! oof!), but my partner and our friends (we were planning a double date) agreed to move it, which honestly means the world to me. I’m so uncomfortable with how my debilitating my illness sometimes is, so it’s just so so lovely that they’re all being so understanding about it. I feel really lucky

PS: any ideas for cute vegetarian and lactose free things I could cook for valentines? We’re having a picnic 🙂

————————
@Chiomara

re: specifically the relationship, I really recommend the blog Captain Awkward, it’s an advice blog which includes lots of questions from people in situations like yours, and in my opinion offers really good and affirming, sensible advice, particularly focused on boundaries and respect. It’s really helped me in my life (though admittedly the issues I’m dealing with are pretty different), so maybe you would find it valuable too? 🙂

Orion
Orion
6 years ago

@the folks expressing confusion with the anonymous commenter, I feel I should say that I was nodding along as I read it.

@EJ,

It seems you’ve taken it to heart and don’t need to hear it from me, but I too had noticed for a while that you talked about our sex life more than was strictly necessary in a way that felt somehow unseemly. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t feel like the injured party, could not articulate what felt off, and feared looking the hypocrite if it turned out that people don’t love reading my frequent posts about the perks and challenges of conventional beauty and occasional references to my own history.

@folks reading the gifted stuff,

This piece is not strictly about giftedness, but it’s from a website for gifted resources and I suspect it will be familiar to many of you. It’s about procrastination, shame, and underachievement, so if thinking that is likely to bring you shame, be warned. http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/paralysis.htm

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