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Roosh V, Ever the Romantic, Seeks Human Female “Suitable for Reproduction”

Brace yourself, world! Roosh is planning to reproduce!
Brace yourself, world! Roosh is planning to reproduce!

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Great news, ladies! Pickup artist and rape legalization proponent Roosh Valizadeh has decided to take a wife, or at least a wife-equivalent! Might you qualify for the job?

In a blog post that is essentially the world’s longest and least enticing personal ad, Roosh lays out what he’s looking for in what he so poetically calls “a woman who I think would be suitable for reproduction (and not necessarily state-sanctioned marriage).”

Beldar Conehead could not have put it better!

Let’s go through the list of requirements.

You must be so young and inexperienced you don’t realize you could do better than Roosh

Roosh likes them young, specifying that his future wife or wife equivalent needs to be between the ages of 18 and 25. In part, he explains, this is because he wants someone with a fresh womb, etc, capable of popping out multiple children units.

But he also wants a woman who’s not “emotionally damaged,” which his way of saying “someone who’s never dated anyone better than him.”

[S]ingle women over 25 are emotionally damaged in some way, are alpha widowed, or are professional daters who are incapable of making the proper relationship sacrifice.

“Alpha widows,” in the Red Pill world, are women who look back fondly on men they’ve dated before.

You must not have had sex with anyone better than Roosh V

Ideally, Roosh would prefer a woman who’s never had sex with anyone at all, and who cannot, therefore, compare him to anyone else.

I … don’t want to marry a woman who has voluntarily accepted being used as a [censored by DF] dumpster by other men, or who kisses my child with lips that have been previously wrapped around many other …

We’ll just end that quote a little early, for decency’s sake.

He is, however, willing to wife up — or wife-equivalent up — women who’ve touched fewer than three other penises. As long as the dudes she previously dated were basically big losers.

For a woman who has had sexual partners before me, I must be the absolute best man she has ever been with in terms of appearance, personality, and resources. Otherwise, once the honeymoon is over and the relationship hits an inevitable low point, she will get a “Could I have done better?” itch and sabotage the relationship or test me to the point where I have to play “dread game” just to keep her in the kitchen.

In case you missed his main point, he spells it out as explicitly as he can:

There must be no doubt within her mind that I am the best that she could possibly get.

You should be pretty, but not so pretty that you think you can do better than Roosh

More specifically, you must be a 7 on the ten-point lady attractiveness scale. No other ratings are acceptable.

Thanks to technology and modern cosmopolitan society, a woman who is an 8 or above in beauty has been exposed to more toxic situations and experiences where she’s achieved some level of e-fame, been validated incessantly for her appearance, and been offered money, consumer products, and trips for her vagina (and likely accepted those offers).

I think he means that these terrible 8-point-or-higher women have traded sex for vacations, not that lovesick beta males have literally paid for these women’s vaginas to travel the world. But this is Roosh here, so who knows.

She has also fully utilitized her beauty to get her way in life, including prime seating for manipulating men for personal gain. Not only is such a woman harder to manage, but her entitlement is far higher. For a life partner I will purposefully aim lower than what I could get for casual sex.

So evidently it is fine for Roosh to think he could “do better” than his wife, but not vice versa.

The color of your skin must fit within acceptable parameters

Roosh, of Persian/Armenian descent, wants his future wife/wife equivalent to have a “skin tone … within two shades of myself.” So no Swedes, but also no one with skin much darker than his.

I would like to have kids that look like me, so I will not reproduce with a woman who is black, Asian, or Indian. Acceptable races are South American, Persian, Armenian, and European (non-Northern).

You should be feminine, submissive, and preferably not too smart or strong

Roosh likes his women like he likes his coffee, weak. (NOTE: I do not actually know how Roosh likes his coffee.) As he sees it, his ideal mate

should look and act like a woman and not try to compete with me in terms of mental or physical strength.

You should be happy staying at home with the kids while he procures some sort of super-enriched bread

Once the kids arrive, she should have no desire to pursue a pointless office career in place of taking care of our growing brood. …  her place will be in the home while I tirelessly work on my internet ebook hustle to bring home the bread that gives her everything she needs.

But Roosh won’t be a tyrant. While he specifies that he won’t “participate in more than 5% of household duties outside of home improvement,” his bride or bride equivalent will be allowed to have some hobbies, and possibly even a dog.

She may have some freedom to pursue hobbies like yoga or knitting … She can live a pleasant middle-class lifestyle that can even include dog and car ownership.

Sounds like paradise! Speaking of which:

You have to believe in some sort of god

Roosh, who doesn’t seem to have any religious beliefs of his own, as far as I can discern, requires that his future wife or wife equivalent be a believer herself. As he sees it, religious women are less likely to use the internet or get fat on him.

My experience shows that a woman who doesn’t believe in god has a value system taught to her by corporations and progressive degenerates. She will certainly be addicted to internet attention, alcohol, casual sex, material possessions, or food.

But don’t worry, gals. Roosh doesn’t specify WHICH god he requires you to believe in, so all you Baal worshipers should be ok!

You probably should live in some tiny Ukrainian village without internet access

As Roosh sees it, his requirements for the future mother of his children

are quite reasonable, and something that would have taken no more than a 6-month search two generations ago … .

Unfortunately, such women are hard to find these days, at least in places with actual sidewalks and electricity and so forth.

[B]ased on my last decade of intensive fornication, I’ve encountered maybe two girls who fit the bill, especially when it comes to girls being a virgin and eager to stay at home. Part of this reason is that most of my time hunting for women was spent in big cities where such values are rapidly disappearing.

So where in the world does Roosh think he might find the elusive girl of his dreams, reproduction-wise?

If I do want to have kids, I should immediately move, because I’m surely not getting any younger. The two countries that seem to best accomplish my list are Ukraine and Russia … .

Wait: IF you want kids?

Yep, if.

Because there’s one little catch, ladies. Roosh doesn’t actually want kids now. He’s just pretty sure he’ll be wanting some later.

While I can honestly state that I’m not crazy about having kids right now, I know that my desires can change and so I have to guess if I will want them within five years time.

So all you ladies older than 20 are pretty much out of luck — by the time Roosh gets around to actually wanting kids, you’ll be too old, an ancient crone of 25 years or older.

But if you’re between the ages of 13 and 20, with the proper color skin and no career aspirations, you still have a chance! All you need to do is to is to throw away your iPhone, strap on a chastity belt, move to some small town in Ukraine or Russia, and wait five years for Roosh to arrive.

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Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

But if you’re between the ages of 13 …

You know what, I think you’ve accidentally landed on his real reason for posting this now. BRB, puking forever.

LindsayIrene
6 years ago

Last year, I sent my vagina on a wine tour in Tuscany.

Tom
Tom
6 years ago

Roosh is one of those sexists I struggle to cope with. He isn’t even pretending to care about equality, so how do you respond? At least the majority of anti-feminists pay lip-service to equality, and thus there is something to undermine. If you can prove that their argument imposes a double standard you /might/ make them back down.

Roosh V is the Joker of Misogynists. He can’t be reasoned with. He’s a dog chasing cars. The main difference is that the joker can reliably assemble more than ~50 people in a single room at one time.

Walter
Walter
6 years ago

It’s hard to believe that someone could be so horrible. He basically wants a domestic slave.

What I find funny though, is that he’s not even willing to go out and get a real job. He just wants to sit at home and write e-books. Does he really make enough money off of that yo support himsrlf and a whole other person?

brian
brian
6 years ago

David, I think in your first big header you meant to say “so young and INexperienced”?

brian
brian
6 years ago

@Walter: Not just one other person! At least two more! Probably more than that! And not only does he expect to make enough money to support a wife and one or more children from the “internet ebook hustle” (he must get some money on the side from the Department of Redundancy Department), but apparently he’s unwilling to do anything more than the barest minimum of work contributing to “keeping house” or raising the kids, despite the fact that, presumably, most of this work is done from home… unless he intends to still wander the globe, attempting to fuck/rape random girls and write about it. Is that part of his “internet ebook hustle”?

Megan Rivera
6 years ago

For a woman who has had sexual partners before me, I must be the absolute best man she has ever been with in terms of appearance, personality, and resources.

If he were the last man on the planet and I had to breed with him or allow the human race to die, I would sacrifice our entire species and avoid him like he was a walking Influenza farm. I’m not exaggerating, this is one of the most physically and mentally repulsive people I’ve ever had the misfortune of clapping my eyes on.

magnesium
6 years ago

Reproducing with Roosh would probably qualify as a crime against humanity.

I tirelessly work on my internet ebook hustle

hahahahaha, ahhh, shut up, Roosh.

Bananananana dakry
Bananananana dakry
6 years ago

Even if I fell within his ridiculously narrow parameters (which I most emphatically do not), one look at those soulless, dead eyes would send my vagina and the rest of me screaming off to the moon in revulsion and terror. Total catch, amirite?

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
6 years ago

What did I just read?!

Oh hell, where is the brain bleach?

brian
brian
6 years ago

Also, I actually think he’d be perfectly capable of finding a woman like he describes quite easily in the USA… if he could rewind his entire life and be a good Christian boy among one of those sub-groups of the religion that tend to engage in “courting” rather than dating and homeschool their children. I’ve known a few people of such belief systems and the wives, AFAIK, didn’t work… because they were busy raising and homeschooling 8-12 kids. And pretty much without a doubt they never had sex before they were married and married young. Unlike that garbage human Roosh, however, all those that I knew personally were pretty great people, for all that I disagreed with a lot of their beliefs.

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

For a woman who has had sexual partners before me, I must be the absolute best man she has ever been with in terms of appearance, personality, and resources.

Appearance:
– Thinks wiping his ass is something men do only to pick up women.
– Constantly looks greasy and in desperate need of a comb.
– Wears shitty wigs to bars he’s been banned from to pick up women (who then throw beer on him).

Personality:
– Runs a repugnant PUA site where he teaches men how to rape women through coercion, brute force, or getting the woman drunk.
– Advocates for rape to be legalized on private property (and then claims “satire”, so he can’t even be consistent)
– Constantly refers to women as “females”, and talks about “breeding” with them in terms of livestock.
– Thinks women are stupid and incapable of making their own decisions.
– Admits to raping a woman in one of his terrible “Bang” books.
– Sleeps with lots of women to write aforementioned terrible “Bang” books
– but says it’s not okay for his future partner to have had more than three partners, thus making him a massive fucking sexist hypocrite.
– Also refuses to do housework.
– Refuses to let his wife-to-be have a job or challenge him in any way, shape, or form (most likely because he’s really fucking insecure and can’t stand the thought of a woman besting him at anything).

Resources:
– Self-publishes shitty how-to-rape guides for various countries as ebooks, that have had petitions made against them.
– Has Return of Kings, which is an internet how-to-rape guide.
– Constantly couch-surfs
– Admits to living off of his sisters’ generosity.
– Thinks his “internet ebook hustle” will be enough to earn him and his “brood” a middle-class lifestyle after he gets married to his “brood mare”.

Gee, Roosh, way to set the bar really fucking high.

If there was anyone I would ever wish crippling loneliness on, it’s Roosh. No one deserves this man’s idea of companionship. Not even a dog.

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

At least he recognizes that any woman he ends up with will eventually very seriously question that decision. I didn’t think he was even capable of that level of self-awareness.

dhag85
6 years ago

I’ve been looking for a suitable person to clean my apartment (including litter boxes) on a weekly basis (litter boxes daily). There are a few seemingly random requirements. You must:

– Be very tall, or very short. No inbetweeners!
– Be a “trekkie” (I’m not a trekkie myself)
– Live exactly 45 minutes away
– Have an instagram account but you “never use it”
– Appreciate vanilla ice cream (it is not bland)
– Have an on/off switch in the back of your neck
– Never speak, unless spoken to, in which case you may use only monosyllabic words + grunts
– Give me constant compliments
– Have unusual powers, such as instant coffee “glands” (more info avalaible on request)
– Have no other clients/friends/family/pets/hobbies

Your compensation will be nothing. But hurry up! I’m not getting any younger here.

Tovius
Tovius
6 years ago

@LindsayIrene
Those derpy cats are adorable, much needed brain bleach!

brian
brian
6 years ago

@kupo: I’m pretty sure that’s because he thinks all women are terrible and always want to try to “trade up” or some garbage.
So not so much a comment on his self-awareness, imo, as just another facet of his views on women as a group.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

Ah, but dhag, you’re a decent person and your cleaner would be rewarded with cat snuggles, so you might actually have some takers (were those actually physically possible requirements that is). Roosh otoh, causes everyone to vomit in their mouth, no amount of animal cuteness would make up for being in the same room as him.

I do not have pictures of this, but story brain bleach? Our nearly 100lb dumb as rocks dog may’ve learned that he gets a dog biscuit for walking away after staring at our newcomer cat. Pretty sure this will just result in him staring at her and then walking over to where his treats are stored, but fuck it, staring is acceptable behavior! Resident cat is being placated with ‘nip and mom is joking that she’s got one cat that needs a dentist and another that’s gonna need rehab. All in all, things are cute, and mostly not pointy or hissy.

Sarah
Sarah
6 years ago

For an added touch of repulsiveness, he captions a picture of the Duggar clan at the top of the post. I made the mistake of going down to look at the comments. They were discussing the “masculine” appearance of one of the twentysomething daughters. BLECH.

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

So he knows that most women can do and have done better than him. He also knows most women will best him in intelligence and in many other ways. He just wants someone to be his human screen between his fantasy and reality. I recommend he raises pay for this tedious, abusive position or it’s starting to sound desperate.

With all the Roosh insights we’ve been treated to, I’d hate to be him. What a sad existence.

Not that I feel sorry for him, he’s created his own hell.

hippielady
hippielady
6 years ago

How about jokey brain bleach? A man told me this story: His niece and her husband were playing Wheel of Fortune and the husband says, “I want to buy a vowel. Can I have an L? And the niece says, “no, but how about an H?”

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

@PI

“– Admits to living off of his sisters’ generosity.”

For reals? What is it with these mighty misogynists and the woman’s purse?

MexicanHotChocolate
MexicanHotChocolate
6 years ago

Maybe he can marry into the Duggar clan. Their girls are probably used to domineering men. Or are they too light-skinned?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

@dhag – Darn, I have cappucino glands due to riding the caffeine carousel too much in my twenties. Does that disqualify me?

She can live a pleasant middle-class lifestyle that can even include dog and car ownership.

Whoa, a dog and car ownership? And Roosh might begrudgingly allow her to knit? Dream big, ladies.

Not to brag or anything, but I already have a car, and a cat, and freedom to knit…plus I’m not being emotionally abused by an unkempt greaseball. Move over, Donald Trump. #iamtheonepercent

kale
kale
6 years ago

This man should not ever be anywhere near a child or animal.

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