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Roosh V, Ever the Romantic, Seeks Human Female “Suitable for Reproduction”

Brace yourself, world! Roosh is planning to reproduce!
Brace yourself, world! Roosh is planning to reproduce!

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Great news, ladies! Pickup artist and rape legalization proponent Roosh Valizadeh has decided to take a wife, or at least a wife-equivalent! Might you qualify for the job?

In a blog post that is essentially the world’s longest and least enticing personal ad, Roosh lays out what he’s looking for in what he so poetically calls “a woman who I think would be suitable for reproduction (and not necessarily state-sanctioned marriage).”

Beldar Conehead could not have put it better!

Let’s go through the list of requirements.

You must be so young and inexperienced you don’t realize you could do better than Roosh

Roosh likes them young, specifying that his future wife or wife equivalent needs to be between the ages of 18 and 25. In part, he explains, this is because he wants someone with a fresh womb, etc, capable of popping out multiple children units.

But he also wants a woman who’s not “emotionally damaged,” which his way of saying “someone who’s never dated anyone better than him.”

[S]ingle women over 25 are emotionally damaged in some way, are alpha widowed, or are professional daters who are incapable of making the proper relationship sacrifice.

“Alpha widows,” in the Red Pill world, are women who look back fondly on men they’ve dated before.

You must not have had sex with anyone better than Roosh V

Ideally, Roosh would prefer a woman who’s never had sex with anyone at all, and who cannot, therefore, compare him to anyone else.

I … don’t want to marry a woman who has voluntarily accepted being used as a [censored by DF] dumpster by other men, or who kisses my child with lips that have been previously wrapped around many other …

We’ll just end that quote a little early, for decency’s sake.

He is, however, willing to wife up — or wife-equivalent up — women who’ve touched fewer than three other penises. As long as the dudes she previously dated were basically big losers.

For a woman who has had sexual partners before me, I must be the absolute best man she has ever been with in terms of appearance, personality, and resources. Otherwise, once the honeymoon is over and the relationship hits an inevitable low point, she will get a “Could I have done better?” itch and sabotage the relationship or test me to the point where I have to play “dread game” just to keep her in the kitchen.

In case you missed his main point, he spells it out as explicitly as he can:

There must be no doubt within her mind that I am the best that she could possibly get.

You should be pretty, but not so pretty that you think you can do better than Roosh

More specifically, you must be a 7 on the ten-point lady attractiveness scale. No other ratings are acceptable.

Thanks to technology and modern cosmopolitan society, a woman who is an 8 or above in beauty has been exposed to more toxic situations and experiences where she’s achieved some level of e-fame, been validated incessantly for her appearance, and been offered money, consumer products, and trips for her vagina (and likely accepted those offers).

I think he means that these terrible 8-point-or-higher women have traded sex for vacations, not that lovesick beta males have literally paid for these women’s vaginas to travel the world. But this is Roosh here, so who knows.

She has also fully utilitized her beauty to get her way in life, including prime seating for manipulating men for personal gain. Not only is such a woman harder to manage, but her entitlement is far higher. For a life partner I will purposefully aim lower than what I could get for casual sex.

So evidently it is fine for Roosh to think he could “do better” than his wife, but not vice versa.

The color of your skin must fit within acceptable parameters

Roosh, of Persian/Armenian descent, wants his future wife/wife equivalent to have a “skin tone … within two shades of myself.” So no Swedes, but also no one with skin much darker than his.

I would like to have kids that look like me, so I will not reproduce with a woman who is black, Asian, or Indian. Acceptable races are South American, Persian, Armenian, and European (non-Northern).

You should be feminine, submissive, and preferably not too smart or strong

Roosh likes his women like he likes his coffee, weak. (NOTE: I do not actually know how Roosh likes his coffee.) As he sees it, his ideal mate

should look and act like a woman and not try to compete with me in terms of mental or physical strength.

You should be happy staying at home with the kids while he procures some sort of super-enriched bread

Once the kids arrive, she should have no desire to pursue a pointless office career in place of taking care of our growing brood. …  her place will be in the home while I tirelessly work on my internet ebook hustle to bring home the bread that gives her everything she needs.

But Roosh won’t be a tyrant. While he specifies that he won’t “participate in more than 5% of household duties outside of home improvement,” his bride or bride equivalent will be allowed to have some hobbies, and possibly even a dog.

She may have some freedom to pursue hobbies like yoga or knitting … She can live a pleasant middle-class lifestyle that can even include dog and car ownership.

Sounds like paradise! Speaking of which:

You have to believe in some sort of god

Roosh, who doesn’t seem to have any religious beliefs of his own, as far as I can discern, requires that his future wife or wife equivalent be a believer herself. As he sees it, religious women are less likely to use the internet or get fat on him.

My experience shows that a woman who doesn’t believe in god has a value system taught to her by corporations and progressive degenerates. She will certainly be addicted to internet attention, alcohol, casual sex, material possessions, or food.

But don’t worry, gals. Roosh doesn’t specify WHICH god he requires you to believe in, so all you Baal worshipers should be ok!

You probably should live in some tiny Ukrainian village without internet access

As Roosh sees it, his requirements for the future mother of his children

are quite reasonable, and something that would have taken no more than a 6-month search two generations ago … .

Unfortunately, such women are hard to find these days, at least in places with actual sidewalks and electricity and so forth.

[B]ased on my last decade of intensive fornication, I’ve encountered maybe two girls who fit the bill, especially when it comes to girls being a virgin and eager to stay at home. Part of this reason is that most of my time hunting for women was spent in big cities where such values are rapidly disappearing.

So where in the world does Roosh think he might find the elusive girl of his dreams, reproduction-wise?

If I do want to have kids, I should immediately move, because I’m surely not getting any younger. The two countries that seem to best accomplish my list are Ukraine and Russia … .

Wait: IF you want kids?

Yep, if.

Because there’s one little catch, ladies. Roosh doesn’t actually want kids now. He’s just pretty sure he’ll be wanting some later.

While I can honestly state that I’m not crazy about having kids right now, I know that my desires can change and so I have to guess if I will want them within five years time.

So all you ladies older than 20 are pretty much out of luck — by the time Roosh gets around to actually wanting kids, you’ll be too old, an ancient crone of 25 years or older.

But if you’re between the ages of 13 and 20, with the proper color skin and no career aspirations, you still have a chance! All you need to do is to is to throw away your iPhone, strap on a chastity belt, move to some small town in Ukraine or Russia, and wait five years for Roosh to arrive.

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weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I liked seeing Yates sort of have to confront his privilege as he did not realize there were still people who dislike feminism out there. Something women who ever express a feminist opinion obviously know.

I think also that watching him read all those racist comments will help with the brogressive types who are able to recognize racism but are just fine with misogyny. You know, the type of guy who thinks of himself as a progressive but might have agreed with some of the manosphere points. Those guys will probably turned off by the racism.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

WWTH — yeah, I definitely liked both his shock that there are people out there who hate feminism, and his “I just stuck my pinkie toe in, what’s it like for the feminists who wade in?”; and what he said to Roosh about his little brother… actually, everything about how he doesn’t want his kid brother exposed to their shit.

It’s a good 101 for the non-mammothers not wading in acronym soup that doesn’t fall over backwards trying to appear unbiased, while not going into it expecting it to be a manure pile.

Orion
Orion
6 years ago

Yates puts himself into the documentary a great deal. Is this the norm nowadays?

It seems to be. Or to put it another way, it didn’t strike this 26-year old viewer as at all unusual.

I just watched a really cool documentary a couple weeks ago called “Do I Sound Gay?” where a 40 year old filmmaker used his insecurities about his voice as an opportunity to talk to linguists, sociologists, activists, celebrities, and coaches about orientation and speech.

nparker
nparker
6 years ago

@Argenti Aertheri

All your commercials were LEGO? I only got one after that LIonel Hutz video. What am I doing wrong to not get four?

I’d never seen the drink ‘attack’ before I watched the doc. Glad I did!

OH, oh- LEGO animation of the ‘Battle of Montreal!’ just popped into my head as an idea I NEED TO BE MADE!

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
6 years ago

Hmm… I must have the gene that makes cilantro taste soapy, I can definitely taste that – but it’s not the dominant flavour, and I still absolutely love it.

I still have profound memories of the way broccoli (and other veggies like it) tasted when I was a kid. But it doesn’t taste that way to me now. Then I can only compare it to eating powdered sulfur. I love all those vegetables now. There’s only one veggie that I still can’t eat and that’s the bitter melon. Maybe it’s a culturally acquired taste or it might just be me.

Excited to watch the Reggie Yates doc later today on iPlayer maybe.

SCH
SCH
6 years ago

What a creep. Science needs to find a way to explain something that is longer than “never,” because that’s how soon I’d ever go anywhere near someone like that. If he was the last thing on the face of the planet, I’d sooner hunt down an alternate parallel universe where my fave fictional character who isn’t even human (but still rather human-like and more human than this creep will ever be) is real, escape to his universe and cozy up with him instead. This creep can then die alone as the last remaining human (is he even?) in this entire universe.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

nparker — you use iplayer? I’m on the other side of the pond and watched it on YouTube.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Isn’t there some correlation between the ‘ability’ to taste the bitterness in stuff like broccoli and cabbage and being able to roll your tongue into a tube? Sure I read that somewhere.

dhag85
6 years ago

When I was a kid I absolutely hated broccoli (and now I love it). But I don’t recall thinking it tasted bitter. I used to drink grapefruit juice when I was little, so I know I’ve always loved bitter stuff.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
6 years ago

Isn’t there some correlation between the ‘ability’ to taste the bitterness in stuff like broccoli and cabbage and being able to roll your tongue into a tube? Sure I read that somewhere.

Cabbage is bitter?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ pandapool

Cabbage is bitter?

To some people; again it’s a genetic thing. Supposedly to do with your ancestors and their ability to detect alkaloid poisons so they know what plants to eat (although why that affects some people and not others is something I’d like to know if anyone here can shed light)

Mind if I do another quick survey?

Please answer yes or no to the following:

1. I find broccoli/cabbage tastes bitter.
2. I can roll my tongue into a tube.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

For anyone who has real trouble with the smell or taste of broccoli, cabbage and other brassicas, I read a tip from Stephanie Alexander — well-known Australian chef. https://www.penguin.com.au/products/9781920989002/cook-s-companion (And no, I didn’t buy it for myself. Waaaaay beyond my pay grade.)

Don’t microwave them. Fill a very large saucepan, or stockpot, with water and get it boiling reasonably hard before putting the veg in. Her view is that you need to have a large enough quantity of water that all the sulphur compounds will dissolve into that and none, or near enough, will be retained in the veg itself.

As for the coriander gene, I and my sister have it in spades. Can’t tolerate … caraway, tarragon, fennel, coriander, dill, fenugreek, cumin and probably half a dozen others depending on how my day is. Funnily enough, I don’t normally taste it as soapy. With tarragon and coriander, I think the meat is ‘off’. Even when I complain about it, I don’t first think of my dislike for these herbs as the basis of my complaint. Gives rise to many ‘humorous’ quips from my daughters. You hate coriander. How come you can’t taste it?!!?

Though I don’t mind the seeds in most pickling mixtures. Turns out they’re different compounds. http://www.compoundchem.com/2014/03/13/chemical-compounds-in-herbs-spices/

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

Pandapool, all brassicas contain compounds which taste bitter if there’s enough of them.

Kale, cabbage, cauliflower, turnips, broccoli, Brussels sprouts can taste horrible if not cooked in a way that gets rid of (enough of) those compounds.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Jackie; currently using they/their, he/his pronouns)
6 years ago

@Alan

Broccoli is taste like grass and I’ve never had raw cabbage but I’m pretty sure whenever I ate it, it tasted vinegary, whether boiled, in cabbage rolls or in kimchi. I can roll my tongue into a tube. I also like the taste of cilantro/coriander.

@mildymagnificent

Well cauliflower is an awful, tasteless abomination and kale does taste bitter to me. Brussel sprouts are AMAZING, though.

Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago

@Alan:

I love broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts etc. Raw, roasted with a bit of butter and lemon (the BEST way to eat it), steamed, you name it. Love the stuff. I can taste bitterness, but I like it. I don’t think ‘bitterness’ to me is the same as the bitterness my husband tastes – he hates it.

I can roll my tongue into a tube.

nparker
nparker
6 years ago

@ Argenti Aertheri

Yes, I used BBC Iplayer to watch.
What Youtube channel has it? Was it an official BBC one?

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
6 years ago

1. No
2. Yes

Should have said this yesterday, but I’m a longtime reader, first-time poster. Hi.

Frank Torpedo
6 years ago

Pro-tip:

Add chopped onions, garlic, and spring onions to Broccoli to imbue flavor. Stir-fry with some butter and salt to taste. Yes, you must use conventional onions and spring onions. They both have different flavors.

Why, yes, I am a man that can cook fairly well. I am truly a cultured and intelligent gentleman….heh, heh, heh, not really, everyone should know how to cook.

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

@Alan:

1. No, I don’t think broccoli and cabbage tastes bitter.

2. Yes, I can roll my tongue into a tube.

kfreed
kfreed
6 years ago

“You should be feminine, submissive, and preferably not too smart or strong”

Might we suggest a member of the Christian Taliban?

“How The Duggars’ Church Encourages Young Women To ‘Submit’”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/22/how-the-duggars-church-encourages-young-women-to-submit.html

Or a member of the Taliban Taliban, since skin color is an issue for Rush V:
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/wideangle/episodes/a-woman-among-warlords/womens-rights-in-the-taliban-and-post-taliban-eras/?p=66

Joanna
Joanna
6 years ago

What is hilarious is Roosh V believes that he is a stoic, fierce caveman. However, he comes across as afraid. “What! I am not scared!” When a man refuses to allow a female journalist to interview him without blowing him first, he is broadcasting his fear of being challenged by a woman. When a man despises older women and women with educations, he announces that he needs a woman to be submissive or he falls apart. Roosh is the neediest, most terrified man that has ever worn a baseball cap.

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