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Your girlfriend may be a secret uggo using makeup to deceive you, Red Pill dudes warn

Some women use makeup to try to disguise the fact that they are zombies
Some women use makeup to try to disguise the fact that they are zombies

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Bad news, guys! Over on the Red Pill subreddit, the regulars have uncovered a massive conspiracy to dupe men into relationships with women who are not the 8/10 would-bang hotties that they seem! This conspiracy is known as “makeup” — and you may already be a victim!

Earlier today, a Red Pill Redditor calling himself constructiveasshole dropped a massive truth bomb on his Red Pill colleagues. It turns out that that pretty gal you have your eye on — or that you might even be dating! —  is actually … not so pretty. Because women are FAKE.

Constructiveasshole, drawing on his own sad story, revealed some of the dirty tricks that women use to lure men to their doom:

My 24yo ex-girlfriend was an actress and I learned a shitton about how fake women are by dating her.

We lived together for a year in Los Angeles and I watched her get ready for auditions and wow. Like, this girl was a 5 at best without any makeup on. But when she got all dolled up for an audition I watched her apply pounds of thick foundation, false eyelashes, blonde hair extensions, blue contacts (seriously, some incredibly convincing blue contacts she ordered monthly from Italy), a padded bra (she was barely a B without it), extreme shapewear with butt pad inserts (!), and tons of other shit.

Butt pads! Will these evil harpies stop at nothing?

She also confessed to getting a nose job for her 18th birthday. Her new nose is cute. Her old nose was huge, like a witch. She got a tiny bit of botox in her lips and face, though this was harder to spot.

THE NOSE IS A LIE.

It didn’t look unnatural. Everything she did was extreme but it was subtle, wearing jeans and a t-shirt she looked like a casual hot girl. But she never got all dolled up for me unless we went out in public. Her hotness, and the 8/10 I assigned her when we met, was a lie.

TRULY WE ARE LIVING IN THE MATRIX.

But constructiveasshole’s ex is not the only devious 5/10 would-not-bang not-hottie using extreme-yet-subtle trickery to dupe men into assigning them several more hotness points than they objectively deserve.

Living in LA I’ve learned that beauty is in the bones. If a girl is truly beautiful she will look good with her makeup off. I think we should quit basing girls’ SMV on the caked-on lies they post on Instagram/Tinder, and instead rate them on the awkward candids buried in their Facebooks. I stared at this 5/10 every night and could barely fuck her by the end. Her bones were average and she’s boring.

So, fellas, remember to check the bones before popping a boner. Because you don’t want to end up bonerless in bed with an average batch of bones.

Learn to look past their makeup. Especially if you want to have kids with her! They might inherit her real eye color and real body size and real complexion and real nose/lips/wrinkles. I can spot plastic surgery a mile away now and it’s an instant nope. If she’s 25 and has had lots of work done, she’s a CC-rider trying to disguise her premature aging. No thanks.

Other Red Pillers stepped up to confirm that this evil conspiracy is as real as the totally objective 1-10 scale you can use to rate all women.

Captainpixysticks warned that the conspiracy is a vast one:

captainpixystick 40 points 9 hours ago   I'd say most women are ugly. Make up is the only reason why they look as attractive as they do. Women are very insecure because they know this. They know that 3 minutes with a wet towel would take them from an 8 to a 4.      permalink     embed     save     report     give gold  [–]George_l_rockwell 16 points 7 hours ago   Yeah, I live at a university, and women here look like completely different people when their makeup isn't on here. No homo, but men actually fare much better without makeup over women. If women didn't wear makeup, a lot of "hot chicks" would be on the same attractive league as many betas.

epixs — also, like George_l_rockwell, not a homosexual — wondered if there was “someway” to figure out if a bitch’s seeming beauty was the result of the cosmeticspiracy.

epixs 2 points 5 hours ago   Is there anyway I can learn how to spot womens make up tricks.  no homo but I analyze guys muscles and muscle insertions since I've started lifting 4-5 years ago (selective perception).  Wish there was someway I could distinctly spot a bitch using tons of makeup even if she pulls of as natural. It pisses me of thinking some 3-4/10 disguised as a 8/10 would trick me into believing shes hot.

2akurate, homosexual status unknown, brought up a worrying complication: the difficulty in telling that a hot girl is hot when she’s not dressed like a hottie.

2akurate 14 points 8 hours ago   Same here mate, this girl would turn heads where ever she whent, but when I got her off her high heels and she put her make-up off for the night she was a regular plain ass girl. Since that relationship I'm very conscious of this female trickery.  There is one problem inherent in men though (or maybe its just me) I don't notice beautiful girls if they wear normal clothes. Sometimes as an exercise I imagine a normal looking girl with heels and the lot and I can immediatly see how she could be totally hot, but she wouldn't turn up on my radar otherwise. It's evolution I guess, everyone is adapting and we can't really blame the girls as our own behavior is forcing them to distinguish themselves from the others.

HumanSockPuppet pointed out yet another complication: sometimes women who do have good bone structure turn out to be Emma Watson.

HumanSockPuppet 4 points 7 hours ago   As far as I'm concerned, Emma Watson is one of the ugliest bitches out there.  She may have decent bones, but her soul is tainted.

Stay frosty, fellas! It’s a treacherous world out there.

EDIT: Forgot to give a H/T to ResidentBalkanBitch on r/thebluepill for alerting me to the red pill post.

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because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

And I just saw this “breaking” story: https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/7-crazy-ways-makeup-affects-your-love-life-112280830608.html

From the article: “According to a study from Procter & Gamble, wearing makeup makes you seem more competent. That means you should probably wear a little makeup to your first job interview and first date, because who wants to date someone who is incompetent?”

Fuuuck! Why do they keep publishing this garbage??!

bekabot
bekabot
7 years ago

STEP ONE: IS SHE LITERALLY SPARKLING?

Well, there’s always the ‘Twilight Vampire’ possibility, but that’s a long shot.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
7 years ago

Spindrift
He gets nothing period! She should divorce him and never see him ever again she and the child deserves better.

Because reasons
I don’t know seriously no one cares about that kind of trash.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/20140318/5002891/edward-cullen-sparkling-o.gif
My brother actually likes the Twilight series

because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

@fruitloopsie
I agree, it’s total trash. But some impressionable women/men (or young folks) may very well take this “advice” and crap-science to heart. 🙁

katz
7 years ago

And then I remember one guy in particular who had basically fetishized me and only thought I was hot when I looked a certain way…which made me feel like shit. Isn’t the point that when you’re in love with someone, they just look amazing to you, because you don’t just see their outward appearance, but all the wonderful qualities they possess? Psssshhh, but I guess that’s just my lame lady brain talking.

You also see this in patriarchal Christian circles. They talk a lot about wives “letting themselves go” (ie, aging) and looking good for their husbands. If a woman gets made up and dressed up to go out but is casual and doesn’t wear makeup around the house, that’s treated as disrespectful and mean to the husband, because she doesn’t care about looking nice for him.

Meanwhile, there is no examination of the fact that the husbands apparently find their wives unattractive unless they’re all dolled up.

because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

@katz
Yes! I think even outside of the religious groups this is somewhat common (at least in older or more “traditional” couples). You need to stay looking as good for your hubby as the day he fell in love with you…as if that were physically possible. Have kids? Great, but get that body back into pre-kid shape, asap! Gain weight? Oh no, he might cheat on you because no one wants to bang a fattie! Go through a health crisis? “sickness and health” is just a nice thing to say, you don’t expect us men to actually stick by you as you’re getting all sick and gross, do you? Aging? Wrinkles are boner killers.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
7 years ago

Because reasons
So riding bicycles is Misandry now? I have to go get me a bike.

Katz
What about teh menz!? TEH Menz can look good for their wivez two!comment image

friday jones
friday jones
7 years ago

From the notebooks of Anton Van Leeuwenhoek: “I was forced to discard several samples of good green pond scum, swarming with Animalcules, because they had become infested with misogynists.”

Spindrift
Spindrift
7 years ago

fruitloopsie “So riding bicycles is Misandry now? I have to go get me a bike.”

“Bicycling and feminism” gets it’s very own wikipedia page, it’s not very big though.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bicycling_and_feminism

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

Somebody mentioned Victorian women on bicycles? Then this is obligatory!

Re: the hunky guy cooking shirtless – all I can think is “Ouch! Oil splatters and steam scalds and burns, oh my!” I’d thank my husband for the eye candy and ask him to please put on a shirt for safety.

because reasons
because reasons
7 years ago

@Flying Mouse hahaha!

Re:hunky eye candy
At first glance I saw that shadow from the spatula and thought, “Oh, my, he’s cooking up more than just breakfast!”

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

K, I believe ‘fupa’ is an acronym for ‘fatty upper pubic area’. I don’t think I need to draw a picture. In other words, a completely normal bodily accommodation to subcutaneous fat.

And here’s a quote from Germaine Greer: “Is it too much to ask that women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate?”. From “The Female Eunuch”, 1970. Ouch.

Bina
7 years ago

Bicycle Face? You mean that look of relaxed joy I get from being able to move under my own power, with greater mobility than any car driver, flying faster than anyone on foot can run, and feeling the sun on my shoulders and the wind on my skin?

That doesn’t sound so bad to me…

Falconer
Falconer
7 years ago

extreme shapewear with butt pad inserts (!)

So that’s how you ladies handle the hard chairs!

Emmy Rae
Emmy Rae
7 years ago

“Do you want to go for drinks sometime?”
“I’m going to need to see your x-rays first.”

Emmy Rae
Emmy Rae
7 years ago

@Falconer that’s actually what padded bras are about too. So we can sleep on the floor on our stomachs in comfort if we need to. Turn our hard chairs backward and sit on them happily. Etc.

estraven
estraven
7 years ago

@ Flying Mouse, I’m reminded of a song by the little-known Ann Reed, who wrote “Don’t Do Your Deep-Fat Frying in the Nude.”

Uncivilized Elk
Uncivilized Elk
7 years ago

Great, now I have that feeling of repulsion that happens when people I dislike have a preference that matches mine, since I’m not a fan of make-up when it comes to beauty (but think it’s pretty awesome when you use it for flare, such as David Bowie or Tim Curry in RHPS).

Catalpa
Catalpa
7 years ago

The thing that disturbed me the most about that DMV quiz was that the 15-16 age range was awarded more points than any of the 26+ ranges. Who the fuck thinks it’s appropriate to be dating a 15 year old, aside from those currently aged 14-17? These guys don’t even TRY to hide the fact that they’re gross pedophiles, jeez.

Paradoxical Intention
7 years ago

Fruitloopsie:
comment image

It took me a minute to find the spatula. I saw the shadow and wondered what the fuck he was holding. White spatula on white pants was a bad idea.

Emmy Rae | March 24, 2015 at 4:13 pm
“Do you want to go for drinks sometime?”
“I’m going to need to see your x-rays first.”

Okay.

http://warnet.ws/img/303/pod/88.jpg

Cool, right?

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

@Paradoxical
I think the effect from white spatula on white pants that fruitloopsie mentioned may have been intended. I thought the same thing as her when I saw the picture! It’s either an accident or a clever use of illusion and mind trickery to make the image seem dirtier than it actually is. I like it. 😉

lith
lith
7 years ago

@because reasons:

You need to stay looking as good for your hubby as the day he fell in love with you…as if that were physically possible.

There was a guy in a comment thread talking about the photos of a supermodel that supposedly hadn’t been photoshopped so she had actual signs of age. But then the photographer came forward and said they’d been photoshopped to add signs of age and there was outrage. The commenter was very critical of how awful she looked. I pointed out that whether it’s photoshopped or not that’s how real women look when they age, and the same for men. I said he should get used to it or he’s going to be very disappointed when whoever he chooses gets older and he does too so he can’t ‘trade her in for a younger model’.

Saje Williams
7 years ago

These people make me want to tear my hair out. And I’ve waited most of my life to grow it out. To quote Walter Slovotsky… Beauty’s not just skin deep… it goes one hell of a lot deeper than that.

I can never figure out if these people are just precocious 8 year old boys or, in fact, the opposite of precocious… 8 year old boys in adult bodies.

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