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‘Cause every girl crazy ’bout a semen-filled man: Alleged true tales from the Semen Retention subreddit

April 17, 2019

Sorry ladies, but I have to deny you my essence

By David Futrelle

The Semen Retention subreddit is a weird place to visit, filled both with arcane manifestos on the spiritual awakenings that supposedly come from never having orgasms, ever, and enthusiastic testimonials from sperm-filled dudes convinced that their onanistic disipline has caused all the women in their immediate vicinity to lust for them like cats in heat, even though actually having sex with one of these women would destroy their no-orgasm streak and, they fear, transform them back into average schmoes again.

Great news, incels! The SW-3701 Automatic Semen Collector Instrument will agree to have sex with you

April 9, 2019

· 64 Comments

Ok, I added the eyes, and the cats, and the hearts, and everything else that isn’t the Semen Collector or the guy demonstrating it

By David Futrelle

Incels, and quite a few of their misogynistic brethren in the MGTOW and Men’s Rights movements, are more than a little obsessed with what they see as the impending arrival of super-realistic sexbots that, these guys think, will make women obsolete, because in their minds all that women are good for is sex anyway.

Creepy Nazi NoFapper: The Jews “fear men who practice semen retention”

February 7, 2019

· 29 Comments

Hitler sadly acknowledging the end of a 20-day NoFap streak

By David Futrelle

The other day I introduced you to DiceRollah, a Man Going His Own Way who is also a hardcore semen-retainer who thinks that giving up masturbation and sex will thwart the evil womens out there trying to steal his “life force” and prevent him from being the sort of awesome dude who, in our caveman days, would have been out there “doing fantastic works of cave art or slaying woolly mammoths.”

Women drain men’s life force (semen) and prevent them from hunting mammoths, MGTOW Redditor warns unironically

February 4, 2019

· 52 Comments

Semen-filled prehistoric MGTOWs doing some manly man stuff

By David Futrelle

Be still my heart! I’ve discovered a man who is, simultaneously, 1) a Redditor, 2) a MGTOW, 3) a NoFap dude with weird theories about semen who 4) literally wants to go out and hunt mammoths.

Why are incels so obsessed with other men’s semen? The answer is much darker than you think

November 2, 2018

· 70 Comments

To incels, virtually every sexually active straight man is a cuck

By David Futrelle

Right-wing shitposters aren’t the only ones who like to call everyone a “cuck.” Quite a few incels are fond of the insult as well, though in their minds it’s less of an insult than a description of the typical straight man — and they mean it quite literally.

The Daily Mail tracks Roosh V to his mother’s basement, where he lives. No, really.

February 5, 2016

· 173 Comments

Roosh Valizadeh, as he would prefer to be seen

This is just getting surreal.

The Daily Mail — yes, that Daily Mail — has tracked Roosh to his mother’s house in Silver Spring, Maryland, where he is currently living. In the basement.

The location of the pet shop has yet to be determined.

The Semen Thief: One Semen-Obsessed Redditor's Search for Answers

October 9, 2014

· 103 Comments

They do real SO HARD.

The Redditor who goes by the name vlodia has what can only be described as a unique set of interests: Stocks. Diablo. Leaked celebrity nudes. Anonymous browsing. And semen.

And while vlodia seems to keep most of his semen-related inquires confined to porn subreddits like r/tipofmypenis, he recently wandered into the Men’s Rights subreddit to ask about a semen-related quandary more serious than where to find “Videos Featuring A Guy Cumming Really Fast After Blowjob or Handjob?”

MMA fighter and accused woman-beater War Machine gets an endorsement from a prominent Men's Rights Activist

August 23, 2014

· 82 Comments

While over on Reddit the regulars are highly offended that anyone would point out the striking similarities between their ideas and the crackpot “men’s oppression is worse than slavery” rants of War Machine, the mixed martial arts fighter and accused woman-beater is getting support from one prominent Indian MRA, Rajesh Kumar, known on Twitter as @MensMrm:

Every many will realize it- sooner than later- MMA Fighter : Men’s Oppression Is ‘Worse Than Slavery’ http://t.co/qNWdc7mEZQ

— Mens Rights Movement (@MensMrm) August 23, 2014

Kumar’s Twitter account, with roughly 1600 followers including numerous well-known names in the MRM, looks to be the official account for the Men’s Rights Movement group on Facebook, a public group that boasts some 14,000 members, among them AVFM’s Paul Elam and British MRA/child prostitution apologist Tom Martin.

The link in his tweet is to a story that details the charges against War Machine, as well as his hyperbolic MRA-eqsue views, so there’s no question that Kumar knows just who he’s endorsing here.

Intra-vaginal anti-cuckoldry tactics and the psychobiology of semen: An Evo Psych pop quiz

October 17, 2013

· 222 Comments

Napping: A terrible anti-cuckoldry tactic

Napping: A terribly ineffective anti-cuckoldry tactic

Today, a little Evo Psych Pop Quiz for you all!

5 of the following 6 statements are actual quotes from a 2007 article in the open access peer-reviewed journal Evolutionary Psychology. Can you spot the quote that isn’t from the article?

“The section on intra-vaginal anti-cuckoldry tactics focuses on sperm competition, providing fascinating descriptions of the semen-displacement hypothesis (Gallup Jr. and Burch) and the psychobiology of semen (Burch and Gallup Jr.).”
“[I]ntra-vaginal battles demand men to become aroused to situations that are actually unpleasant for them, for instance the suspicion of their partner’s infidelity.”
“This section also includes discussions of the interesting notions that … women should not be motivated to have sex with their main partner right after an extra-pair copulation because of the possibility of sperm displacement (the penis appears to be shaped to do just that), [and] that a man may manipulate a woman’s mood via semen content (Rice, 1996, has experimentally shown something similar in fruit flies) … .”
“One of the mating strategies examined as an early prevention method is violence against women within partnered relationships.”
“Despite this scrutiny, a man can still gain from deliberately ejaculating in front of his partner from time to time. Choosing each occasion carefully so as to display a good ejaculation can be a powerful way to advertise his continuing good health.”
“Affirmative feedback did not increase men’s likelihood to allocate resources to self-morphed images, but men were significantly less likely to allocate resources to self morphed images when told the morphed image did not resemble them … . “

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Answer: Number 5 is the ringer! But, lacking confidence in my own ability to come up with something as convincingly batty as the quotes from the real article, I cheated a little here, borrowing this quote from a real Evo Psych book — Sperm Wars, by Robin Baker, a popular title from a major publisher recommended on countless Pickup Artist and “Red Pill” reading lists. It’s a truly bizarre and often quite disturbing read. (If you have a bit of Google-fu you should be able to locate a pdf of it online with no trouble.)

And speaking of pdfs, if you want tp read the article in Evo Psych I got most of these quotes from, a book review by Kelly D. Suschinsky and Martin L. Lalumière titled The View From the Cuckold, you can find a pdf of it here. See, I really didn’t just make it up!

Do you want semen on that? How Law & Order: SVU imperils innocent penises

February 17, 2012

· 229 Comments

That's a LOT of semen.

TV detectives pore over semen stains, and find evidence of crimes. Over on A Voice for Men, B.R. Merrick pores over TV detectives poring over semen stains, and finds evidence of “anti-man mentality.” On Law & Order: SVU, he says,

Every time I chanced upon seeing a bit of it, someone somewhere said “semen.”

You know the show focuses on sex crimes, right? When you’re investigating sex crimes, I’d say the chances are pretty good you’re going to run across some semen from time to time.

This is a show that has been on the air for more than a decade, a spin-off from another program more than two decades long, dedicated to entertaining millions of Americans every week using salacious, graphic language about terrible crimes. Semen. Semen stains. Semen samples. Semen on a dead body. Crime. Law, order, crime, and semen.

Spam, eggs, bacon, semen and spam. Spam, spam, bacon, semen, and spam. Semen, semen, spam eggs sausage and semen.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Semen is disgusting, if I am to conclude anything from watching this program. How is it that a show that continually mentions semen in connection with horrific crime can remain so popular for over a decade?

Christopher Melonimania? No, nothing so straightforward as that. Clearly what we’re dealing with is anti-semen propaganda of the sneakiest sort.

Millions watch, but virtually no one notices. It is as if the ejaculation of semen is something that the world puts up with but secretly detests. Since only men make semen; since it is usually voluntarily ejaculated except for certain cases of rape and nocturnal emissions; and since the voluntary giving of this life-giving substance is usually frequent; what are men supposed to think if the culture embraces mainstream entertainment that virtually equates semen with crime?

If semen is outlawed only outlaws will produce semen?

The conclusions we are supposed to draw seem pretty obvious to me: Women and sexless children are the victims of semen, the victims of men. Men are too quick to indulge their semen-connected desires. Pornography is directly connected to men, semen, and the oftentimes unavoidable crimes that result.

So jerking off into a sock has been criminalized?

Once you indulge a penis, all bets are off. Unless, of course, he’s been thoroughly trained.

Penises can be trained? Really? I’ve had very little luck training mine.

Men who are raised not to take their feelings seriously will probably feel a little tinge that is quickly ignored when semen is mentioned in a silly television program. Men who are used to being teased will grin along with the giggling girls who laugh at a man whose penis is not only severed, but shredded in a garbage disposal, so that he can spend the last several decades of his life without one.

So Law & Order: SVU is secretly preparing men for a dystopian future in which all untrained penises will all be shredded in garbage disposals?

Stay tuned, I guess.