#gamergate a near for men a voice for men a woman is always to blame alt-right Dunning–Kruger effect empathy deficit entitled babies evil fat fatties female beep boop gynocentrism men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA paul elam twitter YouTube

“The default setting for romantic relationships is abusive toward men,” angry Men’s Rights grandpa Paul Elam declares

Paul Elam, mad about something

By David Futrelle

Remember this guy? Once upon a time, Paul Elam, founder of the misogynistic hate site A Voice for Men and once one of the world’s more (in)famous Men’s Rights activists, was a mainstay in the virtual pages of We Hunted the Mammoth.

Then the Men’s Rights movement in general, and Elam in particular, was upstaged by even more reprehensible misogynist movements from Gamergate to the alt-right. In 2016, having trouble raising money to keep his site and himself going, Elam naturally declared victory and announced he was retiring from the Men’s Rights activism industry.

In 2017, he unretired, but he’s never regained his former, er, glory. Still, he soldiers on. He continues to post videos on YouTube on his A Near for Men An Ear for Men channel. He offers $120 an hour “consulting” services via Skype to men on such subjects as “relationship issues” (he has no training as a therapist), “divorce strategies” (he’s not a lawyer) and “diabetes management” (he’s not a doctor). And he continues to share his “Red Pill” wisdom on Facebook and Twitter, the latter of which he’s returned to on a new account despite being permabanned some time ago.

So why am I even bringing him up? Well, I ran across this recent, uh, insight from him and I thought I should share it with you.

Paul Elam
Yesterday at 9:50 AM · 
#redpillrelationships What most men need to know, yet few do, is that the default setting for romantic relationships is abusive toward men. It places men in the role of vassal, serving m’lady’s needs, wants and whims with equal passion. Not in exchange for love, but for simply being tolerated. This is very hard for men to see early on but becomes very apparent with time.

MRAs claim to care about abused men, but don’t actually do anything to help them in any tangible way, like setting up hotlines or shelters. (The only shelter for men in the US was set up by a feminist Domestic Violence organization that MRAs once tried to defund.) Instead, MRAs post shit like this, conflating actual abusive behavior by women with, well, women expecting to be treated with a modicum of consideration by their male partners.

But of course “wisdom” like this resonates with Elam’s remaining fans.

Clark Sands And that, toleration we men mistake for love. Most of these women have no clue what love is.. A means to an end is, what we have become and when the end comes, Men lose! Sometimes their lives. Really listening to women before, you ever get involved and I mean, listen closely and she will reveal her true self quickly. With your help Paul, I am a different man today and how, I do three things every time, I meet women, Screen, Screen, Screen and It keeps me from ever walking down that road again. Shit, most of them. you have to put in the rear view mirror. It's a tough road trying to find a women who lives in objective reality and is stable and not an emotional reasoner. Crazy is everywhere! lmao
George D. Misoyianis I love all these so called strong women telling us how independent they are while at the same time they are reaching for our wallets. LOL
Trevor Binnall I stopped dating western women 7 years ago and have since then enjoyed beautiful mutually beneficial relationships with women who value me and treat me like a man. Currently i’m in Peru and have no complaints regarding the women here. Isn’t it sad that the most empowered and ‘liberated’ women on earth have the least amount of respect for men?
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Paul Elam
Paul Elam Yeah, they are empowered and liberated in their own pointed little heads. In reality, they are slaves to a victim identity. The only power they have is that which misguided, gynocentric men grant them.
Michael Mehalko If a female is interested she might put forth all the effort of placing herself in my proximity and thats about the extent of the effort. Dynamic change somewhat once i sleep with them but it seems there is nearly a motral sin in love and raomance in actually caring or worsre showing that i care. Amazing but i guess it all makes sense in the pure nature of sex. Funny how females get off when i dont give a shit but when i do they just sort of go limp (or stays) much like my dick does when theyre unattractive or overweight.

A veritable Algonquin Round Table here, huh?

I scrolled back a little on his Twitter, and found a couple more #RedPillRelationships pearls from ol’ Paul:

So thoughtful, so wise!

In case you’re wondering — I was — Elam’s A Voice for Men continues, though it’s not altogether clear who’s involved in running it these days. It squeezes out a few articles a week, which seem to consist of turgid exegeses of “gynocentrism” alternating with the sort of outrage-bait AVFM used to be semi-famous for.

Paul himself contributes from time to time. In February, for example, he wrote a 64-word post titled “A message to Democrats from Paul Elam and A Voice for Men” in which he declared that anyone voting for a Democrat is

literally voting for the murder of children. Given that, it is the editorial position of A Voice for Men that you should have been aborted, you degenerate Nazi fuck.

Other recent posts on the site have included such gems as:

And then there are all of … these.

I have no idea what’s going on with these, or why there are so many of them, but I don’t care enough to read any of them to find out.

So, big congratulations to Paul Elam and to A Voice for Men for continuing to exist, I guess, despite there being no real need for either or you.

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3 years ago

Men are the ones who have had and in places (like Russia iirc) still do have the sole right to beat their wives as a gendered law.
And almost assigned-female person and/or woman who had reported on a man who hit them can tell you – lots of people, especially people like cops, do not care or believe you

3 years ago


I’m sorry for what you went through, and I’m sorry about your son. Still doesn’t excuse your misogyny. TBH I think you should look for a trauma-informed therapist – good ones are hard to find, but worth it. It seems to me like you probably have PTSD informing your worldview towards women, in ways that are directly harmful to others, and you really need to start seeing and changing that.

And yes, I also have friends with BPD. Not everyone with it gets that abusive, or stays so. Like with bipolar disorder (which I also have rather a lot of experiences with), the experiences and the humans are all different.

BTW I notice you have a habit of using good things you’ve done to justify bad ones. Stop doing that. It is not a realistic way of looking at things, and it’s a very common and harmful behavior pattern for abusers.

Grace of Spades
Grace of Spades
3 years ago

If Doug is still here, I would be very interested to know *where* he “helped abolish the death penalty. Because with the references to an Ivy League school and then helping 300 prisoners on Florida’s death row, it sounds like he’s in the US. Which still has the death penalty at the federal level, along with a few states. Florida among them. My home state uses it on an all too regular basis.

3 years ago

They send birthday cards to death row inmates??

Is it weird that I find that… disturbing? “Hey, Happy Birthday, person who hasn’t been killed (yet) by the state!”

3 years ago


These two affirmations, though,

Well, to be honest, I found women sizing me up for my income. I have been asked several times at the very beginning of relationships or dates how much money I make.

I also found that women wanted me to put their careers ahead of my own. I almost destroyed my own career trying to help a partner start hers.

Are at odds! Plus the latter happens regularly to women.

3 years ago

As to the borderline, she was diagnosed; that’s just descriptive, not normative. It is a dangerous disease for the person and those around usually her. NPD is male. 15% is about accurate as well.

Late to the party, but this drives me nuts.
No, narcissistic personality disorder is not the “male” version of BPD. They are two separate disorders, within the same cluster.
Why you need to paint people with BPD as dangerous, based on one bad experience, is beyond me. Seems to be popular with MRAs though, every “crazy” ex they ever had gets diagnosed with BPD.

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