Viz magazine is famous for its surreal and deliberately useless “Top Tips.”
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you’ve taken steroids by running a bit slower.
The similarly surreal and useless fellows who populate the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit have decided to have a go at the advice thing themselves. A post there today asks the question: “If you could give women one piece of advice, without being crucifed, what would it be?”
The assembled MGTOWs have happily provided dozens of answers. Unlike Viz’ Top Tips, though, their little nuggets are funny only by accident. Also, most of the “advice” is not so much advice as it is a random misogyny-dump onto the internet.
That said, here are my picks for the Top Ten Tips for Women From Men Who Hate Them.
Get a goddamn hobby, something that requires effort and intelligence and builds character. I am so sick of reality TV addicts whose only real interests are complaining about a world they didn’t earn.
Pot, Kettle — have you two met? Yelling about women online is not a “hobby … that requires effort and intelligence and builds character.” Take up something more worthwhile and less embarrassing, like subscribing to magazines you never get around to reading and letting them pile up for years, a hobby I used to enjoy in pre-everything-is-on-the-internet days.
Also, dude, how many worlds have you personally “earned” anyway?
Deleting fakebook, instaslut, or myfake will improve your “personality”
Wait. People still use MySpace?
Make yourself useful in areas that don’t involve sex.
This might have been a tad more persuasive if it hadn’t come from someone who has proven himself completely useless as a human being by posting on the MGTOW subreddit.
Grow up, and take responsibility for your own emotions you goddamn overgrown parasitic, entitled infants.
This one is also a teensy bit ironic, given that it was offered by the highly emotional compulsive liar John the Other — remember him? That is, a man who doesn’t seem to take responsibility for anything he says.
Feminism is 100% complete fraud, ALL of it. From the very beginning 50 years ago. Everything you think you know about gender is wrong, so is most of what you think about the world at all. Men are not oppressing women or holding them back. We’ve rolled out the red carpet for you, yet you’re lazy, not all that bright, no ambition, too cowardly and too whiny with no real interests in anything productive anyway. The only one holding you back is yourself.
This is not technically advice, just a bunch of random angry wrongness.
There’s 3,5 billion of you. You’re nothing.
If you think 3.5 billion women and girls is “nothing,” you try fitting even a billion of them into a summer rental on Cape Cod.
Also, there are slightly more men in the world than women, so does this mean that they’re, I dunno, slightly more nothing?
Suck my [deleted] and get lost.
Yeah, I don’t think that one is going to happen for you, champ
Do you realize that in the grand scale of evolution, progress and civilization, women contributed almost nothing compared to men?
I don’t realize that, partly because it’s not true.
If you want to be truly physically, psychologically and spiritually happy, strive to learn how critically important it is to set your emotions and feelings aside while unrelentingly seeking out and attending to TRUTH, FACTS and and irrefutable INFORMATION, even when it makes you uncomfortable to do so (this is where you’ll find out just how coddled and spoiled women are and have been compared to men).
Of course, knowing you’re intractably ingrained with a toddler’s lack of attention, accountability, responsibility and emotional control, we both know offering you the aforementioned nugget of wisdom is a complete waste of time.
Yes, the guy telling you in two rambling paragraphs to set your emotions aside is pounding out angry misogynistic screeds on the internet that intermittently break out in ALL CAPS.
The more people you have sex with, the less interested I am in a relationship with you.
This may be the only bit of actually useful advice for women in the bunch, offering a handy technique that women can use to avoid being pestered quite so often by woman-hating men who still want to have sex with the women they hate. The women in question don’t even have to have sex with a lot of people if they don’t want to; printing up a batch of business cards saying “I’ve had sex with lots of people,” even if you haven’t, should also do the trick.
Possibly. I’m not sure these guys are all that good at taking a hint. I mean, they call their movement “Men Going Their Own Way” but it seems pretty clear that not a single one of them has gone anywhere.
@weirwood What is a “sad boner”?
I’m so tired of this false dichotomy. Emotions bad, logic good! As if the two don’t exist simultaneously in, well, pretty much every human ever, at least to varying degrees.
We’ve evolved both and they are not mututally exclusive. There are also times in life that to be “truly happy” (whatever the fuck that means), you need to set aside logic (or “TRUTH, FACTS”) in order to deal with people.
TRUTH, FACT: people are not always logical.
COROLLARY 1: Telling them this does not always make the situation better, even if you are right.
COROLLARY 2: Very, very few things in life are “IRREFUTABLE”, including “TRUTH, FACTS”.
Sorry with the caps lol I can’t help but mock 🙂
Anyway, I think the real truth here is that this man’s embrace of toxic masculinity has emotionally and logically stunted him and the price he gets to pay for that is being a lonely, sad, asshole on the internet who needs to blame others for his own failings. The target in this screed is women, but I bet in his actual life it’s everyone around him. With this childish attitude, propensity for sweeping and shallow generalization, and complete ignorance of how other people actually work, I find it difficult to imagine he is even capable of having healthy relationships with other people. Like maybe ever in his life.
That is sad. Not so sad that I won’t mock because he’s going the extra mile into asshole territory, but it is sad.
@IP
“Go do something you hate, it builds character!”
This is my favorite Calvin and Hobbs strip ever. Thanks for that. 🙂 Can you imagine these guys trying to get their children advice? I truly hope they won’t reproduce.
@calmdown
Reproducing would require them to get close to an actual, real-life, breathing woman and I’m starting to think they’d break out in hives the moment they are forced to have contact with any woman that doesn’t embody that weird feminist horror image they’ve cooked up in their heads.
That, or they’d melt.
Vile advert again from Renta!
I’m trying to lose weight, but could it be he’s a chubby chaser?!
@ Paradoxical Intention
I would bet a large amount of money that they would also discount any hobbies that were traditionally feminine no matter how much skill is involved.
What’s with shitting on reality TV? How is it worse than watching sports (often seen as a suitable thing by these kinds of guys, especially the ones who think women never know anything about them)? Actually, sports kinda ARE reality TV. And these guys are complaining about a world they didn’t earn. If he’s a sports fan, he’s talking about himself!
And as always these guys take credit for everything they perceive men have done since the beginning of time. All the good things anyway. If it’s a bad deed, they’re ready to drop the notallmen before you can finish the sentence.
On the plus side, one of the top voted pieces of advice is “Stay away from me”, which is really good advice to a woman from a MRA (probably unnecessary, but good advice nonetheless).
Oh hell.
I am sure being “crucified” to them is being told to “fuck off.” Which, to me, is a reasonable response if someone walks up to me and gives me random, condescending, sexist advice about how to live my life.
Honestly…some advice for MGTOWs: pull an Elsa and LET IT GO!
I’m really, really skeptical about the idea of any easy path to being “truly happy.” But there’s an endless number of ways to make yourself miserable and I’m confident that nursing bitterness and resentment about the lives of half the population of the world is damn close to being at the top of the list of “How to have a sucky life.”
There’s a great freedom in not giving two shits.*
(*I don’t mean apathy and not caring about the seriously terrible stuff in the world. I mean being obsessed with what other people do that has no effect on anyone and causes no harm.)
@Latte Cat
That’s why they need to constantly reinforce it, because reality keeps coming in and wrecking their lovingly crafted fantasy.
I wish I had HALF the amount of free time these bonkeyheads think I have to eat bon-bons and watch television. Maybe then I’d finally finish my latest weaving project.
(I had to help repair a database by hand this weekend. I am one grumpy geek girl.)
This whole post is gold, thank you for writing it.
I would too. These guys are convinced that anything women do (traditional or not) isn’t worth the effort because, according to their sheltered worldview, wimmens are weak and fragile and can’t do anything without a man.
I’d like to see these fuckers learn how to crochet. Or sew. Or make a dress from conception to finished product. They won’t, but I’d like to see it as much as I would like to see a diehard Twilight fan play Vampire: the Masquerade.
Of course, simply asking these guys to do their own laundry or cook their own meals makes them act like you’re asking them to watch you destroy all of “Western Civilization” singlehandedly. It’s such a personal sleight to them that you’d dare ask them to do meager housework that would take all of ten minutes!
“Feminism is 100% complete fraud, ALL of it. From the very beginning 50 years ago.”
Umm… The Seneca Falls Convention was held in 1848. That’s a little more than fifty years.
The cliche used to be that men were the best cooks ’cause they were the chefs. As I recall, only men said this.
Yeah, there was a time when — despite Julia Child and other female cookbook writers — a woman would find it almost impossible to get hired as a chef. And I understand that restaurant kitchens can be brutal, even now. Short tempers. Boiling water. Sharp knives. If someone really wants to hurt you, they can.
I used to wonder if male-worshipping men thought that men did a better job of every kind of work. Except maybe childbirth. (Although couvade, or a dad-to-be’s “sympathetic pregnancy,” is a thing.)
The only people asking for these bitter, ignoramt, misogynist douchebag’s opinions are other bitter, ignorant, misogynist douchebags. No woman anywhere cares what they think.
They know it too. They know we are going to laugh at them. They know women have hobbies and careers and lovers they enjoy without every giving a second thought to what mean that never wanted validation from in the first place think of them.
That’s why they’re so angry. They can whine and cry to each other about how much they hate the women that don’t even know they’re alive and wouldn’t miss them if they weren’t all day long. It won’t ease the sting of how little what they claim to want from women matters to women.
That’s funny.
They so want us to believe we’re worthless, because that’s the only way anyone would settle for some abusive, MGTOW piece of shit. Oh boy howdy, do they ever wish we’d fall for that shit. But we don’t, so they keep wailing and gnashing their teeth.
…also funny.
@Jurgan
Any gains that women made before 1966 (winning the vote, the ability to inherit, the ability to divorce, the ability to parent after a divorce, and so on) were generously granted to us by kindly men.
Men they, not mean that. Autocorrect is wacky.
They don’t know anything about biology or history and like to make both up whole cloth based on their precious manfeels.
AND they like to admonish women to be less emotional and to care more about facts.
Bwahahahahahaha!
Goldfish have more self awareness.
Holy stars that’s some hardcore projection.
@Lea
The thing that makes me grin ear to ear, so many women don’t even know their existance, and go about their lives, and those people can do jack squat to ruining their “enemy.”
I sort of feel like it’d be nice to have an Open Thread about hobbies sometime soon. Whattaya think, David?
Preemptive defensiveness (assuming women will “crucify” you) is not the strongest way to start off any conversation. But then, this was never intended to be a conversation to begin with. More a one sided shouting match.
These men want to put angry wasps inside a woman, do we really need to know anything else?
Ooglyboggles,
I like that they want women to quake in fear of losing their tender attentions and all they’re doing is not dating (except when they do???)
Throughout history there have been plenty of people who don’t pair off. As society puts less pressure on people to have heteronormative, monotonous marriages, were probably going to see more people choose not to pair off. That’s wonderful. No one should feel presure to date or sleep around or get married or “save themselves” or anything other than what makes them happy and works for them. Other people doing their thing doesn’t keep me from doing mine.
They project so much. They’re the ones terrified that when given more choice, women won’t choose to strive to please them and indulge their desire to be in a traditional marriage with rigid gender roles. They can’t be kings of their castles with a subservient woman trapped in a loveless train wreck of a marriage with them in a world where women have options. They can tell us we’ll be sorry all they want, but they’re just would be abusers and users we’re all trying to avoid anyway. No one is going to miss them.
Monogamous not monotonous!
Lol.
Actually, I think that was a silly quote from another publication that David was comparing these men too.
Though, I don’t doubt that they’d love to do something awful like that to a woman.