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Return of Kings: Female Olympic champs should get fake gold medals because women suck

All gold everything
All gold everything

Woman-hating internet garbage fire Return of Kings is celebrating the start of the Olympics by lamenting the fact that most of the athletes the US is sending to the games are women.

As regular RoK contributor John Carver figures it, using his very own system of mathematics,

this is actually a sad state of affairs. It means that the U.S. Olympic team will have less than a 50% chance of seeing a real champion, rather than a 2nd rate gold medalist from the weaker sex … .

According to Carver, women just plain suck at sports compared to men, but as I didn’t bother to read that portion of his post I can’t tell you why. Possibly cooties.

In any case, Carver feels that since women athletes will never be as good as men, any gold medals they win don’t really count. And so they shouldn’t be made of real gold.

Whenever female athletes are awarded a “gold medal” at the Olympics, it should just be a giant knockoff of that cheap Hanukkah gelt (chocolate gold coins) that Jewish children get for the holiday season. After the brief surge of excitement that they have won “gold” (and attention whore themselves with it on Instagram), they can peel off the tin foil and feast on the chocolatey goodness inside until it’s all gone. “You go girl!” 😀

You can tell it’s funny because of the smiley and the always-fresh use of the phrase “you go girl!”

After all, since women are ultimately just big children, they merely deserve to have big children’s candy. The REAL gold medals should be allocated to the real champions of a sporting discipline’s top tier, which will always be men.

Comedy GOLD!

193 replies on “Return of Kings: Female Olympic champs should get fake gold medals because women suck”

@James

nobody cares about the WNBA or womens’ hockey… people want to see the NHL, NBA, MLB, etc

Well, there isn’t a women’s major league, so that’ll be a difficult assertion to prove. Still, it’s a travesty, as I would watch the fuck outta the hometown lady club… The Atlantics, maybe bring back the Highlander name. The Excelsior of Brooklyn tho? I’m tuning in and getting the hat!

@Scildfreja
http://www.seabreeze.com.au/Img/Photos/Kitesurfing/tn/mini-8358970.jpg

Technically, one can argue that every single human male is its own specie, since he can’t produce fertile offspring with any other male. No fertile offspring, different specie. So there is about 2.5 billions different species of human male.

@Ohlmann I personally know nothing about foxes, but on Instagram I follow the account of a woman who has a pet fox called Juniper (juniperfoxx), who I believe is a type of fox that has been bred for fur for so many generations that they are unable to live in the wild, but aren’t fully tame like cats or dogs.

Juniper’s human regularly does informational posts on keeping foxes, and according to her they are *very* difficult for a number of reasons from behaviour to nutritional requirements to emotional needs.

If you’re interested in foxes, her account would probably be the best place to start. Plus, Juniper is absolutely freaking gorgeous.

MGTOW: Never give a women or a white knight the legal, financial, social, physical, financial or psychological power to destroy your life.

ANTI-MGTOW: Say whatever is necessary to keep men from becoming MGTOWs, for our own sake. We need those little disposable betas to keep getting destroyed. It’s good for the womenz and white knightz – dontcha know.

Women and white knights hate beta males. Why? Because they’re ‘good guys’. Women and white knights look down their noses at men capable of responsibility, devotion, love, empathy and compassion. Why? Too boring. Not enough excitement. Easily manipulated. Boring, boring, boring. Plus – there’s a ton of money to be made and much forced wealth transfer to be had to the benefit of women and white knights – which is why ever more anti-male laws and policies need invoking. Beta males, while the engine of society, are the scorn of the earth. They need to be kept in their place – lest women and white knights suffer.

It’s all so simple – yet so difficult to comprehend for those without a clear understanding of women’s and white night’s hatred of 90% of men. How does one counter their hatred? Cut off their life support – which is your eventual destruction. Cut their jugular – their hatred of betas. Simply refuse to leave yourself vulnerable to the laws, policies and social constructs they use to destroy your life. Simple, simple, simple.

Yeh, I suppose that’s why I wrote : “What we have are breeds, not races, but no one is going to call humans breeds.”

“What we have are breeds, not races, but no one is going to call humans breeds.”

“What we have are breeds,

“What we have are breeds,

“What we have are BREEDS,

BREEEEEEEEEEEDS

but no one is going to call humans breeds

Right, okay, sure. No in this thread used breeds to describe humans in any way. Alright.

Fully* domesticated foxes do exist; there’s about 2,000 of them and you can only get one in Russia,for several thousand dollars.

*insofar as that means anything. They’re at least as domesticated as cats or ferrets anyway.

You all betta listen to Jack, ’cause Jack is Jasper now, an Jasper don’t take no guff.

Unless you’re Garnet, cause she’s stronger than you.

You all betta listen to Jack, ’cause Jack is Jasper now, an Jasper don’t take no guff.

Unless you’re Garnet, cause she’s stronger than you.

There’s actually a new episode of Steven Universe coming out today (in the USA) that I’m pretty sure has Jasper in it and I’m excited. Canada got it Friday, and I haven’t spoiled myself, but I’m pretty sure it has Jasper in it.

We’re in the last week of the Steven Universe episodes where some people in the crew were asking people to not seek out spoilers for it, so something juicy is gonna happen, especially considering the special they had last week, which was a doozy.

I can’t wait for the piledriver into my heart, I tell ya.

I haven’t been able to watch the series except for clips here and there, so don’t spoiler for me please! All I’ve been able to determine is that Garnet is Da Best, Peridot is adorkable (nyea-ha-ha-haa!) and the show’s writers and artists are magnificent. Oh, and Stevonnie is a brilliant piece of meaningful storytelling in so many ways.

@weirwood : I find all foxes utterly cute. The redness of red fox compensate the smallness of fennec in my heart.

The account sadly show how it’s not meant to be a pet 🙁

@Handsome “Big Jasper” Jack, I know! I want to watch it. It’s just a case of time and other obligations. Do you know how many hours it is? It takes me a long time to ride the feels train. I need to take frequent stops.

Scildfreja, I absolutely adore you.

Seconded, thirded, fourthed and so damn manied. You are simply the best and most wonderfullest (as well as the funniest) <3

Piling onto the appreciation pile for Scildfreja.

And yes, Steven Universe is fun and heart-breaking and heart-healing.

I have just two words for Carver:

Simone Fucking Biles.

Oops. That’s three words.

Scildfreja: Each episode is about 15 minutes long, and a lot of the first and a bit of the second season are relatively feels-free.

This latest season has just been one punch to the gut after another, really. ; u ; So much so, that I’m beginning to think it’s making me (more of) a masochist, because I’m really enjoying it.

Did Mark get tired of the Tommy Wiseau images so he picked another new name?

Honestly, I feel a little bad for the actor who played Mark in The Room, being constantly compared to Timmark.

@Handsome “Big Jasper” Jack, I know! I want to watch it. It’s just a case of time and other obligations. Do you know how many hours it is? It takes me a long time to ride the feels train. I need to take frequent stops.

All the episodes are 9 minutes, not counting the recent 22 minutes special, and there’s a little over a 100 episodes now, so, um…around 15 hours non stop?

There would be less episodes to catch up if it followed the traditional one show a week formula but Steven Universe has had several StevenBombs, which is when you get one episode per day for one week (Monday through Friday). There’s been 3 or 5? It also goes on hiatus for weeks and months at a time.

But currently we’ve gotten an episode a day for the last month for the Summer of Steven. After the Summer of Steven is over, season four kicks in the very next week.

And, lastly, on today’s latest episodes:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/138b79fb549b34a0d05214ca22b57138/tumblr_muko86R7Qg1sb30y2o1_500.gif
https://67.media.tumblr.com/77242097b8241f218e080f53f87342cd/tumblr_ni63xrMcml1shksgoo1_500.gif

Thank you all for your responses to Mark.
Cracked me right up. There were actual tears.
Good times.

The Rapacious Mr Batstove
“…Again, Mr Carver, apart from trolling from your mother’s basement, lamenting the fact you can’t get laid by posting vicious falsehoods online and generally being a pimple on the arse of society, what achievements of note do you have to crow about?”

There’s nothing wrong to live with your parents, I live with my mom and grandma, I have to because I’m disabled and there’s also nothing wrong for being a virgin, I’m a virgin. These are completely irrelevant to a person being a misognyist. I really don’t get when a guy is being a misognyist he must be a fat, ugly neck beard or mentally ill kid who lives with his parents. It makes no sense and just downplays misogny making it something that shouldn’t be taken serious. And it’s also so offensive to people who are disabled, etc.

Nobody gives a fuck if you get married or have kids or whatever else you think you’re a hero for abstaining from, Terrance. We care if you’re a misogynistic asshole to the women you inevitably interact with on a day-to-day basis (coworkers, customer service workers, family members), but otherwise, could not care less about you or your sexual and romantic habits.

Women and white knights hate beta males.

Funnily enough every woman I know never talks about beta males or such things – but I guess they could all be secretly keeping their real intentions from me – those dastardly, deceitful women….

I do love that in their crazy la-la world, all women have some kind of hive-mind, like the Borg.

the problem isn’t that they are virgin, or live with their parents (which, honestly, is unlikely, based on the small sample of awful mankind I have seen). It’s that they loathe themselves for it, or for other, totally random perceived failing.

Women and white knights hate beta males.

Wait, dispite having another meaning MRA’s version of White Knights is just “Men who aren’t horrible to women all the time” that is also there view of what a Beta Male is. So why what do you mean by White Knight.

And more importantly which am I? I can’t go through life without knowing which ridiculous insult people who claim to fighting for my rights are insulting me with. These insults are a badge of honor they tell me that I’m not completely awful. I would also be willing to except “Cuck.”

Terrance, the whole ‘women don’t like nice guys’ moan is so fricking old. Nice Guy™. It’s been said a million times before: you aren’t nearly as nice as you think you are.

@Terrance, I’m gonna deal with you straight here, okay? No jokes or making fun. I’l try to be concise about it.

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/3/35/Fluttershy_coy_smile_S4E16.png

I’m going to also ignore some of the ideas you’ve presented. Not that I want to ignore them! It’s just much better to focus on one thing at a time instead of a jumbly rigamarole. Right now, I’m going to talk about the whole “women hate betas” thing. The “nice guys” who just can’t get a break from women that don’t want to put up with them.

Terrence, you are right in the view that women generally don’t want much to do with the “nice guys” you describe. Your reason is wrong though. You notice an objective truth (these women are avoiding me, and the guys like me. Why?) and you think of reasons why. The one that feels most “right” is the one you select. (these women must hate betas!)

That’s a common problem, especially when someone says “It’s all so clear!” The problem is, the clarity you feel isn’t because it’s right. It’s because it makes you feel good about yourself. It creates a little flood of dopamine and adrenaline from the righteous anger it makes you feel. It reinforces the perceptions you already hold, and like to hold, about yourself. It makes you feel more like you.

The problem is, it’s wrong. Truth almost never feels right, in the gut. It feels right in the math. Men are trained from a very young age to value being smart, but aren’t often given the tools to really distinguish truthfulness or to behave rationally. They go with this gut-feel, instinctual reactionary “truthiness” instead, and are praised for doing so. The feeling you have about what’s right or wrong is the right one, and it’s okay to shout and fight with anyone who disagrees. So binds the patriarchy’s shackles for men.

Women don’t hate “betas”. They give “nice guys” the cold shoulder because they are defending themselves. Because of much the same problems of perception as above, the “nice guys” feel that their actions are generous, charitable and polite, but outside of the perspective of their own head, their actions are poorly-timed, intimidating, and often downright frightening. Women turn their advances away out of fear, out of fatigue, and out of pragmatism.

Women don’t hate “betas”, Terrence. They’re just tryin’ to get through life with a minimum of injuries, a minimum of heartbreaks, and an occasional slice of pie. Just like everyone else.

Stop believing that what you feel to be true is a synonym for what is true. You’ll remain a slave to anger until you do.

Because of much the same problems of perception as above, the “nice guys” feel that their actions are generous, charitable and polite, but outside of the perspective of their own head, their actions are poorly-timed, intimidating, and often downright frightening. Women turn their advances away out of fear, out of fatigue, and out of pragmatism.

This.

I used to consider myself a “Nice Guy”. Trademarked, quotation marks and everything.

The problem is that I only THOUGHT I was “nice”.

I wasn’t a jock. It never occurred to me that nerds could be as sexist, exclusionary and cruel as the jocks were to us.

I wanted to treat women right. I never really considered that “women” were every bit as individual and varied as men.

I was all for equality and against sexism. I was just too self-absorbed to realize the difference between personal injustices and systemic ones.

I wanted to understand women. I never really separated what was being said _by_ women, and what was being said _about_ women.

I realize now that those who complain about being a hapless “Nice Guy” are simply too blind to see the sexism they’re stuck in, too selfish to realize the problems they have in attracting a partner might not be structural, but personal.

In my case, I began listening to feminists. I realized that geeks and nerds could be as vicious and exclusionary as jocks, that putting women on a pedestal was not what most women want, that many women share my interests, that the injustices I faced were but a small taste of what others had received.

I know now that my problems are my problems: I’m shy, with an unhealthy dose of social anxiety and a poor self image. It takes a Clue-by-Four to the skull to get me to realize someone might actually be attracted to me. My problem is not that I’m not rich or handsome; and it’s not the fault of women.

Some “Nice Guys” realize the disjoint between sexism and the desire to be a good person, and jettison the sexism. Others wrap themselves in the feelings of persecution and anger, and warp their beliefs into misogyny. After all, if nothing’s wrong with _me_, then the problem must lie with the women.

Alex | August 8, 2016 at 11:52 pm
I do love that in their crazy la-la world, all women have some kind of hive-mind, like the Borg.

Some advice from one Alex to another: Bigotry is not a mental illness.

Being a sexist ass isn’t a mental illness, it’s a product of a society that teaches people that cis men are superior to everyone else because penis. Full stop.

Do not throw me, and others like me, under the bus so you can feel good about othering someone who, for all we know, is perfectly sane.

And once you’ve read that bit, please refer to the comments policy about ableism, thanks.

There’s actually a new episode of Steven Universe coming out today (in the USA) that I’m pretty sure has Jasper in it and I’m excited.

Necroing this thread to say: holy crab! It’s most likely the episode I watched yesterday with my daughter!

It was the last one released (with Spanish subtitles), we watched it via internet (no TV at home) and it most definitely had Jasper in it.

I wouldn’t like to give any kind of spoilers (even from past episodes, because you never know who’s reading…) but my child felt empowered by how Lapislazuli handled Jasper in their last encounter, and it was indeed an educational approach to abusive relationships though a Gem metaphor.

Also, Luzbelitx Jr is heartbroken that I don’t seem to adore Steven Universe as much as she does -and mind you, I like it a lot.

Nice guys in my opinion are never nice guys. I was harassed by one recently who had no sense of common decency or respect for my boundaries. I ended up feeling like I was being coerced. If somebodys fawning behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable, they are not a nice guy.

It is true, men are the superior species.

This, kids, is what we call “not even wrong”

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