Viz magazine is famous for its surreal and deliberately useless “Top Tips.”
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you’ve taken steroids by running a bit slower.
The similarly surreal and useless fellows who populate the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit have decided to have a go at the advice thing themselves. A post there today asks the question: “If you could give women one piece of advice, without being crucifed, what would it be?”
The assembled MGTOWs have happily provided dozens of answers. Unlike Viz’ Top Tips, though, their little nuggets are funny only by accident. Also, most of the “advice” is not so much advice as it is a random misogyny-dump onto the internet.
That said, here are my picks for the Top Ten Tips for Women From Men Who Hate Them.
Get a goddamn hobby, something that requires effort and intelligence and builds character. I am so sick of reality TV addicts whose only real interests are complaining about a world they didn’t earn.
Pot, Kettle — have you two met? Yelling about women online is not a “hobby … that requires effort and intelligence and builds character.” Take up something more worthwhile and less embarrassing, like subscribing to magazines you never get around to reading and letting them pile up for years, a hobby I used to enjoy in pre-everything-is-on-the-internet days.
Also, dude, how many worlds have you personally “earned” anyway?
Deleting fakebook, instaslut, or myfake will improve your “personality”
Wait. People still use MySpace?
Make yourself useful in areas that don’t involve sex.
This might have been a tad more persuasive if it hadn’t come from someone who has proven himself completely useless as a human being by posting on the MGTOW subreddit.
Grow up, and take responsibility for your own emotions you goddamn overgrown parasitic, entitled infants.
This one is also a teensy bit ironic, given that it was offered by the highly emotional compulsive liar John the Other — remember him? That is, a man who doesn’t seem to take responsibility for anything he says.
Feminism is 100% complete fraud, ALL of it. From the very beginning 50 years ago. Everything you think you know about gender is wrong, so is most of what you think about the world at all. Men are not oppressing women or holding them back. We’ve rolled out the red carpet for you, yet you’re lazy, not all that bright, no ambition, too cowardly and too whiny with no real interests in anything productive anyway. The only one holding you back is yourself.
This is not technically advice, just a bunch of random angry wrongness.
There’s 3,5 billion of you. You’re nothing.
If you think 3.5 billion women and girls is “nothing,” you try fitting even a billion of them into a summer rental on Cape Cod.
Also, there are slightly more men in the world than women, so does this mean that they’re, I dunno, slightly more nothing?
Suck my [deleted] and get lost.
Yeah, I don’t think that one is going to happen for you, champ
Do you realize that in the grand scale of evolution, progress and civilization, women contributed almost nothing compared to men?
I don’t realize that, partly because it’s not true.
If you want to be truly physically, psychologically and spiritually happy, strive to learn how critically important it is to set your emotions and feelings aside while unrelentingly seeking out and attending to TRUTH, FACTS and and irrefutable INFORMATION, even when it makes you uncomfortable to do so (this is where you’ll find out just how coddled and spoiled women are and have been compared to men).
Of course, knowing you’re intractably ingrained with a toddler’s lack of attention, accountability, responsibility and emotional control, we both know offering you the aforementioned nugget of wisdom is a complete waste of time.
Yes, the guy telling you in two rambling paragraphs to set your emotions aside is pounding out angry misogynistic screeds on the internet that intermittently break out in ALL CAPS.
The more people you have sex with, the less interested I am in a relationship with you.
This may be the only bit of actually useful advice for women in the bunch, offering a handy technique that women can use to avoid being pestered quite so often by woman-hating men who still want to have sex with the women they hate. The women in question don’t even have to have sex with a lot of people if they don’t want to; printing up a batch of business cards saying “I’ve had sex with lots of people,” even if you haven’t, should also do the trick.
Possibly. I’m not sure these guys are all that good at taking a hint. I mean, they call their movement “Men Going Their Own Way” but it seems pretty clear that not a single one of them has gone anywhere.
But I thought that sex was the only area we were useful in?
Darn it if my silly little girl brain isn’t confused.
Anyone else feel like the guys who write these things practice saying it in the mirror a few times before typing it because they’re just so proud of themselves?
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Freja, Scild
Misandry Scientist, University of Better-Than-You
Professional Sex-Haver, Hard-Chair-And-Scented-Candle-Owner
Cat-Fancier of Fancy Cats
ph. 555-123-4567 – [email protected] – fax. 555-765-4321
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“The more people you have sex with, the less interested I am in a relationship with you.”
I have literally never heard of a better reason to have sex. Trust me dude, we were never interested in you in the first place. xD
From the Reddit:
Well, gee.
RE the photo and your caption: the joke is that “P Mountbatten” is Prince Phillip, QE2’s husband, so, yes, it DOES work.
Dainty little sheltered creatures. They are so fragile that even useless, unwanted and incompetent females can turn them into hysterical twatwaddles by merely breathing.
There they go again with their delusion that any woman actually wants anything to do with them.
So women haven’t… evolved? Are we unicelular organisms now?!
Every one of these sounds like it could’ve been left by our latest troll Timmark. I’m sure he’ll be along shortly to add his contributions to the list.
Тhis guy reminds me of the countless a-holes who comment under pictures of women ”would not bang”. Did it occur to you that she would most likely not want to ”bang” you either? It’s like the threat of not having their boners presented to us is something that will make us change our ways or something?
How on earth do women contribute nothing at all to the evolution of the species? They do realise that they contribute 50% of the offspring’s DNA don’t they, or do they believe that antediluvian myth that men’s seeds are self reliant and only need to be planted in a female’s Grobag?
Maybe as the good Christian men they purport to be they don’t even believe in evolution at all and consider women to be made from Adam’s spare rib?!
MGTOW are like the biggest pathetic losers on th Internet.
They sound pretty hysterical for a group that constantly brags about man-logik, and downplays emotions. They have so much of negative emotions. Urghhh!
Probably because they never leave the holes they live in and mix with other real-life people. This is why they have such a distorted view of women.
What a bunch of misery!
Truth. Does any manospherian have even the slightest hint of a sense of humor? All I get from them is rage and self-pity.
Feminism started in 1966?
I guess this means he supports women’s suffrage, and he believes that it should be possible (but not easy) for some women to get jobs in traditionally-male professions. That’s pretty enlightened by MGTOW standards.
I read this in Don LaFontaine’s voice.
I’m quite lucky that I’m not attractive to men, although I do get some weird guys I have to get rid of sometimes. One happened recently. I hung out with him at a festival, just to be friendly, he took it the wrong way and decided he was my boyfriend. He was at least twenty years older than me, married and the worse for wear. I did nothing to encourage him other than chat to him, about music and politics as usual, and he got over attached. He decided then that he was a vegetarian communist because he thought it would impress me. He also pretended to be a big shot in the music industry who could make me rich. I hate people who are inauthentic and just latch onto people and try to manipulate them. I decided to nip it in the bud and never answer calls, texts of emails from him. Like the typical MRA fucktrumpet he’d made up his mind that buying me a drink equals me giving him sex. Never.
You all lied to me! You got me into this feminism cult with your brainwashing genius and now I find out it’s 100% complete fraud, ALL of it! And you didn’t tell me it began only 50 years ago either, you said it’s an actual *thing*!
And what’s this about “Men are not oppressing women or holding them back”? You said women had the underdog position in society and here I find out men have bloody rolled out the red carpet under our lazy, not all that bright, no ambition, too cowardly and too whiny asses. So, whose fault is it?
I believed all of you, all the studies and my life experiences and it turns out to be 100% LIES. I mean, this guy is on *reddit*, and you know what that means? That everything he posts is true. And also he’s a man so there is that.
I QUIT FEMINISM, THANK YOU REDDIT GUY! I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU!!
@Argle Bargle
The most hurtful thing they experience is that women don’t want to sleep with them. So, since they don’t realize that other people might have different perspectives, the biggest insult they can come up with is “2/10 would not bang”.
That’s why they have no sense of humour beyond being hurtful. Humour requires empathy. You gotta be able to get into someone else’s mind and understand their perspective before you can say something to amuse them.
And the biggest question that I have is how a group that is incompetent in doing what their very movement says they’re doing (going their own way), has the nerves to complain about anybody’s incompetence?
Do monks or other people that for which ever reason opt-out of society sit on the computer and complain about X while constantly anouncing that they are opting-out?
They don’t MGTOW losers. They just do it and bother no one else.
You on the other hand keep sticking around, secretly hoping that somebody calls for you or that somebody cares.
Truth is, nobody cares.
@Virgin Mary : my experience is that attractiveness isn’t really linked to harassment, and that the important part seem firstly to be lucky, and then to not look weak.
I mean, it’s likely that on the long haul, being a feminist and educating people result in being less harassed. But on the short run, and infuriatingly, one can only hope to be lucky to avoid thoses people.
“Yeah, bitch, I’d never bang you!”
“You promise?”
“…WHA-?!”
*shakes head*
Glad to see you’re a Viz fan, David!
Even though MGTOW Redditors’ fear of women is very, very strong, I’m going to assume that “crucified” is a metaphor — they don’t think that wood or nails are involved. In other words, “crucified” = “a dirty look.”
Dudes, do you not think that you’d get a dirty look for this “advice”?
I see your problem.
Mister Champ, so sorry that something was deleted! That sounds painful.
This shit is hilarious.
‘Get a hobby’, says the dude who spends his days hating women online and is almost certainly not willing to believe any woman who claims to, you know, have interests other than reality TV and complaining.
These are the SAME dudes who shit on women for ‘invading’ their precious man-spaces and think that women just aren’t capable of doing sports or science or anything else they’d probably count as ‘requiring effort, intelligence and conductive to building character’.
The classic lose-lose situation. If you have ‘typically female’ interests, you’re a useless whore, and if you have ‘useful’ interests, you’re lying.
None of the men posting in that thread deserve having a woman (or anybody else) anywhere near their dick.