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AVfM: Rape Culture is a lie, but “swolesting” is all too real. Also, women are yappy dogs.

He's not a piece of swole meat
He’s not a piece of swole meat

Increasingly irrelevant Men’s Rights garbage site A Voice for Men has decided that now is the perfect time to weigh in on a two-year old Huffington Post piece titled A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture.

In a post also titled A Gentleman’s Guide to Rape Culture, a self-described “warrior and philosopher” called Bad Dima boldly takes on what he thinks feminists mean when they talk about rape culture. From its blunt opening sentence (“F*ck you c*nt”) to its final paragraph heralding the eventual arrival of sexbots, Dima’s post is a Men’s Rights instant classic.

Dima begins by attacking a definition of rape culture that is literally not anyone’s definition of rape culture. “Rape exists, even amongst animals, but there is no such thing as Rape Culture,” he boldly declares. “There is no systematic effort to teach men to rape women.”

Huh. That’s not what rape culture is. Dima’s “rebuttal” is a bit like someone declaring that there are no birds — after defining birds as “potatoes with wings.”

So what is the real meaning of “rape culture.” In Transforming a Rape Culture, Emilie Buchwald defines it as

 a complex set of beliefs that encourage male sexual aggression and supports violence against women. It is a society where violence is seen as sexy and sexuality as violent. In a rape culture, women perceive a continuum of threatened violence that ranges from sexual remarks to sexual touching to rape itself.

“Rape culture” refers to a culture in which rape is normalized to the extent that one in five women is a victim of rape or attempted rape; in which the whole world forgot for many years that Bill Cosby had been accused of rape by several women until a comedian brought it up in his act; in which a self-described “human rights activist” declares that

there are a lot of women who get pummeled and pumped because they are stupid (and often arrogant) enough to walk though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.

In case Dima is unfamiliar with the website he’s writing for, that last quote is from AVFM founder Paul Elam, raging about women who drink at bars and go home with men yet expect the seemingly decent and friendly men they’ve been enjoying the company of all evening to, you know, not rape them if they aren’t in the mood for sex.

Dima develops his critique further by declaring the author of the Huffington Post piece — a man — to be an

asswipe … the worst kind of human being there is – a hypocrite, a gender traitor, and feminist quisling. Have you considered getting gender reassignment, because we men don’t want stand next to you while pissing anymore.

While “rape culture” is a big lie, according to Dima, there is one form of culturally sanctioned sexual assault that is all too real:

Have you ever heard the word “swolesting.” It’s the phenomenon weightlifters experience of women groping their swoles (swollen muscles) as they move through a crowd. 

Hey, dudes, what were you thinking getting all swole like that? It’s like you were asking for it!

Sorry; that was Swolesting Culture talking.

Dima then goes on to mansplain that the real reason women don’t like rape is because they don’t want inferior rapist DNA in their babies:

The reason why rape is considered such a crime, and why women feel such a revulsion for it, is that historically, the rape of a woman had a very real chance of leaving her carrying a child of inferior DNA and without any parental investment on the part of the rapist. 

He then explains that paternity fraud is just as bad as rape:

The equivalent crime for men is paternity fraud, in which a man is deceived into making a parental investment in a child that is not his. … males are divided into two classes – DNA-providers and resource providers. The females get impregnated by DNA-providers while using resource-providers for parental investment – from the female perspective, what’s not to like about that deal. 

After telling us that women don’t want bad boy rapist DNA, Dima informs us that women DO want it after all. And that’s why there are rapists in the first place!

Women select for anti-social traits in their bad boy DNA-providers (ask me for papers), and strangely enough, most rapists come from amongst the bad boys. So, by their sexual preference for bad boys, women play a role in perpetuating the very thing they say they fear and hate.

Oh, and women are basically human-sized versions of little yappy dogs that yap at everything:

Did you know that the smaller breeds of dogs were bred as alarms for travellers? You would carry the yappy little dog with you, and when you set up camp, the dog would alert you to any dangers by yapping. Women are like little yappy dogs, bred to alert men to hazards. In the absence of danger, the dog will yap at anything, its instincts no longer relevant. 

Dima then informs the ladies of a bit o sad news for them: he personally isn’t going to lift a finger to help them if they’re ever in danger.

As a damsel in distress, the vast majority of men are conditioned and indoctrinated to assist and keep you safe, even to the point of sacrificing their lives. Not me, 23 cents in the dollar is not worth risking my life for.

Wait, so the wage gap is real, now? Most MRAs insist — often quite indignantly — that it’s totally fake, an evil feminist myth. Apparently it becomes real any time an MRA figures out how to use it in an argument against a feminist.

When I see a woman in distress, and I feel my protective instincts kicking in, I remind myself of the pervasive misandry amongst women: that women see men as little more that labour saving devices, support mechanisms, bodyguards, and beasts of burden. I remind myself just what sh*tty people women can be, and then the protective instinct moment passes, and I get on with my life.

Er, how often do you run across “women in distress,” dude? Do you live next door to Rapunzel’s tower?

Also, women are apparently not fully human.

As men, the kindest and most generous thing we can do for women is to leave them to their own devices. Only by denying them any male support will they be forced to become fully actualized human beings.

But I guess it’s good for women that they’re incompletely human. Because that will take a little bit of the sting away when they are eventually REPLACED BY SEXY LADY SEX ROBOTS!

This might take a few generations, but the time of sex robots is coming, and when it does, the full scope of how little most women bring to the table will be revealed. I am confident that the vast majority of men will give up on relations with women if their sexual needs are otherwise satisfied. This will provoke an existential crisis for women.

Dima ends his post right there, which seems a little, well, abrupt. Is is possible the robots got to him?

We may never know the answer to that question. Or care, actually, so never mind. I’ll just stop here too.

86 replies on “AVfM: Rape Culture is a lie, but “swolesting” is all too real. Also, women are yappy dogs.”

My little Yappy Pom reacted to air molecules bumping into the window. Some guy smashing my van window in the middle of the night and stealing something worth half of what a replacement window cost, not so much. I wish the guy had just knocked on the door and asked.

A friend of my wife’s had been doing missionary stuff in Africa and dropped over one night with her daughter. Said Yappy Pom went into full Ballistic Attack Dog mode. The daughter had a look on her face like “I come back from Africa and I’m going to be eaten by a wild animal in the USA!”

I sorely miss the late Mike Royko. He’d do a column ripping on little Yappy Dogs and all the Yappy Dog lovers would go “Warrghablblbblbl!” Then he’d do a roundup of the letters and throw out a few more jabs, and the Yappy Dog lovers would go “Warrghablblbblbl!” all over again.

(Yappy Pom went to doggy heaven just shy of 16 years old. So we now have two Yappy Poms. All rescues, by the way.)

I’ve seen women who grab men’s biceps. My husband had a friend who was a body builder back in college and he had a small share of mostly college-aged women groping his arms or chest. But simply because some people can’t keep their hands to themselves doesn’t invalidate rape culture.

Things just can’t exist together in their little minds if it involves the genders. What is it like to live with a brain that can only see things in black and white?

And why do they need sexbots? RealDolls exist, even if they’re a bit pricey. It seems that these guys would prefer a “girl” who just lies there and lets him drive.

If these guys really wanted to help out their fellow MRA, they’d start a fund or something to help buy RealDolls for all those poor men out there who just can’t stand real women. We’d all be better off if they were busy romancing their silicone lovers instead of ranting on the internet.

About the only time I’ve ever fondled a super-built dude, he actually asked me to. Rolled up his sleeve, revealed an impressive bicep, and said “Feel that”. So I did. The End.

I know that there’s a lot of other wrong in there, but:

Did you know that the smaller breeds of dogs were bred as alarms for travellers?

No. No they were not. Not ever.

There’s literally nothing left to emotionally blackmail women with once someone starts resorting to bizarre threats about replacing them with sexbots.

Doesn’t even make sense in that a majority of men obviously wouldn’t see this as a viable alternative, thought of intercourse with an inanimate object being both profoundly empty and degrading.

Dudes! Having your pecs grabbed and fondled by strange women is a compliment.

Women gonna be women.

Women gotta be women.

Let women be women!

But if you are entirely lacking in the self-confidence that a man should have, go ahead a grow a mullet. That’ll scare us off. Yikes, I’m shivering just thinking about your repulsive mullet!

@ lady monegreen

Please feel free. Although if you could delete the “fellow stoners” bit perhaps; I have to get security clearance every now and then.

(Mind you, for the last one I changed my Facebook status to suggest I was spying for the Chinese Government and they didn’t say anything)

“This might take a few generations, but the time of sex robots is coming” Is it just me or is there an essential contradiction in that statement?

I was a bit curious about the ‘swolesting’ thing and I needed some diversionary stuff from the work I’m meant to be doing so I did some research.

Turns out in England at least swolesting is not only an offence it can be a sexual offence (and can lead to a Sexual Offending Prevention Order)

Not something crops up a lot but found at least one case. I’ve got the full law report if anyone is interested but here’s a brief summary:

Of course, it’s been pointed out before that the sexbot argument just boils down to, “You’ll be sorry.” They don’t actually want sex with a robot, they want the validation of human women somehow regretting not being the good little servants they should have been.

The association some of these guys seem to make between sex and disgust + humiliation + power makes me think that the essential program circuits for sexbots would be the “being humiliated but admitting they deserve it and that it makes the humiliator even more attractive” and the “setting boundaries which the guy violates and the bot admits she really wanted him to” subroutines.

Until that’s perfected I think sexbots will remain an unattainable dream.

Women are nothing but yappy dogs! And they dehumanize men!

Rapist DNA is inferior but women willingly choose to sleep with rapists and have their babies, so it’s actually superior DNA, and not really rape!

I think these guys, on some level, are fully aware of the contradictions and hypocrisy and stupidity they espouse, and they simply don’t care. They’re So Alpha that logic and rules bend around them. It’s a classic abuser’s tactic, laying out a set of rules for the victim which they themselves don’t have to abide by.

Speaking of rapists, here’s an extract from a review of the latest Assange documentary. He’s such a charmer.

And this loose-cannon element is why the scenes that linger longest involving Assange are those in which friendly fire is suddenly lobbed in his direction. There is Gaga, with her slack-jawed scattershot, and there is also his QC, Helena Kennedy, who advises against his dismissing the Swedish extradition as a “mad feminist conspiracy”. He nods: “not publicly”, at least. She eyerolls. Then, later, he tells Poitras it would be in his accusers’ interests to drop the case. If they proceed, “they’ll be reviled forever by a large segment of the world’s population”. It sounds like a threat, yet it is meant as candid truth-telling.

I’m not a fan of yappy dogs (sorry yappy dog lovers). So, I was quite pleased to see dude’s explanation of why yappy dogs were developed to provide some usefulness. I thought – “Hey, at least I got me some learnin’ out of this drivel,” and “Even these jerks can sometimes be useful by sharing little knowledge nuggets. I hope this is true.”

But since most of y’all have rejected this and I’m more inclined to believe the collective wisdom here than some bloke off of AVFM, they can’t even provide that.

As for muscle touching. Yeah, it exists. Seen it. And – regrettably – done it. Only in the thronging night club context where I’ve also been touched up. Doesn’t make it right though.

I wonder if the “yappy dog = car alarm” thing originates from this fact, if I’ve remembered correctly.

Tibetan monasteries had two types of guard dogs; Lhasa Apsos and Tibetan Mastiffs. LAs would provide the early warning system and the TMs the defence. Which makes sense when you think about it; there’s little negative effect to the low impact guard (vocal cue) over-reacting, except the monks having the odd sleepless night, but you don’t want the high impact guard (could take down a buffalo) on a hair trigger. So you have both of them, their roles complementing one another.

I don’t see what any of it has to do with women though.

Groping someone without their consent is wrong. When it’s a male bodybuilder being grabbed by a woman however, there’s one crucial difference than when a woman is harassed like that. The lack of intimidation. The bodybuilder is not going to face terrifying consequences for saying no. So it’s really telling that they have zero empathy for women experiencing harassment from larger men but feel concern for bodybuilders.

That said, the answer as always is more feminism. I would never grab a man without his consent and don’t know any feminist who would. We reject the idea that men are always up for sex no matter what, therefore consent doesn’t matter.


The bodybuilder is not going to face terrifying consequences

I think (and this is very much just my own opinion) that the “consequences” aspect permeates through so many aspects of feminism. It’s why I don’t buy into the ‘identical = equal’ thing that seems popular in MRA thinking.

For example I do think there’s an inherent difference between M-F violence and F-M violence. I remember some people were up in arms that a female character in Dr Who slapped a male character. You can guess the tone “This is outrageous, imagine the fuss if it was the other way round”. But they fail to recognise both the general context of how inter gender violence occurs and the specific situation. A guy saying “I probably deserved that” can be funny (like in that Pirates film) whereas bearing in mind how domestic abuse occurs, if a woman said that it would be genuinely disturbing.

So whilst I admire your views that you wouldn’t touch a man without permission I do think even if you did it would be less problematic, for the reasons you say about consequence.

To give you an example from my own experience, I fairly regularly used a train that was popular with Irish hen parties. I’d often share a carriage with a group of slightly tipsy colleens who would make a few comments and slap my backside if I went past. I could laugh that off in a way that wouldn’t be possible if it was a male stag party and a single woman because I knew there was no risk of them turning abusive or raping me if I politely declined.

Does any of that make sense?

Wait … we bred yappy dogs as alarms to warn us of danger, but they also yap in the absence of danger?

Like having a car alarm that you can’t turn off, I guess.

So either mankind is that stupid, or Bad Dima is that stupid. One or the other.

I love little yappy dogs like chihuahuas and Yorkshire terriers, it never occurred to me that I am one! Maybe a big Alpha male wants to carry me off in his handbag? Joking of course.

Of course the comments are full of people saying this is PC humorlessness and asking how it was sexist. Sigh.

Apparently it becomes real any time an MRA figures out how to use it in an argument against a feminist.

Apply to every single thing ever. Lather, rinse, repeat.

@ kupo

NoScript=No comments, makes life easier. 😉

Personally, I loved Mr. Havard’s defense – it didn’t mention gender so how could it be sexist?

“It was a poke at overregulating everything — where are we going to stop?” Havard said. “It was aimed at both men and women. I can’t strip either. I’m a little overweight.”

Beyond what his amendment said, he was objecting to a proposed law to stop sex trafficking as overregulation.

To be honest, the thought of even touching a guys sweaty biceps makes me feel a bit like vomiting in my mouth. Is this a form of sexual arousal? And I agree, ‘swole’ is a really revolting word.

@Alan Robertshaw

Thanks! I changed “stoners” to “Brits”.

Also sent a friend request to someone I think is you. (Accept or not as you please; no worries.)

I do not know if the yappy dog stuff was real or not, but as alarm animals, there have been birds used in mine to signal lack of oxygen (if i am not wrong). Oh, and there is also the story of the Capitol gooses.
Does this mean women are twitting birds or wild gooses ?

@ lady mondegreen

I love your raven evangelist! I’m afraid all you’ll get in return is various donkey related things (here’s some donkeys being happy, here’s some donkeys being sad, here’s some donkeys being daft…..) so I won’t be offended if you end up backing away trying not to make eye contact 🙂

Every time I see a yappy little dog, I imagine, deep in its little doggy brain, the ghost of a wolf wondering what in the Hell happened. And that’s why it yaps.

“Dima’s “rebuttal” is a bit like someone declaring that there are no birds — after defining birds as “potatoes with wings.””

But what are birds? We just don’t know.

The division of men for various purposes is so diminishing in these blogs. Sometimes I think that the shit we women are fed growing up is not as incredibly cruel as the violence that men inflict on other men via their little ‘alpha/beta’ narrative.

DISCLAIMER: Had a baby with very carefully chosen uber-nerd-hacker-sys-admin (them nerds strangely characterized as beta) and I am co-raising with a randomly met gun-loving counter-terrorism analyst (them manly men strangely characterized as alpha). And somehow, the world didn’t end.

I’ve gotten groped by a gay guy. I wasn’t offended at the time, mostly because if he’d done anything else my dad would have killed him and because I was worried about one of my friends. It is a thing that happens, though.

Wait, if we’ve spent all this time treating men like “beasts of burden,” who “bred” us to “alert men to hazards?” You didn’t say “evolved,” you said “bred.” Who’s in charge of whom, and who’s failing whom? Words mean things, get your misogynistic story straight.

And would you mind justifying why the conversation is about “how little most women bring to the table?” Is it YOUR table, that we’re just visiting? Seriously, whose table is this? And what do you bring to it? I suppose your sexual history involves giving lots and lots of selfless, expert cunnilingus and considerate affection to bloodsucking abusive yappy harpies who refuse to pleasure you?

This is some Adam and Eve shit right here. And then God introduced a distaff counterpart to serve and please the default human Adam, and Adam definitely only had nipples because God made him in His image and God has nipples. Why does God have nipples, you ask? Shut up, okay? He just does. And then when Adam and Eve sinned God punished Eve by giving all people with uteri intolerable pain during the one thing they’re good for, and punished Adam by… well, just generally making the world not paradise and stuff.

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