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Return of Kings: “Dogs provide most of the positive benefits of women except sex.”

The Red Piller's ideal woman?
The Red Piller’s ideal woman?

A new post at Return of Kings, Roosh V’s site for terrible, terrible men, has me wondering: Do Red Pillers all harbor a secret wish to have sex with their dogs?

In the post, regular RoK contributor Max Roscoe reports on “10 Things My Dog Taught Me About Women.” His conclusion? That aside from that whole sex thing, he prefers his dog. Man’s faithful canine companions, he explains

are incredibly loyal, protective, and offer unconditional love, and will in some ways be more consistent, reliable, and rewarding than a woman. It’s often said that sexbots will be the end of the modern feminist. Dogs provide most of the positive benefits of women except sex, and owning one can benefit a man greatly.

Roscoe apparently dreams of a glorious future in which women can be replaced with a more pliable combo of sexbots and dogs.

Until the sexbots arrive, though, heterosexual men — or at least those heterosexual men who are unwilling to have sex with their dogs — are stuck with women.

But all is not lost, as Roscoe offers a number of useful suggestions on how men can make their girlfriends or wives more like dogs. 

As Roscoe sees it, proper training is key for both women and dogs.

A well trained dog will know when it misbehaves, and will sense the disappointment or anger of its owner when it breaks the rules. Likewise, a woman should be trained to behave properly. Since Western civilization has abdicated its role in training members of both sexes how to behave politely and what proper roles are, men must take up this duty on our own.

Unfortunately, Roscoe notes, even well-trained dogs and women sometimes misbehave, making “slight corrections” necessary. All men need to do to get their women back in line is to become paranoid, controlling creeps.

Tell her to hit the gym when she’s gotten a bit out of shape, but don’t wait until she’s gained 20 pounds. Give her a limit on how much alcohol she can drink. Tell her she must inform you who she is going out with and where.

Women aren’t just like dogs; they’re also like children.

As we know, women are essentially large children, and like a teen who will gradually test the limits of his boundaries, a woman will push the rules to see how much she can get away with. Treat her like a father would his child, and let her know she is not to behave this way in the future. She will not only stop the harmful actions, but come to respect you even more.

So how can men tell if their wives or girlfriends are good dogs?

By their shiny coats. Dogs should have “well groomed hair” rather than “a matted, dirty, coat full of debris.” Same with women!

A “quality” woman, Roscoe proclaims, should

groom herself well, with long, feminine hair, trimmed and painted nails, and conservative clothing.

And she should have “clear, radiant skin,” rather than a “body mutilated with shrapnel and graffiti.”

She should also, Roscoe argues, know her place. Just as a dog is naturally “subservient to its owner,” so “a woman is naturally and normally the submissive partner to the man.”

This is the case, Roscoe explains, even if she has short hair.

No amount of short haircuts, business suits, you-go-girling or education can reverse the natural role than women play in the world.

But don’t bother to try to explain this to women. Hell, don’t bother to explain anything to them, because women, like dogs, don’t really understand human language. It’s all “blah blah blah Ginger” to them.

You can talk in a kind voice to a dog, and he will understand your loving happiness, and reciprocate, but beyond that, dogs are incapable of understanding you, interpreting your thoughts, empathizing, or using logic.

Likewise, it is a waste of time to get into deep discussions with women, expect them to rationalize or understand things, or even to truly empathize or love a man.  … While a dog or woman can respect and honor you, and make you feel good, they cannot truly understand you, or love you the way you love them.

I’m thinking that Roscoe should not only be kept away from women, but from dogs as well.

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Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ mrex

thanks for making me yawn. &%+$@

That’s the standard response to my posts generally.

mrex
mrex
6 years ago

@Alan

“Train them to say: “Help, a wizard turned me into a parrot”

That is literally the best idea I have ever heard. You, dear sir, not only win the internet, but you win at life. WIN!!!!!

bluecat
bluecat
6 years ago

I can sometimes induce my cats to yawn by meeting their eyes and yawning.

It makes them angry though, and they usually stalk off after the first couple of yawns. It may be swearing in cat.

dhag85
6 years ago

Can we also teach the parrot how to give instructions on finding/using the counter-spell? I love the idea of a parrot sending someone on an adventure.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
6 years ago

I’m honestly surprised to see so many people doing the comparison thing xD

@Policy of Madness
Thanks! My cat seems to like treats, as opposed to only eating when she’s hungry, so I guess I’m lucky. I will think of a way to convince her to stop trying to attack my aunt’s cats.

@Paradoxical Intention
Your dolls are cute! I don’t much approve of Apollo’s choice of lipstick though – he could find a better a shade.

dhag85
6 years ago

@bluecat

This works for my cats too.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
6 years ago

@mrex
That’s just awesome.
I don’t have experience with cats, so I assumed they would be very resistant to training.
Something I really like about my cat is that, whenever I can’t find her, all I have to do is start mewing, and she’ll come out of her hiding place mewing back – it’s so cute!

Crow Girl
Crow Girl
6 years ago

Unlurking to say congrats to Paradoxical Intention for the new additions! I do hope you’ve been warned about the addictive nature of resin. I was, and I still ended up with seven of them. Funny, I was just thinking this weekend that I needed to play with mine more, and now I see the pictures of your lovelies…

Ichneumon108
Ichneumon108
6 years ago

As I read this man’s writing, I’m fondly reminded of my beagle/ labrador mix, who I suspect was mentally challenged. He smelled like pond scum and literally ALL he did was eat, sleep, drool, and try to hump strangers.

Funnily enough, his name was ALSO Roscoe. Given the choice between the two of them, though I’d have to say it’s a no brainer; Would I rather have a dumb disgusting animal or would I rather have a dog? Of course I’d rather have a dog. At least you can train a dog.

R.I.P Roscoe

Matt
Matt
6 years ago

[will never] love you the way you love them

Nonsense, MRAs. I’m sure there’s somebody out there that’s willing to treat you like a hybrid of a pet and a piece of furniture and call it “love”. You just gotta keep looking!

VioletBeauregarde
VioletBeauregarde
6 years ago

Train them to say: “Help, a wizard turned me into a parrot”

Thanks for the tip…I’ll add that to the lost of things I’m planning to teach my sun conure to say.

Also…I wouldn’t trust Roscoe or any of his ilk with dogs, or humans!

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
4 years ago

comment image

(hee, don’t mind me :3)

cornychips
cornychips
4 years ago

Like wtf?
I abhor organized religion, but I dont randomly trash them off topic on an old thread.

PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
4 years ago

Idli, literally, what the fuck?

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
4 years ago

OK David, was just scrolling through your site and found this and thought of something relevant. And I wanted to warn people, just in case.

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