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Coffeeshop owners face boycott after they’re revealed as creepy, rapey PUA scum

Jared Rutledge: Coffeeshop owner, terrible person
Jared Rutledge: Coffeeshop owner, terrible person

So a couple of coffeeshop owners from Asheville, North Carolina just got outed as the two creepy, rapey, misogynistic assholes behind a skeezy pickup podcast, and, it turns out that a lot of their customers aren’t terribly happy about that.

The two have posted apologies (of sorts) and tried to buy forgiveness by donating to a local rape crisis center — which has refused to accept their money.

Given what the two have said — and allegedly done — that reaction is more than understandable. Read on for the details.

Jared Rutledge and Jacob Owens are the owners of a formerly popular coffeeshop called Waking Life Espresso; they were also, until recently, the two anonymous dudes behind the Holistic Game podcast, on which they shared their alleged dating experiences and showcased their contemptuous and contemptible views of women.

Oh, and during one of their podcast episodes, Owens seems to have confessed to raping a drugged-up woman in the hospital. Here’s the relevant portion of the transcript, as reported on Jezebel. (Content Warning, obviously.)

“It was still really fun because we had sex in the shower. Hospital sex is weird, when she’s drugged, it’s strange, but it’s really cool.”

“Could she give consent?” Rutledge asks. “Could she give consent, Jay?”

“Uh oh,” Owens laughs. “That’s my bad. That is my bad.”

“You might’ve violated some California laws. Good thing we don’t live in California.”

Lovely. And there are people who think rape culture isn’t real?

In addition to doing the podcast, Rutledge also kept himself busy on Twitter, spewing forth hateful and retrograde nonsense about women, liberally sprinkled with racism, homophobia, and a lot of “red pill” lingo. Some examples:

twitterpost67 twitterpost66 twitterpost42 twitterpost36 twitterpost24 jjtw1 jjtw2 jjtw3 jjtw4

I didn’t even notice until proofreading this post that two of those Tweets were replies to @heartiste.

You can find much, much more of his nonsense posted on the JaredAndJacobSaid blog set up by a critic of theirs, and which is where I found the screenshots above. (You will also see that he follows Roosh’s Twitter account as well. Because of course he does.)

Rutledge, that busy boy, also ran a blog, on which he detailed his various “conquests,” which ranged from an “sexy little mid-twenties brunette with a thigh gap [who] was … dumb as a fucking brick” to a “late thirties MILF that I fucked in her basement while her kids were asleep.”

Since being outed, the two have gone into damage control mode. Owens, the one who seemingly confessed to rape, posted  a groveling apology that doesn’t seem to have won over many of his critics. He started off by saying that

I would like to fully admit to what I have done. I would also like to receive the shame and necessary consequences for my actions. I am not hiding nor do I want to deflect.

But then he seemed to offer excuses, declaring that

I would do the podcast with Jared while we were kicking back and drinking whiskey. I had a persona and an ego that would come out while I tried to tell other men who might be listening how to be “successful” with women.

He also denied that he had anything to do with the blog or the podcast’s Twitter account, but sort of took responsibility for it as well:

I would like to be very clear that I did not author any of the posts of the blog or twitter. But just as worse, I knew they existed. I did not keep up with them, or fully know what was on them. But by knowing that it was going on, and knowing that I was associated however, I am complicit.

Rutledge’s “apology,” meanwhile, was barely an apology at all.

I know I’ve said and posted a lot of things that are offensive. Most of my life I’ve struggled with insecurities around dating. I felt like, in the past couple years, that I’d finally gotten a handle on this and experienced more success. So I made a twitter, blog, and got Jacob to podcast with me. We didn’t always say nice things, and sometimes we were downright mean. Sometimes I just vented about frustrating experiences in an immature, hateful, and foolish way. It was in particular a breach of trust to post intimate details about lovers. I was naive enough to think it’d stay anonymous, and I was wrong.

So here we are. I grew up in West Asheville and have disappointed and brought shame to the community that raised me, and there’s not really anything I can do to make it right. There are no excuses to be made. The way I’ve phrased and framed my private conduct in a sad and tawdry public way is humiliating. There’s nothing to do but ask your forgiveness for any harm I’ve caused. I’m sorry folks.

Well, actually, dude, there is a lot more to do than asking for forgiveness. Taking real responsibility for what you’ve done rather than trying to excuse it as somehow being caused by your former “insecurities around dating” would be a good first step.

OurVoice, the rape crisis intervention and prevention agency that the two tried to donate to, noted the evident insincerity of Rutledge’s “apology” as one of the reasons they turned down the money.

 

We were disturbed and outraged by what was posted by Jared and Jacob regarding women. We will not be taking their money because it is not our place to forgive. Our VOICE is not in a position of absolving them for their misogyny as it perpetuates a culture of danger to all women and girls. Jared’s and Jacob’s actions not only objectified women but also perpetuated rape culture and violence against women.

While Jared and Jacob apologized, Jared’s apology infers that he believes his inability to date well contributed to his actions. How damaged must our society be that he can reason in this manner and it be thought as an apology. It is disturbing to think he can rationalize violence against all women because he struggled with insecurities around dating.

If you would like to make a donation to OurVoice, you can do so here.

H/T — A number of people alerted me to this story. Thanks to all of them.

 

 

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weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I know I’ve said and posted a lot of things that are offensive. Most of my life I’ve struggled with insecurities around dating.

Once again we’re supposed to think the manpain of feeling insecure and having trouble getting dates and getting laid is somehow the equivalent of or even worse than women being objectified, raped, abused, and killed by men.

These two can take their phony apologies and shove them right up their PUA-holes.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
6 years ago

@freemage
Yes, that’s the attack I’m talking about. I didn’t know it was a case of two brothers: you’re right, it will be harder to play the lone wolf/mental illness card with that in mind. My thoughts are that she spurned one of them and he convinced his equally misogynistic brother to carry out the attack with him. Typical bullies – those Big Alfalfa Males are willing to ruin the face of a poor woman, but do they have the balls to face the consequences? LOL. They’re on the run, of course.

God I hope they get at least a decade in prison. As in, at least ten years actually in jail, none of that “release way early on probation and hope for the best” bullshit the British legal system is so fond of.

We are far, far too soft on dangerous criminals.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
6 years ago

Once again we’re supposed to think the manpain of feeling insecure and having trouble getting dates and getting laid is somehow the equivalent of or even worse than women being objectified, raped, abused, and killed by men.

It’s disturbing how many MRAs genuinely believe that a man being denied sex is as bad as or worse than rape. Or than being divorced is as bad as being murdered for doing the divorcing.

NO IT IS NOT YOU STUPID RAPIST FUCKWADS. NOT EVEN CLOSE. FUCK ME ARE YOU THAT SELF-OBSESSED? #obviousquestion

Moocow
Moocow
6 years ago

“I was naive enough to think it’d stay anonymous, and I was wrong.”

This has to be my favorite part. To me it reads: “I thought I could say a lot of vile sexist shit online everything would be fine because internet anonymity prevents me from being held accountable. I was wrong, and it turns out actions have consequences”

My only reaction is HAHA YOU GOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE AND I HOPE THE ENTIRE MANOSPHERE MEETS THE SAME FATE.

Also, I think this speaks a lot about how internet culture has changed. 5-10 years ago I feel it was much harder to hold people accountable for their internet identities. Nowadays there’s a lot more transparency. On the plus side we get awesome stories like these asshats getting what’s coming to them, on the flip side, doxxing is a bigger problem than it previously was.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

I read the Salon article first:

http://www.salon.com/2015/09/22/north_carolina_coffee_shop_on_the_rocks_after_misogynistic_owners_outed_as_podcasting_blogging_red_pill_enthusiasts/

My takeaway was that they were jerks who had sex with women and then bragged to the world. I saw nothing about a boast about rape. Nothing about racism. Nothing about their general contempt for others. It’s very interesting how a left-wing website tiptoed around the story. The real story is here! Thanks, David.

Jaystar
Jaystar
6 years ago

The funniest part is how these two idiots were lying about their conquests in order to impress idiots like Roosh and Heartiste.

misseb47
misseb47
6 years ago

Sunnysombrera-That’s awful! 🙁 No need to make bets, we all know that is exactly what’s going to happen. People always make excuses for the men (especially if they are white men) who do the heinous things and somehow twist things around and blame their victims. It is disgusting!! What is also disgusting, is that knowing that women are far more like to to be victims of violence by men than the other way round, these MRAs whine about how men have it worse and how they are the real victims (while whining about the most ridiculously insignificant things like not being able to get sex from whatever woman they want)! It’s sickening to say the least.

Fuck you MRAs, fuck you all!

laughnwitch
laughnwitch
6 years ago

WOW

misseb47
misseb47
6 years ago

Anyway, I am so glad that these two arseholes got caught out and that people made a stand against them. It is about time people like them are made to face consequences for their shitty behaviour. Good on you, OneVoice and the people of Asheville! ????

CCD
CCD
6 years ago

Charming. And no, they shouldn’t be forgiven. You don’t just get a personality transplant when you’re caught, and letting them off easy sends the message that if you are a misogynist and it comes out and screws up your life, you can just hit a reset button with an apology and be absolved. No, they deserve to be pariahs and lose business and have to shame-wank in the dark in front of some free web porn, because no woman in their town will have sex with them now.

This Handle is a Test
This Handle is a Test
6 years ago

I have a question: They specifically mention California’s consent law but is that really different than most other states (the google I tried got places like Reason, which I understandably view…skeptically)?

Also, this is a nice reminded of why, even though I dislike what I, personally, perceive as the need to have a whole manual of “acceptable/unacceptable” language at the ready, I side with those for equal rights. Because willful infliction of pain and harm is wrong regardless.

And, I can guarantee I’ve had worse luck with the opposite sex than most but it’s nothing compared to the pain of rape or sexual harassment (I’d type this in all caps but I’m worried I’d bury the point). Seriously? Not only not an apology or excuse but just plain stupid. And damn it all to hell, I had no idea acid attack are as common as they seem to be.

Bina
6 years ago

Been checking that blog that catches their bons mots. Here’s a real winner:
comment image

“Hamster” made an appearance. So did an insulting reference to menstruation. Uh, Jared? How about NEITHER? Because I don’t own a hamster, and it doesn’t matter what time of the month I’m at, guys like you NEVER look good to me.

Boost
Boost
6 years ago

The only thing these dudes should have done is hang a sign in their window that read “NO FATTIES” and made all the coffee wearing fedoras.

Go big or go home.

Bina
6 years ago

Also, ha ha:
comment image

Translation: She wants to date, but just not ME?! Graaaaar!

DodoHunter
DodoHunter
6 years ago

“Most of my life I’ve struggled with insecurities around dating.”

You poor baby. Is there an eye rolling emoji? Or fake sympathy?

Boost
Boost
6 years ago

Were they anonymous? Is this doxxing?

I lean towards NO since on the podcast they shared personal details and didnt even use an alias. Big J and Little J hardly count as nom de plumes for a couple guys with J names.

deniseeliza
6 years ago

What should these guys have done? What is the adult, responsible, socially- and morally-sound response to this? What should these guys be saying and/or doing in order to demonstrate remorse? How does one atone for this? These guys live in a small community, so their medium-term* options are atonement or exile.

Well, to put this in context… what should anyone who does a horrible thing over and over again while hoping they wouldn’t get caught do? What should a rapist do? What should a con artist do? What should a stalker do?

I know you’re not trying to troll but it sounds like you want to lend these guys some sort of aura of helplessness. They fucked up, they got caught, now what? Poor dears?

Well, people who get caught doing horrible things will probably be hated and mistrusted by a lot of people for a long time. A lot of people will understandably mistrust and hate them forever. If they come to realize that what they did was wrong because it was always wrong, and not because it was “un-PC” and they got caught, they will need to really think about that and be prepared to demonstrate their changed ways when people find out about their past. Over time, it will lessen. The stupid shit I said last week is a greater stain on my character than the stupid shit I did 10 years ago.

These are the things that happen when people know you’re a douchebag.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
6 years ago

@AnonAnonAnon

What the fuck?

What should these guys have done? What is the adult, responsible, socially- and morally-sound response to this? What should these guys be saying and/or doing in order to demonstrate remorse? How does one atone for this? These guys live in a small community, so their medium-term* options are atonement or exile.

How about we put a stake in the heart of this idea that if someone just says “I’m sorry!” with sufficient apparent sincerity, then we all owe that person forgiveness?

What could they be saying to demonstrate remorse? NOTHING. There is NOTHING they can say to demonstrate remorse. There are a shit ton of things they could do to demonstrate it, but noises coming out the mouth are not amongst them.

There is no remorse. There is literally no words they can produce that will make me believe that remorse exists. They’re unhappy they were caught. BOTH of them, yes, Jacob Owens has demonstrated no remorse. All he has demonstrated is that he understands what an apology looks like.

When these kinds of stories come out (I’m thinking of the Cards Against Humanity guy’s story as well) it’s easy to see the wrongdoing and the harm caused, but is there any penance that can be done, any hope for absolution? Or is any misogyny, or any sexual assault in one’s past an indelible stain, an unforgivable act that will forever mean distrust and shame?

An indelible stain that forever means distrust and shame? It’s been a hot minute since this news came out. Why are you phrasing this like they’ve run a women’s shelter for fifty years so maybe we should put their past misdeeds behind us? They have done NOTHING to correct the evil they’ve done. They have done NOTHING to show that they even understand that what they did was wrong. All they have conclusively shown that they understand is that society frowns upon this stuff. There is no evidence that either of them grasps the moral reasons why society doesn’t like it.

Bina
6 years ago

What should these guys have done? What is the adult, responsible, socially- and morally-sound response to this? What should these guys be saying and/or doing in order to demonstrate remorse? How does one atone for this? These guys live in a small community, so their medium-term* options are atonement or exile.

What should these guys have done? Well, uh, just for starters, how about NOT PULLING THAT PUA SHIT.

As for how to respond responsibly, they can slink back to whatever holes they crawled out of, with their tails between their legs. And if they want to be men about it, they can apologize personally and privately to all the “plates” they “smashed”.

Bina
6 years ago

…But of course, the real thing they SHOULD do, and aren’t, is engaging in some serious introspection about why it’s such a huge fuck-up to be a PUA. (And a racist, and a misodge.) The fact that they often got bored with just pursuing “notches” should have been a major clue-by-four. That box is empty. Ain’t no kittycat in there.

katz
katz
6 years ago

It’s such a white-guy thing to approach a story like this as “What’s the set of actions I need to do to make this problem go away?” Like it was a combination lock. In real life, not in tutorial mode, it turns out that you can’t necessarily make every problem you face stop existing, particularly not problems you caused.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
6 years ago

It is rather odd to ask about the morally-responsible, adult way to recover from doing something no morally-responsible adult would do. Like asking what would the pacifist way of hiding the bodies would be.

Tessa
Tessa
6 years ago

Policy of Madness:

Why are you phrasing this like they’ve run a women’s shelter for fifty years so maybe we should put their past misdeeds behind us? They have done NOTHING to correct the evil they’ve done.

This!! This captures the tone of that whole post. If the apology won’t wipe away the social reaction, nothing possibly will! EVAR! As if their silly not-pologies show they recognized anything wrong with their actions other than that getting caught rather sucks.

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

@the tone troll I missed:

kirbywarp | September 22, 2015 at 11:22 pm
It is rather odd to ask about the morally-responsible, adult way to recover from doing something no morally-responsible adult would do. Like asking what would the pacifist way of hiding the bodies would be.

I’m going to second this, and add a bit:

Or is any misogyny, or any sexual assault in one’s past an indelible stain, an unforgivable act that will forever mean distrust and shame?

Misogyny can be excused after a period of time, and if the misogynist in question shows that they’re actually sorry and willing to change. Some people grow up, but trust has to be earned back. General misogyny is harmful, but not as harmful as rape.

Rape cannot be forgiven. Ever. Here’s why: Their victim will have to forever live with what happened. They’ll have to learn to live with the shame, the guilt, the distrust of everyone around them. The victim will have to deal with the nightmares, the fear, the broken faith in humanity.

There is no “getting over” rape, and I’m speaking from experience. You can only pick up the pieces of your life, your mind, and your sense of safety, and slowly attempt to put them back together. But, those pieces are a mirror: once shattered, you can put it back together, but it will forever be cracked. Some people never make it through the process.

The least their rapist should go through is public shame and distrust. The least.

If these men are telling the truth and they did rape women, they are only getting cosmic payback at this point, and I hope there’s more in store for them.

Wetherby
Wetherby
6 years ago

What could they be saying to demonstrate remorse? NOTHING. There is NOTHING they can say to demonstrate remorse. There are a shit ton of things they could do to demonstrate it, but noises coming out the mouth are not amongst them.

A case in point: John Profumo, the former Cabinet Minister involved in what is still regarded as the biggest scandal in British political history. After his resignation in 1963 (for, in a peculiarly British touch, lying to the House of Commons rather than having an affair with a woman who was also intimately acquainted with a senior Soviet officer), he spent the remaining forty-plus years of his life working tirelessly for charitable causes. Now that’s “demonstrating remorse”.

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