Categories
#gamergate 4chan 8chan drama kings entitled babies evil SJWs grandiosity gross incompetence irony alert literal nazis men who should not ever be with imaginary women ever men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny none dare call it conspiracy pedophiles oh sorry ephebophiles playing the victim post contains sarcasm TROOOLLLL!!

The Nine Most Amazingly Awful Quotes from The Crowdsourced GamerGate Book Written by Real Human Beings Who Thought What They Were Writing Was Awesome.

Unser Kampf (Our Struggle): Actual proposed title and cover for the crowdsourced GamerGate collective autobiography
Unser Kampf (Our Struggle): Actual proposed title and cover for the crowdsourced GamerGate collective autobiography

Lovers of literary catastrophes rejoice! Some GamerGaters are crowdsourcing a book about what they see as the death of 4chan and the rise of GamerGate, and so far the results have been even more amazingly awful than that even sounds.

So far all the Gaters have managed to produce have been some rough drafts of a lyrical prologue written almost entirely in mixed metaphor, a somewhat plodding first chapter, and a rough outline of the rest of the book. But there is much comedy gold in these rough pages.

And so I would like to present to you The Nine Most Ridiculous Quotes from The Crowdsourced GamerGate Book That Were Actually Written by Real Human Beings Who Thought What They Were Writing Was Awesome.

1) The endless sea of ones and zeroes

We would not be forgotten in the endless sea of ones and zeroes that many other events have been dissolved by, but drowned by liars who could only just grasp the lowest bars of the social ladder.

2) The Steps We Took To Pull Back the Curtain

Let’s take a walk through no man’s land. What you will find here among the ash piles are evidence of lies, deception, ill-gotten gains, facades, and false morality. You will also find the mark of our footprints; the steps we took to pull back the curtain and expose the corruption around us.

3) Never Stop Riding

Hold on to your seat. The ride never ends.

4) Like Terminator or Something

I’m writing in nostalgia of a now lost past, and fear of an uncertain future. You know, like Terminator or something.

5) Fighting in a Maelstrom of Pettiness

The ugliness on both sides, and the villains, and heroes, all fighting in a maelstrom of pettiness for a future that doesn’t care for them.

6) Something Larger in the Vacuum

While on the surface it just seems like trolls feeding trolls, death threats, and angry nerds on the surface, the picture painted is of something larger moving through the cultural vacuum that is the modern west.

7) Calculated and Painful

We were scattered by a well calculated and painful defeat.

8) Like Many a Writers Have Commented

4chan is probably, and like many a writers have commented before us, one of the most important websites of its type in the English world; known even to have affected how other unrelated websites published content and worked.

9) Not Technically Illegal

Despite being a minor, a majority of Poole’s early updates to 4chan were adding explicit boards. Many critics claimed the content of these boards were of borderline legality. Originally in /b/, and later /h/ (hentai) and /d/ (hentai/alternative), anime pornography of children (lolikon) and anime pornography depicting extreme fetishes such as necrophilia (guro). Poole responded to these complaints, by reminding them that this type of pornography is not technically illegal, and the content would not be removed.

So what will this new masterpiece be called? Well, there have been many suggestions so far. A few of my favorites:

1984Chan – The Rise and Fall of 4Chan

The point is MOOT (moot does not mean what you think it means) -40 keks

Our Kampf

So whats the deal with 4chan?

To Reign in Hell: The Fall from Grace

The Willing Executioners

Poole’s Closed

404 – (Chronicle of the Executioners), (4chan Not Found), (Freedom Failed to  `  Load), (Freedom Not Found)

The Caliphate of the Internet

To Kill |Crush| a |Mocking| Cloverleaf

Ooh, someone took high school English!

The heroes who rose from the pariahs

Tales of the struggles of modern-day Huckleberry Finns

Oh, yet another High School graduate!

How we tried and slew Leviathan

How to win friends and crash your community, by MOOT

We are piss babies who like to suck diaper farts

I don’t think that last one was meant completely  seriously.

(I am also aware that the bit about the Terminator was probably added by a troll.)

H/T — To Literally Who herself for pointing me to this literary masterpiece. She is also organizing a crowdsourced dramatic reading of the book’s prologue.

BONUS: Here are a few more of the proposed book covers.

4chanbooccov2

4chanbookcov3

4chanbookcov4

 

179 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
diana6815
8 years ago

@b.tom.darga
your titles made me laugh so hard I cried 🙂

diana6815
8 years ago

@Anarchonist
I have no words. The cuteness (of the kitty snowman) shorted out my brain.

@contrapangloss

Never once did we stop to consider that perhaps if our posts were too vile for 4chan, it meant that we were the scuzziest of all scum.

No, that could not be.

My favorite part…I repeated “No, that could not be” a couple of times in funny voices…made me giggle

@Hyena Girl

“Mein Kampfy Chair”

y’all are killing me 😀

@seraph4377

A place of pure anarchy is never a place of pure freedom. It’s the boot of the biggest bully stamping on everyone else’s face forever.

That got my giggles under control. I couldn’t agree more. Apt, apt, apt metaphor

@sunnysombrera
the blockquote monster is always in the shadows, lurking, waiting for the moment you’re at your weakest (most peeved or giggling too hard to see straight) to strike!

srsly…it got me earlier (different site)…got my fingers crossed it doesn’t ambush me in a minute…

@weirwoodtreehugger

Very true. But what they don’t understand is that antiheroes usually have traits that are sympathetic or relatable for the audience.

You are quite right. Your comment made me think of Marge Simpson trying to paint Monty Burns. Maybe that strategy would work for GGers…?

diana6815
8 years ago

@M. Tremblay

“Has lots of words, would read again, 10/10 -IGN”

an 11/10 for you 🙂

(musing “has lots of words” …. dissolves into giggles)

@Ice and Indigo

that ain’t a sea you’re in, boys. It’s a swimming pool.

(having fallen on floor due to uncontrollable giggles, throws pillows at screen … because reasons)

John McKay
8 years ago

The prose, so very, very purple; sentence fragments.

1 6 7 8
%d bloggers like this: