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All Women Are Whores, Part XIV: Cat on a Roomba Edition

Cats and Roombas unite in service to the forces of whoredom.

Men of America! You face a grave threat today: Evil feminist slutwalkers are working tirelessly to enslave men by conning them into marrying secret porn-star whores! Over on The Spearhead, an unnamed “Featured Guest” explains the whole dastardly scheme in a post with the intriguing title “Whore is just a label.” 

With slutwalkers working hard to remove the stigma of sex for women, you see,

young women in porn face far less stigma than they ever have. So much so that for that young women the leap from wanton behavior at a drunken college party to getting double teamed followed by a full facial in a porn shoot may not be a far leap at all.

Exactly. Because if you’re going to be having sex anyway, why not do it on camera with strangers?

The dollars and cents is that you have a huge growth porn industry demanding a huge number of sex workers who blend invisibly into the population because there is no longer any stigma attached to the world’s oldest profession.

Wait, I thought that prostitution was the world’s oldest profession. I guess porn and prostitution are the same thing now?

Not that it matters, because if you’re a man the evil ladies will keep their sordid whoring from you:

Unlike men women know how to keep a secret. Women don’t brag to their girlfriends, in fact they’ll lie even to themselves. You really have NO IDEA where even that conservative and very virginal girl you’ve proposed to has been until the night she thought she forgot shows up on Youtube.com. Where does that leave an increasing number of American men?

So YouTube is a porn distribution hub now? Or is he suggesting that any woman who has sex is by definition a whore?

Evidently he is, as Mr. Featured Guest then goes on to warn of the dangers of those who are:

Trying to turn a whore into a housewife.

Yes, there are terrific women out there. But single women are angling for a man to pay for their lives, and given that incentive there’s a huge temptation for a woman to present herself falsely, to tell a lot of lies and to make a lot of “stay at home, cook and raise kids” promises she has no intention of keeping. Under US and ESPECIALLY Canadian divorce laws, women are almost never accountable for bad behavior or broken promises. For all the men who thought their betrothed was only slutty the night she met you and who are steaming mad that you’ve been sold a bill of goods, does the marriage contract needs a “false advertisement” clause?

Or do women who have sex with men other than their betrothed – possibly on video, possibly on YouTube — simply need to have the word “whore” tattooed on their foreheads?

The regulars at The Spearhead respond to this sophisticated analysis of contemporary marriage with their usual good sense.

Quentin, in a comment that got 50 upvotes, notes with some alarm that

A lot of women don’t feel bad abut their sexual escapades. In fact, they take pride in them. “Ladies” are an endangered species, and are on the verge of going extinct. All this slutty behavior has really made me lose interest in women. I don’t want to be with a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. If she is easy to get into the sack, then she is a liability in a relationship. I have lost a lot of respect for women over the past several years. Sex, along with marriage, is something most women view as a get-rich-quick scheme. It is disheartening to think I live in a world where being a whore is considered empowering, while being a supportive wife is frowned upon. This world is upside down. …  If you act like a whore, then you are going to get treated like a whore. If women were pleasant to be around and were loyal, more men would probably stick around. You reap what you sow, women.

Napoleon (24 upvotes) urges his fellow men to be cautious when dealing with the wily female:

Women these days are increasingly trying to have the best of both worlds and present themselves as wholesome nice girls to the public while hiding a lot of whoring that goes on behind the scenes. There is really no way to know whether a woman is a part-time prostitute or not but a good rule of thumb is to assume that she is until proven otherwise due to the prevalence of such antics.

Silent warns men to be especially suspicious of any woman who seems to know what she’s doing in bed:

Just be careful about the super-sweet girlfriend who knows a little too much about how to do that thing you like, without you having taught her. She may have had a mouthful. But hey, maybe it’s all “in the past”.

YoungMan shares his tale of woe:

Back in my plugged in days I dated a girl for over a year before I found out she used to play with herself on camera for money. I was incensed I had been taken advantage of like that.

Keyster, a bastion of morality who once boasted about dating a 14-year-old (when he was 25), warns men to stay away with women who don’t keep silent about their sexual pasts:

Any woman who feels compelled to reveal her debaucherous past has no intention of having a serious relationship with you.

It’s not a shit test.

 It’s meant to show a certian amount of disdain and disrespect for you as a man who doesn’t quite measure up to her standards. Don’t ever forget that.

Yes, because if a woman has had sex with anyone other than you, it’s all about disrespecting you.

And then he adds:

If she says she can’t even remember how many guys she’s f*cked in a rather “matter-of-fact” tone, you’ve entered the Futrelle Zone. Go home and video tape your cat on a Roomba and post it on YouTube. It would be time better spent.

I guess I should be flattered? But alas it was not my cat on the Roomba. I wish I had a Roomba. (Also, I wish I had my cat back, but that’s a whole other and much sadder story.)

Alan Vaughn writes an impassioned defense of pedophiles – sorry, “pedophiles,” in scare quotes – that I’m frankly too tired to bother to cut and paste in here. Check it out yourself if you dare.

Eric has a sad about the poor quality of American women:

Women are presumed to ‘have all the power in relationships’. Really, it’s her choices alone that matter. Women choose to be with thugs and idiots when there are numerous better and more responsible options open to them. The fact that women overwhelmingly terminate relationships with good men and pursue worthless ones is proof in itself that the responsibility lies with them and not with us.

Men, on the other hand, are very limited in their field of choices (unless they expat out). The abysmal quality of American women; women’s complete lack of interest in responsible men; and the ever-impending consequences of acting contrary to misandryist legal and social norms considerably constrict men’s options. Most men, if they were honest about it, would admit that their choices are pretty much limited to the least objectionable—not the most desirable—of available women.

Life is apparently very tough for American men who hate the very idea of women ever having sex with anyone but them. And doubly tough for those who don’t see the inherent hilariousness of cats on Roombas.

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shigekuni
10 years ago

Sorry for being OT, but one of the worst things for me about the asshattery online is that I become judgmental. I used to have so much patience with friends who were racists or sexists (in weird ways, too, I had a friend who, when drunk, would fantasize about raping women up the nose), but I’ve become quick to point out people’s asshattery to them. Sometimes I need to take time off from the web to shake off the bitterness and meanness that accumulated. There is an asshat acquaintance who online-stalked one of my friends, sent her weird porn, threats and stuff (also pleas, and excuses etc.; they’d had an online relationship at one time). I sent him a firmly worded email like a month ago and broke off communications and yesterday I found out he’d killed himself. Instead of finding a way to be nice and helpful to a clearly disturbed man I was sort of mean to him. >.< This never happens with my real life interactions. Sorry for derailing. But shit sometimes piles up. Sorry.

Wetherby
Wetherby
10 years ago

CassandraSays:

I like to remind people that the UKs most fearsome animal is the badger.

Indeed.

shigekuni:

Sorry for being OT, but one of the worst things for me about the asshattery online is that I become judgmental. I used to have so much patience with friends who were racists or sexists (in weird ways, too, I had a friend who, when drunk, would fantasize about raping women up the nose), but I’ve become quick to point out people’s asshattery to them.

One thing about growing up related to fairly high-profile conservative politicians (not immediate family, but close enough to see them several times a year) is that I’ve always been very good at being diplomatic in such situations – though I did once quietly drop a friend after he outed himself to me as a homophobe.

Of course, one thing about having kids is that if you’re a natural diplomat they can be really shockingly blunt. Towards the end of the school run yesterday I bumped into one of my friends and we chatted for a bit, and then when walking away my daughter asked (channeling her mother) “Was that one of your weirdo friends?” I’m all but certain he was still within earshot.

pecunium
10 years ago

It seems the Spearhead has been either hacked, or is carrying some malware in it’s advertising. I suspect the later, though they will, almost certainly, say it was the work of some feminists who are feeling threatened by them.

Wetherby
Wetherby
10 years ago

Feminists are notorious for that kind of thing.

lowquacks
lowquacks
10 years ago

@Xanthe

That makes (at least) four! Yay for Aussie Man Boobzers (and the other ones, but they’re less immediately relevant here).

TheCatFromOuterSpace
TheCatFromOuterSpace
10 years ago

If it’s of any relevance, I live in Australia as well… although I’m much more of a lurker.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
10 years ago

I’d say Going Postal is more similar in quality to Hogfather than to Color of Magic (which I found boring, unsurprisingly as the book is a bit boring too and I dislike Rincewind as a character). I thought that the golums were pretty well done.

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
10 years ago

While discussing Australasia, I’m from NZ, but yeah, pretty much lurk. This place moves too fast for me, and the trolls are too vitriolic. I just enjoy the rebuttals and snark of braver peoples. 😀

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
10 years ago

Shigekuni, I’m sorry such a sucky thing happened in your universe this weekend. I’m 100% certain the asshat didn’t kill himself just because you were firm with him. It would be nice if we could help everyone we come across who needs help, but we can’t. Sometimes all we can do is stop enabling bad behaviour, and let self-destructive people succeed in achieving their own destruction, hopefully minimizing the damage to ourselves.

Amnesia
Amnesia
10 years ago

@shigekuni
Nobody ups and kills themselves just because somebody writes them a negative letter and breaks off contact. At worse, it could have been ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back,’ but even in that case, you didn’t put all those other straws on there. Not your fault, and don’t even imagine for a second that it is.
Also, you have no obligation to be ‘nice’ to someone who’s playing the part of determined asshat, especially not online.

PsychoDan
PsychoDan
10 years ago

It looks like Spearhead’s malicious links have been gone long enough for them to lose the attack site label. It also looks like they’ve taken down everything to scrub it. From what I saw, it looked like bad ads; the warning page listed the malicious files as coming from other domains that looked like scams. They will, I’m sure, treat it as some sort of attack though.

I just lurrrve how Napoleon eased the “rule of thumb” in there. Nothing like quoting a ‘rule’ that allows you to beat your wife with a stick as long as it isn’t bigger than your thumb. *eyeroll*

I had to comment on this, because it’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. The exact origin of ‘rule of thumb’ is uncertain, but it’s pretty certain that it has nothing to do with wife-beating, and there’s no historical evidence that such a rule ever existed. It’s most likely origin is in some sort of rough measurement by thumb the ‘rule’ having the same root meaning as in ‘ruler’.

That’s not to deny that legalized abuse existed or anything like that. It just bothers me to see an innocent idiom vilified over something it never actually meant.

As for the Discworld movies, I liked them all to some extent. Hogfather was definitely the best of them. Going Postal was quite good too, and I was probably unfairly hard on it, since it’s my favorite of the books. And of course Colour of Magic has Jeremy Irons as a really great Vetinari (though the guy in Going Postal wasn’t bad either).

shigekuni
10 years ago

The suicide thing – since I am myself somewhat endangered I know (in the rational part of my brain) I’m not at fault directly, but when I am in a bad way, it can help to have people be nice to me. It’s distracting >.< If that makes sense. What worries me most is that I broke off contact and had no way of helping him when/if he might have needed it. People killing themselves always breaks my heart. Asshat or no asshat.

As for Diskworld, I quite liked Hogfather, but then that is one of my favorite books. I didn't like Color of Magic (and the light fantastic) as much as the other books so I sort of sidestepped the movie. Dito for Going Postal.

extraterrestrial biological entity princess

Eeeek, scary cat and robot! The extraterrestrials have invaded our living rooms! They’ve conquered us without being noticed or firing a shot!

extraterrestrial biological entity princess

Actually, apple picking is the world’s oldest profession.

seranvali
10 years ago

Falconer:

I used it listen to the Scared Wierd Little Guys quite off then at the Easter Folk Festival in Canberra. They were so funny! They aren’t kidding though. I pass four at least of the spidery snakes mentioned before I pass my gate of a morning. Also Kangawalafoxes are very gentle and slow to anger but If you piss it off enough it can do a hell of a lot of damage.
Disembowelment was never meant to be fun.

If you liked these guys, you might like to look for the Sensitive Newage Cowpersons, too

ithiliana
10 years ago

@extraterrestrial biological entity princess: apple picking is the world’s oldest profession.

!!!!

*spits coke zero all over monitor ruining internet before I can give it to you*

vibrissimo
9 years ago

Very belated comment (comment pages are like time warps: old to the posters, new to those reading them for the first time months later) but as another Aussie and Pratchett fan I’ve loved the turn this thread took.

Quackers, I really hope you’re in a happier headspace now. I’ve felt that sort of disgust for men – even knowing it is, like you said, what MRAs say about women – after spending too much time reading HuffPo’s women’s pages and seeing the relentless hatred posted by the NiceGuy(TM) brigade there. Not MRAs, but definitely misogynists. I’ve stopped reading the site, it’s too depressing. And I’m not even looking for a date or partner, I’ve been with Mr Gorgeous for yonks.

The Absolute Truth
The Absolute Truth
9 years ago

not all, but many of them are.

GM
GM
8 years ago

Sorry, there are double standards..

One small example would be crying… Acceptable for women over many small things, not acceptable for men..I doubt many women would be attracted to guys who cried almost daily over any small thing.

I am pointing out that sex is vastly different for men and women.. That is how we are made.. Even the girl who says she has casual sex without emotions points out the sex she had was with people she was already emotionally connected to, her friends.

I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy cum seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities. of course aftewards they feel like trash, or are so cold that they lack feelings completely.

I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again.

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