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@TheManMakerX is making men one terrible tweet at a time

“In just seven days I can make you a man”

TheManMakerX is a pickup artist who sells his wares on Twitter, where he’s built up (or perhaps just bought) a decent following of curious men drawn in by the little nuggets of (what I guess is supposed to be) dating advice he doles out in his often enigmatic tweets.

His profile explains that he will show his followers “how The Female Brain works, what motivates them, why they do what they do,” promising a mixture of “Discipline,” “Dating,” and “MindGames.”

His profile picture adds a little to his aura of mystery, given that it’s quite clearly a picture of Jason Statham. There are only three possible explanations.

  • MrManmaker accidentally posted a picture of Jason Statham instead of himself. Oopsie!
  • MrManMaker is Jason Statham
  • MrManMaker is a professional Jason Statham impersonator., and a pretty good one at that.

Regardless, let’s see what we can learn from this mysterious man-making man.

Huh. That’s not a promising start.

Yeah, we got it the first time.

And Land O’ Lakes makes men and women butter.

Salahuddin said that? That Salahuddin? And where exactly are all these young nudists, anyway. (Asking for research purposes.)

I can vouch for this one as one of my cats is continually trying to eat me.

Aw crap.

I’m having a little trouble getting this metaphor here. If you buy the whole woman you can use the “door” whenever you want? That’s not always true even in real estate; I’m pretty, pretty sure it’s not ever the case with women, who are not buildings.

Says the guy posting a picture of Jason Statham as his profile pic.

If you’re toxic I hope she can get free of you as quickly as possible.

Yeah, we got the idea the first time.

Sure thing, Mr Machiavelli.

MrManMaker also likes to do tweets that aren’t about what they’re ostensibly about. And so he tells us this, every time, although you’d have to be pretty obtuse to not get that whatever the ostensible topic is, it’s really just a metaphor for dating life.

Thanks for telling us this isn’t about fishing because we never would have figured it out.

I just hope he didn’t have to figure out this insight the hard way after trying to feed his date worms.

https://twitter.com/TheManMakerx/status/1492158991866155013

No shit this isn’t “about bus.” With buses, you always run, because the next one may not be by for 20 minutes.

Just a little crass. Also not true, of cars or women.

Just to be absolutely clear here, never ask a deer about how to hunt deer because they can’t talk and don’t even know what language is.

I’m pretty sure this guy has never owned a cat, because then he would know that you basically have to give the cat as much attention as the cat wants because otherwise they’ll come and sit on your keyboard. Also, cats already think they’re lions. I mean, look at this utterly fearless lil beast.

There are at least a half dozen other videos of cats chasing off bears on YouTube.

“About meal.”

It’s almost as if this woman-whisperer actually hates women.

And now he’s sounding like an incel.

MrManMaker also likes to set up little challenges for his followers.

“Excuse me, miss. Do you have a face or is it just hair all the way around?”

“Excuse me, ma’am, Are you photoshopped or are you compressing your internal organs with a way-too-tight corset?”

Well, at least he didn’t use this picture.

I’ve got nothing left to say about MrManMaker, so let’s wrap this up. Please don’t follow any of his advice.

Here’s the song that inspired my graphic up top.

Follow me on Twitter.

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opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
26 days ago

That sounds like a great premise, @Alan! (incidentally, any mammotheers who haven’t seen it might like Wilby Wonderful (sweet and funny Canadian film made in 2004) which combines black(ish) comedy with being anti-bigotry of various stripes (mainly anti-homophobia but also anti-sexism and anti-corruption. It has one element in common with Roseanna’s Grave, which is why it came to mind I suppose).

spoilers
One of the main characters has a reason to attempt suicide, but keeps getting accidentally interrupted. The other characters dealing with their own problems end up (partly tangentially) also sorting out that reason 🙂 .

Last edited 26 days ago by opposablethumbs
Alan Robertshaw
26 days ago

If you can ignore the totally inappropriate voice over, here’s the trailer.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
26 days ago

To be fair, his tweets aren’t about women, either.

LouCPurr
LouCPurr
26 days ago

If this guy had written The Lion The Witch, And The Wardrobe, every other paragraph he’d be reminding us that Aslan is really Jesus.

Alan Robertshaw
26 days ago

Women also Hunted the Mammoth!

Well, we knew this already; but new book out.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/apr/29/prehistoric-women-were-hunters-and-artists-not-just-mothers-book-reveals

(poor mammoths)

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
26 days ago

“I refute it thus!” cried Dr. Johnson, kicking Twitter (and promptly getting himself banned).

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
26 days ago

@ Seth S:
 

Well… I mean, if you’re okay with your existence being a lifelong warning to others….. I guess that’s sort of a legacy?

 
Well, it worked for Ea-Nasir. Not a day goes by on Tumblr that I don’t see somebody joking about how you shouldn’t buy copper ingots from the guy.

Dave
Dave
26 days ago

I’m sure Ea-Nasir would complain that no one ever talks about the five hundred satisfied customers. You give one guy one bad ingot just one time, and you never hear the end of it. Ugg.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
26 days ago

I’m always up for a good Ea-Nasir reference, even if I did have to give the Mr. a quick potted lecture on Mesopotamian trade once because I was laughing so hard.

@Dave: the Wiki article says there’s several other tablets too! (further details in one of the links)

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
25 days ago

Speaking of Ea-nasir, a scholarly fan of Good Omens has written a short piece in which he figures (bearing in mind that Aziraphale and Crowley have canonically been hanging out throughout human history), complete with translation and exegesis.

The piece itself is in cuneiform. On a clay tablet.

(Neil Gaiman appears to have found this delightful)

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
25 days ago

@Thumbs: Link, please? I agree it sounds delightful.

Reminds me of 6th grade when we were studying Sumer and we all made tablets out of salt dough and poked a stylus into them for fake cuneiform. And agreed pen and paper were great inventions.

Full Metal Ox
25 days ago

@GSS ex-noob:

@Thumbs: Link, please? I agree it sounds delightful.

My name isn’t opposablethumbs, but here you go:

https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/186119047481/a-letter-from-crawly-to-azirapil

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
24 days ago

@GSS ex-noob so sorry, I didn’t see your post until just this minute! (time-zones, I think) And a huge thank-you to @Full Metal Ox for posting a link 🙂
It’s an absolute delight of a fic, I take all my hats off to the humour and scholarly rigour (the language! the footnotes! the exegesis! the clay! 💗 💗 💗 )

Last edited 24 days ago by opposablethumbs
GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
24 days ago

Big thanks to @FM Ox and @Thumbs!

It is utterly fabulous, and my life is a tiny bit better for having seen it. I love a good footnote.

Old School HTML
Old School HTML
22 days ago

That film (about preventing denizens of a town from dying) sounds like the game Kill Dr. Lucky. The point is to prevent any OTHER players from killing Dr. Lucky (so you spend most of your time saving him), because your character wants the satisfaction. There’s a whole series of them, and I think there are freebie versions (PDF) available at CheapAss Games. (Google it — I’m at work and game sites are blocked here.)

(I proposed to my husband with a parody version of the game, and I have the entire series of Dr. Lucky games — it’s one of the few non-cooperative board games I like (although I like it more in theory than in execution — my spatial relationship skills are not ideal, but the game elements are all fun to read.) )

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