The lady-botherers at Return of Kings have done the women of the world a huge favor today, offering them one weird trick that will enable them to avoid the icky attentions of the idiots who read Return of Kings.
It’s really quite simple: look like the sort of woman who protests Trump on the regular.
In a post titled “7 Reasons To Never Date A Girl Who Attends A Protest,” RoK contributor Mark Derian explains at length why protesting women make him wilt.
As Derian sees it, protesting is pretty much the equivalent of being addicted to prescription painkillers. “We attend protests for one reason and one reason only,” he boldly declares,
to cover up psychological issues we cannot manage on our own. We fabricate an impending social change because the real reason for our march is horrifying. In this sense, treat a girl who goes to a protest like a girl who has an addiction to pain killers. To anyone who isn’t in pain, vicodin doesn’t feel good—it feels like a low-grade death.
Weird, because that’s exactly the feeling I get reading Return of Kings.
Derian, drawing liberally from a vast assortment of alleged facts he keeps stored in his posterior, explains that protesty gals suffer from a wide assortment of psychological problems. The assortment is so wide that many of his complaints more or less cancel each other out.
On the one hand, protesty gals are “anti-social,” so socially maladjusted that they can’t accept that “other people have different views and … still be civil.”
On the other hand, protesty gals are too social, surrounded by “low-quality friends,” some of whom might even be fat.
A destructive relationship is like two crabs in a bucket, and a million woman march is a million crabs in a bucket. It’s a validation station of each other’s obesity and loneliness.
Protesty gals read too much:
A girl who has a sense of what it means to be happy wouldn’t be online reading news, the only purpose of which is to stoke her fear and anger. The most feminine girls I’ve known have come from different backgrounds, but they all had one thing in common: limited media consumption.
But they also read too little:
I appreciate a girl who reads—not xoJane but books. Reading indicates the ability to have and express thoughts, not opinions. It indicates the desire to learn, not consume. It indicates an interest in museums, not night clubs. It indicates the ability to sit and be okay with yourself, not get a hit from the world’s most powerful benzo—the self-righteousness of the mob.
This from a guy whose idea of great literature is Roosh’s BANG series of rape dating guides.
But in the end it doesn’t really matter why Derian dislikes protesty gals, just that he does.
While this is a great relief for those women who are currently engaging in mass protest, women who aren’t protesting at this moment may be mistaken for women who never protest, which leaves them at great risk of creepy dudes approaching them on the street to ask them where the nearest pet store is.
So how does one look like a protester when one is not currently protesting something? Here are a few tips:
- Carry a protest sign with you at all times.
- Wear one of those pink pussy hats at all times, even indoors and while sleeping.
- Chant continually. Anything that starts with “hey hey, ho ho” is good.
- Form human chains with women in your immediate vicinity.
- Periodically “take the streets.”
- Instead of carrying a purse, carry a bag emblazoned with the words GEORGE SOROS MONEY.
- Instead of perfume, gently douse yourself with pepper spray before heading out the door.
- Wriggle uncomfortably as if you haven’t been able to pee for ten hours.
- Punch a Nazi.
Hope this helps!
I need a T-shirt with that picture of Princess Leia on it that says “A Woman’s Place is in the Resistance.” That should scare them off, right?
Sadly I can’t buy one right now because the original artist doesn’t have rights to the image, and anyone selling it is ripping her off. 🙁
‘Nuff said.
Though, let’s get into it a bit more. “You’re not happy because you’re online reading THE NEWS, which only makes you angry!”
Yeah. Duh. I’m angry because the shit in the news is horrifying. Do you expect me just to ignore the world burning around me just so I’m happy enough to keep your boner happy?
Fuck that.
They forgot tattoos! With enough tattoos of protest-type art you’re set to scare them off forever 🙂
Accusations of having a horrifying agenda.
Accusations of being anti-social.
Accusations of being surrounded by low quality friends.
Accusations of being constantly angry and fearful.
Accusations of being shallow and unoriginal.
What is that I’m sniffing?
The stench of projection, perhaps?
I wonder what Derian figures are acceptable books for women to read. Atlas Shrugged? The Kama Sutra? The Art of the Deal?
Well, fuck. I’m going to have to make a pussy hat.
@wwth
KITTY!
Pussy hat
http://kittentoob.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2015/07/22-640×699.jpeg
Or another one
I don’t know why the first one didn’t post.
First one the name ends in “jpeg” rather than “jpg” and clearly the plugin that auto-embeds decided to reinvent the wheel and try to work out what’s an image on its own rather than using standard techniques.
Second one is very cute. I haven’t had that happen to me in hours.
He’s so picky about women. They mustn’t be like this. They must be like that.
Dude, no matter how many times you list your do’s and don’ts, no one is going to want to date you.
It’s because you’re repulsive.
h@PaganReader: I’m quite the reader too and so I also need a pussy hat.
@Everyone: Do you suggest that I wear my (clip-on) nose ring too? Maybe looking full-on goth will scare them off–like “Ewww, she’s a freak! I bet she’s addicted to drugs!” Maybe take it one step further: when I feel crafty, pick up a plain black t-shirt, draw an angry cat with puff paints and write “Paws off!” in puff paint and, of course, make it one of my new favorites.
More importantly, I missed you all big-time!
@Necro
Good to see you again! I was worried that all the Trump talk would start to drive everyone away.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/46b7b161e178bb8256eb99dfd8c4c7b2/tumblr_inline_oj33oexhW81sm1t3h_500.png
@Ooglyboggles: I definitely am here to stay! I just have dormant periods due to being easily distracted. Also, I am very seriously considering joining a local Indivisible group. This nasty woman won’t be bullied into silence! Like Jessica Chastain has said “Beware a redhead”
@Cheeseburger Slut: I love that pic!
I love (that is, “love”) how he talks about hypothetical people addicted to prescription painkillers as if they deserve derision instead of empathy.
Obviously it’s hardly shocking, since these guys wouldn’t know empathy if it fell on their heads like a meteor, but it really helps to drive home how morally bankrupt their worldview is.
So you’re admitting, in your own repulsive way, that people who protest are often in some kind of pain? Like…perhaps the pain associated with being oppressed? I’m guessing that wasn’t your intent, eh Marky?
These scumbags sure sound like they want to emulate the Taliban regarding the treatment of women. Malignant pricks.
Also, David F, why haven’t you covered the UC Berkeley protests when Milo slithered over there? That waste of carbon & the low-lives who invited him planned to speak in a room named after MLK Jr.
Judging from my experiences during my goth days, they will mock you when they’re with their friends, but when they’re by themselves they will ask you out. I got hit on soooo much during those days. Got my first and only threesome proposition, even.
I still think it’d be a great idea to have a B-movie about a Roosh-like, bigoted pickup artist who attempts to pick up the wrong woman while touring Germany and becomes a test subject for her mad scientist father (played by Dieter Laser), who is obsessed with proving male pregnancy is possible. Later, when the very pregnant Roosh-lookalike tries to visit an abortion clinic, he gets heckled by a group of all-female street preachers and protesters. He complains that he was experimented on against his will, but finds out that since it happened on private property, it was legal.
@Mels: You know what they say about stopped clocks.
Also, regarding the “obesity” comment, how much do you all want to bet that anyone over, say, a size 6 is “obese” to this assclown?
@Lindsey: Shit! I’m sorry that happened to you. I get hit on a lot, whether I look goth or not. I have been goth for most of my life, but only recently started calling myself goth. I’ll probably go with wearing my “This is what a feminist looks like” shirt or my homemade “Paws Off” shirt or my “FeMale: The Original Iron Man” shirt.
And then the mainstream abortion clinic turns him away anyway, because they recognize who he is and don’t want to do business with him. So he ends up having to go to a back-alley place run by a wacko who’s a cross between Kermit Gosnell and Steve Martin’s character in Little Shop of Horrors.
@Violet:
Size 6? Probably more like 3, tops. (In US sizes, anyway.)
Though the whole concept of obesity, even as a medical description, is truly a nonsensical mess. Not that I’d expect a RoK-er to apply a modicum of critical thought to the topic.
@Melz: In that case, I’m like my namesake post-gum according to them. I’m a *gasp* size 16, but that’s because I have to fit my curves. Fitting the waist doesn’t guarantee a good overall fit for me. Oddly enough I still attract creepy fuckers, including this one guy who I thought was inviting me over just to be friendly until he mentioned “fooling around” *le dry heave*
When you see a couple where the man is healthy but the woman has a disability, and the man cares for her …..
D’you suppose Roosh and Co. would ever do that? Or is he a cuck?
I have to get out one dumb question a day.
I don’t know guys, I think women who protest about things are the kind women I want in my life.
Able to think for herself, to debate, to stand on her own two feet… Really, who doesn’t want that in a relationship? How can we grow as people if we don’t have differing opinions or different ways to look at things?
But then I forgot that we’re talking about extremely insecure dudes who can’t handle someone telling them that either bacon is a crappy pork product or that the first Sonic games weren’t that great. Criticism isn’t their forte.
I would seriously buy and carry around a big purse with the words “GEORGE SOROS MONEY” all day every day. And I’d fill it with frog stuffies, and if anyone mildly trumpish got on my case I’d just open the bag and start pelting’em with frog dolls.
(I’m in a strange mood. I’ll blame the medications)
I have a sinking feeling I’m more than old enough to be this writer’s mother, but anyway, how does Vicodin feel like a “low-grade death”? Is that why so many people wind up in prison due to their desire to obtain these narcotics?
At least he’s willing to entertain the concept of women having thoughts. There’s hope for him yet!