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Horses, Carrots, Hospital Visits and 15 Other Often Overlooked Red Pill Red Flags

Face it, dudes! There's no way you can compete with this.
Face it, dudes! There’s no way you can compete with this.

It’s tough to be a Red Piller, apparently. I mean, once a man has mastered the fine art of Red Pillery, he quickly becomes so irresistable to the HB7’s through HB9’s of the world that he needs advice on which of these lovely ladies deserve to be treated to Long Term Relationships (LTR’s) and which deserve only to be plated.

Happily, the good fellows on the Ask The Red Pill subreddit have made this tedious sorting procedure much easier and more scientific, providing numerous examples of “red flags” that men should watch out for in the ladies they’re dating.

Some of their advice is fairly standard relationship advice: avoid manipulative or abusive women, as manipulation and abuse are only ok when Red Pill dudes do them. Other “red flags” are standard Red Pill bugbears like tattoos (never ok for women); dyed hair (it’s only ok to dye hair if you’re, say, a well-known Red Piller with scary grey hairs sprouting in your beard); antidepressants (getting treatment for depression is apparently a terrible thing); and of course getting fat.

But. as a public service, I thought I would share some of the more, well, unique “red flags” that should instantly disqualify women as LTR material. If nothing else, this should be a useful list for any woman who would like to know some simple things they can do to repel Red Pill dudes.

So here, in the words of assorted Red Pillers, are the Top 18 Often Overlooked Red Pill Red Flags for men seeking long-term relationships. If any of the following are true, your potential special lady is actually a filthy whore only good for sex.

1) She uses birth control

2) She has a “squeaky 5 year old voice”

3) She went to law school

4) She has “many bins of chopped carrots in fridge”

5) She doesn’t wear dresses “without being commanded to”

6) She owns a dog

7) She owns a horse

8) She’s named Tiffany

9) Her mom is fat

10) She’s two years older than you

11) She “wants to wear [a] slutty bikini to music festival”

12) She had sex with more dudes before you than she told you she did, which you discovered by going through old messages on her phone without her permission

13) She had sex with a number of football players during her freshman year in college, which you discovered by going through her old Facebook posts without her permission, and also the football players were black dudes

14) She has gay friends, because they’ll tell her “you go girl” if she has sex with a cute guy in a bathroom

15) She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse

16) She’s “more social than you. Because sluts and whores crave attention above all, they tend to be heavily involved in social events, parties, get togethers and just overall more outgoing than you.”

17) She previously worked at a flight attendant

18) She “frequently [goes] to the hospital and has family with a history of health issues”

So there you are!

There is, of course. a much shorter Red Pill Red Flag list for women considering a long-term relationship with a guy. There is only one item on this list.

  1. He gets dating advice from the Red Pill subreddit (or any other Red Pill site)

In a future post I will look in more detail at several of these Red Pill Red Flags.

Sources: The first six in the list come from Red Piller abdada, a frequent maker of red flag lists, in comments here here, and here, The rest are linked directly to their sources on the Ask The Red Pill subreddit.

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Jen
Jen
6 years ago

“My girl will think I have no faults.
That I’m a major find.”

“Uhh, How ’bout a girl who’s got a brain,
Who always speaks her mind?”

NAH!!!

katjapants
6 years ago

Welp, better tell my parents they need to get divorced, seeing as how my mom’s two years older than my dad.

Paradoxical Intention (Mobile)
Paradoxical Intention (Mobile)
6 years ago

So how many of these anti-requirements do I have to meet, bare minimum, before these Red Pill turnips leave me alone entirely? Because I fit five or six of those things, depending on the age of the Pillock in question, and I’m planning on the tattoos and dyed hair for good measure. I’m also hoping to get on antidepressants.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

I mean, these are all terrible, but

1) She uses birth control

You’re planning on having potentially procreative sex with these women, yes? You’re probably going to want to use some form of birth control. Birth control is your friend.

I’m guessing this is a specific reference to hormonal BC pills, because red pill dudes have no idea how the pill works and think the only reason a person would take it on a regular basis is because they’re having sex every single day. Which is a) not at all how the pill is used and b) wouldn’t be a big deal even if it was true, except if you’re an insecure douchebag who’s worried you won’t measure up to her previous partners.

Edit: Also the pill takes about 3 months of regular use to be fully effective. Something tells me these dudes would not be okay with being asked to wait 3 months into a relationship before having sex.

Scaly Llama
Scaly Llama
6 years ago

Based on this list I may never score a date with a terper. I’ll let you all imagine how that makes me feel.

Here’s a hint:

http://cdn.pophangover.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/The-George-Takei-Happy-Dance_2.gif

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

It’s almost as if they are projecting their own insecurity on women “being whores”. If anyone ever comes up with a pill for that, I hope they dye it red.

Fred_the_Dog
6 years ago

I keep thinking that they can’t possibly become more ridiculous. Then they do.

P.S. And Fred (the dog) is extremely happy to help his human companion stay off the Red Pill radar.

Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
Imaginary Petal (formerly dhag85, trying out pronouns - they/their)
6 years ago

Great checklist for which men to avoid:

1. He doesn’t understand how birth control works.

2. He gets annoyed with your voice before he’s even met you.

3. He’s afraid of well educated women.

4. He’s afraid of vegetables.

5. He thinks he can command you to wear certain types of clothes.

6. He hates animals.

7. He really hates animals.

8. He’s still raging over his ex girlfriend, Tiffany.

9. He’s checking out your mom.

10. He’s a numerologist (???).

11. He calls you a slut.

12. He’s extremely insecure and obsesses over your ex partners. He also goes through your private texts.

13. He also goes through your private facebook messages. And he’s afraid of black people.

14. He’s afraid of gay guys, and also of cute guys.

15. He’s a victim blamer.

16. He wants to isolate you from your friends.

17. He’s afraid of flight attendants (???).

18. Hospitals give him nightmares.

Actually, 18 is not that bad. It’s a little bit cute. But the other 17 are bad.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
6 years ago

No horses?!
comment image

Sweet fancy Moses, this list sure is a mixed bag of stereotypes, ignorance and straight-up eugenics. Make sure you check her teeth before you buy her, boys! That way her sneaky makeup won’t trick you.

Petal – I had a guy friend for a short while who hated all vegetables. He was quite the bro, and literally ate nothing but bread and fried chicken. I convinced him to eat watermelon once and he was *amazed* that it actually tasted good. I think that a fear of vegetables sort of goes with the bro territory.

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

Ok, so 2 years older than you is out, but it sounds like 3 or more is just fine.

Also, how does one work at a flight attendant? And what’s wrong with carrots?

Sadly, while being fat does immediately repel most of them, some will still unfortunately give you a chance, which leads to awkward dates where they neg you and whine about their ex, then get angry at you for things that they could have found out on your dating profile, like owning cats. This list is very helpful; just make sure to bring these all up in conversation before meeting in person.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Today we’re going to look at different implied meanings that the term “WTF” can have.

17) She previously worked at a flight attendant

When I say “WTF” in response to this one, I’m genuinely puzzled. I’ve known air stewards, they’re genuinely the most overworked and stressed people in the entire world, and their work gives them messed-up sleep patterns too. Are the red pill deciding to be courteous by declaring them off-limits, or what?

1) She uses birth control

When I say “WTF” in response to this one, I’m simply flabbergasted. In the modern day world, almost every woman I’ve known has used birth control, even if only to make their cycle more regular.

8) She’s named Tiffany

When I say “WTF” here, I’m mocking him. Does he not know that after the Ebonics laws of 2008 were passed, every woman in the western world was forcibly renamed Tiffany?

15) She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse

When I say “WTF” here, it’s because I’m really quite angry. How dare anyone suggest that this is somehow a stain on someone’s character, or that they’re somehow impure or undesirable because of it?

I do not often swear. However, I find that sometimes it is necessary to do so.

Fuck whomever said this. Fuck him in whatever dickshitting, horse-fellating hole the pusillanimous wretch crawled out of. I hope his crabs catch crabs.

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

The “2 years older” thing is silly beans, as most women (well, humans in general) have advanced in emotional maturity since their toddler days, unlike Red Pillers. This already creates an unrepairable gap between any potential couple.

P.S. And Fred (the dog) is extremely happy to help his human companion stay off the Red Pill radar.

Dogs of the world unite!

In case my dyed hair and amount of fat tissue haven’t done the trick, I bet my furry companion will put off anyone with RP tendencies.
(Although I am not in the headspace for worrying about ‘future candidates’ because freshly in love with someone amazing! Gahh!)

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
6 years ago

Uh… What’s wrong with the name Tiffany? Or carrots? And why specifically dogs or horses? I get the (ridiculous) logic behind the other points, but this is just silly.
Well, at least now I know of foolproof ways to repel terpers!

ColeYote
ColeYote
6 years ago

She has gay friends, because they’ll tell her “you go girl” if she has sex with a cute guy in a bathroom

I don’t think most gay men particularly care how, where or with whom their female cohorts are having casual sex. I’m an exception to that, but I think I wound up with sexuality as one of my Asperger’s-related areas of interest.

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
6 years ago

Imaginary Petal inspired me to deconstruct these. Ima put on my douche hat.

1) She uses birth control

Ohmigod she has sex. I mean, y’know, like I do. With other people. All the time amirite guyse.

2) She has a “squeaky 5 year old voice”

a.k.a. she’s a girly-girl princess who wants everything given to her? Unlike douchebros who built civilization and totally hunted the mammoth for you.

3) She went to law school

She knows what her rights are and will be capable of prosecuting rapists.

4) She has “many bins of chopped carrots in fridge”

I … honestly have no idea on this one. She will be able to see better in the dark?

5) She doesn’t wear dresses “without being commanded to”

Totally not traditionally submissive and 1950’s housewife enough.

6) She owns a dog

Apparently a dog can only be a man’s best friend.

7) She owns a horse

Princess is not allowed to have her pony!

8) She’s named Tiffany

Uhh… I mean, I know that the name is sort of a stereotype for blonde valley girl, but… really guys? You do know that stereotypes are bullshit, right? Especially when they’re *names*.

9) Her mom is fat

Eugenicccssssss

10) She’s two years older than you

Oddly specific about that one. Can’t have a woman who thinks she might have gathered more life-wisdom, though. She needs to know her place.

11) She “wants to wear [a] slutty bikini to music festival”

Why is this in quotes? I mean, the meaning is pretty obvious (she’s a whoooore) but quotes? why?

12) She had sex with more dudes before you than she told you she did, which you discovered by going through old messages on her phone without her permission

Lying whoooooore

13) She had sex with a number of football players during her freshman year in college, which you discovered by going through her old Facebook posts without her permission, and also the football players were black dudes

Lol. These guys and their paranoid fantasies. She had sex with the football team, and she is totally hiding it from you. Oh and also they’re all black.

14) She has gay friends, because they’ll tell her “you go girl” if she has sex with a cute guy in a bathroom

(I don’t know any gay guys who would actually do this. This one is especially stupid)

15) She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse

A real manly man doesn’t have any broken toys. He breaks toys and then steals new ones.

16) She’s “more social than you. Because sluts and whores crave attention above all, they tend to be heavily involved in social events, parties, get togethers and just overall more outgoing than you.”

She can’t have any interests beyond pleasing your boner and making you sammiches.

17) She previously worked at a flight attendant

She adventured the world! Whooooore

18) She “frequently [goes] to the hospital and has family with a history of health issues”

Straight-up eugenics.

Eugh. These guys. Six year olds.

ColeYote
ColeYote
6 years ago

She has gay friends, because they’ll tell her “you go girl” if she has sex with a cute guy in a bathroom

I don’t think most gay men particularly care how, where or with whom their female cohorts are having casual sex. I’m an exception to that, but I think I wound up with sexuality as one of my Asperger’s-related areas of interest.

(That can happen, right? I can’t be the only Asperger’s-person that’s happened to.)

Tiffany
Tiffany
6 years ago

Hi all!

I just finished chopping some carrots for my horse and putting them in the fridge to cool, and I wanted to quickly comment before I go off to hospital to see my mom (she’s had a history of health issues which have caused problems losing weight) and have my birth control prescription filled, and then am going out to a party tonight with some of my gay friends that I met when I was working as a flight attendant. I’m not sure whether or not to wear a dress, I don’t usually wear them without being ordered to. I might just wear a bikini – it’s a bit slutty but you only live once!

I hope the party goes well. DeShaun, Tyrone and Tyreese are great guys, I dated them in my first year of law school and we’re still excellent friends. It sometimes means that when I date guys who’re two years younger than me I have to avoid telling them in order to avoid them being suspicious, but you know how it is. I hope there won’t be karaoke – I have a really squeaky voice and I sound like a five year old when singing.

Anyway, I see that this dude doesn’t want to date me. That’s absolutely fine – I’m sure he’ll have tons of other girls clamoring to date him!

Scildfreja
Scildfreja
6 years ago

Oh, ugh. The horse and dog thing. Another interpretation may be that horrible recent emergence from the manosphere in which it was “revealed” that all women totally have sex with dogs. I bet that’s what this douchebag means. grossssss

ej
ej
6 years ago

I *think* I fit enough of these criteria that I would be excluded. I’m also over 30 (*gasp*), so I’ve passed the wall any way. I don’t have any ink yet (only because I chose an “un-tattooable” image unless I want it really big) and I do need to re-dye my hair (I have to wait because I have special event next week where purple hair would probably be considered inappropriate). I guess I have to hope that the one bag of carrot sticks in my fridge is enough to protect me.

RosaDeLava
RosaDeLava
6 years ago

@Scildfreja
I imagined David put the quote marks because those were direct quotations from the terpers, while the rest was explained in his own words.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

I clicked Dave’s links to see if there was any context to the carrots thing and… nope. I suppose it’s just so obvious why carrot preparation is evil that abdada felt explaining further would be a waste of time.

I did find this great comment, not from abdada himself, cosigning and expanding upon the NO DOGS edict:

The dog is her “baby”, a substitute for a human baby. The dog gets all, ALL, her attention. Dogs are more expensive than other pets in terms of vet charges and kenneling. If she goes away for a weekend she has to kennel the dog and has to plan and budget for it.
Hassle; expensive; gets more attention than you.

Planning and budgeting, women’s greatest vice! And also wah wah stop playing with the dog all of your attention belongs to me.

Bonelady
Bonelady
6 years ago

So cats, hamsters, ferrets and birds are okay? Weird. Where does having had a hysterectomy lie on their scale, I wonder? On the one hand, no birth control, but on the other, no offspring. Is that last good or bad? (Had the hysterectomy 2 weeks ago today, and doing fine, so as not to worry anyone.) Sorry if this is a little strange – I have too much time on my hands right now…

Dreadnought
Dreadnought
6 years ago

I fail to see how “having many bins of chopped carrots in the fridge” serves as a red flag; or the weight of her mother for that matter. So a woman likes to eat carrots, maybe this is a warning that she’ll be turning orange in hue in the future? Is there something I’m missing?

bluecat
bluecat
6 years ago

These would indeed be massive red flags – if any potential partner was bothered by them I’d run a mile.

Especially 16 – don’t for goodness sake allow the little lady to stay in touch with her friends! Isolate, isolate, isolate! Only then can you control.

Control her present, control her body, control her mind.You can’t actually control her past but you can sure as hell resent her and punish her for it.

I wonder if some of these dudes don’t even resent their blow-up sex dolls for what they’ve previously done to them.

@ bonelady – glad you’re healing well. I was quite relieved when the menopause took care of matters for me, even though my childlessness is not voluntary.

@ dreadnought – isn’t this a garbled folk memory of the Oscar Wilde dictum about “every woman turns into her mother: that is her tragedy”? Forgetting the corollary “No man turns into his mother: that is his tragedy”.

Fortunately it’s also bolleaux, otherwise I’d be a Thatcherite who thinks feminists are only complaining because they couldn’t find a wealthy man, and that no woman needs to be able to drive, when there should always be a man to give her a lift…

ej
ej
6 years ago

The dog is her “baby”, a substitute for a human baby. The dog gets all, ALL, her attention. Dogs are more expensive than other pets in terms of vet charges and kenneling. If she goes away for a weekend she has to kennel the dog and has to plan and budget for it.
Hassle; expensive; gets more attention than you.

Does this mean I should be worried about my boyfriend’s cat? He does usually hire someone to watch the cat while he is away and this cat has allergies which require special food and medications (pills and a spray; fun times with that). It is a pretty awesome cat, (a Siamese from a purebred rescue place) so he’s definitely worth the extra effort.

Seriously, though, this line really irks me:

The dog gets all, ALL, her attention

Oh, no! She’s paying attention to something that isn’t you! Her entire world doesn’t revolve around making you (or your boner) happy. The entitlement here is just astounding. I don’t think it could be clearer that this guy doesn’t want a human being. He wants a fantasy to cater to his every whim and is surprised that he can’t find that.

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