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Plate Sextonics: Your crockery-related Red Pill questions answered at last!

What a dish!
What a dish!

Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.

Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.

plate4

Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!

plate6

Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.

platetext

Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.

plate13

Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!

plate14

Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!

plate19

Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.

plate21

Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?

plate23

Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?

plate24

I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)

plate25

Bed Bath and Beyond?

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misseb47
misseb47
7 years ago

ashley-“I feel like a couple dozen undercover feminists should go in there and actually start asking honest plate-related questions, pretending to be just random people who assumed the subreddit really was about plates and now they’ve found a home in the subreddit. It would be funny to see their weird convoluted answers to honest questions about plates before they figure out that some of the newer members actually are talking about plates.”

That’s a great idea! That would confuse the hell out of them. I also think we should totally ask them some of contrapangloss’s questions. Especially the first one. 😀

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
7 years ago

Not sure why plates would want to spoon these guys. If they just dated a knife (guy tm) from the start, they could get off the carrousel much more quickly. I am just going to table these lazy susans and ladle my own way.

Shaenon
7 years ago

Sooo is the “plate spinning” deal up front? Is this a bunch of non-exclusive relationships? Or are these guys in a few relationships in which their partners think they’re exclusive? The dehumanization to inanimate objects really bothers me, either way, and leads me to think it’s more the latter. Why be upfront and honest with something you don’t see as anything but something to keep spinning.

I browsed the threads because I wanted to find out what to talk about with a plate (Pasta stains? Lemon fresh scent? Whether all those teacups are Mrs. Potts’s biological children?), and honestly… About two-thirds of these guys are in more or less normal dating situations and trying to spin every normal, boring thing they do as some kind of alpha move. Most of their problems happen when they stop acting like humans and pull dumbass Red Pill crap on women who previously liked them.

The other third are genuine abusers and/or making shit up.

For the record, the Red Pillers didn’t have many ideas for things to talk about with a plate, but I did learn that if a girl wears your hoodie she’s either acknowledging your high value as an alpha (and is probably chemically addicted to your man scent) or launching a sinister plot to trick you into being her boyfriend. No one agreed with the guy who wrote, “You left clothes at her house and she decided to wear them…It’s not rocket science.”

alaisvex
alaisvex
7 years ago

@Shaenon,

There is some serious hamstering going on at AskRP subreddit. Every time their “alpha” behavior causes problems, their gf is just shittesting. If she later forgives the behavior, that proves that it was just a shit test. If she does not, which seems to be more common, then it means that the would-be alpha failed the shit test.

sunnysombrera
7 years ago

@alaisvex

“MY gf came in early and caught me having sex with another girl. She’s now all upset and saying I cheated on her. How do I pass this shit test?”

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Isn’t it cute how these guys act like expecting basic human decency is some sort of unfair test.

sunnysombrera
7 years ago

@WWTH
Pretty much, since they often expect to be rewarded for basic courtesy with sex. When she doesn’t put out, they throw a tantrum.

What I want to know is why they set the “I did good” bar so low for themselves but so high for everyone else, particularly women. Egads, what if the girls they were dating started demanding jewellery for not cheating on them? Imagine the uproar from those douchebags.

Paradoxical Intention
7 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger | April 11, 2015 at 8:23 am
Isn’t it cute how these guys act like expecting basic human decency is some sort of unfair test.

It’s almost like they’re mad feeemales get to set a standard for their own treatment at all. What’s sad is that when the bar is set at “basic human decency”, it’s curb height, and some assholes still manage to trip over that.

I have a guilty pleasure of reading blogs like okcreepsters on tumblr where (mostly) women submit screencaps (with names and pictures, and other personal info edited out) of their horrific conversations with creepy dudes from different websites like OKC or Tinder.

I imagine the surprise isn’t great, but it always seems like a lot of cishet guys don’t understand that everyone has boundaries and no, no woman is going to lower their specific boundaries that are there for a reason for said creeper and their almighty cishet peen.

Most of the time it’s either jerks who insist that “age is just a number” when women say “no thank you, you’re out of my age range (which I stated on my profile that you most likely didn’t read)”, or it’s the “Those numbers don’t mean anything!” when it comes to OKC’s match rating based on questions you can answer for your profile.

It always gets me that these guys are more about quantity over quality. Rather than take the time to read someone’s profile and find out what kind of a person they are (which is a huge advantage over approaching them irl that these assholes refuse to take advantage of), some guys would rather just message a woman about their peen or their kink.

And when called out on it they just whine about how they have to message so many women to get noticed that they don’t have time to actually read the profiles, they just have to get out two to five hundred messages a day (or so they claim).

It never occurs to them that maybe if they spent a little less time casting a wide shitty net made up of useless copypasta messages, dick picks that are creepy and unwanted, and self-pity, and a little more time casting a smaller net made up of genuine interest and using the information provided to strike up a conversation, they’d have better luck.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

It’s like they’re so solipsistic that they cannot grasp the fact that strangers don’t give a rat’s ass about their boner feels.

epitome of incomprehensibility

I feel like a couple dozen undercover feminists should go in there and actually start asking honest plate-related questions, pretending to be just random people who assumed the subreddit really was about plates and now they’ve found a home in the subreddit. It would be funny to see their weird convoluted answers to honest questions about plates before they figure out that some of the newer members actually are talking about plates.

Which is better, to get matching plates (for stability) or plates with different patterns (for variety)?

Plates with gilded edges: classy or tacky?

Is it true that plates that are blue/purple/green reduce your appetite?

How far do the edges of a plate have to be raised before the plate is actually a bowl?

Hand-washing vs. dishwashers: any thoughts?

What do you do if you took a ceramic plate to a picnic just to increase your perceived social status and then it cracked and embarrassed you? (Totally hypothetical).

Shaenon
7 years ago

Most of the time it’s either jerks who insist that “age is just a number” when women say “no thank you, you’re out of my age range (which I stated on my profile that you most likely didn’t read)”, or it’s the “Those numbers don’t mean anything!” when it comes to OKC’s match rating based on questions you can answer for your profile.

It’s a guilty pleasure of mine too. Sadly, I get the impression that a lot of the “age is just a number guys” deliberately message young women who say they don’t want to date older men in order to argue them out of it and/or yell at them for being so unfair. Some random woman on the Internet not being interested is such a blow to their ego that they have to pick a fight over it.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

Curious how few of the ‘age is just a number ‘ doodz are willing the consider a woman their own age. I’ve dropped in at creepypms and some of those exchanges are truly disturbing. My least favorite are the ones who start out with ‘oh, you are so beautiful, is would love to make you happy ‘ and turn into fulminating mounds of verbal filth upon being rejected

Again, I am astonished at how hard things are for cis het men.

The Knitting Cinephile
The Knitting Cinephile
7 years ago

Hey Red Pills, you break a plate, you’ll get shards. Just sayin.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Whether all those teacups are Mrs. Potts’s biological children?

Well, at least we know Chip is one off the ol’ block… >rimshot<

“MY gf came in early and caught me having sex with another girl. She’s now all upset and saying I cheated on her. How do I pass this shit test?”

Sorry, dude. You’re a shit. Of course you flunk every time.

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