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“Deputy Leader” sought by Men’s Rights party that won literally 0.0007% of the vote in the UK elections

The Justice for Men and Boys Party: They have a little truck
The Justice for Men and Boys Party: They have a little truck

If there are any stray British MRAs reading this blog, have I found an opportunity for you! How would you like to serve under the political whiz-kid who triumphantly led the Justice for Men And Boys (and women who love them) Party a landslide victory in the UK election this May, unexpectedly winning 216 seats in …

Oh, wait, the party didn’t win 216 seats. It got 216 votes. Out of 30,691,680 total votes cast, for a stunning 0.0007% of the total.

That’s one-fortieth the votes received by the Cannabis Is Safer Than Alcohol party, one-eighteenth of those won by the old school classic Monster Raving Loony Party. (Note to non-Brits: those are both real parties.) 153 of these votes were for J4MB leader and A Voice for Men friend Mike Buchanan; 63 went to the party’s other candidate.

Anyway, fresh off this magnificent triumph, Buchanan has just announced that he’s now taking applications for an assistant — that is, for the prestigious post of Deputy Leader for the party. He’s looking for someone who will help to “enable the party to move to the next stage of its development.” which presumably involves getting more than 0.0007% of the vote next time. 

Why not just appoint one of the party’s dedicated political activists to the position? Apparently they’re all a bit too embarrassed to take the job. As Buchanan delicately explains it in a post on his blog,

[a] number of outstanding people who have been central to the party’s success to date wish to remain ‘below the radar’ for a variety of reasons, and have therefore declined the position.

Yes, that’s right, in a sentence in which he admits that literally no one in the party wants to be its Deputy Leader, Buchanan refers to “the party’s success to date” as if it has been anything else but the most abject of failures.

But at least Buchanan has a clear strategy for WINNING next time, in the Charlie Sheen sense at least. In a post-election discussion of the party’s plans for 2020, Buchanan explains

Following a strategic review, we’re changing our position on the political parties we challenge at general elections. Until now we’ve taken the position that we’ll decide some time before general elections whether we’ll target the marginal seats of the Conservatives or the Labour party. Our new strategy is to challenge the party in power – i.e. the Conservatives until 7 May 2020 – or parties, if and when we again have a coalition government. … 

By targeting Conservative marginal seats in 2020 we’ll increase the possibility that the party won’t be re-elected, and it will then have five years in opposition to reconsider their anti-male policy positions.

Emphasis mine. I’m sure the Tories are quaking in their boots as they consider the literally dozens of votes you may take away from them.

Buchanan says the party, which ran two candidates in the May elections, will put up 20 candidates in 2020.

Oh, by the way, J4MB is seeking applicants for candidates as well.

In case no one wants these jobs either, let me spell out some of their fine benefits:

  • Talking to Mike Buchanan regularly (probably)
  • Meeting the party’s new Deputy Leader (position yet unfilled)
  • Almost certainly losing the £500 deposit you and the party will put down so you can run in the election (which is only returned if you score more than 5% of the votes cast)
  • A ride in the J4MBmobile (probably)
  • Having your friends and relatives laugh at your for the rest of your life after you win fewer votes than the Ow Me Bum Hurts party candidate (NOTE: the Ow Me Bum Hurts party does not exist — yet).

Get in on the ground floor sub-basement of this exciting new political phenomenon!

 

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EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
7 years ago

In a way I’m grateful that these people exist. They prove that contrary to what MRAs may say, they do not represent a large constituency and their arguments do not speak for fifty percent of the population.

anemonerosie
7 years ago

I’m still stuck trying to figure out how British parties are anti-male.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

A ride in the J4MBmobile (probably)

I wonder if you’ll have to chip in for gas.

Douglas E. Berry
7 years ago

Throw in The Trooper on tap and tickets to Donnington, and I’ll take the job.

Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

I wonder if you’ll have to chip in for gas.

Not in England you won’t. You might have to chip in for *petrol*!

Bloomin’ colonials 😉

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
7 years ago

Meanwhile, joke candidates, fictional characters and random cats get more than 216 votes every election. Each.

weirwoodtreehugger
weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Any Brit want to apply for this job and report back on the interview questions? I’m sure it would be hilarious!

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
7 years ago

Did he poll behind Mickey(Danger?) Mouse write-ins? Does the UK have write-in candidates?

He’s not putting the cart before the horse, he’s buying a cart before he knows he needs a horse.

andiexist
andiexist
7 years ago

@SFHC

Hey, don’t disparage cat-electing. There’s a cat mayor, you know. 😉

thierryguerrant
thierryguerrant
7 years ago

Could we export Esmay? Or does the UN Environmental Programme forbid spreading toxic substances in that manner?

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
7 years ago

We don’t have write-ins here in the UK, sadly.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
7 years ago

@EJ

Huh, really? Well that sucks. o_O

*totally didn’t vote for GLaDOS in a recent election…*

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
7 years ago

Thanks for making me laugh with your list of perks. They sound very tempting.

I needed a laugh. I’m waiting to have my wisdom teeth removed on Wednesday for the past week I’ve had the option of being spaced out on strong painkillers or being in agony with my stupid cracked teeth. Cat pics would be appreciated

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

Not in England you won’t. You might have to chip in for *petrol*!

Bloomin’ colonials 😉

C’mon, I’ve tried to adopt the local verbiage when I’ve been overseas. It led to much merriment at my expense. “Petrol” and “holiday” said in a twangy American Southern accent probably does sound freaking hilarious, though. 🙂

Danny Chameleon
Danny Chameleon
7 years ago

We need the “Ow Me Bum Hurts party” here in the U.S.

Alan Robertshaw
7 years ago

You do know we just make words up so we can tease visitors don’t you? Why else would we have ‘Leicester Square’.

In Cornwall we invent actual places; seriously. It’s amazing how many people are still looking for ‘super unspoiled beauty spot’ Porthemmet. 🙂

athveg34f
athveg34f
7 years ago

I would personally pay a £500 deposit to form the Ow Me Bum Hurts party. And my party platform would be to mock the snot out of the absurdly-named J4MB party. And I would garner more votes than them. In fact I suspect I’d garner more votes than even the Cannabis Is Safer Than Alcohol party plus the Monster Raving Loony party put together.

I hope I remember to do this in five years.

GiJoel
GiJoel
7 years ago

“Owww, me bum ‘urts’ is a party I can get behind.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

@NicolaLuna – I’m sorry about your teeth woes. That sounds just cruel. 🙁

Here, have a dental-themed cat picture:

http://trilake.ca/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Dentist-Cat.jpg

I can’t decide whether a cat dentist would adorable or the most evil health care professional to ever live. Maybe both at the same time.

Dodom
Dodom
7 years ago

I wouldn’t say the number of votes is automatically a failure; it is when they expected something else, but if they thought putting their name on the ballot is going to give them legitimacy, then they might be legit satisfied with the result (whether that particular strategy is effective is another story).
The Communist Party of Canada does this every election knowing they can’t win, maybe I’m biaised being a socialist, but I don’t find it all that pathetic. Now the CPC’s history of infighting, THAT is pathetic, but not its resolution to stay in the game.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

You do know we just make words up so we can tease visitors don’t you? Why else would we have ‘Leicester Square’.

That’s the entire reason that Worcestershire sauce is so delicious, isn’t it? So that British citizens could snicker as enamored Americans struggle to say the name. Suddenly it all makes sense…

It’s amazing how many people are still looking for ‘super unspoiled beauty spot’ Porthemmet.

What a charming place Google has showed me! I wonder if the serenity and fresh, unspoiled atmosphere can be attributed to a conservative dress code, specifically a ban on mankinis.

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
7 years ago

Ow Me Bum Hurts 2020! Looking ahead, focusing behind!

zennurse
zennurse
7 years ago

Hey, I live in New England, we can say Gloucester and Worcester!!!

I think the van is cute but it would be great to have cats on the side instead.

opium4themasses
opium4themasses
7 years ago

Ow me bum hurts. Where the name is butthurt, not the candidates.

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