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4 uninhabited islands that pickup guru and wannabe island-nation-founder Roosh V should consider moving to

Scenic Clipperton Island
Scenic Clipperton Island

NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.

Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today  — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.

In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy

a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.

And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.

This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”

While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.

Here are some better suggestions.

1) Bouvet Island

Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!
Bouvet Island: Ice, Ice Baby!

Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!

2) Clipperton Island

Wish You Were There!
Wish You Were There!

Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.

Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:

The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.

And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.

See, the island isn't completely free of vegetation. it's got trees. And algae.
See, the island isn’t completely free of vegetation. It’s got some trees. And algae.

3) Snake Island

DailyMotion has helpfully labeled some of Snake Island's most notable features
A helpful person on the internet has labeled some of Snake Island’s most notable features

Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:

Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.

Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]

4) Ball’s Pyramid

bp1

Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.

But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.

So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.

And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.

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contrapangloss
7 years ago

I’d love to wave them off on their journey with a giant banner:

“(: Goodbye Forever! You will not be missed! :)”

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

…..can we make a reality television programme of it?

Kreator
Kreator
7 years ago

I say we send him to Skull Island and pit him against King Kong; let’s see who’s more alpha.

Mitchel
7 years ago

Lol. Roosh is such a moron. Check out the latest ROK article. “Game veteran” Troy Francis talks about the upsides of porn.

acrannymint
acrannymint
7 years ago

Isn’t there some recently formed volcanic island that is expected to disappear in a few weeks/months he can have. I remember seeing an article on it but am just not that motivated to to do a search

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

Roosh is probably the first person in the reality TV era to be voted onto the island.

Earl
Earl
7 years ago

David, I admire your fortitude in not making a “balls” joke with that last one. Kudos to you.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

If the fictional island in Lost was real we could send him there. It’s in another dimension, or whatever the hell the ending was to that show. Wtf happened again? I dropped out at around season three.

mildlymagnificent
7 years ago

Australia has some new contenders in the remote island stakes.

These six new islands actually stay dry and out of the water All. Day. (Unlike the one that was there before that was overwhelmed by high tide most days.)

http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2015/mar/30/australias-newest-islands-thrust-from-the-sea-by-a-raging-cyclone-nathan

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

Oh, and the anthrax testing island is called Gruinard Island, I looked it up. About ten years ago it was claimed to be fully decontaminated and the heirs of the old owners bought the land back, but still. Even if there were traces of the virus left the island would still be less diseased than Roosh himself and his unwashed arse.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

My bad, anthrax is not a virus but a bacterium that infects via spores. I can science, honest.

Amused
7 years ago

May I suggest the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Bill
Bill
7 years ago

Seconding the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Also, we can’s send them to Ball’s Island. There’s a critically endangered species of giant bugs that lives there (Dryococelus australis, look it up on Wikipedia), and I do think it would be rather rude to force them to put up with Roosh and friends nonsense so we don’t have to.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
7 years ago

The GP Garbage Patch. No question.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
7 years ago

@Mitchel: “game veteran”, really?!? It actually took me a while to remember “veteran” means “experienced”; I first read it in the “war veteran” sense, like a survivor.

I’m all for Roosh having his own private island if it keeps him away from the rest of civilization. As for all you fine folks in the WHTM community, I’d suggest Aoshima Island.

http://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2015/03/a-visit-to-aoshima-a-cat-island-in-japan/386647/

michael_the_rabbit
michael_the_rabbit
7 years ago

How is “rotating population of sluts” gonna be funded without taxes? Would all of RPDSR (Red Pill Douchebags’ State of Rooshland) revenue come from selling pick-up manuals?

M.
M.
7 years ago

How about the island from RE4? No living people on it (since zombies aren’t alive and parasites aren’t people).

http://nequam.xepher.net/images/regenerators.gif

And as a bonus, it’s just as real as the MGTOWs’ stated goal of GTOW!

Jarnsaxa
Jarnsaxa
7 years ago

I don’t care where they go, as long as it’s *away.*

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Is that island that is part Alaska, part Russia that was the inspiration for Sarah Palin’s “I can see Russia from my house” gaffe inhabited?

skybison
skybison
7 years ago

I want to move to snake Island.

Snakes are cool.

As for Roosh, here’s my suggestion:

[IMGcomment image?w=560[/IMG]

skybison
skybison
7 years ago

Shoot, how do you post images here?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

@michael_the_rabbit:

Apparently there’d be something like a 20% levy on imported goods, which is surprisingly self-reflective. Roosh knows that nobody on his island would actually do real work and production, despite the standard rhetoric about how every man inherits a long history of invention and is just one bored afternoon from greatness. Everything they consume would have to be shipped in from overseas, so it’d basically be a super sales tax.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
7 years ago

@skybison:

Just put in the raw url, and wordpress will embed the image for you.

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