NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.
Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.
In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy
a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.
And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.
This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”
While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.
Here are some better suggestions.
1) Bouvet Island
Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!
2) Clipperton Island
Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.
Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:
The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.
And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.
3) Snake Island
Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:
Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.
Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]
4) Ball’s Pyramid
Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.
But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.
So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.
And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.
I highly recommend North Sentinel Island. XD Yes, I’m terrible.
I laughed so hard at “defcock” while I had curry in my mouth and curry got into my sinuses. It was a really spicy homemade curry. Ouch.
Just one more reason to hate Roosh.
I am always amused/disgusted by these right-wing fantasies about establishing a little world where they won’t have to deal with anyone who is different from them. My personal vision of hell (with apologies to J-P Sartre) is being stuck somewhere with a group of people all of whom look, think, and talk exactly like me. So apparently my vision of hell is their version of heaven on earth.
By the way, what would constitute NON-violent rape? I would suggest that being forced into prostitution by economic need might qualify — and therefore his idea of providing “a rotating population of sluts” (can’t you just see them constantly spinning around on the cock carousel?), who would probably agree to do this out of economic need, would be “non-violent rape” However, nothing he has written suggests to me that he has anything close to this level of awareness.
I think this dude hates women’s freedom and sexuality so much since he discovered that the ones he had sex with were doing it because they liked sex not because he has sexing sooperpowers and they enjoy having a lot of sex and he’s not such a special snowflake. And that hurts his ego and renders his whole “career” absurd.
@GOM “By the way, what would constitute NON-violent rape?”
I figured “NON-violent rape” would mean the women are all intoxicated or drugged, sounds like their kind of thing.
Also as a slut I’m really excited about the prospect of going to an island full of misogynists who despise me for liking sex and at the same time feel entitled to my body and think insulting ‘negs’ and rapey behaviour are appropriate “tingles” to make me want to sleep with them.
@scarlettathena
So that’s actually a thing. Huh. Of course that’s a thing. Goddess fuck Roosh, what are you doing?
@GrumpyOldMangina:
Me too. I imagine right-wingers on a desert island would turn into the Sneetches. They’d establish hierarchies based on absurd, tiny distinctions, like hair color or handedness or who had the biggest seashell hoard. Anything to feel superior and rank everyone according to an arbitrary value scale.
It would be interesting to see the reactions of the people who thought they were going to be the ones on top.
Honestly, if these guys ever did get their own island, it would soon turn into Lord of the Flies.
“They’d establish hierarchies based on absurd, tiny distinctions, like hair color or handedness or who had the biggest seashell hoard.”
Most likely penis size. Everyone would carry a ruler and use it to establish the pecker order.
“Most likely penis size. Everyone would carry a ruler and use it to establish the pecker order.”
Then I imagine Roosh wouldn’t let any man larger than himself in, or he’d lose his dominance.
I was going to propose Surtsey, because of the active volcano. But I suspect it’s too close to Iceland for his liking. And isn’t he wanted by police in Iceland for sexual assault?
AHHHHH! That’s my favorite opera! And my favorite version too! You spoil me, Spindrift~!
@Robert
Perfect for the PUA subculture.
@GrumpyOldMangina
Whoever holds the
conchcock gets to speak.“Then I imagine Roosh wouldn’t let any man larger than himself in, or he’d lose his dominance.”
But we know Roosh is all dick, so by definition he’s the biggest dick of all.
NicolaLuna-
“I laughed so hard at “defcock” while I had curry in my mouth and curry got into my sinuses. It was a really spicy homemade curry. Ouch.”
That must have sucked! Ouch indeed. I laughed my head off, too! It’s got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. They never cease to surprise me. Just when I thought I have heard of everything, these guys say/do something even more ridiculous and pathetic.
“Just one more reason to hate Roosh.”
As if we didn’t hate him enough already. ^^;
As a long-time resident of Toronto, I hereby devote my energies to making this happen. I shall email my City Councillor immediately. 2023 gives them more than enough time to change the highway sign to
TORONTO
Population 2 504 000
DEFCOCK 1
That’s ridiculous. It would be based on something that is actually important, like wrist circumference.
Sarah-You mean us women actually LIKE sex and that they have sex out of their own free will and not because of Roosh’s super dudebro powers?!?!?!?!?! OOOMMMMMMMGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder why they find female sexuality so offensive. I mean, if it wasn’t for sexual women, they won’t be getting any sex. But seriously, you would think that they would know that already.
Aren’t you being kinda mean-spirited for wishing them to go to a place where they could easily die?
…oh wait, I forgot who you were talking about! 😀
Theee is a small island in Lake Ontario called Mosquito Island. As a kid my family made the mistake of going through it on a camping trip. We got swarmed by the bugs. Every centimetre of exposed skin got bit by those little beasts until your very soul began to itch.
Roush could always go live there too.
“I wonder why they find female sexuality so offensive. I mean, if it wasn’t for sexual women, they won’t be getting any sex. But seriously, you would think that they would know that already.”
The secret is that for men like Roosh it’s about ego, not about sex. If women want to have sex, then inveigling them into bed is not all that impressive an achievement. Also, the objective is to score more fuckpoints than other guys, and when a woman sleeps with another guy HE gets the fuckpoints, making it harder for you to keep your superior position. You might have to fuck twice as hard just to stay even — it’s hard work!
Actually, for a guy like Roosh the best strategy is to convince other men that you know the secrets to getting women into bed, and then give them the most terrible advice you can come up with so they’ll constantly fail and not challenge you for the fuckpoints championship.
Regarding Roosh’s hotel photo: Besides the telltale black lines, why are none of the guys looking in his direction? He’s blacking out the back of their heads while they watch what, a guest speaker or video presentation?
Unfortunately they would probably be pretty safe on Snake Island. Reports of snake populations seems to be greatly exaggerated.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilha_da_Queimada_Grande
Ball’s Pyramid is even cooler than you think. It’s home to a GIGANTIC stick insect as big as your hand. They were believed extinct (the old rats from ships thing) until two dozen were discovered in 2001. Through captive breeding, about 700 are now in zoos in Australia and there are plans being made to return them to the wild.
I see I had the last post. I’d love a trip to Bouvet Island if anyone is buying. That nice symmetrical shape is due to it being a volcano.
And I just had a vision of a great plan for Ball’s Pyramid. We don’t tell the MGTOW’s about the bugs. We let them snuggle up in sleeping bags on narrow ledges. They find out about the bugs when one walks over their faces in the middle of the night. Hilarity will ensue. Wouldn’t that be GREAT? I would SO pay to see it.