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A Voice for Men celebrates Jello as the dessert of choice for rape-joke lovers

Dudes, if you're going to make a Jello dessert, make it (*gag*) "memorable."
Dudes, if you’re going to make a Jello mold, at least make it (*gag*) “memorable.”

So A Voice for Men’s Top Chef August Løvenskiolds — McLøven to you and me — is back with more recipes for hungry Men Going Their Own Way. Having previously shared his recipes for such adventurous dishes as overcooked chicken breasts and Velveeta-smothered cauliflowers, McLøven today takes on a mainstay of fine cuisine: Jello.

Yes, that’s right. He’s teaching his readers how to make Jello. Oh, but not just plain Jello: it’s got a little bit of fruit juice in it, and an assortment of artificial sweeteners. Oh, and one of his recipes also has cream cheese and almonds in it, like those sophisticated Jello mold desserts you may remember from the 1970s. Apparently “Going Your Own Way” means “Going The Way Your Grandma Went When She Prepared Desserts for Church Functions.”

I eagerly await McLøven’s recipes for toast and a glass of water.

But more interesting than McLøven’s recipes is the reason he decided to focus on Jello: Because it gave him an excuse to make rape jokes.

 

After harking back to “the sugary, gelatin-based, mom-made desserts” that middle-aged Men Going Their Own Way may recall from their youth, he moves right on to the rapey, er, “humor.” He starts by fondly remembering the

rapey “jello shots” (flavored gelatin prepared with vodka instead of some of the water) [that] became all the rage in the club scene that is normalized by rape culture. Add the smiling evil genius Bill Cosby as the advertizing face of Jello(tm) brand gelatin and you get the clear view of the extent to which gelatin desserts are proof that the patriarchy hates and oppresses all women through all time.

See, it’s funny because rape!

Naturally, McLøven’s readers contributed some rape jokes of their own.

Andrejovich Dietrich • a day ago Don't feminist tears taste like vinegar and water?  If you make your Jello shots in the mold of a shot glass, you now get a double rapey confection. They really fall for that one.  • Reply•Share ›  Avatar Andy C  Andrejovich Dietrich • 12 hours ago Rapey with extra rapey goodness, just add super rapey confectionery sugar on it? Oh how rapelicious!  And its that time of the year when feminists bunker down extra hard and fire extra rounds at ... well it doesn't matter there are so many men some are bound to hit. Why? Because its Rapril!  Happy Rapril feminists!

It’s a good thing that A Voice for Men is the leading website for the Men’s Human Rights Movement, because without knowing of AVFM’s deep commitment to human rights advocacy you might just assume that this was a bunch of assholes reveling in the suffering of women, or something.

Oh, and while I’m talking about AVFM: The flagship Men’s Human Rights advocacy site is in the final days of a two-week (!!) fund drive. With the end of the fundraiser a little less than 2 1/2 days away, here’s what they’ve raised so far:

therm040215

 

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sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

I reckon the next recipe will be something with eggs, also with rape jokes thrown in or some reference to liquid fucking gold (because women have eggs hurrrr).

Oddly I did not get the reaction I was expecting from the rents last night. O_o Oh well. Contrapangloss I hope that gig went okay for you!

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

My husband had an aunt that gave us all her cast off stuff when we got married. The best of the worst was a set of mail order recipe cards from the 70’s. EVERYTHING had marshmallows, Jello or mayonnaise in it. The glossy photos had that kind of grimy 70’s photography look that makes things look greasy. We read them for entertainment.

Recently his mom dropped off a bunch of old crap she found that I guess she thought we’d want. There was a Jello cookbook in it that had tuna fish, boiled egg and cauliflower Jello and much, much more! We also enjoyed that one.

There was also his grandmother’s old Better Homes and Garden Cookbook, the cookbook that has been the primer for many a new cook. That was a cool find. You know which recipes people like best by which pages are the dirtiest.

The 70’s recipes cards were squeaky clean.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Bologna sandwiches, made with boiled toast.

Which they wash down with a dirty* mug of their own bitter tears.

*Men washing dishes is misandry.

Bina
7 years ago

*Men washing dishes is misandry.

Gives them hangnails!

epitome of incomprehensibility

This reminds me of a gloriously unhealthy “jellied salad” an older friend of my mom’s used to make – fruit salad (I remember mandarin sections, at least) with jello and those tiny marshmallows. So bad, but so good.

So, in the cauliflower article, “high on the glycemic index” = poison, so no potatoes, ever… but Velveeta’s fine? Interesting.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

When I was a sprout back in the 1960s, we had special Tupperware molds for Jell-O salads. I distinctly remember a carrot salad mold that included mayonnaise garnish. My husband refuses to let me make it for him and the kids. But then, he won’t even eat lime Jell-O with fruit cocktail and Cool Whip.

James Lileks has a section on his site (The Bleat) that showcases appalling looking dishes from lavishly illustrated vintage cookbooks. Some of it is quite amusing.

Nop
Nop
6 years ago

Someone needs to point this guy at the famous ice-cube recipe:
http://www.food.com/recipe/ice-cubes-420398/review

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