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Attention Heartiste: Don Draper is not an actual person

The REAL thousand-cock stare
The REAL thousand-cock stare

One of the odder folk beliefs of the pickup artist subculture is that women become worn down and used up and even a bit addled if they have sex with too many men. Men, by contrast, are said to be able to handle an equal number of female lovers with grace and aplomb.

In a recent post, our old friend Heartiste offers what he sees as decisive photographic evidence illustrating the different effects of promiscuity on men and women. One bit of this evidence: a picture of a young woman used to advertise some sort of singles event. Reflections from the photographer’s lights obscure her pupils, an offputting effect that gives her a slightly deranged look.

thousand

Heartiste, apparently not curious enough to wonder why the woman seems to have no pupils, sees this as clear photographic evidence of the tell-tale “thousand cock stare” that he believes women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises.

To underscore his claim that promiscuous men are “more emotionally stable and contented” than their female counterparts, Heartiste offers this photographic evidence:

DOn Draper, looking content

I think we can all see the problem here. Aside from the fact that a single photograph of someone smiling offers no real clue to that person’s relative stability or degree of happiness with their life – there are plenty of people who can put a good face on all sorts of troubles – this is not actually a picture of a promiscuous man.

It’s a picture of actor John Hamm playing the character of Don Draper, a promiscuous ad exec on Mad Men, in full costume and makeup and doing his best to act the part of a contented man.

As regular viewers of the show are well aware, Don Draper is not always so contented. Indeed, the character is a near-constant drinker with a troubled past who ruins two marriages through his compulsive womanizing.

Here are pictures of Don Draper in some less-happy moments.

draper-sadtumblr_m2ando8Ago1r2r481o1_1280tumblr_m2qgh3LbXB1r2r481o1_1280DonDraperBukes

Can we conclude therefore that excess promiscuity will turn smiling, confident men into puking emotional wrecks? Well, no, because, again, Draper is a CHARACTER, not a person. He’s NOT REAL.

But don’t try telling Heartiste that, because he seems to prefer to live in an imaginary world.

A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.

Women who have sampled a poo poo platter of penes accumulate emotional scars that never heal; promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important. Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism, the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.

Uh, just so you know, Heartiste, the Chinese menu item you evidently have in mind is actually called a Pu Pu Platter. A Poo Poo Platter is something, well, a bit different.

Then again, I suspect that most of those women who’ve “sampled” Heartiste’s alleged charms would have, in hindsight, rather spent the evening cleaning shit out of a toilet tank.

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Lea
Lea
7 years ago

because men are always so willing with just about any woman.

Got a citation?
No?
Didn’t think so.

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

It is not cited. It is what men think of other men. Men are easy. That is not a bad thing, Why would women want men to be ‘hard to get?’

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

A religious teen girl once explained to me (when I was much older than her) that men didn’t respect women who had sex with them. (It is known, Kalesi.) So, you shouldn’t have sex with men you want to have sex with. That way, you can hold out for a lifetime of marriage to a man who doesn’t respect you while he has sex with and dumps other women who are less respectable for having fucked him.

Who wants that? Even if that crap were true, who wants to forgo rocking sex so that they can be tied to an asshole who never once respected the women he had sex with? I don’t want to have sex with or be in a relationship with a man who thinks like that. In fact, I don’t understand why people like that feel it should be a woman’s priority to have a sex life that pleases anyone but her. The guys who are crying loudest that women are just too awful to be in relationships with are the same guys no self respecting woman would want taking up her time anyway.

They’re gross. They’re toads. I’d rather have a nasty, lingering cold than have so much as a conversation with a guy like that.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Barnburner,
You’re generalizations are not facts. That is not how all men see each other. People are neither “easy” or “hard to get”. They may be outgoing or shy. They may be promiscuous or not. They may be attracted to many different people or very, very selective in what turns them on. What they are not is crude, gendered stereotypes.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

your…damn

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Everything about the idea that there is a one size fits all sex life that is preferable to any other makes me very grouchy.

freemage
freemage
7 years ago

Lea | August 28, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Do you know the one true cock when you pull it from a stone or should you wait for a lady in a lake to throw it at you?

“In tonight’s showing of Camelot, the part of The Lady in the Lake will be played by Lorena Bobbit.”

… The mental image Lea has given me will NOT leave my brain.

Falconer
7 years ago

Hey LBT, if you should happen to read this, we love y’all and we hope you are doing okay. Come back when you’re feeling up to it, and not a moment before. We’ll be here.

@redpoppy: It’s in the first War Machine thread, if you’re curious. It had over 1200 comments last time I checked it. It slipped past my awareness as it happened, but it’s just as well I didn’t notice. I don’t think I would have participated because I don’t think I could have done anything but make it worse. Tensions were apparently building for a time, and that slipped by me, too.

@Lea:

Do you know the one true cock when you pull it from a stone or should you wait for a lady in a lake to throw it at you?

Hey, it happens, cock-chucking. I read Jude the Obscure in college. The part that surprised me the most was when his first lover attracted his attention through application of ballistic hog dick to his noggin. A welcome bit of comic relief in a book otherwise tediously unsubtle.

I’m blinking at the GE coal commercial.

Falconer
7 years ago

Is anyone else seeing clickbait ads at the very top of the page, above even the Mammoth banner, or do I have to go check my add-ons? There’s an annoying viral add-on I keep fighting that adds sidebar ads. It’s got a different name every time I find it, except it always ends in “1.1”.

maistrechat
7 years ago
Reply to  Falconer

@Falconer
I’m seeing it too, and have been for some time now.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
7 years ago

@BarnBurner

The double-standard is hardly a mystery. It is a holdover from the Bronze Age, when people knew that sex leads to babies but did not know the precise mechanism. The only way for men to ensure paternity was to strictly control the sexuality of women, and in a patriarchal culture this is super-important. The same requirement is not imposed on men, because only a man’s interests matter in patriarchal cultures. This “morality” has been transmitted forward through time to us, primarily through religious institutions that have not evolved since the Bronze Age but also via other routes.

Anyone who has any knowledge whatsoever of human history, or who can read the Bible, or has knowledge of how things work in less-developed parts of the world, or who is willing to think about it for 5 minutes, can figure this out on their own.

Wu
Wu
7 years ago

I have a theory about ppl who think like this (ie that men can have lots of sex w/o impact but women are changed by it)- they’re either:
-women who are pushing monogamy by suggesting that promiscuous women are valueless
-men who are just so bad at sex, just “5 minutes-squirt-notch dick, go home” that they can’t imagine it changing them at all; they sometimes (eg watching porn) see women apparently achieving all kinds of pleasure from sex, and they figure *that* kind of pleasure is self-altering. Pleasure that they never get to experience due to their ineptitude and failure to view sex as more than a numbers game- thus all of the resentment towards women, directly proportional to the amount of pleasure they’ve presumably achieved.

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

Is this double standard promoted by men who struggle to get laid (most men) and not by the group of men getting laid a lot? That is sort of the message coming from men like Heartiste.

k
k
7 years ago

“…promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love…”

I’m pretty sure there’s a reason women are “settling” for beta males if alpha male love lasts for five minutes. Love the obliviousness.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

The double-standard is hardly a mystery. It is a holdover from the Bronze Age, when people knew that sex leads to babies but did not know the precise mechanism. The only way for men to ensure paternity was to strictly control the sexuality of women, and in a patriarchal culture this is super-important. The same requirement is not imposed on men, because only a man’s interests matter in patriarchal cultures. This “morality” has been transmitted forward through time to us, primarily through religious institutions that have not evolved since the Bronze Age but also via other routes.

Anyone who has any knowledge whatsoever of human history, or who can read the Bible, or has knowledge of how things work in less-developed parts of the world, or who is willing to think about it for 5 minutes, can figure this out on their own.

Yeah, “everybody knows” isn’t actually proof of anything, sweetie. Bloody big citation needed!

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

How does a so-called ‘beta male’ avoid being ‘settled for?’

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
7 years ago

Is this double standard promoted by men who struggle to get laid (most men) and not by the group of men getting laid a lot? That is sort of the message coming from men like Heartiste.

It’s promoted by society, the same way misogyny is promoted by society. Misogyny harms men, too, but that doesn’t stop plenty of men from pushing it.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
7 years ago

Yeah, “everybody knows” isn’t actually proof of anything, sweetie. Bloody big citation needed!

You know, I was just about to give you one, but then I remembered that I don’t answer to “sweetie.”

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

Men are nearly half of American society so, yes, they are a contributor. And it seems the main beneficiary of the ‘double standard’ are single men who struggled to get laid.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

You know, I was just about to give you one, but then I remembered that I don’t answer to “sweetie.”

Snorfles

Alais
7 years ago

Wait a sec, BarnBurner. Single men struggling to get laid are trying to convince single women to not have sex except with their boyfriends or future husbands? How does that help these men get laid more? Doesn’t that double standard seem sort of counter-productive when you defend it like that?

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

Single men who struggle to get laid (probably the majority of single men relative to single women) could only hope for a girlfriend who did not sleep around and until then get laid with women who do.

Fibinachi
7 years ago

… Or hope people sleep around. That seems the easier conclusion.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

You’re making a whole lot of assumptions based on tired stereotypes Barnburner.

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