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Attention Heartiste: Don Draper is not an actual person

The REAL thousand-cock stare
The REAL thousand-cock stare

One of the odder folk beliefs of the pickup artist subculture is that women become worn down and used up and even a bit addled if they have sex with too many men. Men, by contrast, are said to be able to handle an equal number of female lovers with grace and aplomb.

In a recent post, our old friend Heartiste offers what he sees as decisive photographic evidence illustrating the different effects of promiscuity on men and women. One bit of this evidence: a picture of a young woman used to advertise some sort of singles event. Reflections from the photographer’s lights obscure her pupils, an offputting effect that gives her a slightly deranged look.

thousand

Heartiste, apparently not curious enough to wonder why the woman seems to have no pupils, sees this as clear photographic evidence of the tell-tale “thousand cock stare” that he believes women develop after exposure to more than the lifetime recommended allotment of penises.

To underscore his claim that promiscuous men are “more emotionally stable and contented” than their female counterparts, Heartiste offers this photographic evidence:

DOn Draper, looking content

I think we can all see the problem here. Aside from the fact that a single photograph of someone smiling offers no real clue to that person’s relative stability or degree of happiness with their life – there are plenty of people who can put a good face on all sorts of troubles – this is not actually a picture of a promiscuous man.

It’s a picture of actor John Hamm playing the character of Don Draper, a promiscuous ad exec on Mad Men, in full costume and makeup and doing his best to act the part of a contented man.

As regular viewers of the show are well aware, Don Draper is not always so contented. Indeed, the character is a near-constant drinker with a troubled past who ruins two marriages through his compulsive womanizing.

Here are pictures of Don Draper in some less-happy moments.

draper-sadtumblr_m2ando8Ago1r2r481o1_1280tumblr_m2qgh3LbXB1r2r481o1_1280DonDraperBukes

Can we conclude therefore that excess promiscuity will turn smiling, confident men into puking emotional wrecks? Well, no, because, again, Draper is a CHARACTER, not a person. He’s NOT REAL.

But don’t try telling Heartiste that, because he seems to prefer to live in an imaginary world.

A man can sample the slits and furrows of outrageous fortune and survive the whirlwind of passion to mark a day in the future when he contentedly and without pathological second-guessing slips into a stabler, longer term commitment.

Women who have sampled a poo poo platter of penes accumulate emotional scars that never heal; promiscuous women have a mental storage closet filled with five minute montages of alpha male love, and these exciting, prurient memories rob the female id of something important. Call it purity or innocence or self-worth or ability to appreciate romantic idealism, the slut with ass chafing from riding the cock carousel is never the same as she was before she let herself get pummeled by dick.

Uh, just so you know, Heartiste, the Chinese menu item you evidently have in mind is actually called a Pu Pu Platter. A Poo Poo Platter is something, well, a bit different.

Then again, I suspect that most of those women who’ve “sampled” Heartiste’s alleged charms would have, in hindsight, rather spent the evening cleaning shit out of a toilet tank.

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Alais
7 years ago

But yeah, her version of gender roles are exceptionally bleak. The woman sacrifices her freedom while the man has to continually risk his life. I just…I can’t even, guys.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

I’ll forgive you for being nasty and misogynistic, so long as you are willing to do all the hard things. All of them.

Nevermind silly ladies like contrapangloss who actually totally dig EMS, Fire, martial arts, biological and mathematical sciences, and suchlike. They don’t exist! Because biology.

Women also never had to hunt, build, work in factories with hazardous materials, or anything like that. That’s silly talk. Women snipers? Nonsense! Biology says men would totally never let these delicate lady things do anything remotely dangerous, and that these delicate lady things would never want to do such things anyway!

Now, be my human meat-shield and go through that door first!

🙂

(I think I’ve appropriately channeled IBS)

Alais
7 years ago

Oh, she acknowledges that women worked in factories. She just thinks that it was easier than the manly jobs (otherwise why would men have let women do them?) and believes that getting burned to death in a factory fire was a less painful death than getting crushed by a bridge.

“While men were busy going down in ships or getting crushed to death building bridges, women were working in factories and dying in fires. Life has not always been so easy on the bottom, but to blame men for the conditions working women have faced, when men themselves were facing far worse conditions, is just illogical.”

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

What about the women who were crushed by the factory collapse in Bangladesh? I’m sure IB thinks that somehow hurt less than getting crushed did for male bridge builders.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

THIS. Over and over again I have seen people excuse some seriously bad shit from both real life people (usually straight white men) and fictional characters (again, usually straight white men) with the idea that he’s a very unhappy human being who had a really horrible past and therefore holding him responsible for how he behaves is very mean, and we need to switch the conversation to how miserable he is, and don’t you think that maybe his targets shouldn’t have provoked him if they wanted to be treated with respect? And on, and on, and on. It’s wearying.

Roman Polanski had an almost inconceivably horrible childhood, including several years of practically feral existence (as a Jew under Nazi occupation at the height of the Holocaust), having one parent murdered (and believing for some time that this was true of both), and then, after having conquered pretty astronomical odds to become a successful Hollywood filmmaker, his pregnant wife was equally savagely murdered by the Manson gang. All of this is well documented with ample supporting evidence, and it’s not at all hard to accept that this must have traumatised him on a profound level.

None of which comes even vaguely close to excusing what he did in 1977. Although, depressingly, many have tried.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

Do people like IB not realise how much drudgery there was in housework prior to having labour saving devices like vacuum cleaners, electric or gas ovens, electric washing machines, shops that sell ready made jams, sauces, canned goods, clothing, and so forth? Who killed the chicken for dinner, and plucked it, and gutted it? So women not in paid work had a never ending life of mainly unpleasant domestic work. Setting aside the farming/fishing type family industries, work as a female servant was long days of hard yacker: http://www.fourpoundsflour.com/tomorrow-living-life-as-a-19th-century-servant/

The wives in farming/fishing families also had to contribute to those areas as well. For example, if it was a sheep farm the wife could end up having to make the meals for the whole shearing gang, day after day, during shearing season. I knew a farmer’s wife (friend’s mother) who was doing that cooking into the 1980s.

I’m tired of the idea that unless people were working in a coal mine, they weren’t doing dangerous or backbreaking work. Women’s work was often backbreaking as well, even when only talking about their domestic work in their own home.

Women worked in numerous dangerous occupations.

Here are some photos (and related article) of female millinery workers, who were exposed to mercury: http://anjouclothing.com/2011/11/12/why-is-a-raven-like-a-writing-desk/

Women have been exposed to carbon tetrachloride (a carcinogen) through, for example, their work in the drycleaning industry: http://monographs.iarc.fr/ENG/Monographs/vol71/mono71-17.pdf

Women working in textile mills were routinely injured and had their lives shortened by the bad environmental conditions: http://www.makingthemodernworld.org.uk/stories/the_industrial_town/06.ST.02/?scene=4&tv=true and http://www.learnnc.org/lp/editions/nchist-newsouth/5493

And all this ignores how other factors such as pregnancy/childbirth and wars/famine affected the health of women.

The socialist in me now wants to digress on first world countries exporting their labour needs to under-regulated industries in developing countries, but I am holding off from digressing into that.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

WordPress is eating my comments. 🙁

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

Oh, I had multiple links in one, maybe it’s in the mod queue? Being able to back my shit up = comment delayed = comment denied!

redpoppy
redpoppy
7 years ago

Being a woman is super easy. Just ask women who have had children. For the past few thousands of years. It was super easy and swell. Men have it rough with all the manly war stuff that they start themselves and don’t even need to because it’s just fucking moronic.

kittehserf
7 years ago

The spam filter ate it, pallygirl – I can still get to the dashboard to see stuff, but since I’m not a mod (I haven’t heard from David, so I don’t know if he hasn’t seen my emails or has decided not to have me modding again) I can’t move it into the approved comments.

Just an onlooker, sigh.

Great to see you posting here, regardless!

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

I remember a trip me and Husband took to the museum of History in Stockholm some time ago. They have this skeleton of a stone-age hunter who was buried with hunting equipment and stuff. Apparently (according to the museum’s own info) scientists used to believe the skeleton was from a man, solely based on the hunting equipment she was buried with, despite the fact that she was really short (like 1,55 or something). Later scientists with better methods then concluded that the skeleton was from a middle-aged woman who’d had given birth to a number of babies.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

But yeah, as everyone points out, it’s so weird how cocks from multiple people are supposed to damage you whereas lots of sex with a single cock is fine. Like, a single woman slutting around might have sex something like ten to twenty times a year with different people… she would be considered fairly promiscuous by most people. Still, a married woman can easily have sex a hundred times a year, not unusual in any way. And yet the latter’s lady bits are supposed to be in better shape!? I like the ghost penis explanation as to why though, makes about as much sense as anything could.

ChelleG
ChelleG
7 years ago

The imagery! Ghost cocks! Cock carousels! Yes, hello, where is the cock carousel located, please. I would like to buy a ticket.

These are guys who will never be able to maintain any kind of serious relationship, but it won’t be because they won’t have matured, in their eyes. It will be because there just aren’t enough decent women worthy of the honor of bearing their name and carrying their children.

Orion
7 years ago

Where on earth is IB getting these traditions from anyway? This is the first time I’ve ever heard that men are supposed to go in front of their wives. In every western culture I’m familiar with, the tradition or for men to open doors and let women pass by them.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

Where on earth is IB getting these traditions from anyway? This is the first time I’ve ever heard that men are supposed to go in front of their wives.

There’s a rather grim anecdote by the American musician Robert Mueller – on visiting Burma in the 1950s, he asked why the women were invariably walking ahead of the men, as this wasn’t what he expected from a socially traditionalist culture. He was told that that was because there were still loads of landmines in Burma, and the women were expected to go first to protect their menfolk.

On a much less sobering (but admittedly only tangentially related) note, I discovered the other day that the pecking order in chickens brings attached responsibilities – whenever my dog gets too close to the pen, it’s the chicken at the top of the pecking order who’s required to go and square up to him on the other side of the chicken wire, while the others keep a discreet distance. If he’s particularly careless/curious, he gets his nose pecked, which must seriously hurt. He may be bigger and louder than they are, but they’re not taking any crap from him.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

Thanks to whoever let my comment through, it’s now above where I said WordPress ate my homework. 🙂

Tessa
Tessa
7 years ago

Dvärghundspossen:

I remember a trip me and Husband took to the museum of History in Stockholm some time ago. They have this skeleton of a stone-age hunter who was buried with hunting equipment and stuff. Apparently (according to the museum’s own info) scientists used to believe the skeleton was from a man, solely based on the hunting equipment she was buried with, despite the fact that she was really short (like 1,55 or something). Later scientists with better methods then concluded that the skeleton was from a middle-aged woman who’d had given birth to a number of babies.

That’s really interesting! But the real question is… Did she hunt the mammoth?

On a side note, was Heartiste the one who said women were too old at 25?

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Are you implying that the women who have sex with the Heartiste’s of the world are being used for anything else?

I’m saying that a Heartiste’s intentions and attitudes do not define those woman at all. Having sex with him or anyone else does not make women into things. How sad that you need that explained to you.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

“Baby, please, I’m not from Havana…”

Tee-hee

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

Is there a difference between one penis many times (by a committed boyfriend or husband) and many men just once? Per what this Heartsite dude wrote, it depends. If the guy meets a woman who had one (or two or some small number) of different men then he would be more inclined to consider a committed relationship with her. That seems to be what the article is about. Women may very well feel the same way about men. Its all about personal preferences.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
7 years ago

Barnburner: but relationships are a no no in Heartiste’s world, unless it’s purely sexual. I think that the question of “why are women with multiple previous partners seen as used up sluts while men are seen as studs” is one that hasn’t quite been answered yet. Has it? what’s the reasoning behind the double standard and why is women’s chastity still an obsession for some in 2014?

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Nice try, BarnBurner. This is not about “personal preference.”

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

… he would be more inclined to consider a committed relationship with her.

Who cares? What do some random man’s inclinations have to do with the price of eggs?
…and that is not at all what Fartiste said. Not remotely.

BarnBurner
BarnBurner
7 years ago

Why Heart even bothers to think about this if he is only out to get laid is odd. He would prefer women who are ‘sluts,’ as it were, as that could make getting sex easier. Maybe the double standard from their perspective is based on the comparative effort required to get sex. There is a lot of chatter out there regarding how easy it is for women to get sex (provided that its just sex with no other expectations). But of course they fail to admit that such ease is because men are always so willing with just about any woman. Therefore (in their minds) if a woman partakes prolifically there is nothing admirable about it as it requires no skill or ability. If a man manages to be promiscuous despite the difficulty men have to get laid due to womens’ higher standards, he must be skilled and admirable. That is ‘Heartiste double standard’ in his world.

Anarchonist
Anarchonist
7 years ago

Inanitybytes22: Fuck off with your “he hates himself so he must be a jerk to people around him, it’s not his fault!”

I hate myself. I’ve always hated myself, and I probably always will. I don’t blame other people for my problems, I don’t expect anyone else to behave in some ambiguous, unreasonable manner so that I’ll feel better about myself, I don’t go around spewing toxic shit everywhere so that I don’t have to think about my own issues. I may hate myself, but I’m not some fucking asshole.

Whether Heartiste hates himself or not is irrelevant. If he does, he’s using it as an excuse, a justification to remain a misogynistic shithead, and that makes him a bad person, period. Hating yourself does not excuse hating others, no matter what you tell yourself.

IB22, you’re making excuses for bullies and expecting the targets of their bullying to be more understanding of them. You may think you’re being a voice for reason and understanding, but you’re just vomiting up the same ol’ bullcrap about “bullies just being misunderstood” that people who don’t want to fix anything always do. You’re not profound or wise. You’re an apologist for abusive turds, and you need to learn some fucking empathy for their victims for a change.

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