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A Voice for Men writer laments: "Since the advent of ‘marital rape,’ sex is no longer a loving duty, so it has become whim and weapon."

Caution: RIng does not transform "no" into "yes."
Caution: Ring does not transform “no” into “yes.”

Has A Voice for Men just declared itself in favor of marital rape?

In the midst of a long and otherwise fairly tedious piece complaining about wives asking their husbands to do their fair share of the chores, Clint Carpentier offers some rather startling thoughts on marital rape laws, and how he thinks they help to make marriage a losing proposition for modern men.

In the good old days, he writes, “sex was a wifely duty she was obligated to provide as per the terms of marriage.” But “since the advent of ‘marital rape,’ sex [in marriage] is no longer a loving duty, so it has become whim and weapon … .”

Yep. Apparently “being raped by your husband” is really just a way to fulfill your “loving duty” as a wife.

So, Carpentier concludes, if wives demand that you do the chores around the house, and you can’t rape them at will, what’s the point of even having one in the first place? After all, he argues, in an age of washing machines and readymade meals chores are easy, and men can get “once per day of blasé sex” from “any street-hooker” or splurge on “mind-blowing sex once a week [from] a well trained call-girl.”

And so, he writes,

If women are demanding that their husbands do their “fair share” of the chores, then why do men need wives at all? In man’s attempt to make their wives lives easier, they have reduced the wifely duties to next to non-existent. Why, women? Why oh why would you drive those final coffin nails of obsolescence in? Aside from children, there’s no benefit left to having a wife.

Well, if the only “benefits” you can see in having a wife are someone who will do the cooking and cleaning and whom you can rape at will, then, no, there is no benefit to you in having a wife now that marital rape is illegal. And there is certianly no benefit to any woman in marrying or dating or possibly even being in the same room as you.

Where have all the good men gone? Well… where have all the good women gone?

That’s right: A man who considers marital rape to be a husband’s right honestly thinks that he’s one of the good ones.

AVFM’s Paul Elam loves to rail against the evils of traditionalism and chivalry. Interesting that marital rape is one element of traditionalism he apparently has no problem with.

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CriticalDragon1177
8 years ago

David Futrelle,

This is disgusting, even for a “Men’s Rights Activist”

ceebarks
ceebarks
8 years ago

Wow.

The phrase “give someone enough rope” keeps coming to mind.

moldybrehd
8 years ago

Of course they cling to the traditional reasons for marriage; because once you strip away the ‘benefits’ of having a servant/sex doll/baby factory for a wife, the only possible reason to get married is because of genuine love, respect, and affection.

Ally S
8 years ago

I just scanned through the comments – not a single criticism of the rape apologia found in the article. Nothing but praise. It’s almost as if there are countless rape apologists and misogynists in the AVFM community.

vaiyt
8 years ago

Yawn. Another instance of “the REAL problem is recognizing the problem”. It’s no less tiring with racism than it is with rape.

pecunium
8 years ago

or splurge on “mind-blowing sex once a week [from] a well trained call-girl.”

On what planet? A “well trained call-girl” is going to set you back a couple of grand (easy. the one who I know was going to my college in the middle ’80s was getting $1,500US for an evening), and there is the issue of time… what’s he gonna tell the wife?

Moreover, who has a 10 grand lying spare every month?

Sideliner
Sideliner
8 years ago

The whole marital duties argument is one of the weirdest straw men these guys fight. If you’re not satisfied with your sex life/division of labor in the household, you actually have to talk to your partner about it. There is literally no other solution.

The fact that they bring up coercion/force as a viable possibility without ever suggesting to men that they sit down and talk this out is awful and irresponsible. This is not a take advantage of/be taken advantage of dichotomy. There are options.

Ally S
8 years ago

[Content note: rape, domestic violence, misogyny]

When they were still married, my dad tried to rape my mom several times, claiming that sex was his “right” as a husband. He trapped her in dark closets and threatened to cut her body up in order to coerce her. And after the marriage ended, he loved to tell me and my siblings that my mother was a filthy prostitute for being in a non-marital relationship with another man after the divorce. The effect of him telling me that stuff over and over again is that I feel sick to my stomach every time I mention anything about her to him because I’m afraid of hearing him berate and insult her again.

Sorry, I forgot that all divorced men are victims. Poor dad!

cloudiah
8 years ago

It is increasingly clear to me that the things MRAs say make perfect sense — if you don’t think of women as people. I know this isn’t exactly a revelation around here, but there is simply no other way to interpret the fact this dude can say this publicly to great acclaim.

This also explains why they consider themselves a human rights movement. Men are the only humans. (Only the men that count, that is — not trans* men, or men of color, etc.)

Ally S
8 years ago

Ally, shit, your dad is awful… He sounds like he’d love these douchebags…

If AVFM were religious, he would probably be fond of them.

feintone
8 years ago

he’s right about one thing, men don’t “need” wives at all. marriage is something two people choose to do because they love each other and want to hang out and have fun together. like all good things in life marriage is entirely optional. its not like marrying someone is basically hiring a live in all purpose servant….

oh wait, that’s exactly what this guy thinks marriage is. in that case he should really just hire a maid and buy a fleshlight.

Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

🙁 I’m sorry Ally. Your dad, if I may say it, is a total douchebag.

Also, obviously the only reason people marry is because men want to have a sexbot/house slave for them to commnand for ALL ETERNITY.

Alice Sanguinaria
8 years ago

*command

FUCK YOU KEYBOARD

Bonelady
Bonelady
8 years ago

Wow. Talk about entitlement with a capital E. In their minds, they are entitled to sex on demand, with no backchat from the wife, no household chores, with no backchat from the wife, AND children, probably on demand, again, with no backchat from the wife – a shadowy creature, who apparently, in their minds, lives entirely to serve. No wonder they are angry at losing all this… teh pooooor menz. Dey haz sadz.

ceebarks
ceebarks
8 years ago

@cloudiah: yeah, I think that’s about it. Old-school feminists called their number ages ago.

Sucks, too– I’ve spent some amount of time trying to talk to guys like that, hoping for some… dialogue? Because I have some weird and irrational notion that beneath every raving jerky facade lies some legitimate grievance that’s just mischanneled or misunderstood.

but you can’t dialogue with people who see you… as a thing. (That is, if you are <35-40 and sufficiently conventionally attractive so they can see you at all, that is!)

I liked Te-Nahisi Coates' piece the other day, about how "masculinity" is often interpreted as being about invulnerability and control, yet sexual desire capriciously opens one up to vulnerability and isn't really within the realm of conscious control.

I think that's really up to men to sort out on their own, though; past a certain damage threshold, I imagine there's not much any woman can do about redefinining a guy's map of masculinity.

sn0rkmaiden
8 years ago

I read a jewel of wisdom from Rookh Kshatriya a couple of weeks back on Anglobitch in response to someone’s comment on the issue of marital rape:

‘We have entered an age where marital rape and beating one’s wife is outlawed.’

‘Here’s a simple solution to that one – don’t get married.’

Is Rookh Kshatriya implying that domestic violence and rape are an inevitable part of marriage, or that men should eschew matrimony in order to avoid such accusations?

karak
karak
8 years ago

Who wants to have sex with someone who views it as a “duty”?

They despise women who seek out sex in any way, and curse women who don’t want to have sex with them. The image I get of what they think sex with a woman should be like is so disturbing, and frankly. unpleasant.

ceebarks
ceebarks
8 years ago

*Ta-Nehisi* Not the first time I’ve switched the ‘a’ and ‘e’ in his name around! yeesh

ceebarks
ceebarks
8 years ago

@karak I think it goes back to the control issue; control is more central to them than sex is, so they would rather have mediocre-to-bad sex with no risk than have good-to-great sex where the risk of rejection and loss is part of the equation.

I think the MRA and patriarchal traditionalists want to have it both ways; they think if they can legally, socially, and physically dominate their wives, they can have crazy hot sex with little-to-no risk (at least to themselves…)

I don’t think that works, though; I think sex slowly dies when deprived of oxygen like that. I really think a certain level of risk is part’n’parcel of genuinely erotic, intimate encounters.

thebobgoblin
8 years ago

Hey AVFM,

Stop digging.

jennydevildoll
8 years ago

Well the silver lining in the acid-rain filled cloud is that he (and Roosh) seem to think there’s no point in being married if they can’t abuse their partners. Fine. These are not people who need to being subjecting another human being to a marriage with them anyway.Trouble is I don’t think street hookers and call girls need to be subjected to them either. Frankly I don’t thing anybody does.

takshak
takshak
8 years ago

@jennydevildoll – they could marry each other. please

kittehserf
8 years ago

Everyone’s already covered the marital rape issue, so I’ll just throw this in: if household chores are so easy* and take so little time**, why’s it such an issue for men like these to do them? Couldn’t possibly be because they’re really time-consuming and a pain in the arse even with labour-saving devices, and these lazy misogynist fuckers wouldn’t dream of putting in any effort to do “women’s work”.

*citation needed

**ditto

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