Categories
a voice for men a woman is always to blame antifeminism domestic violence excusing abuse FemRAs GirlWritesWhat misogyny MRA victim blaming

Abused women “demand” their abuse: How MRAs make the abusers’ arguments for them

Arrestreport

An Orlando man, Faron Thompson, was recently charged with battery and child neglect after an altercation in which he allegedly tried to force his fiancée to swallow her engagement ring when she tried to leave him. (More details here.)

This sort of abuse is depressingly commonplace when women try to free themselves from abusive and controlling men; indeed, if I posted every news account along these lines on this blog I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.

No, I mention this case because something that Thompson reportedly told police reveals a lot about the mindset of abusers. When they arrested him, police say, Thompson complained that:

Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.

That is how abusers think.

It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.

Indeed, when I read Thomson’s reported remarks, the y immediately brought to mind something written not that long ago by Karen Straughan, the YouTube videoblogger who goes by the name of Girl Writes What. Straughan describes herself in her A Voice for Men bio as “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” and given the rapturous reception her videos get on You Tube and on Reddit, this may not be an idle boast.

In the rather revealing Reddit comment I’m thinking of (which I blogged about earlier), Straughan suggested not only that abused women regularly “demand” the abuse they receive, but that many of them also get some sort of sexual charge from it. Oh, I’m sure she’ll deny that she really meant all that, but I can’t see any other way to read the following.
fmragwwdv1

Oh, and in case you were wondering what article she’s referring to in the last paragraph — the one she says isn’t “seriously ethically questionable” — it’s a post from the repugnant Ferdinand Bardamu arguing that men should “terrorize” their partners because that’s the “the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.” For more about that charming piece, titled “The Necessity of Domestic Violence,” see my post here.

I’m having less and less of a problem with calling the Men’s Rights movement “the abusers lobby.”

I’m sure there are some MRAs who are as repulsed by Straughan’s argument as I am. If you’re one of them, and want your movement, such as it is, to be remembered as something other than “the abusers lobby,” you need to call out all those MRAs who make such arguments. Might I suggest that you start by challenging the “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” otherwise known as Girl Writes What?

325 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BigMomma
9 years ago

Erin Pizzey… back in the day, I worked for Women’s Aid, both at a local level and at the national office. She ran Refuge, I think, based mostly in London. She was a very contentious figure as she wanted to appropriate the entire refuge movement as her invention and made some pretty problematic statements. She was not well liked within the broader, more regional and grassroots based collection of organisations that was (and is) Women’s Aid.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
9 years ago

Disposable man, I didn’t “dox drop” anyone. Straughan/GWW has started to identify herself with her real name on AVFM. It’s in the bio at the end of her articles, which she wrote herself.

I like how TheDisposableMan followed the comments just enough to catch Wooly Bumblebee’s real name being used, but not enough to realize that I “doxxed” her by quoting John The Otter.

cloudiah
9 years ago

BigMomma, that’s really interesting about Pizzey. I wish there was more reliable information available about her, especially from her peers.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Poor Daveeeeeed, MRAs, relegated to his their little treefort, raging impotently at the world.”

FTFY

Because it’s the MRM raging that women vote. And work. And aren’t forced to choose between marriage and starvation. And own our own property and wages. And are being heard. And know fucking losers when we see you and are free to laugh in your faces.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

*votes, works, owns property, laughs in MRA faces*

Wow, these guys are super easy to beat, aren’t they? I just exploded their hopes and dreams by doing my normal routine. That’s like… wet tissue levels of “easily defeated.”

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Aren’t they just? They think they can stop the world on its axis by threatening to hold their breath till they turn blue.

Go ahead, sonny, cobalt will suit you perfectly.

BigMomma
9 years ago

@cloudiah, yeah, sorry that my comment is in the realms of anecdata. This was the mid 90s, but i remember Erin being quite prominent at the time. Womens Aid was run collective style with the umbrella organisation of National Women’s Aid, whereas Erin was running a traditional hierarchical management style in London and saying horrendous things about DV and feminism. We were in a phase of shelters being defunded so she was positioning herself very well within the prevailing political trend. We were all so pissed off, as we were campaigning so hard to stay open all over the country. She really distanced herself and was publicly dismissive of the movement’s founding principles. As a result,it felt as if she created a space for hard pressed local government to justify slashing funding.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I lived in London during the time period BigMomma is talking about, and although I never worked directly with Women’s Aid, I knew people who did, and lots of activisty types in general. I never met anyone who had anything good to say about Erin.

BigMomma
9 years ago

@Cassandrasays, yup, that’s my rickety memory too, glad I’m not totally misremembering. Women’s Aid, btw, rather bizarrely had/has its HQ in Bristol. Otherwise we may well have crossed paths. You never went to a Women’s Citizenship conference in Brighton?

BigMomma
9 years ago

Fatrelle’s back with the usual incisive commentary.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Nope, when I was in London I was so in love with the city that I hardly ever left it except to visit family in Scotland. But yeah, I knew a lot of people who were working on women’s issues back in the day, and even then everyone seemed to be side-eyeing Erin. Compare her organization to one like Southall Black Sisters and it’s not hard to see why.

BigMomma
9 years ago

QFT, Cassandra.

cloudiah
9 years ago

I’m surprised no one’s ever written a history of Women’s Aid, even an article. (Or maybe I should say no one other than Pizzey herself.)

Pizzey seems to have confused feminism with a movement that thinks women are better than men, and therefore her experience being raised by two abusive parents proved that feminism was a lie. Well, if you start from a completely mistaken premise about feminism…

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

She seems to be confused about a lot of things. The idea that you can deal with domestic violence in a top-down way is just inherently stupid. In reality you need to ask the victims what they need, rather than telling them what you think they should want, and that seems to go against Erin’s fundamental personality.

cloudiah
9 years ago

Southall Black Sisters looks like a totally amazing org. I think I’ll send them some money, just to piss off any lurking MRAs.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Oh, they’re made of awesome. If you were only going to donate to one woman-focused org in the UK, that’s the one I’d recommend.

thenatfantastic
thenatfantastic
9 years ago

Seconding the SBS love, great group.

mxe354
9 years ago

From the original post…

>> “Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.”
>> That is how abusers think.
>> It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.

What you’re saying then…

Men, the physical abusers, are THE ABUSERS and women, the verbal abusers, liars and manipulators, are the poor victims.

You suggest that there couldn’t possibly be any provocation by the women. That’s impossible.

Men, just out of the blue, decide “hey, I’m bored maybe I should just go beat up on my wife for shits and giggles”.

Your poor argument may appeal to the perma-victim feminist gaggle that follow you but any rational human being can see through your logical leaps.

Yeah, no. What David is really saying is that abusers often blame the victim for being abused and that many MRAs blame the victims just like abusers do, not that verbally and emotionally abusive women are innocent. And the reality is that abusers choose to be abusive. It doesn’t matter if the woman is verbally abusive – the man has no right to abuse her in retaliation. Same goes for the situation in which the sexes are switched around. Abusers who are deliberately abusive are never innocent. No “provocation” justifies abuse. And abuse is never justified. I’m all for abused people retaliating in self-defense when they are physically attacked by their partners, but such self-defense is not abuse.

Moreover, you oversimplify the reality of abuse by saying that abusive men spontaneously decide to abuse their partners. They don’t. Abusers have many reasons for abusing their loved ones. The most salient motivation for abuse is the desire to exercise power over others. And then there are people who become abusive due to psychological problems (very often ones arising from past traumatic experiences). And as abusers are individuals, I’m sure there are many reasons they use to “justify” their abuse of others.

Lastly, I assure you that none of us think that women are permanent victims. This is a lie you and your anti-feminist buddies have made up in order to serve your own agenda. It’s either that or a gross misunderstanding of feminist discourse. And I’m pretty sure that such a misunderstanding is also made in bad faith. Many anti-feminists who think that feminism paints all women as permanent victims are really just lazy critics who don’t really give a shit about understanding feminist discourse.

Any rational human being can see that you’re definitely one of those people. That you blindly jumped to conclusions in response to Dave’s post is proof of that.

cloudiah
9 years ago

mxe354, that was awesome. Also, you’ve got some hair advice waiting on the Roosh thread, if you’re interested. 😉

ec
ec
9 years ago

Am I the only one who finds Fatrelle kind of adorable, in a “toothless puppy trying to bite you” kind of way?

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
9 years ago

ec — yeah, he reminds me a bit of my former roommate’s poodle puppy trying to gum me to death. All “aww, you have a cute little fierce don’t you? Come on, get my finger!”

Danielle — good to know, and Argenti’s fine for me 🙂

As for this BS about men don’t just decide to abuse — last time I had an abusive asshole ex, he went from how calling in sick because of insomnia was unacceptable to threatening my life (and then calling my best friend to try preemptively blaming me, that part was hilarious)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Argenti, come over to the combat zone thread, there is the dumbest of dumb trolls flailing around. 😀

Fatrelle
Fatrelle
9 years ago

——-“Poor Daveeeeeed, MRAs, relegated to his their little treefort, raging impotently at the world.”

FTFY

Because it’s the MRM raging that women vote. And work. And aren’t forced to choose between marriage and starvation. And own our own property and wages. And are being heard. And know fucking losers when we see you and are free to laugh in your faces.———

MRAs are influncing legislation in countries across the world. The spectre of feminsim is diminishing, thanks to our efforts. What is Little David doing other than posting on his shitty little blog? Maybe he’s aiming to lose his virginity.

mxe354
9 years ago

MRAs are influncing legislation in countries across the world. The spectre of feminsim is diminishing, thanks to our efforts.

Much to the chagrin of anyone who has an ounce of decency and actually cares about helping out men without screwing over women.

What is Little David doing other than posting on his shitty little blog? Maybe he’s aiming to lose his virginity.

This is some of the most pathetic trolling I have ever seen.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
9 years ago

What is “influncing legislation” – it sounds like legislation fail. 🙂

LOL at the spectre of feminism, which would make MRAs what, James Bond?

1 5 6 7 8 9 13
%d bloggers like this: