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Abused women “demand” their abuse: How MRAs make the abusers’ arguments for them

Arrestreport

An Orlando man, Faron Thompson, was recently charged with battery and child neglect after an altercation in which he allegedly tried to force his fiancée to swallow her engagement ring when she tried to leave him. (More details here.)

This sort of abuse is depressingly commonplace when women try to free themselves from abusive and controlling men; indeed, if I posted every news account along these lines on this blog I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.

No, I mention this case because something that Thompson reportedly told police reveals a lot about the mindset of abusers. When they arrested him, police say, Thompson complained that:

Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.

That is how abusers think.

It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.

Indeed, when I read Thomson’s reported remarks, the y immediately brought to mind something written not that long ago by Karen Straughan, the YouTube videoblogger who goes by the name of Girl Writes What. Straughan describes herself in her A Voice for Men bio as “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” and given the rapturous reception her videos get on You Tube and on Reddit, this may not be an idle boast.

In the rather revealing Reddit comment I’m thinking of (which I blogged about earlier), Straughan suggested not only that abused women regularly “demand” the abuse they receive, but that many of them also get some sort of sexual charge from it. Oh, I’m sure she’ll deny that she really meant all that, but I can’t see any other way to read the following.
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Oh, and in case you were wondering what article she’s referring to in the last paragraph — the one she says isn’t “seriously ethically questionable” — it’s a post from the repugnant Ferdinand Bardamu arguing that men should “terrorize” their partners because that’s the “the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.” For more about that charming piece, titled “The Necessity of Domestic Violence,” see my post here.

I’m having less and less of a problem with calling the Men’s Rights movement “the abusers lobby.”

I’m sure there are some MRAs who are as repulsed by Straughan’s argument as I am. If you’re one of them, and want your movement, such as it is, to be remembered as something other than “the abusers lobby,” you need to call out all those MRAs who make such arguments. Might I suggest that you start by challenging the “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” otherwise known as Girl Writes What?

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Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
9 years ago

Kitteh: gratz on the Catmoji invite. It’s my second home. I love looking at all the photos of the cats, and I also like that people there are *nice*.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
9 years ago

Hi danielle (is shortening your nym to that okay?) — GGW is definitely a dangerous one, for the reasons katz said. The “well if a woman says it” aspect can’t help things any either

Cadence
Cadence
9 years ago

After reading that, I’m not sure whether I want to puke or cry. There’s all sorts of things that I want to say, but I don’t think any of them will make me feel better, so I’m just going to go hug my cat.

Random Lurker
Random Lurker
9 years ago

Having just watched Django Unchained, I think I can safely say that Girl Writes What is the Stephen of gender relations.

Only not as funny, obviously.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Brain bleach courtesty of Mads and Fribs. These two little slackers exemplify “meh”.

http://youtu.be/CDmUxtljZ-I

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I don’t see how AVfM would have a board of directors. It’s not a company for starters. The board would also set the strategic vision, and longer term strategy (5 years).

That’s what makes me laugh, it’s just a blog, for shit sake. Maybe these people organize their meetups and postering campaigns.

PaulE also has quarterly fundraising drives like he’s PBS, so he’s totally deluded about what it is he does.

mxe354
9 years ago

Tugley Logger,

“Erin is, as you should know, the founder of the world’s first women’s shelter, as well as the author of several books on domestic violence.”

I love how MRAs talk about Erin Prizzey as if she’s a saint and proof that feminists are evil (because clearly all feminists make death threats) even though she is also the one who thinks that most abused women like to be abused. She sure is a righteous social justice figure.

whataboutthemoonz
9 years ago

Does Elam get money from those or no?

cloudiah
9 years ago

Hi Pell.

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

Trying to sound black doesn’t look good on you, Pell.

mxe354
9 years ago

I almost want Demarcq back.

lightcastle
lightcastle
9 years ago

Alex, I’ll add with the “keep lines of communication open”. I’ve lost at least one friend because I immediately raised flags about her boyfriend, and in response she shut me out at his request. (Others have managed to keep in better touch.)

I have another friend who has managed to sneak communication to me, and I try really hard to answer comments on his behaviour and not make it about him, because I think I’m pretty much her last line of communication outside of him and her parents.

It’s hard, though. I wish you all the best.

TheDisposableMan
TheDisposableMan
9 years ago

After reading many of your comments on this thread it’s so obvious that many of you are exactly the type of women described in the original post. Verbally abusive and manipulative women who become the “oh so wounded victim” with crocodile tears and all when men stand up for themselves.

Also dropping docs for GWW and WBB – classy! I wouldn’t have expected any less from such a select class of entitled whiners.

TheDisposableMan
TheDisposableMan
9 years ago

From the original post…

>> “Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.”
>> That is how abusers think.
>> It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.

What you’re saying then…

Men, the physical abusers, are THE ABUSERS and women, the verbal abusers, liars and manipulators, are the poor victims.

You suggest that there couldn’t possibly be any provocation by the women. That’s impossible.

Men, just out of the blue, decide “hey, I’m bored maybe I should just go beat up on my wife for shits and giggles”.

Your poor argument may appeal to the perma-victim feminist gaggle that follow you but any rational human being can see through your logical leaps.

drst
drst
9 years ago

Pell, don’t you have homework to be doing right now? Or chores?

danielleparadis
9 years ago

Hi Cloudia, hello Argenti Aertheri–shortening my name is totally fine with me.

titianblue
titianblue
9 years ago

Shorter disposableman: You’re all lying women. Because I say so.

Yawns.

cloudiah
9 years ago

Let’s see… Feminists are opposed to both physical and verbal abuse by any gender. MRAs think a woman who verbally abuses a man deserves to be beaten, choked, etc.

Yeah, I’m still sticking with feminism.

titianblue
titianblue
9 years ago

Oh David, how could you be so manipulative, provoking disposableman into making that false accusation? He can’t possibly be expected to be responsible for checking his facts before sounding off. /snark

Fatrelle
Fatrelle
9 years ago

Poor Daveeeeeed, relegated to his little treefort, raging impotently at the world.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
9 years ago

Wooly Bumblebee: prime example of how atheists are not automatically superior to xtians for beliefs/reasoning ability.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
9 years ago

Creating conflict out of willful misunderstandings with friends and family members, then demanding that the partner take their side in the conflict, is one of the most common isolating techniques that abusers use.

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