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$MONEY$ cock blockade dozens of upvotes evil women evo psych fairy tales I'm totally being sarcastic men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men paranoia playing the victim precious bodily fluids reddit spermjacking

Men’s Rights Redditor warns men: “Be careful with your sperm. Your very freedom is at stake.”

Men: Protect your Purity of Essence
Men: Protect your Purity of Essence

It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:

MRspermworth92k

Yes, he really did just say “It’s as if your penis shoots magic IOUs every time you ejaculate.” If this is true, a lot of guys owe millions if not billions of dollars to a lot of old socks.

In the comments, other Men’s Rightsers shared their deepest concerns about the specter of spermburgling. SuicideBanana warns that the enemy may already be in your bed:

MRspermBoogywoman

Reconstrucht worries about the money-hungry sperm-hunters lurking in bars:

MRspermPredatory

And one future veterinarian contemplates giving up dating, in order to protect himself from the hypothetical women — sorry, soul sucking succubi — who might hypothetically use his future sperm in order to cash in big on his future vet money. Ca-ching!

MRspermSuccubus

Gentlemen: To fully protect your Essence, I suggest you ejaculate directly into a paper shredder, douse the results with hot sauce and arsenic, and pour the entire concoction into the nearest garbage disposal. Then flee the country.

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titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

Oh, Meg, have you never seen an American daytime soap? Obviously, sperm theft or spermjacking is stealing a used condom & using the sperm it contains (& possibly a turkey baster) to impregnate oneself. Then, once the baby is born, one can extort $$$s in child support from the unwitting father and spend the rest of one’s life in luxury eating bonbons while the unwitting father lives in poverty. Happens all the time (in MRA fantasy land).

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

Damn, ninja’d by the Dark Lord.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Hey, think of the honour, titianblue! It’s not everyone who gets ninjaed by the Dark Lord himself.

http://youtu.be/Yoflr1Py25U

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

so, I guess, if the woman tries to sperm burgle him she’ll end up screaming in pain so he’ll know? I’m not sure exactly what the hot sauce is supposed to do, actually.

You’re a bit more optimistic than I am. I assumed the point of the hot sauce was just to punish her.

Or maybe it’s supposed to kill the sperm? IDK.

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