Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.
In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy
a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.
And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.
This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”
While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.
Here are some better suggestions.
1) Bouvet Island
Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!
2) Clipperton Island
Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:
The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.
And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.
3) Snake Island
Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:
Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.
Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]
4) Ball’s Pyramid
Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.
But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.
So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.
And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.