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Online dating apps haven’t ruined dating for men; it’s simply that women have raised their standards

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I…worked on this story for years..and…he just…he posted it on Psychology Today.

The Rise of Lonely, Single Men
Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape.
Posted August 9, 2022 Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano|  

Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as healthy relationship standards change.
Men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.
Men need to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.

This screenshot has been bouncing around Twitter today, highlighting a column by couples therapist Greg Matos that attempts to explain just where men and women stand in the dating marketplace today. And though he couches his insights in highly euphemistic ways, I think he’s got the basics right: straight men are doing poorly in the dating world, especially online, because straight women are getting more and more fed up with their bullshit.

He begins by looking at dating apps — which many in the manosphere think have destroyed dating because all the endless flattery women allegedly get on these apps has made them spoiled and only interested in dating the hottest Chads. None of which is true.

The real issue for men on dating apps is a basic mathematical one: there are more of them than there are women.

“[U]pwards of 62% of users are men,” Matos writes, “and many women are overwhelmed with how many options they have.”

That’s one way of putting it, I guess, albeit a somewhat misleading one. Women aren’t overcome by too many good options on dating apps; they’re wading through a fast flowing river of dick pics and crude, generic come-ons from guys who are likely to react with rage if they’re turned down directly.

Take it away, Incel Pickup Lines Twitter account, which collects and posts screenshots of failed come-ons online (and which you should all follow).

Even serious Marxist scholars can have trouble talking to the ladies.

But that actually leads us pretty neatly to Matos’ next observation.

With so many options, it’s not surprising that women are increasingly selective. I do a live TikTok show (@abetterloveproject) and speak with hundreds of audience members every week; I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.

Again, he’s being just a teensy bit euphemistic here. By “good communications” he means “guys that don’t say these things.”

And that leads to Matos’ next point: If guys want to beat the odds and actually meet a live woman who would like to date them, they’re going to have to make some real changes in how they think about and act around women. As Matos puts it, euphemistically as always, guys have serious dating “skill deficits” they need to clear up.

For men, this means a relationship skills gap that, if not addressed, will likely lead to fewer dating opportunities, less patience for poor communication skills, and longer periods of being single. …

Level up your mental health game. That means getting into some individual therapy to address your skills gap. It means valuing your own internal world and respecting your ideas enough to communicate them effectively. It means seeing intimacy, romance, and emotional connection as worthy of your time and effort.

Well, at least some guys are already trying just a little bit harder not to be the world’s most grotesque creeps.

I mean, at least this guy apologized for the “mistake” he’s 100% guaranteed to repeat with another woman, and another, and another.

And this guy? At least he’s asking. AT LEAST HE’S ASKING.

Baby steps, baby steps.

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GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
7 months ago

Astrology is bunk because (tick all that apply):

1 compare Western/Greek/Babylonian constellations to Indian, Chinese or Polynesian)
2 the fact that these constellations are only visible in this way from Earth
3 Earth isn’t the center of the solar system, let alone the universe, as everyone who invented astrologies thought
4 nobody who invented astrology knew about Uranus and Neptune
5 all the stars and planets are much too far away to affect Earth; the Moon as we know is only 3 days’ journey from here and all it does is provide us with tides (and werewolves)
6 no two astrologers report the same predictions from the same horoscopes
7 stars we see tonight might actually have blown up and disappeared hundreds or thousands of years ago. If Antares blew up while Columbus was getting lost, we’d see it missing in a few more decades; if something happened to Alpha Centauri tonight, we’d not know till about 4 years from now; if Sirius blew 8 years ago, we’d see it change by the end of this year.

8 super-predictive and fatalist, as @Cyborgette said.

I had a friend in grade school born on the same day within a few hours of me in the same half of the country, same ethnic background, and our personalities and interests were super-different.

At least Alan’s big rock and telescope are near enough they might possibly have a teeny tiny effect other than amusement. Not gravitational, though.

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