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How not to pick up women: A story in two screenshots

Correct way to pickup women

Courtesy of the Not How Girls Work subreddit, I present to you the least successful pickup lines in human history:

Do you want to sleep with her? Pursue dates? Pursue being FWB? That determines what you do. 
You don't find her attractive don't respond. 
You think she's hot and want to grab some dinner and have fun? 
"0 You just gave me a raging boner 90,) you look sexy as hell. We should grab dinner this week and then come back to my place and watch a movie" 
You want to just fuck and keep it at that? "0 Wow you look good. You got my dick hard as fuck 4; ir OP You should come over and watch a movie with me" 

77 • 21h 
This guy's the sextpert

Wait, I’m being told these aren’t actually the worst pickup lines in history.

Here, also courtesy of Not How Girls Work, is the actual worst pickup line in history:

Applying a male's underarm sweat to a female's lips can help women relax, boost their mood and help regulate their menstrual cycle.

“Hey baby, you gave me a rock-hard stiffy. Want to come back to my place to make out with my armpit, which oddly enough will help to regulate your menstrual cycle?”

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Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
6 months ago

I guess OP with his armpit caption has an armpit fetish?

Robert Haynie
Robert Haynie
6 months ago

So… does antiperspirant count as a contraceptive, then?

epronovost
epronovost
6 months ago

I wasn’t aware women loved hot, hairy, wet, stinky things that don’t bark and like belly rubs, but hey, it’s a strange, strange world.

The moral of the story is that dogs are great and should have pets.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
6 months ago

You don’t find her attractive don’t respond.

Hey! This makes actual sense!

QuantumInc
QuantumInc
6 months ago

It explicitly says that wanting different relationships means sending different messages but then offers two nearly identical examples; neither of which seem very appealing. I suppose “You got my dick hard” is kinda appropriate for just wanting to fuck but I think most women would pass.
If I had to guess, somebody is so desperate to imagine that women need men, but has such a hard time imagining what he would do for her, that he gets the idea that women need men on a hormonal/pheromone level (i.e. his pheromone’s balance her hormones…somehow).

Crip Dyke
6 months ago

Reminds me of this delightful tweet by Candace Owens:

https://twitter.com/ifudontlike2bad/status/1505990379904020482?

That one really should be in the Bad Anatomy Hall of (in)Fame.

Anna
Anna
6 months ago

Additional macho points is guy also never washes kor even wipes) his bumhole…

Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
6 months ago

@Crip Dyke

Reminds me of this delightful tweet by Candace Owens

*bleary-eyed stare; head tilt* …

And this is why we need better sex ed in schools.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
6 months ago

Reminds me of an online interaction I once saw where the guy declared, “You are very fit!” to a female avatar. I’m not sure how much of a compliment that is in an online space where your appearance is so easily modified. Ah, well.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
6 months ago

And then they wonder why they can’t get dates…

Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
6 months ago

@Vicky P

Reminds me of an online interaction I once saw where the guy declared, “You are very fit!” to a female avatar.

The person who had the avatar should’ve responded with “Thanks, you two can go on a gym date together while I sit at home and eat junk food on the couch”.

Last edited 6 months ago by Queen of the Harpies
Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
6 months ago

@Queen of the Harpies

The person who said “very fit” was British, so if an American had said anything about the gym, it might’ve gotten even weirder.

Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
6 months ago

@Vicky P

The person who said “very fit” was British, so if an American had said anything about the gym, it might’ve gotten even weirder.

Well, I’m stumped on this one, what would “gym” insinuate in a British context? Closest I can think of would be something like how saying “bathhouse” might have sexual overtones here, but I honestly have no clue.

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