Some people think the solution to the whole incel thing is to somehow “redistribute sex” and get these sad boys the girlfriends they pine for s desperately — whether by cajoling or perhaps even compelling women to give these guys a chance, or simply by paying sex workers to take care of their unwanted celibacy.
People who make such proposals tens to be very light in the details, because they can never quite get past the fact that women tend to avoid incels for perfectly good reasons; these guys aren’t just depressed; they’re hateful and angry and hold deep grudges against all the women who’ve ignored them or who might ignore them someday. Even if there were some magical way to throw sex at them as if it were some kind of government cheese it wouldn’t make them happy.
How do I know this? Because they tell us so, again and again. Considier the screed I found on the BlackPill Club forums this afternoon from someone calling himself Che.
“Never forget: the damage is done,” Che begins.
Especially you incels in your mid-20s or above…never forget:
Even if you ascended with a beautiful stacey and fucked her somehow, you’ll never forget the pain that the more ‘Emotional Gender’ has done to you.
You can take the involuntary celibacy out of the involuntarily celibate but doing so won’t erase their resentment at women — and their deep self-hatred.
You’ve been bullied all your life, no friends, no girl to talk to, you where spitted at by society for simply existing as an ugly man, something you have not chose or can ever change, it was like life wasn’t even for you, you where a Mistake!
None of this is anything that sex can fix.
Now you had sex with the woman of your dreams, you think you’d feel good after that, but got surprised that even this can’t help you anymore, it’s like you don’t feel anything, just anger, some fear.. and void..
What you feel is what the incel ideology makes you feel; it has very little to do with the real world, with “ugliness” or anything like that. It’s the poison in your head that makes you feel bad. Depression distorts your thinking; incels have adopted this depressive way of thinking as a way of life.
Normies understimate what the below average man goes through, they think that we only want sex and view women as objects, but in-fact we have far more problems than this, we simply don’t exist in the modern world, we have no voice, Normal people don’t want anything to do with us,
There are plenty of “normies” who are depressed or fucked up in any number of ways; incels haven’t cornered the market for misery — they just think they have.
shit we are getting beaten up or get a fake rape accusation for talking to a woman, while chad can tell a girl ‘sex time’ and have sex with her..
It certainly doesn’t help that their ideas abut how the world works are utterly delusional.
Our case, is a case of existing, so as i have just said, if you really think having sex, or even having a reletionship when you’re above 25 will save you, you’ll need to think again, life’s gonna hit you hard.
It’s true that if you never give up your grudges you’ll be unhappy for life even if “Stacies” throw themselves at you.
Life’s gonna hit you hard, you’ll simply try to keep that girlfriend for the whole of your life, cuz (obviously) you can’t get another one, right?
If you enter into a relationship thinking this, you’re going to end up being insecure and controlling and you’re pretty much guaranteed to either have a miserable relationship or one that doesn’t last.
But she will eventually leave, whatever you do, she’ll leave you for the better dominant male,
Or maybe she’ll leave you for a guy who isn’t nursing ugly resentments from their younger years.
Nature is programmed like this, and believe me, you can’t do anything about
As you know in boxing, the punch that you don’t see is the one that will hurt you the most, same in daily life, i’ve told you this because i don’t want you to get into deep depression after she leaves you, life is gonna hit you hard, but you’ll need to get back up after that punch.
Virtually everyone feels miserable after a breakup of even a very bad relationship. A lot of what incels think is utterly unique about them — their suffering, mainly — isn’t unique at all; it’s just life. Depression can make things worse; therapy and medications (and time) can make things better.
But incels refuse to get the help that would make an actual difference in their lives and instead end up stewing in their own resentments and misery for life, or at least until something knocks the incel ideology out of their heads.
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
says a guy who is clearly super emotional about the lack of sexytimes in his life.
@Kevin
The non-mad can also often benefit from therapy. I am a proponent of therapy for anyone who has something that ails them that therapy can address, regardless of mental health status. I would argue that incels, even though any given incel may have nothing clinically wrong with him, suffer from an unhealthy thought process that can benefit from therapy.
Therapy for all!
@Policy of Madness It depends of what you mean by “therapy”. In the case of incels the therapy they need has more to do with exit counseling for cult groups and/or rehab programs for violent offenders.
There are exist groups for violent islamist extremists, violent far-right extremists, but none for violent incels. There’s really a niche that needs to be filled here
Also, I’m really afraid for that poor girl now, I won’t be able to sleep tonight. I hope she’ll be alright. I’m trying to confort myself that the parents may be exagerrating when labeling him an incel, but that’s improbable
Elaine, I agree with you. It doesn’t matter if her dad has no idea what an incel is. He’s putting someone else above his child’s safety (even if he honestly doesn’t realize that her physical safety is at risk, which frankly I doubt, since he kept them apart for so long. At the very least, telling your daughter to change herself to make someone guy comfortable is icky). That’s such a huge bright red flag. I would not at all be surprised if he’s been gaslighting her for years and encouraging her not to trust her instincts.
Also, that whole “don’t air our family’s dirty laundry in public” thing from the AITA discussion…wow. Another big ol’ red flag. I mean, I am intensely private and have a strong sense of family/not family stuff, but that’s…that’s just creepy of him.
@Kevin
There are many types of therapy and different types work for different people. So I wouldn’t name one type and say “this is what incels need.” Also, for therapy to get anywhere, a person needs to be into it and invested in the result, which incels, who revel in their misery, definitely would not be.
But what I was saying was that it isn’t lumping the mentally ill in with incels to say that incels need therapy. I think the mentally ill and the mentally sane all need to be lumped together when it comes to therapy, because it can benefit many, and not just the mad.
@Dalilama
Fair point. I’m guessing the probability of the dad actually fixing his priorities and taking steps to ensure his daughter is safe (like NOT moving in the incel) at 0.00000000000001%, so…
Yeah, never. You’re right. I’m sorry for the kiddo, and really hope she can be safe at her mom’s place.
@Kevin,
Seeing as most parents tend to minimize their kids bad habits, I’m operating under the assumption that “recovering incel” = “still totally an incel, but his mom believed him when he promised to stop harassing women online after she found out”
I’m really, really hoping the girl’s mom can swoop in and keep her safe.
Is it too much speculation to wonder about the dad’s possible manospherean sympathies?
@Bookworm in hijab:
Is it too much speculation to wonder about the dad’s possible manospherean sympathies?
No. And what’s betting he’d assumed he owned his ex, and is taking his resentment out on his daughter?
(P.S. Dear fiancée: You might want to consider whether you’re The One At Last or whether you’re just next.)
@ Full Metal Ox,
Yes, I didn’t think I’d be the only one who’d had that thought!
I’m sorry, I can’t get over the fact that the Pepe image on the top of the page looks like he has a tiny nail driven into his knuckle and is poking himself in the eye with it. I suppose it does make some sense as a surrealistic incel metaphor – if you want to heal, remove the nail, don’t poke yourself in the eye. But it’s somehow disturbing in a way that a lot of purposefully disturbing art isn’t.
The core of inceldom is misogyny + entitlement. Forcing the daughter to change her personal space so that the stepbrother doesn’t become enraged by the sight of a female action hero is 1) catering to the stepbrother’s expectation that society should rearrange itself to accommodate him (entitlement) 2) sending the message that her needs are subordinate to his (misogyny). How exactly is this helping him recover?
It’s a short step from there to “don’t wear skimpy outfits in the house, it makes your stepbrother uncomfortable” and “what did you DO to provoke him?” She’ll have to walk on eggshells all the time. Massive red flag, too, that the father waited to introduce them until she was officially “off limits” (as if the stepbrother is going to respect that). She’s not safe under that roof. I hope she can go live with her mom.
I wouldn’t lose any sleep over what you read on AITA. That sub is rife with creative writing exercises and trolls. Chances are high that the situation in the post never happened, and the person writing it is not a 16-year-old girl.
@Snowberry
That’s meant to be a tear, I think
They’re so busy being special snowflakes to realize that life hits everyone hard.
@Knitting Cat Lady: because despite all that you’re not an asshole?
@Elaine: I hope that poor girl can find almost anywhere else to stay. I don’t know what I’d do with a 16 year old girl in my house, but I’d let her sleep on the couch and keep her fed and I like her taste in movies.
Whether this particular girl exists or not, the story’s details ring so true that it’s a useful cautionary tale.
@Policy of Madness
True, I always do take posts with a grain of salt (there was a recent post where a vegetarian teen’s mother forced a meat burrito into her mouth. That stretched credibility a wee bit). Still, I think it can be useful just in case the poster is legit, or that someone comes on to the thread and sees that the incel mindset isn’t respected there.
Oh, I respond to AITA posts sometimes, even when I strongly suspect they are fake. It’s a fun sub and it’s fun to participate. But this one seems like it might be written by an incel trying to “prove a point” namely that even a “recovering incel” isn’t accepted by society so incels should never try to recover. There was a recent troll who admitted that she wrote a bunch of posts “from the MIL’s POV” just to prove to herself that people wouldn’t emotionally back someone who acted like an entitled jerk. I mean, I guess I can believe that she has a MIL she doesn’t get along with, but the posts were so obviously biased even though they were allegedly from the MIL’s perspective that they can’t be classified as anything but troll posts. And there was a series of really obvious troll posts that had a specific style of capitalization and throwaway-account name, where the scenarios were absolutely outrageous and clickbaity. The one I remember was basically, “My new husband threw my deceased husband’s ashes in the trash, AITA.” I have no doubt that tons of troll posts are less obvious and fly easily under the radar.
So I could see an incel trying to write a post that is obviously anti-incel to “prove” to other incels that it’s useless to try to scrabble out of the crab bucket, because nobody will support a “recovering incel” anyway. Given the history of the sub and the “Dear Abby” style of the post, I just find it more plausible than not that it was written by someone who isn’t a 16-year-old girl.
@Policy of Madness I think the post is legit. I didn’t see any obvious red flag that made me think “this is fake”.Regardless, there are many girls and women out there who have to deal with similar situations.
I don’t know if this guy can be rehabilitated but letting him near a teenage girl before he completely changed (and this will take time) is irresponsible
@ schnookums
Unfortunately that’s far from uncommon.
There are all sorts of horror stories on the vegan groups like that.
Carnist family members, ‘friends’, and even co-workers, deliberately adding animal products to people’s food, chasing vegans/veggies around waving meat at them (often that’s done as a ‘joke’), and indeed trying to force feed them animal products.
People not consuming animal products is something some people have a real hard time accepting; almost with religious fervour. So I find that sadly very plausible.
@Kevin
I do.
Why does everyone in the story know what an incel is? I think if I tried to explain “incel” to my parents, they would eventually just shoo me away without really understanding it. If you’re not steeped in internet culture (and sometimes even if you are) “incel” is going to be a difficult concept that some folks just can’t understand period. It’s a niche concept and term, yet the post writer doesn’t even bother to explain it for the audience, just assuming that everyone already knows.
Also, the solution for the dad, when he finds out about the post, is not for the daughter to delete the post or to take away her social media access but for her to delete her account and leave the post up for everyone to see. And she doesn’t lose her social media access because she’s able to make an edit before deleting her account. This is, like, the worst possible way to handle a kid who is making what you consider to be your private family matters public, and not at all how a very controlling and angry parent would most likely act.
This is aside from the tone and style of the post, which I described as “Dear Abby” like – it’s has the same “voice” as every letter and email to an advice columnist that has ever been published.
If the account hadn’t been deleted, I would call it a karma farmer, but since the account is deleted (but the post is still up and readable) I think the most likely explanation is that it is a social experiment by a troll.
Incels will always find and out. They are the most spoiled, self obsessed and entitled creatures and I wish tech companies would wipe out their sites where ever they rear their ugly and nauseating heads. They have ceded the right to free speech with their glorification of hated of women.
@Policy of Madness Fair point, however I believe everyone know the term “incel” since the Toronto attacks even when they’re not well-versed in internet culture, and they know incels are men who hate women because they feel entitled to sex even if they don’t know the specifics. I find it credible that a parent would use this term
@Ninja Socialist Agree, however saying “their ugly and nauseating heads” reinforces their narrative
I can’t at all weigh in on the likelihood of this story being real or fake; for one, I’m not familiar enough with AITA to know the common tropes. But I will say that since the Toronto attacks I’ve heard people use the word “incel” who I’d never have thought knew what it meant. So maybe it’s getting more widely known?
@Bookworm in hijab –
I was about to explain “incel” a few days ago to my father and he already knew what it meant. He’s a retired librarian, so Internet-savvy in the technical sense, but unfamiliar with & uninterested in memes, social media, etc.
I know this is old and I’m not on this much cause my husband is home, But I just wanted to add my mother is 61 years old and she knows what an incel is because Criminal minds did episodes about them. Incels have become main culture enough that they are in popular crime shows like criminal minds and law and order SVU, all that my mom watches. She’s not on the internet much, so that is another reason why I believed that story and that the mother and father of a teenager would know what a incel is.
I saw the Criminal Minds incel episode. They did a PUA episode many years ago too.
What are the names of those two episodes?