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fake news that's not funny!

Survey: What’s the least funny Babylon Bee post of the last week or whatever

The Babyloon Bee is an Onion ripoff aimed at conservative Christians. There’s just one little problem: while the Bee writers understand the whole “fake news” aspect of the Onion, they seem to have forgotten to make any of their “satirical” posts even a little bit funny.

Here are a few recent headlines from the site that demonstrate the extreme non-funniness of the Bee. I’ve linked to the original posts so you can make some sense of the more obscure ones. But trust me, these headlines aren’t any funnier with the explanations.

Indeed, if you somehow manage to find one or more of the following even a little bit funny, there is probably something very wrong with you.

NASA Ends Mars Mission After Finding Out Planet Has No Early Voting

Joe Biden Appointed As Head Of TSA

Green New Deal To Replace All Cars With Guy Running Behind You Banging Two Empty Coconut Halves Together

Parents Disguising Kids As Illegal Immigrants So They Can Receive In-Person Teaching

Episcopalians Permanently Switch To Cardboard Parishioners

To be fair, it’s hard to be hilarious about Episcopalians.

Since I can do little surveys, I thought I’d allow you to vote on which of these headlines is the least funny.

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28 replies on “Survey: What’s the least funny Babylon Bee post of the last week or whatever”

Episcopalians Permanently Switch To Cardboard Parishioners

I vote this one as the least funny. Episcopalians are perfectly inoffensive people and poking fun at them isn’t punching up, and isn’t even really punching down, but just flailing around and punching whomever happens to be in the way.

I tortured myself by reading the headlines and the articles. This shit is worse than failed humor; as David warned, some of these headlines are incomprehensible without context, and when you get the context it’s really stupid.

P.S. Is Naglfar okay? She’s one of the most frequent commenters on the site, but I haven’t seen anything from her lately.

One ore thing: When I went to the Babylon Bee website, I got this popup box:

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I did like the Monty Python reference, but aside from that, none of them were funny.

@Alan Robertshaw

I was going to give them that point too, and actually find it mildly amusing. Then I read the article. Nope. Not even in the slightest, they managed to suck everything out of it. I took the point away again and subtracted 100 more.

Edit: Like, to be clear I disagree with the viewpoint for sure, but it’s just a joyless screed with the one coconut joke and then they try to lean into Monty Python desperately bringing in swallows as well but make it racist. It’s just SO badly done. The ineptitude. Cringe.

@Crip Dyke

It doesn’t work for me either, but that was my choice for least funny as well.

I think there is something wrong with me then, because I thought the article about vaccinated people being allowed to punch unvaccinated people in the face and the idea of Elmo joining Antifa and torching buildings to be kind of funny…

And personalpest is right. Where is Naglfar?

I’m guessing that in order to vote, you need to be logged in? I don’t have an account with Gravatar or WordPress or whatever David’s using for the login, and for the moment don’t plan to.

It was a close call for me (exceedingly lapsed Episcopalian) between that one and the illegal immigrant one.

Oh, who am I kidding, they’re all horrible, except the Python reference gets it 1 point out of 100 and the others get negative numbers. I didn’t read the articles because life is too short, and I’d probably have to have gone into negative numbers with exponents and it’s Monday.

P.S. Is Naglfar okay? She’s one of the most frequent commenters on the site, but I haven’t seen anything from her lately.

It’s been a couple weeks. I’ve been assuming it were just Passover and family obligations.

The coconut headline got a brief nod of approval from me. Sounds of it, I’m rather glad I didn’t click through though.

I’ve wondered for a long time why conservative humour doesn’t seem to work. I’m pretty sure its because there’s nothing funny about the already privileged getting more of what they want?

My backgammon forum is infested by a QAnon follower who occasionally reposts Babylon Bee links. Kook magnetism at its finest.

“Parents Disguising Kids As Illegal Immigrants So They Can Receive In-Person Teaching”

Even the Babylon Bee types can’t pretend that undocumented immigrants have it great. Here’s the last line of that article: “Unfortunately, the kids do have to sleep in cages with foil blankets now, but the parents say it’s a sacrifice well worth making.”

Huh? That’d make more sense in a satire aimed at negligent parents rather than at a supposedly “nanny state” government favouring “illegals” over “true” Americans (blegh).

…I find “Episcopalian” a funny word. No shade on people who are Episcopalian, but it’s just one of those long and bouncy complicated words that sounds amusing. I grew up Presbyterian, and that’s also kinda funny sounding, imo.

Babylon Bee was funny when they stuck to inside jokes about shitty praise bands and church committees. Their attempt to go mainstream is just awful.

PS. The only people who can properly make fun of the Episcopal Church are Episcopalians. We’ve got years of experience. And fudge! Did I mention the fudge?

So it turns out that The Babylon Bee has a magic ability. Somehow each article manages to be the worst despite that not normally being possible. It’s like a Möbius strip of awfulness.

@Epitome
Hazards of importing Greek religious terminology. Episcopalians hold that the church should be organized in a hierarchy, with a council of bishops (Greek: episkopos) at the top. Presbyterians don’t hold with bishops and consider a council of church ministers/elders (Greek: presbuteros) who are all equals should govern overall church policy.

We are also called “Whiskeypalians” for good reason. Ooh, Christmas cocktail parties, in Mom’s congregation, sigh.

Also: divorce, birth control, and being gay are fine, but you go to Episcopalian Hell for using the wrong fork.

@Paladin; @GSS ex-noob:

I have to ask: was Virginia Cary Hudson’s O Ye Jigs and Juleps! (the diary of a ten-year-old Growing Up Episcopalian in 19Aughts Kentucky) part of your formative reading?

@Waywatcher of the Green:

I’ve wondered for a long time why conservative humour doesn’t seem to work. I’m pretty sure its because there’s nothing funny about the already privileged getting more of what they want?

Also because a typical conservative joke is a threat with a laugh track; you might recall one family’s infamous Christmas card with the mother and daughters bound and gagged and the father and son smugly beaming; the caption was “Peace on Earth.”

And because humor is rooted in surprise and ambiguity.

re: conservative humor

Conservatives actually find their own humor to be very funny. People who aren’t conservatives find it annoying at best, and actively offensive at worst, because conservative humor generally punches down at vulnerable and marginalized populations. When it doesn’t, it just punches randomly. It’s hilarious to poke fun at black people, for instance, when you’re not black yourself and have no actual empathy for anyone who isn’t exactly like you. If that doesn’t describe you, you’re not going to find it funny, but if that doesn’t describe you you’re likely to be something other than conservative.

It’s in-group vs. out-group humor, in other words, with the in-group being the white and (relatively or absolutely) privileged. If that sounds like bullying to you, you’re not too far off. Conservative humor and bully humor are pretty similar.

@Full Metal Ox: I don’t remember it if it was, though the title sounds familiar.

Read the Wiki entry, and since I remember the bit quoted there: yes I have read it.

Mom’s cousin was a priest who became an actual monk late in life. Monastery rules did not prohibit the sharing of homemade cookies from Brother M’s cousin, as long as it wasn’t Lent.

Robin Williams summed it up best: “It’s Catholicism Lite! All the ritual, half the guilt!”

Also, you can’t beat Evensong and Lessons & Carols.

@Policy: exactly. It’s always punching down, whereas actual humor is punching up or at least sideways. There’s also very little surprise, which is essential for humor. Satire punches up, which is why righties don’t understand it.

@Dalillama – the chicken or the Möbius strip? 😛

& thanks, didn’t know the origin of “episcopal” – just that the reason the church in the States didn’t call itself Anglican was because Anglican = Church of England at the time of the American revolution (correct me if I’m wrong).

In Canada, it’s still the Anglican church. Tends to be more liberal and more ceremonial than the Presby one, while United Church skews more liberal and casual.

Okay, an oversimplification, but one of my aunts is what they call a lay preacher in the United Church. (Nothing to do with sex. Or chickens. Just that she doesn’t have an official ministry degree, though she studied theology at one time.)

@GSS Ex-Noob:

Also: divorce, birth control, and being gay are fine, but you go to Episcopalian Hell for using the wrong fork.

American version of “cake or death?”

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