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Bishop: Pregnant women turn their babies gay by having anal sex | Brand New Ugly

The anal sex understander has logged on

Hey, vagina-havers! If you don’t want your babies to turn gay, don’t have butt sex when you’re pregnant!

That, at least, is the advice being given by the Bishop of Morphou Neophytos. In a speech last month, the Cyprus Mail reports, the bishop said that homosexuality “is a problem, which is usually transmitted by parents to the child,” and that the method of transmission, or at least one method, can be found in the fundament.

The problem, as the bishop sees it, doesn’t seem to be the anal sex itself, but the pregnant woman’s enjoyment of it. As the Mail explained his logic, the gay transmission

occurs when the couple has sex while the woman is pregnant, and the sex is “unnatural,” as he characterised anal sex.

The bishop said that when the woman enjoys anal sex, “a desire is created, which is then transmitted to the unborn child.”

It’s not clear how this applies to lesbians, bisexuals, gay men who don’t happen to enjoy anal sex, straight dudes who like getting pegged, or to the real world in general.

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35 replies on “Bishop: Pregnant women turn their babies gay by having anal sex | Brand New Ugly”

Well that’s a new one. What if you have anal sex but not with a real penis. Like if your partner uses a toy on you.

@Lainy
This Bishop probably doesn’t know that anal toys exist, so he probably didn’t think of that.

This is probably the weirdest piece of advice I have heard anyone give expectant parents. Also, even if anal sex by parents did cause children to be born gay, why would enjoyment have anything to do with it? Not all gay or bi people like anal sex, and plenty of straight people do.

@Naglfar:

This Bishop probably doesn’t know that anal toys exist, so he probably didn’t think of that.

Someone should bring the existence of baby Jesus butt plugs to his attention.

The irony of this is that this bishop is of Greek origin, and anal sex between hetero’s is also known as Greek Style!

So according to his theory being gay (male presumably) is much more common where hetero anal sex is also more common, ie communities where female ‘virginity’ is highly prized and contraception is not allowed. Ultra conservative religious communities in fact!

Obviously I know that anal sex is common elsewhere, but I have read of the ‘need’ for anal sex for these reasons.

I’m assuming that if you enjoy cunnilingus while pregnant, it turns your baby into a lesbian. Also, if you enjoy wearing a collar during sex, your baby turns into a litter of puppies. And if you enjoy sex in the shower, congratulations: you’re going to give birth to a mass of archaea that normally lives near hydrothermal vents.

a desire is created, which is then transmitted to the unborn child

I craved burritos and P.G. Wodehouse novels when I was pregnant, but so far have failed to transmit either of those desires to my progeny.

If your partner has a Prince Albert, do you give birth to an iron miner?

If his or her genitals have a lot of hair, a furry?

@Hexum7

And if the partner then shaves their pubic hair, will the next child not be a furry, or will it be a furry anyway because cosmetic alterations don’t count?

I’ll just have sex while wearing one of those cat ear headbands and give birth to kittens instead of a baby!

Careful, that’s actually how you end up with an otaku kid.

Why are so many people concerned with another person’s sex life? You do you, and whoever else you wanna do, too.

Note: With consent, of course.

It’s the same logic as the sideshow owner’s explanation for Joseph Merrick’s appearance.

If this is true, then my informal survey tells me that the next generation is going to be like 50% gay. It’ll be fun.

Gijoel:

That sounds like virgin-shaming. Please don’t.

@Yutolia
Thanks for calling that out. It seems like a lot of people, often even those who claim to be sex positive, don’t notice or turn a blind eye to virgin shaming.

@Gijoel:

Also, he’s a bishop of the Orthodox church, where priests can marry. Though he’s also a monk, so he’s most likely not married; but even in that case, nothing says he never had sex before getting ordained.

@Mexican Hot Chocolate:

It’s a well-known fact (or was for centuries) that pregnant women should avoid looking at disturbing things for fear the fetus will take on its characteristics.

Well, there’s Biblical precedent-
Genesis 30:
37Then Jacob took fresh rods of poplar and almond and plane trees, and peeled white stripes in them, exposing the white which was in the rods. 38He set the rods which he had peeled in front of the flocks in the gutters, even in the watering troughs, where the flocks came to drink; and they mated when they came to drink. 39So the flocks mated by the rods, and the flocks brought forth striped, speckled, and spotted

This Bishop probably doesn’t know that anal toys exist, so he probably didn’t think of that.

I suspect that thinking isn’t his strong suit.

If you do it doggy style do you get a puppy out of it instead of a baby or is the baby born a werewolf? If the baby is conceived while your upside down does it turn into a vampire or something? cause that one would be bad ass. Or the more reasonable, if I’m dressed as morticia does the baby become an Addams!?

@ lainy

If the baby is conceived while your upside down

The kid grows up with an insatiable urge to emigrate to Australia.

@Alan

If they get my fiancé skin type that’s okay lol. I’m so pale I burst into flames if I’m out in the sun uncovered for 10 minutes.
….Maybe I’m the vampire.

@Alan:

But what if the baby was CONCEIVED in Australia?

Or conceived in the northern hemisphere but born in Australia???

@Galanx – sympathetic magic is all well and good, but it works best if they’re heterozygoats

sympathetic magic is all well and good, but it works best if they’re heterozygoats

*applause*

Lainy:

Well that’s a new one. What if you have anal sex but not with a real penis. Like if your partner uses a toy on you.

Your child will be gay, but only pretend gay, not real gay.

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