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And the Incomprehensible Racist Gibberish award for this week goes to …

Once upon a time creepy white dudes tried to encourage women to GAIN weight

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By David Futrelle

The former-pickup-artist-turned-racist-shitgibbon James “Heartiste” Weidmann has long been a reliable producer of nearly incomprehensible gibberish. But he’s outdone himself with a little rant he recently appended to a post attacking a dude for coming to the defense of his overweight girlfriend online.

The gist of it, as far as I can tell, is that white dudes should continue fat shaming white women mercilessly, lest our glorious white race split in two. But somehow he makes this awful idea even awfuller by stretching it out over two gloriously incoherent paragraphs. You may need a stiff drink after reading this:

What we are witnessing is the rapid evolutionary split of White America into two racial classes, the El-Aloi (pure White and jewish-hybrid globorace) and the Mudlocks (LSMV fat White chicks slapping a saggital-headed horde of mystery meatballs from the comfort of their Walmart cruisers). Some argue this is best for the White race, because a culling of the dregs further purifies and focuses the minds of the milky cream at the top. I disagree. Allowing and even celebrating the racial jettisoning of our worst kin instead of resisting the broken society that encourages their defiant retreat into depravity will have upstream effects that will reverberate for generations, infecting every member of the race from bottom to top.

The best solution is ending the female obesity epidemic so that a vast blight-wing enstupidation doesn’t take hold in our homeland and despoil the natural beauty. Maybe the day will come when we have no choice but to sever ties with our unlucky kin and kith, but for now there’s still time left to ennoble our worst to aspire to something better. But it won’t happen if our currently operative noblesse malice isn’t replaced soon by a return to noblesse oblige.

Yes, he did just say that harassing white women about their weight is a form of noblesse oblige.

I’m sure he said even worse elsewhere in the rant, but with prose this terrible it’s hard to tell.

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Bonnie McDaniel
Bonnie McDaniel
4 years ago

That sounds like a bad H.G. Wells parody.

Iseult The Idle
Iseult The Idle
4 years ago

Yeah, he never makes a lot of sense. I always picture him gibbering away on a bar stool, convinced he’s holding court a la Oscar Wilde.

Aussiesmurf
4 years ago

“enstupidation” ??

I’ll take “made up words by someone desperately trying to sound smart” for $1,000.00, thanks Alex.

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

saggital-headed

I’ve always quite fancied a sagittal crest; I think it’d suit me.

Ooglyboggles
4 years ago

A quartet of screeching Macaws is more pleasurable than this tripe. “We must preserve our white unity, or else the toxic society of non whites will poison us all wih thoughts of racial diversity and equality for all.”

Grogepi
Grogepi
4 years ago

I suppose a white nationalist spirit “embiggens” the littlest troll.

Dodom
Dodom
4 years ago

I wish more people actually read the Time Machine instead of relying on the movie.
The novel deplored the growing wealth disparity in his society and illustrated it as destroying its members’ humanity*. The gentle but useless Elois evolved from the ruling class, while the Morlock, while brutal, kept the ability to create, and kept the Elois around as cattle. That book isn’t about some spontaneous degeneracy, it’s talking about literally eating the rich.

*: It’s more obvious if one reads his other novels in the same timeline.

History Nerd
History Nerd
4 years ago

Advertisement for advice from Heartiste:

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PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Anyone have a handy Jimmygobblygook to English dictionary?

He uses (mostly) words I recognize, but the order he puts them in are twelve shades of fucked up. What a mess.

dreemr
dreemr
4 years ago

“lest our glorious white race split in two twain.

Sorry, just, with Ye Olde Heartiste, it’s kinda begging for “twain”. But you twied.

I’ll see myself out.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

The fuck?

@dreemr
He def shoulda used twain…

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
4 years ago
R
R
4 years ago

What is El-Aloi? Does he mean aioli?

And I like how none of these people are concerned with obesity in literally anyone but women/girls.

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
4 years ago

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weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

female obesity epidemic

Judging from manosphere “thought” you’d think that only women are getting fatter. There isn’t a female obesity epidemic. Humans of all genders are getting fatter. As are pets, lab animals and wild animals that live near human populations. I doubt this has anything to do with feminism or racial diversity but instead is related to what’s in our food.

AsAboveSoBelow
AsAboveSoBelow
4 years ago

Shartiste knows that fat admiration is a thing, right? Does he want the painter Rubens thrown out of the Great White Western Tradition for his obvious preference for plump women? Along with, like, half the other artists in “the canon”?

The archive.is link isn’t working for me, David. Anyone else having a problem?

Helix_luco
Helix_luco
4 years ago

… slapping meatballs?

Robert Walker-Smith
Robert Walker-Smith
4 years ago

Saggital headed?!

I know he was trying for sagittal crest, which is a feature of some robust primates, but the misspelling and misuse combine to reveal him as a posturing clotpoll. ‘Milky cream at the top’ is just lagniappe.

Is El-Aloi an airline from a dystopian far future? Do Mudlocks come from poorly drained subterranean lairs? Is Heartiste such a repellent cartoon character that he owes Dav Pilkey royalties? These questions and more are of no interest!

Vucodlak
Vucodlak
4 years ago

A short list of words Heartiste uses that he clearly doesn’t understand:

evolutionary- No, it doesn’t work that way

racial- That isn’t how this works

classes- That’s not how any of this works

sagittal- I’m going to guess he’s saying they… don’t lay eggs? I’ve already put more thought into this that he did.

culling- So they’re “culling” by having sex and/or babies? No. Stop that. There lies the language, broken and bleeding upon the floor, and you just reach in a yank out a spleen and put it on your head? SPLEENS ARE NOT HATS.

purifies- if it’s a “milky cream” then it’s not exactly pure, is it? You’d need some sort of skimmer for that, and all you’ve got is the sledgehammer you typed this with.

focuses- Invalid. “Milky cream” lacks either lenses or cognition, and cannot focus.

minds- We’re still with the “milky cream,” which doesn’t have a mind of any kind. That’s why it doesn’t protest being banished to your crusty socks.

jettisoning- I think we’re back to the spleen hats. Again, spleens =/= hats.

depravity- One doesn’t “retreat into depravity,” even defiantly. One walks in boldly with their head held high, ‘else it isn’t depravity.

upstream- By which, of course, he means downstream. From here, he then proceeds to misunderstand how sound works, how generations work, and the direction in which shit rolls, but really, it’s all an extension of his river metaphor fail.

Well, I’ve reached my limit. I can safely say that it’s not a cookbook, but I still wouldn’t go back to his home planet for all the milky cream on Planet X.

MexicanHotChocolate
MexicanHotChocolate
4 years ago

Cream rises to the top because it’s FAT and less dense than the rest of the milk, which is mostly water.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
4 years ago

There must be some natural law that cranks only get crankier over time.

Lea
Lea
4 years ago

The funniest part?
Fartiste is fat.

the real cie
the real cie
4 years ago

I’d fart in his general direction, but I’m afraid he’d enjoy it.

GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
4 years ago

Tsk, tsk, Lea. Women are fat. Men are portly. Fartiste just blubbers.

Sup
Sup
4 years ago

R,

These menfolkz would be concerned with obesity in themselves, but someone’s gotta eat those cheetos and chug that ‘Dew.

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