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Heartiste: Defeat Hillary by calling her male supporters “mincing betaboys”

Mad Magazine on Mad Max: Fury Road
Mad Magazine on Mad Max: Fury Road

I admit I probably write about pickup-artist-turned-alt-right-opinion-haver Heartiste a bit more often than he merits. But his combination of furious bigotry and purple prose is irresistible.

Consider his brilliant new plan to defeat Hillary Clinton by impugning the masculinity of her male supporters.

“All politics is gonadal,” he declares in a post on his blog today.

Given this reality, the most effective political persuasion techniques are those that evoke the ancient rhythms of the sexual market.

Rhythms?

Heartiste ‘s favorite “persuasion technique?” Calling people names in order to make them feel bad about themselves. In this particular case, he hopes to make Hillary’s male supporters so ashamed of their alleged betahood that they can’t bring themselves to actually vote.

[I]f sufficiently shamed and ostracized by effective [counterpropaganda] that leverages the power of anxiety over one’s sexual market status, many nominal males who plan to vote for Inmate Hillary can be dissuaded from exercising their right to notarize the featherweight class of their shrunken scrotes.

Yeah, I don’t know why he writes like that.

Much as virulent homophobia can force gays into the closet, Heartiste suggests, shaming male Hillary supporters as “manginas” will keep them from going to the polls.

Just as a healthy and strong society with rock-ribbed shitlord norms can keep gays far enough in the closet that their petri dish flamboyance doesn’t creep out the kids, so can a fearless embrace of immutable and omnipotent sexual market law — and the exploitation thereof — cow mincing betaboys from pulling the lever for thec*nt.

In case you’re having a little trouble parsing the end of that sentence — I had to reread it several times myself — he’s using “cow” as a verb. “Cow-mincing” isn’t a real thing, though perhaps it should be.

Also, thec*nt (with its “u” uncensored) is Heartiste’s favorite nickname for Hillary, though you probably figured that out already.

You may be wondering how exactly Heartiste’s brilliant new strategy differs from the traditional alt-right strategy of calling everyone “cucks.”

For one thing, it uses a greater number of words, castigating Hillary’s male fans as “nominal males,” “mincing betaboys,” and “f*ggy Millennial manlets with incipient bitch tits.” Obviously this is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than just calling them “cucks.”

Heartiste also suggests that his fans make use of a helpful visual aid in their efforts to shame the aforementioned “mincing betaboys” into non-voting. Namely. this little meme here.

heartistemadmaxmeme

The picture at the top of the meme is, as you’ve probably gathered, a still from Mad Max: Fury Road.

I’m guessing Heartiste has not seen the film.

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Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Thank you for the Leila update! I hope he finds his way home.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

@Viscaria

I replied to you in the Sarkeesian thread. 🙂

Skiriki
Skiriki
5 years ago

@IP

I got a bad hunch that if the bunny was indeed abandoned, it might be because it reached sexual maturity and started humping things…

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

@Skiriki

All I can say for sure is that Leila treats the entire world like one big toilet. He does not care one bit about decency.

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

Is the bunny related to Trump?

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Petal
If it makes you feel better, I don’t like the talk about small hands, and especially not what the *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* implications of that “joke” are.

Michael P
Michael P
5 years ago

Honkey, please. I got over assholes calling me names a long, long time ago.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

@kupo

I didn’t think you would. I’m just saying these kinds of remarks usually don’t seem to upset people enough to make them comment on it. And, since Axe was among the most vocal critics, it’s a bit weird that he’s doing the same thing like a week later. When you make a big deal about something, only to prove that you yourself apparently don’t cate enough about it to avoid making the same mistake immediately afterwards, it’s not a good look.

I’m genuinely confused as to why comparing Matt Forney to an egg + caviar is just one step too far, when similar comments are made all the time without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Having said that, I don’t mean to make excuses for myself. My mistakes are obviously not made more okay by someone else making the same mistake. I also don’t mean to call Axe hypocritical. It’s absolutely legitimate to promote a moral standard even if you don’t live up to it 100% of the time. Just to clarify.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@Petal
My vocal critique of you wasn’t about the joke you made. I didn’t like you excusing it. I wouldn’t have even brought it up otherwise

That said, I really shouldn’t have said what I did. It was a shitty joke to make. I try not to do that kinda thing, but I demonstrably wasn’t trying hard enough. Not my finest moment. I understand why it’s wrong and hurtful. Entirely my failure and I unreservedly apologize to the thread, kupo, and Frigid for bringing her into this. I know better, I’ll do better

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Petal
I understand. And I personally am fine just not saying anything unless the comments are harmful to an oppressed group, so I won’t usually bring it up unless it’s something fat-phobic or something like that. And I don’t remember what Axe said in the other thread, but if he’s being hypocritical it’s absolutely fair to call him out on it.

FWIW, I think it was probably the number of comments that triggered the response you got, not necessarily that what you were saying was any worse than what people usually say on here. I only commented because the issue had been brought up (I think Jack was the first to bring it up? Idk, my memory is terrible these days).

Anyway, long story short I don’t have an issue with anyone who makes appearance-related comments regardless of my personal feelings on the matter.

@Axe
No apology needed here. I’m not even sure what you’re apologizing to me for. :p

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
5 years ago

@kupo

No apology needed here

Maybe not needed but warranted and definitely the right thing to do. And I apologized to you specifically, cos 1)you called me out and 2)you’re rather outspoken on body shaming in general. Shoulda payed better attention 🙂

Anyway, I’m pretty sure (corrections are welcome tho) I’ve never fucked up to where I had to apologize for the same thing twice. Keep the streak alive, eh?

Jesalin
Jesalin
5 years ago

Let me get this straight, their bestest, strongest, super-ultra-mega can’t-fail strategy is…name-calling? Really?!

I’m sure self-awareness to them is just a bunch of letters with a hyphen thrown in for good measure but..have they never heard of ‘projection’?

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

Anyway, I’m pretty sure (corrections are welcome tho) I’ve never fucked up to where I had to apologize for the same thing twice.

Ouch. 😉

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
5 years ago

Friday afternoon adventure!

I went to the supermarket and lost my phone somehow. While trying to find it, several people – all black or brown men, which considering the demographics of this area means almost certainly Muslim – offered to call my phone to find it. I don’t keep ringtone sound on, so we had no luck. A group of boys around 18 years old helped me look for it and let me use their phones to call my wife and my service provider.

After calling my phone a number of times, someone actually called back from my number to the phone I was borrowing. Turned out that some little girl had found the phone and brought it home to her brown, presumably Muslim, dad, who confirmed with me that the phone was mine.

The boys offered to come with me to the man’s apartment so that I could use their phone again if needed. I got my phone back and thanked them all very much for their help. The man who found the phone, and the helpful boys, all refused to accept cash as thanks for the help.

Afterwards, we were all stuck in the freezing cold for 20 minutes, waiting for the bus to bring us back to the supermarket. The boys went into geeky discussions about The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Supernatural, and various video games. They were discussing how badly they wanted to go to ComicCon, but worried about whether they would ever be allowed to enter the US if Trump were to win on Tuesday.

It’s really weird how good some terrorists are at acting like extremely good and decent people! No wonder ISIS is winning.

ikanreed
ikanreed
5 years ago

Oh no!

They’re gonna… be exactly the same assholes they’ve been all election.

That’s sure to turn it around in favor of the asshole.

Scildfreja Unnýðnes
Scildfreja Unnýðnes
5 years ago

@IP 😀

I’ve never had anything but good experiences with immigrants here either. Frankly, thinking back, all of my bad experiences have been middle-upper-class white dudes.

… huh, yeah. All of’em.

Fortunately local news around here doesn’t demonize or fear-monger about immigrants, they’re very welcoming in fact, and pretty much all of the immigration stories I see are fluff pieces about new immigrants settling in. All of the immigration fears are from US news leaking into the country from the south. Our big immigrant news policy is actually about Trump – since Trump started his campaign, schoolyard bullying of minorities has been on the rise.

We should build a big border wall to keep those bad influences out. I bet we could even get the Americans to pay for it.

I’m really glad to hear your story, IP :3 Thanks

Dalillama
5 years ago

@Frigid Virgin

That makes sense. Wait, purple is the colour of royalty?

Some while back, good purple dyes were hard to come by, so only the extremely wealthy could wear purple. This led to laws being passed in both Imperial Rome and Elizabethan England (frankly probably in imitation of the former) stating that only royalty could wear purple outfits, although high ranking people were allowed specific purple garments according to their position. The purple in question was specifically Tyrian Purple, a dye extracted from a Lebanese sea mollusk.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

Cow-mincing…like, with a wood chipper? Salad shooter? Food processor? I suppose it could be done by hand, but that would take a really long time.

Heartiste is *that one guy* who goes to clubs and creeps the young’uns out, when they’re not laughing at him.

My ballot was cast over a week ago, mailed and according to the voter registration status and absentee website has officially been received for counting. Most people I know have also voted absentee/mail. Sorry Shartiste, you and the ‘shitlords’ can f-off with your ridiculous shit.

dlouwe
dlouwe
5 years ago

I find the “cow mincing” confusion particularly funny, because it’s not that obscure of a verb, but Heartiste’s generally nonsensical writing style causes us to expect nonsense strings of nouns and adjectives, and so makes it difficult to parse an ambiguous verb like that. I didn’t even consider the verb form of “cow” until David pointed out, because I just assumed “cow mincing” was yet more unimportant nonsense, and the more likely scenario was that Heartiste had gotten distracted during the aside and forgot to make the two halves of the sentence match up.

(Just because “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is a grammatically correct sentence doesn’t mean it’s a good one.)

And really, he could have just put an explicit “the” between “cow” and “mincing” and it would have been a million percent more readable. But proof-reading and clarity is for “nominal males” I guess?

Uh, WHOSE kids? Because some of us (e.g. me) have LGBT friends, and those friends have kids. And if anything, those kids would be creeped out by the likes of this walking fungus culture. And his flamboyantly awful scribblings, too.

There’s also, you know, LGBTQ kids.

Just Saying This
Just Saying This
5 years ago

Cow mincing is a thing. A gross thing, but a thing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_slime

It is also the thing this guy does to language. He takes something that could be delicious, like steak or meat on a rich bone for broth. Pulverizes it. Adds toxins.

GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
GrumpyOld SocialJusticeMangina
5 years ago

I doubt that there’s a male over the age of 16 who hasn’t dealt with “you’re not a manly man because X” and “you’ll never find a woman because you’re not manly enough” at least 10,000 times. Heartiste’s error is to think that because the folks he hangs out with have bought it hook, line, and sinker, there couldn’t be a lot of men who have learned how to laugh it off. There are even a lot of us who react with “Screw you, loser.” But society constantly tries to make men feel bad about themselves when they don’t conform to the gender stereotypes, and insecure peers are always ready to prove THEIR masculinity by criticizing yours. I assume it’s more or less the same for women.

One of the many way men are mocked into gender conformity is the small penis thing. That’s a good reason for gender non-conformists to decide it’s uncool. One of the more offensive anti-Hillary things going around is the Hillary Chicken Special: Two small breasts, two plump thighs, and a left wing. That’s exactly the sort of thing that folks like us should make a major effort to avoid. But all of us slip up at times.

Dalillama
5 years ago

@GrumpyOldSocialJusticeMangina

Huh, do they thing Clinton’s moved right, or are they just unable to get their own tedious jokes right either? Back in the 90s when they came up with that one it was two left wings.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Heartiste lacks the self-awareness to realize that the sort of person who’s susceptible to this sort of toxic man-shaming is 99.99999% likely to be a Trump voter already. Hillary voters don’t answer to dogwhistles, and they don’t give two pantsuits about fitting into some internet bully’s regressive gender box.

Erik Lonnrot
Erik Lonnrot
5 years ago

I’m morbidly intrigued by the supposed taxonomy of males that these MRA types use. What are the criteria for being and alpha, beta etc.? I’ve been called a beta many times in online arguments yet I’m pretty sure I’m doing better physically, romantically, socially, and financially than someone like Heartiste. So if I’m bigger, stronger, more likely to pass on my genes, more able to win a fight or survive in the wilderness, etc. what makes me the “beta” and him the “alpha”? Is it just the misogyny? Because that doesn’t strike me as a really useful measure of status if we’re really set on dividing men into castes?

Barloq
5 years ago

Obviously this strategy is hilariously stupid, but even then… Heartiste, shouldn’t you have deployed this months ago instead of days before the election? We can’t even make fun of how ineffectual this is going to be because you never even gave us the time to demonstrate how stupid it is.

(Insert “I am disappoint” cat meme here)

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