a voice for men antifeminism gross incompetence gullibility men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA paul elam

New “service” for angry men! Mental health non-professional Paul Elam will listen to you on Skype for $90 an hour

A much better deal than An Ear for Men
A much better deal than An Ear for Men

Never let it be said that the Men’s Rights movement does nothing to help men. Earlier this week, A Voice for Men’s CEO Paul Elam announced the launch of a new service for men. That service is that Elam, a noted former psychology major in college, will listen to you talk shit about women for an hour over Skype for $90.

Elam’s fans are excited to have a new talking point. 

Seax • a day ago I think this will help to end '..but what are you doing for men'? complaints.

So what exactly does Elam’s new service, dubbed “An Ear for Men,” offer the discerning man who wants to pay someone who is not a licenced mental health professional $90 to listen to them for an hour on Skype? In his post announcing the service on AVFM, Elam explains that

Ostensibly the services provided will focus on life issues faced by men.

Ostensibly? “Ostensibly” is an adverb meaning “apparently or purportedly, but perhaps not actually.” Is this actually a phone sex service pretending to be a “consulting” business?

Services to be provided range from high-conflict relationships and divorce to substance abuse and other issues that disproportionately affect men.

Wait, Elam is saying that he will provide “high-conflict relationships and divorce to substance abuse?”

In the past, as that infamous Buzzfeed profile made clear, the often-divorced Elam has provided “high-conflict relationships and divorce” to women for free. Now men can get some of that Elam magic for themselves.

On the Ear for Men website, Elam spells out in a little more detail what his “services” will consist of. Of “Anxiety” he writes

Anxiety is one of the most common “mental health” problems worldwide. …

There are medications that can help reduce the symptoms of anxiety, some of which are either ineffective or addictive or both. …

The causes of anxiety disorders are not known. There are, however, many good reasons to believe that it is a problem rooted in brain chemistry, which is why I put “mental health” in scare quotes. …

As medical science develops a better understanding of anxiety we may see the day when it is treated much more effectively or even cured in most people. In the meantime there is no cure. There are, however, ways to cope with anxiety which help most people overcome the worst of its effects.

For more on that, you can read through the articles and links on this site dealing with anxiety.

There aren’t any articles or links provided.

If direct personal service to address this problem is what you desire, feel free to schedule an appointment with Paul.

“Direct personal service?” Now it sounds like he’s running an escort service.

On the pages devoted to most of Elam’s other “services,” from Anger Management to High Conflict Relationships, he offers … nothing. The pages are blank.

In a preface of sorts to his page on Self Respect, which he posted on May 28th, Elam explains that

This site is under construction. We are still populating it with content and working on the scheduling system. Thank you for bearing with us until the site is complete and services are available. We are hoping for official launch within three weeks of today’s date.

Wait, what? I guess you’ll have to cough up $90 to ask Elam how it is he has managed to launch this new site without actually launching it yet.

He starts off his discussion of “self respect” by writing:

Notice I did not title this with the tried and true psychobabble of “self-esteem.”

The URL for the page is, which suggests that he did in fact title his post “self-esteem” before thinking better of it. (WordPress — the blogging software that Elam uses for the site — gives blog posts URLs based on the title you give them; if you change the title later, the original URL remains unless you take steps to change it.)

It should be easy enough to schedule an hour with Elam in which to discuss these matters or any other questions you might have; as far as I can tell from looking through his appointments calendar, he doesn’t seem to have booked any appointments yet. Unless some poor soul has been scheduling appointments every day at 8:30 PM.

Inspired by Elam’s example here, I have decided to open my own “consulting” business, Three Ears for Men and Women and Maybe Cats.

Elam provides only a single ear for men, at the exorbitant price of $90 per ear, per hour. I provide THREE ears, at the low, low price of only $50 per ear-hour.

Here are the three ears.

All the better to hear you with, my dear!
All the better to hear you with, my dear!

And here’s how it works: Whenever you feel you have something to get off your chest, come to this web page, scroll down to the ears here, and talk to them for an hour. Then send me $150 on Paypal.

Never let it be said that I do nothing to help men. I mean, I’m a men, or at least a man, and I could use $150.

H/T: Margaret Pless, aka @idlediletante


141 replies on “New “service” for angry men! Mental health non-professional Paul Elam will listen to you on Skype for $90 an hour”

TEQnique I read that page and the author said that if a “six-year old is dressed as a harlot, feel free to rape her”. A SIX-YEAR-OLD!
Also, I couldn’t help but share that I found an article on Return of Kings about how it’s “beta” to go see a therapist for reasons I’m assuming are just as stupid as the rest of their website.

There’s also Elam’s service “The Finger to Men” which he gives every day, for free.

@shaenon: On the one hand, I agree with you. I kind of want to fund Orion to go and listen to Elam talk. On the other hand it’s a scam and there’s no such thing as giving a scammer money ironically.

The mind boggles that anyone would ever pay Elam $90/hour for… I assume either him jut sitting on his ass barely even pretending to pay attention, or giving shitty advice rants about how all women are terrible. Which any poor schlub could get for free on AVFM or in any sufficiently grotty bar full of drunk divorcees.

But I guess that’s what scammers rely on – the most gullible fools who will fall for even the most blatant attempt to steal all their money. That’s why “Nigerian Prince” emails are deliberately full of typos and sound ridiculously dodgy.

But if Paul Elam continues in this vein, cultivating a small but loyal following who rely on him for “counseling” (or whatever he’s calling this for legal purposes) and advice on all aspects of life, from how to prepare dry, burnt chicken to which things are arbitrarily “manly” to do this week, he could eventually be the leader of the worlds most pathetic personality cult.

They might even become like these dude-bros:

@Fruitloopsie: I try my very best 🙂

But on a more serious note, how is that not either a scam or a at least just not a very good idea, ever? Talking to somebody you trust can heal many wounds, and definitely helps. That you can get from a friend, however, for free. You know, friends, these people that other people have, people who are not obsessed about “status” or “being manly”.

However, if you have actual serious problems, nothing replaces a LICENSED, PROFESSIONAL doctor or psychiatrist.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)says:


Thank you for the gif. <3

The point you raise is actually a fascinating one, that a friend is a person you can talk to non-judgementally.

When I was growing up, a friend wasn’t that at all: a friend was someone you pretended in front of, in order to win their admiration and respect. Their envy was how you knew you were doing well. As we grew up the things we showed off changed from toys to girls to knowledge of niche bands to alcohol tolerance to money, but it was the same dynamic.

Middle class life is all about constructing a facade of success and conformity, then getting together with your peers and seeing whose facade is bigger. I haven’t been socialised in any other class but I imagine it’s the same anywhere. You’re taught that those are your friends, whereas in fact they’re the furthest thing from it. Your friends should be the people amongst whom you can take the mask off, not those for whom you wear it.

Elam has found a group of people who’ve been through difficulties and who could usefully form mutual-support groups. Instead, he’s trying to encourage them to wear masks again.

He’s encouraging men to objectify themselves in order to be more easily exploited.

This is rape culture.

Actually, although the Sharlet piece was good, I’m now wondering what kind of story a male journalist could get by joining up and observing covertly.

@EJ: I am really sorry that you made such experiences. Sometimes I wonder if I was just lucky with my life and parents, or if other people were just unlucky.

I wouldn’t actually subscribe to your view of middle class life, at least not in general, being middle class myself (or the child of a middle class household, in Germany, mind you).
To me a (good) friend was always somebody you felt comfortable talking to, about most or any problems, and who would at least listen, even if they couldn’t give much advice. Often, the act of just talking, and having to formulate your thoughts for another person, already helped. Sometimes it released anger or stress, sometimes the fact that you were forced to order your thoughts helped you see things more clearly.

Elam, as you said, just forces them to bottle up. Instead of a community where men could be among themselves and just let go without fearing the judgement of society, which is what many message boards or sites like this provide, we have a community where men are forced to adhere to even stricter standards, while any expression of feelings that doesn’t boil down to “I AM MEN; ROAAAR” or “TEH WOMENZ!!!!” is mocked and ridiculed.

I’m sure the timing of this announcement and the timing of the “Only visit a therapist who knows what ‘gynocentricism’ means” is purely a coincident. SO coincidental. 100% not a planned one-two punch at all.

Thanks very much. I’m in a much better place now, but it cost me most of my twenties to get here.

It might well be a cultural thing. I’m South African, and although I live in the diaspora now I’ve noticed that other South Africans do it a lot too. It might be an idiosyncrasy, like boerewors or saying “just now” when you mean “not just now.” Germany sounds like a much healthier society in that respect.

(Temptingly, my father’s family were German immigrants in a way which makes me a German citizen. If London ever gets too depressing, maybe I’ll get my German passport renewed and come to see your little paradise.)

Pfft, yeah, I mean whay would I want to go and see a doctor and get good quality counselling and medication when I can just drop £50 to get all my misogynistic drivel out to this guy over Skype? My depression and anxiety will surely be cured!

Honsetly, this is coming across as exploitative and potentially pretty harmful more than anything.

I’d kind of like to fund Orion, the upside being paying Orion (I’m willing to throw in a surcharge for his time and, you know, oh God you poor man taking one for the team) and the hilarity of watching Elam pretend to be a therapist. The downside is giving money to Paul Elam, of course.

I have a feeling the stories will come out eventually. Either a journalist will give us the scoop as Orion said, or former disgruntled clients will let loose with tales of gaslighting and cultic abuse. That kitty has a way of wriggling out of the bag.

@EJ: Eh, paradise is too much praise, I guess. Germany has a lot of what you mention as well, and even though our chancellor is a woman and our foreign minister was gay (to spite the Russians) there are still enough problems with mysoginy and homophobia, not to mention the awful way we treat foreigners who happen to not arrive with the pockets full of money.
That being said, Germany is still a good country to live in and has at least some success in dealing with social problems. However, I believe the USA is the revolution to Germany’s evolution in social issues.

A good therapist should always flatter and reinforce their client’s beliefs and never challenge them. After all, you’re paying for their services, so you should expect to be rewarded with ego stroking and deferential treatment. If they’re gonna expect stuff from you, next them. (Or, to translate into Paul Elam-ese: walk and keep walking until the number of your steps numbers the number of steps needed to step three times, numerically speaking, around the world)

…Wait, why does that sound so familiar?

Oh. It’s every red pill date ever.

It’s almost like this whole manosphere thing is about taking money from lonely self-alienated men.

I’m convinced that he’s a performance artist and that in a year he’ll be honest and ridicule all of the members of the Cult of Elam.

What I want to know is how what boils down to one googly-eyed jackass’ quest for ego-stroking and easy money managed to destroy every comment section on the Internet.

My wife is a therapist in Texas. She is a Licensed Masters Social Worker and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. From what I understand, operating without a license is quite illegal in Texas, and there are no licenses that don’t require at least a masters level education. There’s also a big difference between working as part of a counseling organization, which Elam apparently did twenty years ago, and practicing privately, which he is trying to do now.

He is no more legally allowed to practice therapy than he is to prescribe medications.

I wonder how many men will end up in prison or dead from following his advice?

I wonder what Paul’s reaction will be if his followers don’t rush to pay him to say the same ol’ hateful shit he always does? Will he blame women or will he rage at his cult for not making his scam a success?

Though, I think they will shell out the cash just to have their dear leader’s attention. They’d send him their left nuts if he’d look them in the eyes and tell them they’re “Alphas”. They might even do it just to hear him tell them they’re pathetic betas and need to send him more money and hate harder.

…and why do they think women would want to pay to be “consulted” by Paul? That’s like the MGTOWs thinking women would want to invade their make believe misogynist paradise. They are completely divorced from reality.

Though, I think they will shell out the cash just to have their dear leader’s attention. They’d send him their left nuts if he’d look them in the eyes and tell them they’re “Alphas”. They might even do it just to hear him tell them they’re pathetic betas and need to send him more money and hate harder.

They didn’t buy his book about MGTOW, or his reprints.

They didn’t donate during his pledge drives.

They didn’t go to the convention.

Elam is milking a dead cow. My guess is that he’s panicking because his revenue stream is drying up, and so he’s trying something – anything – to reverse the trend.

I wonder if David is going to cover the meltdown redditors are having over the removal a few subreddits that were considered harassing. Because it’s pretty hilarious and I’m sure the red pillers are a part of it.

Point taken. I wonder what will happen to AVFM when Paul has to get a job?

Thanks for sharing that info. I hadn’t heard.
I hope so. That should be entertaining.
I guess I should say “Good for Reddit” but at this point I think the whole shebang should be shut down permanently.

How much is does an hour with an actual professional therapist cost in the US? On average? I’m just trying to put his price into perspective.

Depends on if your insurance covers it. In my experience they sometimes cut the price for private pay clients. Like $120/hr can become $80/hr.


To totally rip you off, I propose the name for Elam biz:

“Alpha Malehood Crisis Center”:

Come in questioning your alpha malehood; leave with a crisis.

If I didn’t think Reddit should be burned to the ground already, the redditors response to having a handful of (not even the worst!) subreddits shut down would convince me that there’s nothing worth saving anymore.

$90/hr is, in the US, a pretty normal price to pay — to see someone with an PHD or an MD. Maybe someone with a Masters? MSW’s seem to be cheaper, but that may just be because they’re kind.

Obviously these men need this. If they went to a real therapist, they might have their ideas challenged, and these open-minded individuals with awakened minds must not have their carefully planned narrative disrupted.

I’m so glad this wasn’t a thing back when I was into men’s rights. Instead, I had real therapy, and the therapists simply said I should stop actively searching for crazy TERF/Anti-Porner/Sex-Negative/Bully/Troll “Feminist” bullshit on Tumblr and that I was doing it because I was trying to avoid my much more prescient problems in life, namely that I just got out of college and felt extremely discouraged that I couldn’t get a job so I basically gave up and just lazed around my mom’s house. Since then, I’ve switched careers, and I’m now going into graduate school, planning on going into teaching.

tl;dr MRAs are probably doing what they do because their real lives suck and they’re depressed and they’re using men’s rights as a crutch to avoid their real problems.
If only they could focus their anger on capitalism instead.


Thank you for linking that article. I have signed the petition. And yeah, MRAs should get off their woman-hating and lazy asses and actually do something for men. This could be productive. Society treats all rape victims horribly..

Hahaha …So, this is what that slime-bag’s latest “project” is about.

I thought that “Ear for Men” was some sort of new buzz word of E-scam’s, when I first heard about it. $90/hour, Eh? And, all that men (or boys) will get for that price tag will be another backhanded way of being told that they’re fucked up.

The real agenda, of course, has been on the table ever since Farrell ran for governor. A Department of Men’s Health would be a nice idea. Unfortunately, every last deadbeat who once worked in mental health services is probably now loosely affiliated with Elam’s work from home in his underwear for Beer Money – and, call it Men’s Rights – umbrella. I’ve never endorsed Farrell’s sense of commitment to our cause – seeing him as little more than a paid speaker/author.

But, it has been seeming that there has been a clandestine drive for the rest of those bozos, who keep trying to hang their hats on his name, to repackage themselves as MRA counselors, in order to qualify and become relicensed for a piece of the Medicaid and insurance pie.

It’s the last thing the real MRM needs…….

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