Some misogynists seem to have a really difficult time telling the difference between consensual kinkiness and domestic violence. Over on the Happier Abroad forums, our old friend Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) – who doesn’t really seem to be all that happy, honestly – tells the fellows about a woman he recently met. (Note: the faux ellipses in the quotes to follow are all from the original.)
I am now able to look a woman in the eyes, even from some distance, and know if she is a decent woman or not. I only developed this two years or so ago and have only had it happen 4 times. I am not saying that it is ONLY these women who are decent women….I am saying that the 4 this has happened to turned out to be pretty good women…
By a “pretty good woman” he seems to mean a woman who hates women nearly as much as he does:
when asking about my view of women I have been absolutely straightforward and to the point….her response “AT LAST…..a man who really knows what we are like….that makes me feel so much better because I do not have to worry about trying to present myself as I am not…..you already really know what we are like!”
She is HAPPY that I describe women as mostly liars and manipulators who try to get men to do what they want…..it is a RELIEF for her to meet such a man…..how about that?
And, even better, she likes to be spanked!
she openly says that she felt that if we were together with her strong personality she would be likely to provoke me and try to hurt me emotionally…..to which I replied “if you are naughty I will put you over my knee and spank you”..to which she replied “and I shall be naughty to make sure I am spanked”.
I was telling this new lady I met about this and how I had spanked my daughter when she was willful and naughty as well as my fav#1……she almost SWOONED at the idea of being spanked for being naughty….It was as clear as day she was very interested in getting herself spanked for being naughty…..I noticed this and pointed it out….she tried to deny it.
Uh, if she just told you she wanted to “be naughty to make sure” she’d be spanked, why would she deny this a minute later?
Somehow I suspect that this conversation didn’t transpire exactly as Mr. Nolan says it did.
In any case, our intrepid storyteller moves on to elaborate on his perverse (and not in a good way) sexualized defense of child abuse:
I said to her “it is completely normal for a girl to want to provoke her father into needing to spank her, once he does she knows he is big and strong and will protect her and provide for her….she feel more comfortable, more secure, and she will often cuddle up to her father and feel very good towards him after being spanked….my daughter did that all the time…..I bet you did that with your father too…..
And then on to a defense of violence against women:
This need does not go away just because the girl becomes a woman…..she still needs to provoke her man and he still needs to spank her so that she feels he is strong and powerful and can protect and provide for her……that is how women are.
Apparently men can’t truly “bond” with women without hitting them:
This is why it is such a disaster to say “never hit women”…..it destroys the womans ability to bond closely with the man via a good spanking. It destroys her ability to feel the security of protector and provider….something she needs…indeed….it is so insane now they call that “domestic violence” and the man can go to jail for doing what the woman needs to be done for her.”
She just shook her head and said “you are so right”……I am wondering if we will see much more of each other.
I certainly hope not.
Happily, there’s every reason to believe that this conversation is a product of Nolan’s imagination; he seems to live in a world all his own.
NOTE: Thanks to Sandra in the comments for pointing me to this horrible comment.
EDITED TO ADD: Mr. Nolan (c) has responded in the comments here, and over on Happier Abroad in more detail. Apparently I totally misrepresented him because I wasn’t able to figure out from his badly written comment that he was talking about two different women who loved being spanked. Also, because I mentioned his name with the weird punctuation , he thinks I am “subject to the fee of 1,000 troy ounces of 99.9% pure gold should I choose to levy it.” (You see, Mr. Nolan (c) has set up his own international court system in his own head, in which mentioning his name with that little copyright symbol attached to it apparently means that you owe him lots of gold.) I haven’t read all of his comments; I’m afraid I’ll end up owing him even more gold if I do.
noxteryn: What he was describing is known in Psychology as Repetition Compulsion.
No, he was describing how beneficial it is for men to beat women.
This is why it is such a disaster to say “never hit women”…..it destroys the womans ability to bond closely with the man via a good spanking.
Nothing about the specious attempt you’ve just made to make all about nonsensical applications of psychology.
Also, I wasn’t using the term “psychopath” loosely.
Yes you were. You are not a person who is both trained in psychoanalysis, and who has had the time, access to carefully evaluate Nolan.
. Plus, you people seem to focus on the wrong aspect of this thing. What’s important is the misinterpretation of the repetition compulsion by the writer of this article, which is dismissed as misogyny, when it’s not.
Seems to be you are somewhat ignorant of Nolan (as well as failing to read his words: see above, which ties into your lack of ability to make a reasonable assessment of his overall levels of psychopathy). His misogyny is plain.
Why do you feel the need to ignore it?
This is utter bullshit. There isn’t any particular link between trauma and an interest in BDSM.
noxteryn – so, you dismiss Nolan as a psychopath, but feel the need to say women bring these beatings on themselves because they were … beaten as children?
Whether or not Nolan has any actual mental illness/whatever isn’t for us to say, and it’s not all thar relevant anyway. He’s a misogynistic douchebag, a liar and a general scumbag, and has demonstrated it on plenty of other occasions. If you’re condemning him, you need to be a damn sight clearer about it. If you’re not, then you’re handwaving away his wish to see women beaten.
Which is it?
Does anyone here even bother to read what is being said before replying? None of you understood anything of what I said. I was criticising the writer’s (David Futrelle) tendency to dismiss women’s self-loathing as misogyny, whereas it is an obvious symptom of pathology (most likely some form of PTSD). People who have been abused by their parents often choose partners who abuse them or whom they abuse in the same way (and I don’t understand why people swear at me for saying that, since it’s a widely known statistical fact), and that’s why the women described and exploited by Nolan exist. (This has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM, and I have no idea why it is being mentioned in this context.) I thought this was an important oversight from the writer’s (David Futrelle) side, because victims of abuse shouldn’t be blamed for the self-hatred they feel as a result of said abuse. Evidently, you people are too fanatical to be conversed with. I’m out of here.
You’re necroing a thread that’s a year old and want people to start reading it over again? Are you a complete idiot?
Also, look up internalised misogyny. It exists. How else do you explain the existence of feMRAs and the like?
Plus, internet diagnoses are not acceptable here. You don’t go around trying to pathologise people you’ve never met, let alone a whole class of people.
This is a mockery site. Come in making stupid comments and you’ll be mocked. Good riddance.
Stick the flounce, noxteryn.
“This has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM, and I have no idea why it is being mentioned in this context.”
Oh it could be where you said — “Usually, the trauma becomes sexualised as a fetish.”
And again with the internet diagnoses! Also, the women described aren’t exploited, they’re people like Sunshine fucking Mary who decide, for whatever reason, that women are inferior to men and thus they want a man who agrees. It’s a conscious desire, not an unconscious repetition.
I feel like I just got hit by a wall of ‘splaining.
And there was a layer of creepiness underlying the “they sexualise abuse as a fetish”. Yeah, Nolan et al would just love to hear that.
Yeah, that was kind of gross. Which seems fitting, on a thread about P-A:N(c).
noxteryn: Does anyone here even bother to read what is being said before replying? None of you understood anything of what I said. I was criticising the writer’s (David Futrelle) tendency to dismiss women’s self-loathing as misogyny, whereas it is an obvious symptom of pathology (most likely some form of PTSD).
We read it. We disputed it.
You argue that Nolan is arguing women seek this out because… and then you make up shit about unknowable trauma and pretend (as in the quotation above) you can diagnose the mythical women Nolan is talking about from the depths of your projective imagination.
Nolan said women need a good, “spanking” to bond with men. Not traumatised women, but women; as a class. You ignored that, and made shit up.
“This has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM, and I have no idea why it is being mentioned in this context.”
The make like a dog (or the fool you appear to be) and return to your vomit: “Usually, the trauma becomes sexualised as a fetish.”.
If the, “fetish” (which word has a specific psychological meaning; which you are in no position to diagnose, quite apart from your misuse of the word in this context*) is one of being beaten, then the implication is that BDSM practitioners may be, “coping” with past abuses”.
None of which is anything like what Nolan said.
*“fetish” specifically refers to a strong sexual preoccupation with an object, material or body part. Fetishism is not in itself recognized as a psychiatric disorder. Usually the focus of a fetish is something not traditionally considered sexual. Examples include:
Alvinolagnia- a fetish for stomachs
Dorophilia- a fetish for animal furs, leather and skins
Balloon fetishism- …well, you get the idea.
The word you meant to use was paraphilia, but even then you are using it incorectely:
“Paraphilia,” according to Robert T. Francouer’s The Complete Dictionary of Sexology, means compulsively responding in a sexual way to an unusual or socially unacceptable stimulus. Psychiatrists might refer to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the American medical community’s primary source on mental disorders. The most recent edition, the DSM-IV, only describes paraphilia as a psychiatric disorder if it causes distress to the individual or harm to others
Ooh, are we playing who knows more about psychology with the troll? Because I’m going to win.
Also, random – I have just increased my slut score by getting my hair dyed, thus hiding my age and tricking men into wanting to have sex with me even though, as a woman over 30, I am obviously no longer fertile.
A fetish can also be an artifact a surprisingly personable flesh eating vampire would like you to steal for her ^.^
Yes I am obsessed with this game, thank you for noticing.
Oh and IMO fetishists are perfectly nice about it, now, ymmv, but the ones I’ve known realize their requests are…different…and are polite about that.
Tick tick tick goes Cassandra’s biological clock…oh, never mind, too late! *dies laughing at that stupidity* (not you, them)
Argenti: That’s a different sort of fetish. 🙂
My favorite part about the troll’s BSDM fail was the complete failure to consider the fact that not all BSDM is M/f D/s.
This just means you’ll just have to settle for alimony payments instead of the “jackpot” child support. That’s ok. Every little bit of misandry helps.
Pecunium — well of course 🙂
She’s the one with that quote on the importance of death that I emailed to you last run-through. It’s a pleasure doing business with her, if you can overlook the whole corpse eating part.
“Death is the ultimate dilemma and integral to the beliefs and behavior of every culture. Life is bore on the corpses of the dead. Without death, there would be no motivation to accomplish anything. The only emotion would be existing. Life would be pestilential and agonizing.”
See? Love her.