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Heartiste: Women athletes are mannish uggos because “women’s natural bodies are not evolutionarily designed to run, throw, fight or lift optimally.”

An innately unsexy lady athlete somehow cons a dude into kissing her.

So over on Chateau Heartiste, the Dude Who Used to Call Himself Roissy seems personally affronted that the female athletes in the Olympics, by and large, didn’t live up to his wet dreams of Perfect Womanhood. In one post, he hails a Turkish newspaper columnist (yes, the same one we talked about here) who complained about the allegedly unwomanly bosoms of female Olympians, and offers his own less-than-complimentary assessment of their looks:

Who with the eyes to see hasn’t noticed the narrow hips, the grotesque six-pack abs (never a good look on women), the chest “stubs”, the linebacker shoulders, and the manjaws of an inordinate number of the female Olympians?  

So why does it matter that Roissy/Heartiste couldn’t get a boner watching the Olympics? Apparently because these women are violating the PRIME DIRECTIVE, which forbids representatives of the United Federation of Planets from “intervene[ing] in matters which are essentially the domestic jurisdiction of any planetary social system.”

Sorry, that’s the PRIME DIRECTIVE from Star Trek. These gals are violating what Roissy/Heartiste thinks are mother nature’s PRIME DIRECTIVES (plural) for women, which are to look pretty and make babies. No, really. You see, women aren’t actually supposed to be, or look, athletic. It’s SCIENCE.

[W]omen must conform more to the male physique ideal in order to compete successfully in sports, and particularly elite sports, because women’s natural bodies are not evolutionarily designed to run, throw, fight or lift optimally like men’s bodies are designed to do.

Yeah, there’s no evolutionary advantage in being athletic, if you’re a gal. Evidently female hunter gatherers during humankind’s “environment of evolutionary adaptedness” didn’t ever run or throw or carry or fight anything or anyone, spending most of their time hanging out in cave clubs and texting their friends on their Smart Rocks.

Women’s bodies are — and I know this will get under the skin of the right sort of losers — shaped by the relentless laws of nature to fulfill TWO PRIME DIRECTIVES.

Visually please men.

And bear children.

Everything else women do is commentary.

Apparently Roissy/Heartiste has become an amateur Torah scholar. (And not a very good one, at that.)

You might be wondering: if Roissy/Heartiste really believes in all the evolutionary psych crap he constantly spouts, why on earth would he care that some women aren’t fulfilling their evolutionary duty to give him boners? Won’t they just get bred out of existence? What does it matter to him?

Well, evidently Roissy/Heartiste was feeling so defensive about people asking this very question that he wrote a whole other post explaining, sort of, why he cares. Sorry, why he totally doesn’t care.

The issue being raised was never about how much it personally mattered to me, or affected my own life. That’s the problem with you unthinking liberals — you always want to reframe an argument you find distasteful, or you find yourself on the losing end of, into a personal matter, a position from which it’s easier for you to morally strut and preen and preach fire and brimstone from your tawdry little masturbatoriums.

Yeah, you strutting masturbatoriumizing liberals! How dare you ask him why he spends so much of his life complaining about the bodies of women who don’t give him boners?

He continues:

The morality, or lack thereof, of manned-up women competing in the Olympics is not the point of the Olympic female athlete post. No one’s rights are abridged if some manly swole she-beast hoists 400 lbs above her head, nor is any moral law du jour violated. The point here is to remind the losers and equalists and assorted anti-realists that there is nothing inherently empowering about female sports participation unless one defines empowerment as “becoming more man-like”. It is also to address, honestly and truthfully, the obvious fact that a lot of female athletes are just quasi-men, in appearance, musculature and temperament.

Boy, there’s a brave and original notion.

Therefore, the encouragement of women by the media industrial complex into elite sports mostly rests on a foundation of denying women their feminine essence.

Huh. In his first post on the subject, Roissy/Heartiste complained about the “narrow hips” and “manjaws” of female Olympians. Did the evil “media industrial complex” somehow lure women into developing narrower hips and less-rounded jaws? Is Roissy/Heartiste some kind of Evo Psych Lamarckian?

A nation that wasn’t fucked in the head with an overload of kumbaya horseshit would not shy away from this bald truth of the reality of sex differences, and would realign its cultural incentives so that a proper balance was restored, reflecting innate biological reality, until sports programs and funding return to what they once were: mostly geared toward men.

If “innate biological reality” demands that women remain unathletic (and thus pleasing to Roissy/Heartiste’s eyes and penis), why are there any female athletes in the first place? If athletic women are by definition going against nature, why bother talking about culture at all, much less the urgent need to “realign cultural incentives?”

Evo Psych types like Roissy/Heartiste like to pretend that it’s biology, not culture, that sets up the allegedly innate differences between men and women. But somehow culture matters again when people stubbornly refuse to conform to their supposedly natural roles.

At the very least, the feminist propagandizing of female sports empowerment has to end, and hand-wringing over “equal representation” needs to become a shameful relic from this ugly, god-willing bygone era.

Huh. So I’m beginning to get the impression that you do care about all this, after all.

In the comments, some dude calling himself Maximin manages to be even more pompous than Roissy/Heartiste himself, declaring that

feminism … aspires, in the name of equality, to make women in to men, but revealing, at the same time, the inherent hatred of women that is feminism. This is not equality—rather this is bigotry against women. By forcing women to act like men—to look like men, to have the musculature of men, to date like men, to have sex like men, to work like men, what they are saying is: the male body and the creations of the male body are superior to the female body and the creations of the female body. Therefore, change the female body into the male body and hence allow the female body to then create male works (and from what we have seen, these masculine women can only, at best, land in mediocrity).

And of course, it’s ugly women who are to blame for it all:

It comes from a hatred of the female—most likely from highly masculine women who are naturally more intelligent and competitive than highly feminine women. They cannot garner the attraction of men because they are ugly, so they scorch of the earth of femininity, and suddenly the scales are tipped in their favor. Beware a masculine woman scorned: she will burn down the world and rebuild it in her favor.

Fellas, be careful! If you don’t watch out, Holley Mangold will sneak into your bedroom at night and LIFT YOU OVER HER HEAD!

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cloudiah
9 years ago
zhinxy
9 years ago

I keep wondering when Heartiste (I still can’t believe he seriously called himself that) is going to his his high/low point of hilarious. Rihanna was not it. This is not it. But I sense it approaches. I feel it will be soon.

Shiraz
Shiraz
9 years ago

Errr, “masculine females” are angry and jealous over feminine women…so they retaliate by becoming world class athletes? M’kay.
The other bit, where he basically says intelligent and strong women are really men is choice too.
The guy’s a dipshit. And this:
“Beware a masculine woman scorned: she will burn down the world and rebuild it in her favor.”
What the fuck does that even mean? She’ll turn the entire world into a track and field facility?

aworldanonymous
9 years ago

Christ on a stick with cheese sauce, This is why I’m pursuing psychology, People using BIOTRUTH to back up their arguments just bothers me. Even moreso considering I don’t really have the credentials or knowledge yet to argue against these buffoons.

kladle
kladle
9 years ago

oh so it’s totally ok that all the evolutionary “losers” go and do their athletic thing as long as we constantly remind them that they’re unnatural beasts who are unfit for living in decent society. right.

also i really hate this whole WOMEN ARE TURNING INTO MEN rhetoric. surprise surprise, when anybody lifts weights a lot they are going to get musculature in certain areas. when anybody runs or bikes long distances all the time they are going to lose a lot of their body fat. women aren’t “looking like men” when they do sports; both men and women are “looking like weightlifters” or runners or swimmers or whatever. same with any fucking pursuit. if women go to college and study computer science their ladybrains aren’t going to turn into manbrains, they are going to turn into computer-science-doing brains. duh.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I’ve seen pictures of Roissy, and he doesn’t exactly look like varsity material, if you catch my drift.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

women’s natural bodies are not evolutionarily designed to run, throw, fight or lift optimally

Nobodies “natural” body is designed to do all that stuff optimally, it’s designed to do the things they need to do in their day to day lives. That’s why athletes, you know, train to do that stuff.

zhinxy
9 years ago

aworldanonymous – Especially since I’ve been on sort of a “separate wheat from chaff” evolutionary psychology / sociobiology kick lately, I keep remembering this quote – “Anyone who takes evolutionary psychology seriously has to overcome the fact that many of the most prominent voices in the field don’t.”

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
9 years ago

Human bodies are not designed by evolution for driving, planking, ziplining, line dancing, surfing, playing the violin, juggling or sitting in chairs while we compose blog posts.

Still, we get by.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
9 years ago

Even moreso considering I don’t really have the credentials or knowledge yet to argue against these buffoons.

It won’t matter when you do. They ignore anything that doesn’t support their current rant. They also ignore that half the shit they spout is incompatible with the other half. Their every utterance is like the All Cretans Are Liars conundrum. A body can’t believe anything they say, because they said the exact opposite the day before. And will again tomorrow.

Anna
Anna
9 years ago

Yeah, weightlifter Zoe Smith got a bunch of this crap on twitter before the Olympics, which she handled awesomely.

I’m not sure what planet you need to be on to not think this girl isn’t conventionally feminine. It couldn’t be possible that it’s got nothing to do with her appearance, and he’s just terrified of the thought an 18-year-old girl could lift him over her head, could it?

But with a name like ‘infidel1978’ there’s a fair chance the guy’s a white nationalist, and they aren’t known for being particularly secure in themselves.

Tatjna
Tatjna
9 years ago

And yet last time I looked at Roissy’s page where you get to rate yourself on the dating meat market (which admittedly was a few years ago), women needed to have well-defined triceps or they were clearly bushpigs.

Make up your mind, Roissy. Or is it another case of berating a trait of women because you secretly fancy it?

Charles Miller
9 years ago

I wonder how Heartiste reacts to the articles that come out every single Olympics about just how much sex goes on in Olympic villages? It seems at least one of the answers to “who finds super-fit women attractive?” is, to nobody’s surprise, “a great many super-fit men”.

marc2020
marc2020
9 years ago

Well it’s been a particularly bad day today as we lost not only an innovative voice in genre cinema (Tony Scott) but a trail blazer of American comedy (Phyllis Diller). So it feels kind of sucky to round it all of reading to the delusional self important rambling of a man who hasn’t contributed jack shit to any medium other than upping the worlds douchebag quoter as if it wasn’t high enough already.

TreeUrchin
9 years ago

Why do these guys go on about ‘nature’ so much? And ‘evolution’? They know just about nothing about them. It makes me laugh a bit at how little they understand about how evolution, sexual selection, genetics etc work.

I would like to think that maybe an hour’s reading would disavow them of all their strange notions but I don’t think they would be willing to understand that stuff. SIGH.

pecunium
9 years ago

hellkell: He’s said that if a man is slight/slim he’s not really a man. That if Roissy can enclose a man’s bicep with his hand (he appears to have large hands) that man is a wimp.

Which is, as with so much of his maunderings, so much codswallop.

aworldanonymous
9 years ago

@TreeUrchin

Again, this is why I’m taking Psych, I’m not sure why but evopsych and biotruth rustle my jimmies in a way that few other varieties of bullshit can.

Magpie
Magpie
9 years ago

Can’t wait to hear his opinion on paralympians. 🙁

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Pecunium: Huh. I guess quite a few of the men in my life would be amazed to know they’re not men according to some internet evo-psych humping doofus.

Cliff Pervocracy
9 years ago

Maybe this post isn’t aimed at men. Maybe it’s aimed at women, and meant to be some sort of universal neg–something to make us all feel that if Olympic athletes aren’t good enough, none of us are good enough–therefore we should be boot-lickingly grateful for any PUA who bothers to spend five minutes insulting us.

It’s an ambitious project, really. He’s trying to emotionally abuse all the women.

P.S.: This (NSFW!) is the 2012 women’s Olympic volleyball team:
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1111642.1343743596!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/gallery_635/team-usa-volleyball.jpg

I almost feel silly going “see, they’re pretty!” because no shit they’re pretty, and they’re pretty in an incredibly conventional and media-friendly way, too.

pecunium
9 years ago

Tree Urchin: They do it because they can use it to dress up their nonsense with a thin (very thin, as in a single atom thick) veneer of “science” and so just refuse to engage any arguments.

pecunium
9 years ago

I suspect he’d say I am no man. He also implies that he can thump any man who doesn’t have biceps larger than his grip.

I doubt this.

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