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Far from OK, Cupid

Do not reply to this man.

Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)

You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.

What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?

Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.

Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):

This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:

This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:

But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:

Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.

As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,

Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.

To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.

Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:

Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.

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The First Joe
The First Joe
9 years ago

“humans”

Curses lack of edit function!

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

Joe, go fuck yourself. Everyone here fully understood what I said. You can take pride in being an arsehole all you damn well please, but I’m not going to kowtow to your demands. How is it ‘Newspeak’ to use words that people fully understand the meanings of to save explaining a concept each time? Save me from your faux-Orwellian vapours and do one.

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

(Interesting new variation on concern trolling though. I can totally see how using inclusive pronouns would totally be divisive)

Cliff Pervocracy
9 years ago

How dare we use new words, he asks on a blog on the Internet.

Sharculese
9 years ago

Pronouns:
Women* are she / her. (*including! trans women)
Men** are he / him. (**including! trans men)

Making up ridiculous new pronouns is unecessary and divisive – as well as an awkward mangling of the English language that turns whatever you’re writing into unreadable gibberish!

well this might make sense in a world where those were the only genders, but since we dont live in that world im not sure what youre getting so worked up about!

All this zie / hir / cis / womyn bollocks is just a load of Newspeak horseshit that only exists so the user can be all smug about their ridiculous political correctness.

newspeak is about making language more mushy and less precise so that communication (and resistance) are harder. adding variety and precision to the number of words we have for sex and gender is the exact opposite of that.

but please, dont let not knowing what newspeak is get in the way of your little reactionary snit.

Cliff Pervocracy
9 years ago

newspeak is about making language more mushy and less precise so that communication (and resistance) are harder. adding variety and precision to the number of words we have for sex and gender is the exact opposite of that.

Actually, you know what’s a great example of Newspeak?

Having only two words for gender, in hopes that people will therefore only be able to conceive of two genders!

Now that’s social control through language.

Sharculese
9 years ago

i missed this part but

Or – just stick to using their actual name! All human’s have one.

youre suggesting that people make their writing more readable by not using pronouns at all?

HOW FUCKING DENSE ARE YOU!?

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

I am more annoyed about having just being lectured in how to write by a man who can’t use apostrophes.

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

*been

DAMN YOU MUPHRYS LAW.

Steele
Steele
9 years ago

newspeak is about making language more mushy and less precise so that communication (and resistance) are harder. adding variety and precision to the number of words we have for sex and gender is the exact opposite of that.

So does it follow that you are going to back me up on the misandry debate? Or will you remain a misandrist-feminist hypocrite and scumbag?

blitzgal
9 years ago

Was this the thread where NWO implied that only men can be heroes, and only men risked their lives for others during the shooting in Aurora?

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-07-23/through-two-young-women-obama-finds-a-story-of-hope-amid-grief

Steele
Steele
9 years ago

Actually, you know what’s a great example of Newspeak?

Having only two words for gender, in hopes that people will therefore only be able to conceive of two genders!

Now that’s social control through language.

Likewise. Vile scumbag.

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

How dare we use new words, he asks on a blog on the Internet.

Ye Kynge’s Anglishe were gud enow for alle our grand-sires, I trow.

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

So does it follow that you are going to back me up on the misandry debate? Or will you remain a misandrist-feminist hypocrite and scumbag?

You want to make language more precise by intentionally obscuring the meanings of words to imply they represent a systemic problem when you admit no such problem exists?

Wow you’re dim.

howardbann1ster
howardbann1ster
9 years ago

newspeak is about making language more mushy and less precise so that communication (and resistance) are harder. adding variety and precision to the number of words we have for sex and gender is the exact opposite of that.

So does it follow that you are going to back me up on the misandry debate? Or will you remain a misandrist-feminist hypocrite and scumbag?

Aw, man, I feel like a little kid again! “One of these things is not like the others…”.

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

Making up ridiculous new pronouns is unecessary and divisive – as well as an awkward mangling of the English language that turns whatever you’re writing into unreadable gibberish!

If you want to talk about someone whose sex you don’t know, or who does not wish to acknowledge their sex, or is intersex, you can just use they / them – it will be understood through context that it’s being used in the singular sense. Or – just stick to using their actual name! All human’s have one.

All this zie / hir / cis / womyn bollocks is just a load of Newspeak horseshit that only exists so the user can be all smug about their ridiculous political correctness. Just stop it. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself.

PRONOUNS ARE EVIL!

Making up ridiculous new pronouns is unecessary and divisive – as well as an awkward mangling of the English language that turns whatever TheNatFantastic’re writing into unreadable gibberish!

If TheNatFantastic want to talk about someone whose sex TheNatFantastic don’t know, or who does not wish to acknowledge their sex, or is intersex, TheNatFantastic can just use they / them – it will be understood through context that it’s being used in the singular sense. Or – just stick to using their actual name! All human’s have one.

All this zie / hir / cis / womyn bollocks is just a load of Newspeak horseshit that only exists so the user can be all smug about their ridiculous political correctness. Just stop it. TheNatFantastic’re not fooling anyone but TheNatFantasticself.

FTFY. Or was it just for the third person?

Sharculese
9 years ago

So does it follow that you are going to back me up on the misandry debate? Or will you remain a misandrist-feminist hypocrite and scumbag?

im not sure how you got that from what i wrote, besides that you dont seem to be very good at reading, butno mikey, im not going to help you blame women for your problems. sorry.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
9 years ago

“Ye Kynge’s Anglishe were gud enow for alle our grand-sires, I trow.”

You are now the first person I’ve given +2 internets to, that was wonderful.

The First Joe — this genderqueer is quite thrilled that manboobz uses zie without complaint, you can shove it.

Sharculese
9 years ago

mikey, i know youre not going to understand the difference, but adding a word whose definition seems to shift whenever you need a different way to argue that youre double secret oppressed is not the same thing as having pronouns to describe a variety of genders

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

Wait, Mister Misandry-is-totally-a-real-thing-I-heard-someone-use-it-once is against the creation and use of new words, or am I confusing my trolls again? (It’s not easy. They keep changing names)

Ugh
Ugh
9 years ago

@Steele

You know that, in 1984, the whole process of making Newspeak was the destruction of words, right? Every Newspeak dictionary has fewer words than the one before it.

Adding new words to use in addition to previous words is the exact opposite of Newspeak.

Did a teacher tell you that men can’t read fiction as well? Or do you just not have an excuse on this one?

Sharculese
9 years ago

@thenatfantastic

You want to make language more precise by intentionally obscuring the meanings of words to imply they represent a systemic problem when you admit no such problem exists?

i thought he moved the goalposts and ‘misandry’ is systemic now?

howardbann1ster
howardbann1ster
9 years ago

Sharculese, he’s creating False Equivalence. Adding Zie to the language makes it a clearer, better language, able to express things that were not possible before. Adding Misandry to the language would…

Well, it would muddle the language, make it harder to express things, and so on.

But he wants to say that his change would make it better, y’know.

howardbann1ster
howardbann1ster
9 years ago

im not sure how you got that from what i wrote, besides that you dont seem to be very good at reading, butno mikey, im not going to help you blame women for your problems. sorry.

I not only failed to quote that, but then I got ninja-ed…

mikey, i know youre not going to understand the difference, but adding a word whose definition seems to shift whenever you need a different way to argue that youre double secret oppressed is not the same thing as having pronouns to describe a variety of genders

Booooo to me and my slow reading.

TheNatFantastic
9 years ago

@Sharculese

I dunno, it’s hard to keep up. I mean last week he was a grad student and now he’s some kind of international-super-business-wizard or something.

But I suppose when you decide that words only mean what you decide they do, you can title your job whatever you want. I’m going to start calling myself a Kitty-Hug-Wrangler.

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