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Far from OK, Cupid

Do not reply to this man.

Every woman I know who’s tried online dating has gotten all sorts of weird and sleazy messages from guys, from crude sexual come-ons (“sorry for being forward but id love to cum on your glasses :)”) to terrible “sexy” jokes (“So ay girl, you looking for a stud? Because I got the std, all I need is u :)”) to fetish-tastic examples of Too Much Information (“I WISH I WERE A DOG SO I COULD SUCK MYSELF OFF”). (No, guys, appending a smiley face emoticon does not make it ok to be a grotesque douchebag.)

You always wonder what guys like this are thinking. With the dog lover at the end, it’s clear he was trying to rattle a woman who hadn’t replied to two earlier messages of increasing creepiness. With the others, I suppose they think there’s always a tiny chance that some woman out there is as desperate and horny and undiscerning as they are.

What’s stranger are those who lead not with sexual come ons but with blatant misogyny. Do men really think that women melt at the thought of dating a man who hates half the human race? Or are they just looking for yet another chance to mansplain their Men’s Rights bullshit to the world?

Here are a couple of examples of this strange and unsuccessful approach to winning over women which I found on the delightful and disturbing blog The Ladies of OkCupid, which documents the quests of three women searching for love online.

Sometimes the misogyny sneaks up on you, as in this OkCupid profile from a “laid-back” slut-shamer (who was clearly not an English major):

This fellow, by contrast, launches into the misogyny right from the start, suggesting that the woman he’s writing is exceptional, simply because she’s not stupid and illogical like the rest of her gender:

This “edgy” fellow tries to break the ice with some lovely rape jokes:

But the strangest one I’ve seen so far comes from this dude, who uses his OKCupid profile as an opportunity to mansplain why feminism is eeeeeevil:

Oh, and that list keeps going; it’s one hundred items long.

As Jasmine from The Ladies of OKCupid writes,

Delusional and repulsive takes on a whole new level with this one, because I really don’t think he’s kidding. He has every social media outlet known to man with all the same crap, and his profile is HUGE. So either he’s attempting to become the ultimate Canadian troll, or he really thinks there’s a woman out there who exists like this AND would be interested in him, of all people. Really? He offers little more than a receding hairline and an outrageous sense of entitlement in return.

To paraphrase Animal House, delusional and repulsive is no way to go through life.

Happily for The Ladies of OKCupid, and the rest of those ladies seeking love online, not all the messages are like this. For example, take this message about a basic but delicious foodstuff:

Also, the woman who got the message above about that thinking-outside-the-box use for her glasses? She stayed on OkCupid, and is now in a happy relationship with a dude she met there who is not a shitlord.

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whataboutthemoonz
9 years ago

So you believe that Misandry is based on facts and logic and is a correct assessment of men and men’s issues?

When I said “If I told you Misandry was bullshit”, I meant “If I said the specific event you interpreted to be misandry (your teacher saying you can’t write) was bullshit”.

Dear lord, person! I’m trying to encourage you to write.

/)_- Facehoof.

kobold77
9 years ago

Fuck, and I thought BrNdon and MR.AL were the lowest possible denominator of whiney MRA loser.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

kobold77
9 years ago

And the thing, if given the choice, Williams in the sketch would be someone better to hang out with then Steele.
All you’d get spending time him would be some Junior High kid shit about his “totally real and hot girlfriend” his “super cool and legit job” in between the usual rants of minorities talking to much about racism and world dominating misandry.

kobold77
9 years ago

*with him
I think I share Wil’s beer-o-clock.

Steele
Steele
9 years ago

Why are you still here? Whenever I’m in nerd places that are more or less misogynist or racist, I try to actually correct those flaws in the community. You’re not even doing that.

Because I’m not interested in talking to someone like you, Rutee. I loathe the thought, in fact. You’ve made up your mind when it comes to this kind of stuff, and I’m completely uninspired by the thought of engaging in another repetitive shouting match. I was recently going through Boobzland’s forum for another post on AMBZ (thinking about reviving it) and came across this:

Why lookie here, you lumped together one that is almost categorically untrue, as it’s disrespect of the majority, with disrespect for minorities.

http://manboobz.forummotion.com/t1030-radical-feminism-part-deux#27466

Ignoring the fact that the first half of the sentence is nonsensical, you’re so invested in denying misandry that you’re literally offended by even noting the fact that radfems can hold anti-male views. (And don’t bother defending yourself, because you won’t get a response. I’m just demonstrating the extent of your views, and why I see interacting with you- and others like you, such as Pecunium- as a waste of time).

I know you think that part of the point of internet debates is to convince onlookers, but here at Boobzland, I don’t think there are very many fence-sitters; it’s a collection of staunch feminists and staunch MRAs. Everyone’s made up their mind.

I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics. I’m not all that interested in laying out my position over and over in tedious shouting matches with you and Pecunium and Cliff and whoever else- I already did that with the misandry thing, which of course was a nice waste of everyone’s time. But as long as people know about the alternative, I’m happy. Then they can read people far smarter than either of us, and decide for themselves.

jumbofisch
jumbofisch
9 years ago

BRING IT BACK BRING IT BACK! BRING ANTIMANBOOBZ BACK!

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

LOL antimanboobz is coming back? I can’t wait!

cloudiah
9 years ago

PLEASE BRING BACK ANTIMANBOOBZ, WE MISS IT SO, AND WE’RE YOUR ONLY READERS EXCEPT FOR YOUR SOCK FRIEND, MAYBE OWLY WILL COME PLAY TOO.

Vitamin D
Vitamin D
9 years ago

You know, steele, this site has many links to MRM blogs with no shortage of people writing about misandry. You really don’t need to trouble yourself.

cloudiah
9 years ago

But Vitamin D, none of the other MRAs will play with Steelepole.

Sharculese
9 years ago

mikey please please please go back to doing that weird thing where you take a one sentence quote and write like five incoherent paragraphs about it that was the best

Sharculese
9 years ago

also i notice youre conspicuously avoiding those lists of famous and celebrated dude authors

ostara321
ostara321
9 years ago

I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics.

LOL. Dude, do you really think that on MANBOOBZ of all places people don’t know that MRAs exist?

For fuck’s sake, the whole POINT of the blog is pointing and laughing at that “other option”. Though I note, painting MRA-dom as the ONLY other option to being a feminist is demonstrably dishonest. There are tons of people out there who are neither MRA or feminist, and just exist in the kyriarchal cutlure we have. I won’t make the mistake of saying those folks who identify as neither are “neutral” (one doesn’t need to be an MRA to be misogynist, and often folks who have feminist leanings don’t identify as feminist) but I know plenty of men and women who do seem to manage just fine in the world without the MRM.

@sharc, yeah, I’m not surprised he’s ignoring the lists of dude authors people have thrown at him and is just retreating to “Of course you’d say that because you’re a bunch of poo-poo heads who don’t UNDERSTAND my PAIN!” It’s a lot easier to pretend there’s this feminist conspiracy theory to keep men from becoming authors if you can ignore that… lots of men are authors.

I don’t buy for a second that you come here to try to recruit people. That would be silly, since as you said yourself, not many people who come here are fence sitters. I think you come here because you’re desperate for attention, whether it’s positive or negative and you want to cry about how you aren’t an author yet and it’s everybody else’s fault but your own.

Nobody here denies that there aren’t shitty things men face that women don’t, or at least, not in the same way. However, being barred from getting published on account of one’s dudeness is NOT one of those things. We’re not vile for pointing that out, we’re pointing out the obvious. And, IMHO, people here have been more than fair, as a LOT of people have given you advice on how to move forward with your writing, which you ignored, only to once again call everybody names.

Really, if you’re trying to let people know about the “other option” you aren’t really making that other option look like much more than a bunch of whining over imagined injustices.

howardbann1ster
howardbann1ster
9 years ago

But as long as people know about the alternative, I’m happy. Then they can read people far smarter than either of us, and decide for themselves.

Wait, aren’t you a super-smart business-man student? Who’s smarter than you? Are you sucking up to other MRAs again? Or are you sucking up to the feminist bloggers? You left that one a little ambiguous. If you want to suck up to the MRAs, you probably need to be a little clearer.

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

I don’t think there are very many fence-sitters; it’s a collection of staunch feminists and staunch MRAs. Everyone’s made up their mind.

and yet

I come here because I sometimes have free time at the workplace, and also I want people to know that there’s another option, and another viewpoint, beyond your bullshit and bizarre head-up-the-ass mental gymnastics.

So you come to an MRA mocking, staunchly feminist site, populated solely by staunch feminists and staunch MRAs (according to you anyway), to let people know that the MRM exists?

Oh mikey, that misandrist done got you good

scelerata
scelerata
9 years ago

The guy with the rape jokes is a dick, but not because he told a rape joke.

It may not win me any points, but I honestly thought most of his jokes–yes, including the rape ones–to be mildly clever. Making a tasteless joke doesn’t make you a douchebag; making a tasteless joke about a subject matter someone has already expressed offense to does, and in doing so he certainly came off as inconsiderate, although I don’t know that I’ be comfortable calling him a misogynist. An off-color joke does not a woman hater or even a rape apologist make.

I mean, a dead baby joke doesn’t mean a person hates babies or advocates their death, but it does make them a raging douchewaffle if they tell one to someone mourning a SIDS death.

Gametime
Gametime
9 years ago

“He’s not a dick because he told a rape joke; he’s a dick because he told a rape joke to someone who expressly said they didn’t like rape jokes!”

Oh shit, it’s almost like it was PRECISELY THE FACT THAT HE TOLD A RAPE JOKE that makes him a dick. The only difference between him and the vast majority of people who tell rape jokes is that he knew FOR CERTAIN that his audience wouldn’t like it, rather than just being safe in assuming that at least one person in the audience would be offended, triggered, or otherwise hurt.

Leaving aside the fact that telling rape jokes tells rapists you’re on their side and helps them justify what they do, never mind whether you intend that or not.

yourbirdcansing88
yourbirdcansing88
9 years ago

I read the entire list for that one guy’s 100 “criteria”. I’ve come to the conclusion that this guy is making it a point to stay celibate. Forever.

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