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Ladies are the Borg

Ladies are complicated! Happily, we fellas have Gobhoblin on the Men’s Rights subreddit to explain them to us. Turns out they are all one giant HIVE BORG MIND. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTRELLE!

 

EDITED TO ADD: Thanks to Ami Angelwings for pointing this quote out to me.  I mean, thanks to all women.

178 replies on “Ladies are the Borg”

Do we like cranberry crisps, cream cheese and red pepper jelly? Because I think that’s the only thing in my house beyond some pickled veggies, and I’d really like to eat it if that’s something we do.

We also all like tunafish sandwiches, which we made ourselves for ourselves thangyouverramuch, at least those we’re able to wrest from the three cats who think they ought to get ALL the tunafish sandwiches.

Maybe we actually are a hive mind, because I definitely have tuna, tuna fixins and bread and your lunch sounds pretty delicious, ithiliana.

Can someone call the SPCA on Men’s Rights sub-reddit? They’ve beat that poor, dead horse until nothing but DERP! remains.

If we are the Borg, I want to be Seven of Nine. All male feminists can also be added to our collective consciousness, too. We decided that.

All women really hate beets. They taste like dirt! (I was wondering why I was out in the street, beating my gloppy vegetarian stew. When I came back in and read this blog, all was explained.)

We love watermelon and hate tuna.

Untrue! All women were briefly confused, but then we remembered that tuna melts are delicious and watermelon is icky.

Of course, all women are currently on a new diet thanks to health problems, so all women probably aren’t likely to eat either one anytime soon. All women are somewhat grumpy about this.

Incidentally, all women really wish they liked diet soda pop better, because, among other changes, all women are supposed to be cutting back sharply on their sugar intake for a while, and all women are really craving a root beer right now.

Have all women tried Boylan Bottleworks Diet Root Beer? Berghoff’s? Bundaberg? Some of those artisanal diet pops are pretty good.

All women love cheese and crackers (especially those 34 degree crackers, yum), and despise lima beans.

We only hate eggs when we’re hungover.

But since you don’t drink, we can go ahead and hate eggs. But we all love lasagna.

Have all women tried Boylan Bottleworks Diet Root Beer? Berghoff’s? Bundaberg? Some of those artisanal diet pops are pretty good.

All women are googling those now to see if they are sold anywhere near where all women live. 🙂

Wait, “women have an inherently lesser sense of individual justice than men”, as demonstrated by the fact that men are individualized, and women are a monolithic hivemind?

…shit, I am going to be picking bits of my poor tautology detector out of the drywall for WEEKS. Bloody MRAs.

p.s. I love Bundaberg but I resent the fact that Australians apparently think it’s amusing to export booby-trapped ginger ale: I have laid my thumbs open on those Christbitten bottle tops more times than I can count. Arguably this might happen less if I stopped putting so much rum in it.

Though, as I am not a woman, my poor lacerated thumbs are not the thumbs of all women, I hasten to add.

This is why men are confused. The Fem-hive-mind keeps changing its mind every 3 seconds.

Just tell us Superior, Logical, Free-thinking, Nice Guys™ how to get into your pants!*

*Unless you’re a fattie, whore-slut, gold-digging, ball-busting prude who uses MENZ for their semen and $MONEY$

All women lost my fucking can opener AND broke the other can opener. All women had better say thank you when I replace this shit.

Men are Individuals that are devoid of mob mentality, while Women are naturally part of an Hivemind.

That is why every time somebody dares to be a Feminist On The Internet, they get comment-bombed by a million geeky flying monkeys at once.

Wait what?

Also, I like diet Wild Cherry Pepsi, is that something the hive mind is okay with?

We think it’s okay, but that Diet Dr. Pepper is superior in every way. We also agree that watermelon is good as long as it’s not the seedless kind. Tuna salad, however, is not good because we hate mayonnaise. We also hate cornbread because we got sick once after eating that, and now associate it with the stomach flu. By the way, everyone else is wrong. All women ate a chef salad for lunch, with Kool Aid to drink.

Re: Artisanal soft drinks

As an Australian who’s had the pleasure of Bundaberg soft drinks being fairly widely available for quite some time, might I suggest that All Women might quite enjoy the sarsaparilla, though it’s actually closer to a more generic root beer taste than the sassafrass/sarsaparilla tase to my tastebuds?

Al women also hate Jagermeister. That shit should be called “divorce in a bottle.”

We’re also not fond of cheap chocolate.

I think it’s ok that we ate different things at lunch, since we’re not a hive-stomach but a hive-mind. So for example, we must all like the same food. And agree on objective and permanent criteria of attractiveness for men: even if some of us don’t date the alphas, we must still acknowledge how great they are.

@ polliwog: all women love coke zero which is not a diet drink despite having zero calories because it was made for men and is delicious

I can only imagine that, as it just takes a small group of women doing the same thing to be evidence of a hive mind, that men must all be completely different. I like clam chowder, therefore no other man is allowed to like clam chowder. ^_^

The creamy, thick kind anyway. Thinner chowder or the tomato-based stuff is still up for grabs.

Okay. So if men CAN’T like anything other men like, and women HAVE TO like everything other women like, do nonbinaries get to just like things?

All women used to enjoy chocolate of any variety until we found out about the slave labour involved, so now we only buy fair-trade chocolate, which is organic and delicious, and a little expensive.

If you identify as multiple genders you have to like everything, and if you identify as agender you have to like NOTHING.

Ozymandias, it’s pretty well established in MRA world that non-binary people a) are just confused b) don’t exist c) don’t count. So, actually, you don’t get to like anything.

DDDDDDDDDX

I CAN SO BE ALLOWED TO LIKE THINGS

MOMMY TELL THE MEAN MRAS I’M ALLOWED TO LIKE THINGS

Also, all women don’t really care for pop at all, and drink a lot of water. All women remain fat anyway.

@Lauralot

😉

@Ozy

Silly Ozy. Nobody just likes things. We determine what we like by taking note of our gender and what other members of same think about things.

I’d set up a genderqueer hivemind if I were you. Bit easier than the male preferences as they currently stand.

And yes, that is misandric.

All women are nude models.

All women love Batman.

All women have an orange cat.

All women were Wonder Woman for Halloween.

All women have allergies and asthma.

All women are ginger.

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